Nature and Transgender

I am a nature lover. I enjoy being out in the forest among the trees ponds, and animals. Part of me is attuned to the land, having Native-American ancestry. Even as a child I had the sense that there was something special about nature.

I look at gender the same way. Transgender is a natural part of me and millions of others. there are those forces who wish to destroy both nature and the lives of transgender people. There are many metaphors here at play. I enjoy both of them.

~Genevieve

Poets' Suicides Remind Me Of Our Plight

I have been reading the poetry of Sylvia Plath and Anne Sexton. These women wrote some graphic and metaphorical poems. Both of these women also battled depression. They ended their lives by their own hand.

As I cogitated over these women, I thought about the many transgender women who take their own lives because of depression, discrimination, and not being able to live their lives. Plath and Sexton were able to live their lives freely. The lives of transgender people are negotiated through votes, gender rigidity, and the idea that we merely exist. I find this very appalling.

Suicide is one issue that concerns me because it leaves many unanswered questions. Family and friends lose sometone that cares about them. Many talents and gifts are lost also. Depression and suicide is high in LGBT community. Transgender people have an even higher suicide rate.

It is time that the whole LGBT community work together for each other. The LGB's have left behind the Ts in some case because they believe that legislation important to them will be passed. Perhaps it will but at who's expense? Each group has different issues but we should support one another.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anybody expects of you. Never excuse yourself.

~Henry Ward Beecher

Trans Issues

I have been trying to keep up with the news affecting trans people. There's a lot happening but to keep up with all is a daunting task. I will try and focus on a few things. Passing trans inclusive bills is one. The bill in Maryland (HB235) seems to be lacking as far as transgender people not being discriminated against in public accomodations. It's not just the bathroom, as some our foes will point out. It's trying on clothing in a store, or eating in a resaurant, or receiving treatment in a hospital. This part needs to be rectified.

I'm seeking to see something happen here in New York. Seems trans issues have been put on the back burner in some cases.

I am writing some poems about my transgender experiences. I hope to put them all in a chapbook. No title as of yet. I have another one in mind but that's for a future time.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Don't find fault, find a remedy.

~Henry Ford

Ancestors

I was reading an obituary of an activist in the Chicago area on Helen Boyd's website (www.myhusbandbetty.com) this morning. The obit reminded me of the many people who paved the way for what we have today. They did in a time when it could cost them everything.

I could not help thinking about Tyra Hunter. Who is Tyra Hunter? In 1995, Ms. Hunter was in an auto accident in Washington DC. The medical staff that was working on her stopped treatment upon seeing that she was a transgender woman. As a result, Tyra died of her injuries. I first read this story a short time after I came out in 2005. To this day this incident still galls me.

I am thankful for my transgender sisters and brethren who blazed a trail so we could enjoy the fruits of their labors. Things are better but we still have a long way to go. Sylvia Rivera is another transgender woman who was at the forefront of the Stonewall Riots in Greenwich Village in 1969. I am so proud of my African-American brothers and sisters who in 1965 staged at sit-in at Dewey's lunch counter in Philadelphia to protest their second class treatment.

I feel saddened a little about the losses incurred though violence and suicide. Inwill always be indebted to them. We must blaze a trail for future transgender men and women. Whatever I do for the transgender community is in honor of Tyra Hunter. It's good sometimes to remember where we came from.

~Genevieve

The first year tht I was living in my new identity was one of growth and discovery. I attended support group meetings to meet other transgender people and gather information on what transgender is all about.

There were questions and struggles. There was self doubt because I was embarking on a course not of my own design. At times I was afraid. I worried about being attacked or ridiculed in public. Yet the further I journeyed the more confident I become.

I'll never forget that warm August day in 2006 when I had an epiphany. I was strolling in the park along the river. A feeling of contentment swept through me. I was now comfortable as a transgender woman.

I am truly amazed when I read stories of many transgender people on the forums. They have displayed courage and resilence in the face of hatred and bigotry. Most of all, I applaud them for choosing to be authentic.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

The journey has been long but I wouldn't trade all my experiences for anything.


~Genevieve

OnGoing Journey

I had been a crossdresser for only a short time when I sensed that this experience ran much deeper than the clothing I was wearing.I realized that I was headed to unchartered territory; placed in which I had never traveled.

The caveat of this was where was I going? How far could this journey take me? Now six years later, having transitioned to a transsexual, the journey is ongoing. I mentioned to a friend that this journey will always be but that I'm compelled to keep going.


~Genevieve

Another Discussion

My spouse and I were conversing about a range of subjects. We talked about the events in Egypt, Wisconsin, and other places. We covered the Defense of Marriage Act, same-sex adoption and Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. I mentioned to Louise that transgender people are still discriminated by this policy.
Our conversation shifted to my being transgender. I shared more about myself that I never told her. She still sees me as a man. That may have something to do with her perception of transgender people. I explained to her that I’m not going to take hormones or have the surgery.
I believe this is one fear she has. I reassured her that I’m not going this route. I never had the desire and I don’t now. I shared with Louise that most transgender and transsexual people, for various reasons, opt not to have the surgery or take hormones.
She believes that my being transgender has affected our relationship from a romantic point. I admit that I’ve never been a romantic but I will do things to improve this area of our lives. We’ve been married nearly thirty-one years and I do love her.
Louise has come to terms with my being transgender. She is thankful that I never forced this onto her. When it first came out to her, she could have rejected my new identity. She accepts that this is a part of me. I told her that this is a journey that I’m on. I keep discovering new parts of me practically everyday. This was probably the most in-depth discussion we’ve had to date.

