Thursday, December 30, 2010

Snow; Year Closing Comment

New York got hit with a major snowstorm on Sunday. It snowed nearly 3 feet where I live. My street wasn't plowed for two days. Many sides streets weren't touched. The city is taking a hit as well it should. The mayor admitted, begrudgingly, that he messed up. It's warming up so some of the snow will melt.

As the year draws to a close, I can say that I have learned much about life as much as myself. More and more I see the need to find common ground with people because we need to connect. I have been able to do this but I need to do more of it. It may mean that my belief system will be challenged but so be it. Putting myself in another person's shoes helps me to see what the person may be facing.

It great that I did accomplish some of my goals. It was a tough year financial but I have remained positive and know this will not last forever. As the new year approaches, I pray that all will succeed and see their dreams fulfilled.



Thursday, December 23, 2010


Be thankful for who you are. There are people that appreciate you because you
are you.


Wednesday, December 22, 2010


I am a transgender woman and proud to be one. I was born this way and no one has the right to deny me what is rightfully mine. We are more visible now than ever. Even in the LGB community, we are still looked upon as second class citizens by some. This is something that needs to change.

Transgender men and women have always been involved in many activities which made America great. We have been around since the beginning of time. In spite of all the efforts to eradicate us, we thrive and survive. The flag above is one that am proud to carry and bear.


Friday, December 17, 2010


“To have one’s individuality completely ignored is like being pushed quite out of life – like being blown out as one blows out a light.”

~ Evelyn Scott

Wednesday, December 15, 2010


Today is a very cold day but I am happy. It's has nothing to do with my circumstances but just the way that I feel now. I'm happy with who I am and how far I have progressed.

It seems that this year less is focused on the material and more on the spiritual and emotional. This year I have been challenged in my thinking, perspective, and how I view others. I'm sharing my happiness with you because there may be someone who needs encouraging. You are valued as a person.

I'm so happy to share my joy. Above all, I'm happy that I know you and see you as my brothers and sisters.


Saturday, December 11, 2010


December is in full swing now. People are scurrying about getting gifts, trees, and having office parties. Watching all this makes me dizzy at times. Yesterday I sat in an empty church sanctuary, thankful that I've made it this far.

In my mind this time of year can put many things into perspective. With each passing year this is means so much more to me. While I'm thankful for many things I'm mindful of many lonely people at this time. I appreciate family and friends for the meaning they add to my life.

We may see December as the end of another year. However, it can be the beginning of new goals and ideas. I guess it's just the student in me. I want to discover new things, to have my thinking challenged, and to share this knowledge with others. Yesterday, I enjoyed how much freedom we have to choose how we want to live our lives. It's something that needs to be encouraged.


Tuesday, December 07, 2010


Action is a great restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result, but the cause, of fear. Perhaps the action you take will be successful; perhaps different action or adjustments will have to follow. But any action is better than no action at all.

~Norman Vincent Peale

Saturday, December 04, 2010

Hit By Flu Bug

Hi everyone. I was saddled with the flu for four days but I feel much better today. Seems like it's going around. Weather has been wacky- sixty degrees for a few days, then 40 degrees for a few days.

As I prepare to reminisce on 2010 I am thankful for many things (will address that later) but I also will express some issues that, in my opinion, we may need to be more vocal about. I'm very happy that there have been some successes in some locales regarding equality. Still there's more to be done.

One activity tht has picked up is writing. I have written quite a bit the past few months. Fiction, non-fiction and essays have been flowing through my brain. I do get those periods where I have much to say. I believe part of it has to do with all the transgender issues around the world. I've taken a global view of it and conclude that whatever happens elsewhere affects all of us. In the future I will post a couple of my stories, an essay or two, and my thoughts about where equality for transgender people is headed.


Saturday, November 27, 2010


Be thankful for the many blessings in your life.


Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Thanksgiving Wish



Saturday, November 20, 2010


If you have knowledge, let others light their candles at it.

~Margaret Fuller, journalist & critic, (1810-1850)

Transgender Day of Remembrance

Last night I attended Transgender Day of Remembrance ceremonies at the community center. There was a candlelight vigil as about 150-200 people walked around a square block. Later there were speakers from various organizations. Persons from the audience shared their experiences.

I met a minister who attended for the first time. Mary and I talked about all the oppresion transgender people suffer in part from the religious community. Much of the vitriol against transgender people come from many pulpits. I shared with her that many people just don't know about transgender people because of what they hear from their pastors.

Reflecting on the evening, I am grateful to be transgender person. This is how I was created. I am saddened by many who have been lost to suicide. I related to Mary that I want to relate to people's spiritual needs as well as their physical needs. With each passing year, I see the advances we've had. I also see the struggles and setbacks. That won't stop me from doing what is right. We will be victorious!

There