~Genevieve

Winter Seems Long; My Journey is Even Longer.

One of the aspects of winter is that it seems never ending. Short days and long nights make winter feel longer than it really is. Winter will evolve into spring.

My journey as a transgender person is continuing. Seasons will change and I along with it. I have long ago not say that the journey will end. In recent days that fact was brought forth to me. I surmise that there is more for me to discover. What, I don't know. Perhaps because I'm a seeker by nature I may be expecting something that may not be there. In my heart, I don't believe that it's the case. I have embraced whatever came into my life and will continue to do this.

Reading so many stories of other folks is very encouraging and strengthening. I'm not alone which is a comforting thought. Just like each person has to travel along his or her own road, I must do the same. Some people remark to me that I should think about retirement. I reply that I will always be doing something. We can retire from a job but never from life. That's why I'm enjoying my journey.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

There comes the time when an oppressed group has to take a stand for justice and equality. Now is the time.

Old Stories Reveal Gender Struggles

I read through some of my old writings prior to and after I came out. I was a jumble of confusion and longing. I was confused about my gender. At the same time I wanted to break out of my so-called normal existence.

After I came out, I grew into my new identity as a transgender person. I absorbed every experience that came my way. My gender issues stretched as far back as 2000. I didn't know what I was wrestling with at that time. It was much bigger than I imagined. I always believed that we possess both feminine and masculine traits. Why some are equated with one gender and not the other is beyond me. It shows the fallacy of the gender binary system when someone goes against it.

I have changed my belief system many times though my core beliefs are intact. Belief systems aren't as fixed as society would like us to believe. Treating other people as human beings is one of my main beliefs. I don't see how anyone can say that they love all people and mistreat some because of their race, religion, gender, or sexual orientation.

Here it is in 2011 and my life is different in perspective as well as in identity. It is ever evolving and I am happier now more than ever. I am at peace with who I am. Perhaps my transgender identity being revealed to me later in my life makes it all the sweeter.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.

~Carl Jung (1875-1961)

Dark Days

Some of my darkest days happened in the year that I came out as transgender. I wrote short stories and poems which were dark, melancholy, and hopeless. I was falling into an abyss.

What I remember most is the utter hopelessness that I experienced. It was as if another person was trying to take over my life. I believed that I was better off being abandoned and confined to a lonely and desolate existence.

Looking back now I had to throw off the shackles of the now and embrace the unknown-whatever it was. I was like a blind person groping for something solid to grasp a hold of. When the clouds lifted I had a new life.

From time to time I have those days when I just want to be left alone. They are no where near those dark days prior to my coming out. I change my thought pattern when I feel those moods coming on. Life is wonderful and I’m enjoying it immensely.

~Genevieve

Still Curious

I justed finished reading the book Out of the Ordinary. In it are the stories of the children of gay, lesbian, and transgender parents. As far as I know this is the only book that has the the stories of the children.

As I read these stories I reminisced over the past five years plus of my gender transformation. Each day I'm discovering something new. I realize that the journey I'm on will continue throughout my life. I don't mind because I'm a seeker. I always want to know more. Like my adventurous forays into the forest as a child, I still have tht child like curiosity. It's seem that I don't want to miss anything.

As I read other people stories, I'm struck by their honesty and openness. I treasure each story as they are sharing a bit of themselves. It's not always easy to do but it's a step that we are willing to take.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Difference often brings another perspective to an issue.



~Genevieve

Difference Is Good

In the book that I'm currently reading, a young teen named Kelley knew she was lesbian. She didn't want to be different but saw that she was. Her story reminded me of the struggles of my feeling different.

When people think of difference they may think oddball, or rebel, or freak, or not not in their class or social group. Believe me, I've felt those barbs from time to time. Society has been blessed by people who are different. Folks who think outside the box have contributed much to the advancedment of social and political issues.

Difference is good because it spices up life. A rich mosiac is formed when people are allowed to thrive and blossom. When those who are not within the strict confines of societal conformity, they are often shunned, ignored, or shunted to the sidelines of life. It's a shame because rich relationships are not formed and developed.

Looking over my life, I always felt a kinship to those who are outside the norm. Now that I have discovered my own difference in gender, I have a better understanding of what it is to be an outsider. Yes I'm different and I embrace it wholeheartedly. As I trek on the roads of life, I surmise that there is a course that is set for me. Wherever it leads me, I am compelled to walk it.

Over the past few weeks, I have reflected on the roads crossed thus far. I wonder what roads I have to travel. I pray that people are encouraged to know that difference is good. You are you and I'm very happy that you are who you are.

~Genevieve

Sharing My Story

The last three posts were a departure from my norm. I felt that it was important because everyone has a story to share. I pray that some are encouraged by my story. Some may feel that they are the only ones out there struggling with gender issues. You are not alone.

I make it a point of sharing my story once a year because they are people who may have recently come out. I say to them congratulations and welcome. One of the pleasures of these posts is seeing many men and women come to terms with who they are. It's wonderful that they have chosen to be authentic.

When I came out to my spouse it was a frightful event not knowing how it would turn out. After the initial shock wore off, she has been accepting of my being transsexual. It did the same with my son. I'm also sensitive about the stigma and phobia society has against the TGLB community as a whole. I have spoken out when we are attacked. I am willing to take on anyone who demeans us or anyone else for that matter.

I pray that many have been encouraged. I look forward to posting more blogs that inform, encourage, challenge, and strengthen us.

~Genevieve

My Coming Out -Conclusion

I embraced whatever came my way. It seemed that I was nudged along as I trekked along the gender road. In May, 2009, I sensed that I was to cross another road-a road that would alter the course of my life. Two years earlier I sensed that this change would be made.

I hesitated because I knew that this change would change my perspective about gender and being gender variant. I realized that I could not go back to where I was. Just like life, gender fluidity is not stationary. In June, 2009, I finally crossed that road declaring myself a trangenderist. I was always equally comfortable as masculine and feminine. Gnder fluidity has taught me that both are an intrinsic part of everyone's life whther or not they are willing to admit it.

Life was sailing along for ten months when I sensed that another change was to come. I didn't feel anxious likeI did when coming out as a transgenderist. I didn't see myself as being transsexual. I remember a lovely transsexual woman sharing with me a few years before that I may be. At that point I believed that I had to have gender reassignment surgery in order to be a transsexual. Upon further research, I saw that a person can be transsexual without having the surgery. This is where I was.

When I came out as transsexual in June, 2010, I completed my third life changing experience. I see myself in feminine terms and consider msyelf a transsexual woman. I never wanted to have the surgery or take hormones because I feel that I never had the desire to.

It's amazing that in nearly six I have been transformed so much. From a crossdresser to transgenderist to transsexual. It's been quite a journey which is still ongoing. I first came out when I was fifty-six. I'm sixty-two and have never been happier in my life. I'm looking forward to more of what life has for me as a transsexual woman.

~Genevieve

My Coming Out-Part 2

I kept saying to myself that it will all pass. Instead the urge grew stronger. Now I wondered where this was headed.During a counseling session, I laid bare my heart. I shared with the two counselors all that I was feeling. After they conversed together, they informed me that I was crossdresser. I was shocked to say the least. I never tried on feminine articles as a child nor did I ever have the desire.

For weeks i struggled with this revelation. I kept saying that this was just a phase. Deep inside I knew that it wasn't. I found a support group at he community center. I met many people in various stages of gender identity. I started this blog and began recording my feelings and thoughts. I had to because the pressure was getting to.

Several weeks later, I came to a decision to come out to myself. Almost immediately, all the tension and stress dissipated. I felt liberated and complete. I was liberated in the sense that I was no longer beholden the gender binary system that society says that we are suppose to fit in. I felt complete because the feeings of being different was not there any more. It is no longer an issue.

I did much research about crossdressing. I ran into the word 'transgender' for the first time. It connected with me. I shared with my wife after she found some of my stuff. I was nervous and scared but I told her everything. She was shocked but gradually saw that it was a part of me. I told my son about a year later. He was pretty cool with it.

I wore women's articles around the house. Usually it was skirt and camisole. The support meetings helped me understand what I was going through. There were many changes in my life.
Most of them were emotional. I went out in public and discovered that most people didn't care. I didn't feel nervous, which was somewhat surprising. I was now being the person that I truly am.

I joined to couple of groups where I met many transgender people. After a year I sensed that my experience ran much deeper than clothing and go out. I began to cogitate about where I was headed to now.

To be continued ...

~Genevieve

My Coming Out- Part 1

My Coming out Story

All my life I felt that I was different but I didn’t know why. I was never troubled continuously by this but from time to time those feelings would come up.

I grew up as a typical male active in typical male activities. I played sports, hung out with my friends, and talked about cars and girls. I was a boy scout for a few years. I had a loving family but, somehow, I felt like an outsider. I was always a quiet and shy kid who was sometimes misunderstood. I never really shared many of my true feelings.

My high school and junior college years were filled with sports, books and figuring where I fit it. I served three years in the army. I became a born-again Christian I 1972. It was one of the most important decisions of my life.

After the service I was working, active in the church, got married and raised a family. The feelings of difference didn’t trouble me all that much. There were plenty of activities that kept me occupied.

When the new century arrived, those feelings of being different intensified. In 2002, I wanted to bust out but what was I busting to? It was very frustrating that I didn’t know what was making me feel this way. I would get angry over nothing. I felt that another person was trying to come out of me.
In May, 2005 I was at home recuperating from heart surgery. I got the urge to try on my spouse’s skirt. I couldn’t believe what I was thinking. The more I resisted the stronger the urge got. This went on for days. I finally gave in figuring that the urge would go away. I tried on one of my spouse’s skirts. I tried a blouse, a dress, and a bra.

I thought the urge would dissipate; instead it got stronger. That one act set the wheel in motion the events that would change my life.

To be Continued......


~Genevieve

Snow and Global Warming

We already had nineteen inches of snow the other day-and more is on the way. This is six storms in a month and it's not over yet. Global warming? I should think so. With all the floods in Brazil and Australia, the rains in California, and the drought in Russia, I can only conclude that there is global warming. And what are our august federal agencies doing about it? Absolutely nothing. There's so much misinformation and spin that it's nauseating.


~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Whatever you do, do it with a joyful heart.



~Genevieve

Time TO Get Serious

I am grateful that there is LGBT media. However, there isn't enough news about transgender people. Seems that we are left out. There 's so much happening and yet there is scant news about transgender people. I pour through the news articles, the internet, and google. I'm tired of seeing half of the publications filled with entertainment and frivolous activities. Alternative media was gone the same way of mainstream media.

Attacks against LGBT folks has increased. Transgender people, especially women of color, are the disproportionate number of those murdered. With the changes in Washington, there is no time for frivolity because people's lives and livelihoods are at stake.


~Genevieve

Coming Out Stories

One of my favorites activities is reading posts from many folks on the forums I read. I especially enjoy the coming out stories. It's a big step step for each person who does so. It takes courage to do this.

There are times I wish that I could meet each person and congratulate them. I try to encourage them and trust that their journey will be one of excitement and fulfillment. I remember when I came out to my spouse. I was nervous; wondering how she would receive the news. She was shocked but took the news well.

Being authentic isn't easy in our conformist and conventional society. Everywhere there are those forces that try to make us go back into our closets. I admire those folks who have decided to be who they are. Once I made this declaration there was no turning back. There have been some bumps along the way but I'm going on.

I've never been happier in my life. I encourage each one of you to be who you are. You have every right to be the person that you are. You have enriched my life and I pray I've done likewise.

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Follow your dreams, believe in yourself and don't give up.

~Rachel Corrie

More Snow

We got around nine inches of snow here. Not as much as last time but at least the streets were plowed. People are still on the mayor's tail about the the last storm.


~Genevieve

More of the White Stuff Coming

We're expecting more snow here tomorrow or tomorrow evening. Six to twelve inches are predicted. I hope the mayor has the snow plows and salters ready and out there working should it strike. He took a major it from every where here in New York City about the last storm two weeks ago.

~Genevieve

Genevieve's Gems

Let no define who you are.
Be who you are.
Be happy with who you are.


~Genevieve

Kind Words

I was at the community center on Sunday. I was sitting on a bench reading. A young lesbian and I exchanged happy new year wishes. An older lesbian woman was present. The young shared the positive changes in her life. She felt at peace with herself.

I shared my life as a transgender woman. I was very open to sharing. She commented that I look so happy and that I looked good. She encouraged me to be what I am. Her kind words made my day. This is what I had in mind when I began this journey. Having a positive affect on others and present myself in a postive and affirming. I'm so thankful for that day.

~Genevieve

2011

Happy New year to one and all. I trust that 2010 was a good one for you. I did have my struggles but I'm happy to be alive.

As I look at 2011 I see a more active life. I have been reading much on some issues of interest to me. I will be out protesting a lot this year, not only about trans issues. There is so much that is affecting the lives of people across the country; foreclosures, unemployment, politicians selling out to corporations, outsourcing of jobs, genetically engineered food (very bad for people), and a mainstream media that does not reperesent our interests. Many cities are bankrupt and more will be so this year. I probably will be protesting more in 2011 than I have in my entire life.

Our brethren in Europe Asia, Africa, South America, and the Caribbean are out in the streets when something threatens their lives and well being. In America, there is much apathy and acceptance of much of this criminal strangulation of of the people. I believe that in 2011, people will take to the streets to register their dissent. There's needs to be more progressive and alternative ways to healing the environment, ending the wars (the Vietnam War ended because people saw what was really happening on the tv), hunger, de-ghettoizing neighborhoods, and organic farming.

Right now, I'm in the midst of planning some events and goals for the year. I cannot sit idly by while corporations such the life out of the American people. I will also focus on some trans issues because transgender people are affected by all the bigotry and invasion of privacy in our lives. The way I see it, 2011 will be an active and exciting year.

~Genevieve

Snow; Year Closing Comment

New York got hit with a major snowstorm on Sunday. It snowed nearly 3 feet where I live. My street wasn't plowed for two days. Many sides streets weren't touched. The city is taking a hit as well it should. The mayor admitted, begrudgingly, that he messed up. It's warming up so some of the snow will melt.

As the year draws to a close, I can say that I have learned much about life as much as myself. More and more I see the need to find common ground with people because we need to connect. I have been able to do this but I need to do more of it. It may mean that my belief system will be challenged but so be it. Putting myself in another person's shoes helps me to see what the person may be facing.

It great that I did accomplish some of my goals. It was a tough year financial but I have remained positive and know this will not last forever. As the new year approaches, I pray that all will succeed and see their dreams fulfilled.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Be thankful for who you are. There are people that appreciate you because you
are you.



~Genevieve

PROUD TO BE A TRANSGENDER WOMAN

I am a transgender woman and proud to be one. I was born this way and no one has the right to deny me what is rightfully mine. We are more visible now than ever. Even in the LGB community, we are still looked upon as second class citizens by some. This is something that needs to change.

Transgender men and women have always been involved in many activities which made America great. We have been around since the beginning of time. In spite of all the efforts to eradicate us, we thrive and survive. The flag above is one that am proud to carry and bear.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

“To have one’s individuality completely ignored is like being pushed quite out of life – like being blown out as one blows out a light.”

~ Evelyn Scott

Happy

Today is a very cold day but I am happy. It's has nothing to do with my circumstances but just the way that I feel now. I'm happy with who I am and how far I have progressed.

It seems that this year less is focused on the material and more on the spiritual and emotional. This year I have been challenged in my thinking, perspective, and how I view others. I'm sharing my happiness with you because there may be someone who needs encouraging. You are valued as a person.

I'm so happy to share my joy. Above all, I'm happy that I know you and see you as my brothers and sisters.

~Genevieve

December

December is in full swing now. People are scurrying about getting gifts, trees, and having office parties. Watching all this makes me dizzy at times. Yesterday I sat in an empty church sanctuary, thankful that I've made it this far.

In my mind this time of year can put many things into perspective. With each passing year this is means so much more to me. While I'm thankful for many things I'm mindful of many lonely people at this time. I appreciate family and friends for the meaning they add to my life.

We may see December as the end of another year. However, it can be the beginning of new goals and ideas. I guess it's just the student in me. I want to discover new things, to have my thinking challenged, and to share this knowledge with others. Yesterday, I enjoyed how much freedom we have to choose how we want to live our lives. It's something that needs to be encouraged.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Action is a great restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result, but the cause, of fear. Perhaps the action you take will be successful; perhaps different action or adjustments will have to follow. But any action is better than no action at all.

~Norman Vincent Peale

Hit By Flu Bug

Hi everyone. I was saddled with the flu for four days but I feel much better today. Seems like it's going around. Weather has been wacky- sixty degrees for a few days, then 40 degrees for a few days.

As I prepare to reminisce on 2010 I am thankful for many things (will address that later) but I also will express some issues that, in my opinion, we may need to be more vocal about. I'm very happy that there have been some successes in some locales regarding equality. Still there's more to be done.

One activity tht has picked up is writing. I have written quite a bit the past few months. Fiction, non-fiction and essays have been flowing through my brain. I do get those periods where I have much to say. I believe part of it has to do with all the transgender issues around the world. I've taken a global view of it and conclude that whatever happens elsewhere affects all of us. In the future I will post a couple of my stories, an essay or two, and my thoughts about where equality for transgender people is headed.


~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Be thankful for the many blessings in your life.

~Genevieve

Thanksgiving Wish

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

If you have knowledge, let others light their candles at it.


~Margaret Fuller, journalist & critic, (1810-1850)

Transgender Day of Remembrance

Last night I attended Transgender Day of Remembrance ceremonies at the community center. There was a candlelight vigil as about 150-200 people walked around a square block. Later there were speakers from various organizations. Persons from the audience shared their experiences.

I met a minister who attended for the first time. Mary and I talked about all the oppresion transgender people suffer in part from the religious community. Much of the vitriol against transgender people come from many pulpits. I shared with her that many people just don't know about transgender people because of what they hear from their pastors.

Reflecting on the evening, I am grateful to be transgender person. This is how I was created. I am saddened by many who have been lost to suicide. I related to Mary that I want to relate to people's spiritual needs as well as their physical needs. With each passing year, I see the advances we've had. I also see the struggles and setbacks. That won't stop me from doing what is right. We will be victorious!

There are Transgender Day of Remembrance ceremonies going on around the world at this moment. In my spirit I feel as if I'm there. As we remember those we've lost, let us love and appreciate those we have with us. Let's look out for each other, encourage one another, and tell them that they mean so much to us. By us demonstrating our love and concern for each other, the walls of injustice will come tumbling down.

~Genevieve

TDOR Ceremonies

Tonight I will be attending TDOR ceremonies at the community center. The purpose is honor transpeople who have been lost to violence and suicide. As my sister Monica Roberts so eloquently states in her blog, it's not the time to party.

I enocourage folks to attend a ceremony near you. It's a sober and and sometimes sad experience but it's also reality. Trans people are murdered every day just for being who they are. I love my trans brothers and sisters and do whatever I can to educate the public about us.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Be thankful for the good things in your life.

Holiday Giving and Sharing

As the holiday season approaches, there are people who will be alone. This is a lonely time for folks who are estranged from their families. Many have lost family and friends through death. This is more evident in the LGBT community.

I am reminded that my mom always invited someone to her home who would otherwise be by themselves. if you know of some one who will be in this situation, invite them over for dinner or go out together. This is the season of giving and sharing and what better way is there to share it with someone who may feel depressed, lonely or unloved. They will be grateful.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Perserverance has everything to do with staying the course.

Fulltime Living

I'm looking to live fulltime as Genevieve in the future. It's always been my desire to do so and I can vision myself doing so in the next year or two. I wear skirts and camisoles around the house so it's not an issue with my spouse. My journey has been a progression of small steps. In a sense it has been a good thing because I'm still discovering much about being gender variant. I haven't shied away from what comes my way and living fulltime is one thing that I will embrace.

~Genevieve

Elections Recap-The Battle Has Just Begun

There were some gains for LGBT people in the elections but the House is in the hands of the Republicans now. While I believe we held our own in many instances, there's the national elections in two years. The fight has just begun!

There are two things I see that we as LGBT need to do. First, we need to respond to whoever is in office and share our concerns. This needs to be a consistent effort because our opponents aren't backing down. Neither can we. Second, let's not settle for incremements of equality which is no equality in my opinion. However we choose to address our concerns, let's keep working and keep educating.

I do believe that many people were educated about LGBT issues. Many really didn't know what we are about. I also believe that much of the religious dogma people see about GLBT people is bogus. This is an area that I will be heavily involved with.

Now is the time not to give up. One of the strengths of opponents is their persisitence. We need to match it with informed and intelligent presentations and facts. I certainly do not want them to beat me in the knowledge and information area. I'm going on the offensive! We need to do the same.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Discovering who we are is very liberating.

Carry Yourself In A Positive Light

Presenting transgender people in good and positive way is something close to my heart. We have had enough trouble with false carcitures my those who haate us. The sad thing is much of it is demeaning and insulting.

We need to guard against bringing a negative light to ourselves. It may be that because I'm older I'm sensitive to the way I dress, speak, and present myself to the public. I won't give them any reason to look at me as a joke or a clown.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Most of us, swimming against the tides of trouble the world knows nothing about, need only a bit of praise or encouragement - and we will make the goal.


~Robert Collier

Another Opportunity

I am studying for a master's degree in mediation and conflict resolution. I have shared with my instructor and classmates that I am a trasngender person. My studies have presented an opportunity to share with my instructor and classmates.

In my textbooks, we have been discussing about different ethnic groups, minorities, and other minorities. GLBT people are placed into the last group. I was excited as I shared what transgender is. I have gotten great marks on the papers I have handed in also. I pray that my professor and classmates have been educated about transgender as well as gay, lesbian, and bisexual people.

~Genevieve

The Journey Continues

My Continuing Journey

I recently read Jack Kerouac’s novel On the Road. It is based on the author’s travels throughout the country. It is a trip filled with wild adventure, madness, heavy drinking and aimless activity. I don’t know if I could have survived such a journey without going mad.
As I look back on my life, I have traveled a similar though shorter road. I traveled a bit when I was younger and some when in my thirties. I didn’t drink or engage in wild parties but observed what was happening around me. If I had not accepted Jesus into my heart I would have wandered around the country. Prior to that, I was asking questions about the meaning of life.
The past several years have been a journey of another kind. It is my excursion as a transgender woman. Like Kerouac, my journey started as my trying to make sense of my discontent. Unlike Kerouac, mine dealt with my gender. Questions about what is masculine and feminine is filled my brain. When I admitted to myself that I was a cross dresser, I was relieved. However the journey was just beginning.
Here it is over five years later and I’m still on that journey. I recently came out to myself as a transsexual (non-op). Now I’m experiencing more internal changes. My journey has been adventurous if without the drama. I have discovered many feelings that I never knew that I had. What does it mean is that I need to do is to express my femininity. It’s something that I really want to do.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

With each passing day, the joy of being authentic grows stronger.

Suicide Victims

Names of Suicide Victims Should Be Read at TDOR

I downloaded this particular symbol because I like all the colors. I think of all the many expressions of gender and the many diverse racial/ethnic backgrounds represented. That diversity isn’t always reflected in media and in LGBT media in particular.

The term transgender is a broad based term that includes cross dressers, trans-men, transsexuals, transgenderists, and other gender variant expressions. As transgender day of remembrance is approaching (November 20th) I think about the many transgender people who have been lost to violence and suicide. This year when they have the reading of those who died by the hand of others, I believe the names of those men and women who died by their own hand should also be read.

Suicide is very high in the GLBT community. Transgender people have a rate 3 times higher than their GLB brethren. The disproportionate numbers of those killed or who commit suicide are women of color. Not enough coverage is done on suicide and to me it’s time that it is.

~Genevieve

Second Autumn

Second Autumn

French philosopher Albert Camus once commented that ‘autumn is the second spring where every leaf is a flower’. Autumn is my favorite season. The landscape becomes a collage of yellow, red, brown, and orange. It also signals that the weather is getting cooler, which I like.

Thinking about Camus’ comment I can't help but think that the day we became Christians, our second autumn was as a flower blossoming in a warm October day. God gave us another chance to live a life of thanksgiving, praise and service. The apostle Paul experienced a second autumn on the road to Damascus. I experienced a second autumn when I came out as transgender.

As transgender people we are beautiful flowers in a world that doesn’t always receive us or value us as human beings. One may think that life is fading away in autumn but in truth it’s bursting anew like a butterfly out of a cocoon.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

We don't receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves
after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us.

~Marcel Proust

A Book or Chapbook In the Future

Writing is one of my passions. I have been writing since I was sixteen. I've never had anything published but that may change in the near future. Essay writing and short stories are my main genre, with a little prose thrown it. So far I have over a dozen short stories and maybe a half dozen essays written. Though a number of the stories have a transgender theme, I'm not limiting myself just to that.

I'm deciding on self-publishing, a chapbook, or have someone else help me publish. I'm really excited about this because now is the time to express some things that have been inside of me for quite a while now. The theme of the stories will be positive and redeeming.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

A contented mind is the greatest blessing a man can enjoy in this world.


~Joseph Addison, English Writer (1672-1719)

Transsexual

I have been feeling much better about where I am in regards to gender. This past Sunday i came out to myself as a transsexual. It was effortless and with quiet contentment. My coming out has been a series of discoveries. I suppose that there will be more in the future. I have been able to share more things gender with my spouse. I haven't share this lates t coming out yet but I will.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Autumn is not the end of one season but the beginning of another.

Second Autumn

Here it is the first official day of autumn and it's suppose to be 90 degrees. Maybe it's summer getting in its last bit of warmth before the chilly winds of October move in. Fall is my favorite time of year, anyway.

I am reminded that the collage of the landscape changes in hues of red, yellow, orange, and brown. It doesn't mean that everything is dying; it's just like a second birth. I think of warm apple cider, pumpkins, kites flying, football, and the feeling of contentedness. Autumn summons up the creativity in me that can last throughout the cold months of winter ( I will write about winter in a later post).

Autumn reminds me of those of us who are middle age and older. Society says that we should just retire and enjoy what years we may have remaining. It's as if we have nothing further to contribute. A great treasure is being ignored by shunting us middle agers and seniors to the side. I believe that many young people miss out on some valuable experiences we have to share. I thank God for the the time he has given me but I know that he has more for me to do.

There have been warm summer days where I have basked in the glow of sunshine and activity. Autumn signifies change and there has been much change in my life. It's the same me, just wiser and more experienced as to what it means to be transgender. These autmns will always be a part of me.

~Genevieve

Old Haunts

My wife and I talked about the people we knew and places we lived when we were kids. She talked of hanging out with friends in the park. The guys she knew made beleive that they were rock and roll singers, singing doo wap and other genres. She expressed a desire to visit the old neighborhood to reminisce those days. I encouraged her to do so.

In past posts, I posted my forays into my old haunts. My wife and I agreed that those influences affects us today so many years later. I remarked that while many things have changed what is inside of us hasn't. I'm not a nostalgic person, longing for those past days but they remind me of where I've been. In a unique way it reminds me of where I may be heading.

I see much of the same concerns now that I did in the late 1960s and early 1970s. Hunger, drugs, alcohol, disillusionment (plenty of that), and hopelessness. I also see the hope that could be brought when people see that they can still make a difference. A holisitic approach is needed to help folks find solutions to their concerns. I am a optimistic person who tries to see the potential in others. Sharing that they are of value can lift many a dispirited person.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Autumn is my favorite season.

~Johnny Kelly

Interesting Article

Yesterday, I read this particle that may be pertinent to us in the transgender
community.

~Genevieve

http://www.poz.com/articles/ExGay_Fear_HIV_2521_18927.shtml

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

As the autumn season approaches, let's not forget the summer and the
warmth it it brought. Let's remember the good things that happened.

~Genevieve

Denial

Denial is just a way of putting off the inevitable. I made this discovery
when I was coming out as a trangender woman. For six weeks I denied
that I was a crossdresser. I kept saying to myself that this was going to
pass, that it was just a phase in my life. Needless, to say, those urges
grew stronger. Relief came when I admitted that I was a crossdresser.
All the stress and tension dissipated.

Why I'm bringing this subject up is that in recent months, a number of
high profile individuals have revealed their true sexuality/gender identity.
What is disturbing is that these same people have done much to deny other
GLBT people their rights. Many gay, lesbian, and transgender people have
committed suicide or have been murdered because of these self-loathing
people.

What galls me is that they have a chance to be an hero to many GLBT people.
Instead money, power, political, and social standing trump being who they truly
are. Even if they didn't have all this, they would still be the same people. I have
weighed the idea that maybe we need to embrace them but I do have some
trepidation about that. Can a tiger change its stripes? As long as they defend the
very binary system and anti-glbt initiatives they have imparted, I doubt if they can
or will.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

With each passing day, try to discover something
that you may not have been aware of before.

~Genevieve

Last Weekend of Summer

Everybody enjoy the weekend. Drive safely.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

If I had no choice about the age in which I was to live,
I nevertheless have a choice about the attitude I take
and about the way and the extent of my participation
in its living ongoing events.

~Thomas Merton

Transition Of the Mind

Today, I was at the laudromat doing the wash. While my clothes were spinning around in the machines I sat down at the table, notebook and pen in hand. I was about to write a short story about a man in search of his identity. However, when I tried to put words to paper I discovered that I could only present stories from the perspective of my transgender identity. It seems that another part of my transition had taken place. This one was between the ears.

I understand much more about the masculine and feminine mind. I'm no expert but much of what I'm discovering lines up with what I've felt all along. My transition is much deeper than I ever imaged. I feel a connection with the struggles of women, especially women of color. I also see that I must carry myself with dignity and self-respect. I'm thankful for parents who taught me that at a young age.

I can safely say now that I'm out on the sea of transition, not always knowing where I'm going but continue on I must.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Before convincing others to accept themselves, we must accept ourselves.

~Genevieve

Lately, I have been reading much about happenings in the LGBT community.
There are some things that I feel very strong about. I will comment on them
when I am through reading about them and doing some research.

Four subjects near and dear to me are marriage, adoption, procreation, and the church.
I cannot sit here and let hatred and vitriole be spewed on us by those who choose to
demean us. Those who call themselves "Christians" and do this should repent and confess
to God the errors of their thinking and ways. Too many LGBT people are hurting and dying
because of all this. I have become more active in letting opponents know that we are here to
stay.

This is pretty strong coming from me because normally I'm quiet and reserved. I could go
strealth or be anonymous but to me that is not an option. Too many people's lives are at
stake.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

There's a compeling reason why we travel down certain roads. We may
not always see what's ahead but what hapeens will impact our lives in some way.

~Genevieve

TRAILS

I'm sure some of you may have noticed my fascination with trails. Even as a young boy I always wondered where a trail would lead. As we go back over our lives we can see that we have walked along many trails.

No matter how far we have traveled there are still many trails we will cross eventually. What I've discovered is how different each trail is. Yes, there are similarities but there certainly are differences. Life is like that in that we may walk along a trail that we never expected to. I beleive that the creator designed it that way because there are lessons still to be learned.

I remember someone describing me as a seeker. My thirst for knowledge and discovery is endless. Trails always lead to somewhere and that is how life is. I have come to particular spots and rested a while. When the time has come for me to journey, I picked up and moved along. I know that this is not my design because I wouldn't know which way to go or what is looming on the horizon. One thing I do know is that God is with me every step of the way.

~Genevieve

Still There

My feelings have settled down but they are still here. I'm taking everything one moment at a time. Last night, the thought came to me that if this goes any further I will need to tell my spouse. I'm waiting until there is clarity as to which direction I'm headed in. I'm pleased that this has not been a stressful experience. I have enough on my plate already.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Living in a box is stunting and boring. A bird never learns to
fly by hanging around the nest.

~Genevieve

Mid Week Inspiration

Many precious gems have been discovered in the midst of rubble and ruin.

Genevieve's Gems

It seems the older I get the more I want to experience in life.


~Genevieve

Those Feelings Again

A few weeks ago I posted a blog titled 'Transsexual Feelings'. I mentioned that I was moving away from the perch of a transgenderist and toward that of a transsexual. The past few days, the feelings are much stronger. I want to live as a woman full time because I see myself as a woman.

I noticed that I think much about this but I'm not rushing into anything. I let all the emotions pass until there is something concrete that I can grab a hold of. I still have a ways to go because there is so much to experience and learn. If this starts to cause me any distress then I will see a therapist about it.

~Genevieve

This past Tuesday I was at the community center browsing the racks of materials. As I started to descend the stairs, a man started to hit on me. He commented how nice my hair looked and that I had nice hands. I thanked him for the complements.

I spent the following day in the library where I was working on my final paper in my master's class. A few weeks I noted how relaxed I am. I caught myself walking haltingly on the street sometimes. Now I walk with a purpose. It has improved my confidence. I've also lost 14 pounds due to eating less and an enzyme enhancer in my diet. I noticed how loose my clothing are on me. A couple of articles I thought I had to be loosened don't need it now.

I talked with my spouse the other night about what transgender face and that we are what we are. I really believe she has a better understanding of what I feel and struggle with. I do cherish these times that we discuss thes things.

~Genevieve

Tarry On

This has been the hottest summer New York has had in a number of years. There's the change that this could be the hottest July ever.

There are a number of hot issues affecting LGBT people also. ENDA, DADT, marriage equality, to name a few. Yes, the climate is getting hot but tarry on we must. I have been raising some question about a number of mainstream LGBT organizations as to their committment to the causes of transgender people in particular. At present I'm putting together some materials to highlight our progress and concerns.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Let us keep seeking, searching, inquiring, and knocking.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Transition may not always evident to our eyes or to others but we are transitioning in more ways than just the physical.


~Genevieve

Transsexual Feelings

At approxiamtely this time last year, I migrated from a cross dresser to transgenderist. I was equally comfortable as masculine and feminine. I sensed that my journey was much deeper than clothing and dressing up. A year earlier I read about and studied what being a transgenderist is about. I felt that was the direction I was headed in which proved to be accurate.

Now after being comfortable, I feel that the moorings are being loosened. This is not out of danger or fear but the journey will put up again. I remember last year that I had what I would call 'transsexual feelings'. This was shortly after declaring myself a transgenderist. After awhile those feelings went away. Please forgive me if this is an inaccurate way of explaining it. I have read about and corresponded with a number of transsexuals who shared their experiences with me which has helped me to understand what each has experienced. There's so much to consider and take into account.

Lately, those feelings resurfaced stronger. I have no desire to have the surgery or take more hormones personally. I felt a kinship with transsexuals when I started to dress. I didn't know why plus I personally didn't know any transsexuals. Those thoughts have come to this part of my continuing journey. I feel more identified with the feminine and I desire to live it much more so. I haven't shared this with my spouse yet and at some time I will need to.

I haven't moved from my perch yet but I sense it coming. I remember a transsexual sister saying to that you never know where this journey will take you. How prophetic she was. I don't feel any trepidation about this part of the journey. I really look forward to it.

~Genevieve

Genevieve's Gems

Each person's journey is unique.


~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Real independence is when no one has to be denied anything because of
who they are.

~Genevieve

Using The Time Wisely

One of the benefits of pride month is that it allows me to focus on what needs to be done in the work for equality. Generally, the second half of the year I analyze what can I do to help LGBT people move forward. There are many directions I can go, but I want to be where the most good can be done.

I write for an online magazine, encouraging transgender as they are. As the time moves forward I want to affect as many lives as I can. This is what pride month means to me.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.

~Confucius

Moving Ahead

I haven't posted as much this month because I working through some domestic issues. Things are looking up for my spouse and I. We're positive that this crisis is just before some great blessing.

I will be changing the layout of my blog in the coming weeks. I'm writing about some topics which I believe are relevant to our lives. Some of these postings will be about some things that have been happening in my life. What I hope to accomplish is to educate, edify, and encourage others.


~Genevieve

Happy Pride

Here's wish everyone Happy Pride. I know it will be tough for some for various reasons. Nevertheless, I'm just happy that you are who you are. That means more to me than anything.

I'm happy about the accomplishments attained. I'm mindful of many LGBT people around the world who are on the front lines battling for equality. We have suffered some setbacks and yet we continue on the march. We choose to be who we are. Choosing to be authentic will make others uncomfortable. At the same time there are others who long to see someone open and unashamed of who they are.

I encourage each person to be proud of who they are. We are all brothers and sisters.

HAPPY PRIDE!

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

I don't try to figure out why I'm transgender; I just enjoy living as one.


~Genevieve

Remebering Those Lost

This morning I lay in bed thinking about this month of pride. My thought shifted to LGbt people have lost their lives to violence or by their own hand. When I think about this I start crying. I have decided to dedicate this month to their remembrance.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

One good deed can brighten someone's day.

Remember Those Who Are Struggling

June is here and so are many pride events. People will be participating in various event all around the world showing their pride in who they are. My transformation has been quiet and subtle for the most part. I am happy with what has happened and look forward to what lies ahead.
Even during this month of LGBT pride, I can't help but think about all the folks who are struggling with their gender identity and sexuality. I am a member of a number of forums. The main need I have been helping out is encouraging folks to be themselves. I'm happy about the progress that's been made but there's so many who are still hurting. Homophobiaand transphobia are still strong.
I came out late in life (five years ago at age 56). The past several days my thoughts have been on folks who are my age and still struggling with guilt and shame. My heart goes out to them because I know what the cost could be if they decided to live an authentic life. I was faced with this when I came out to my wife and son. Thankfully, they are both accepting. I know some who have lost everything. I may have to come to some others for various reasons. I am prepared for what could happen. I have decided to live an authentic life.
As we celebrate pride, I'm mindful of many who are hurting. After all the events are over, there's still somuch that needs to be done. I wish that I could meet the folks face to face who are
struggling so I could encourage and hug them. This is what this month means to me-helping those who need it.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

There are times when we all want to quit, but it may not be an option.


~Genevieve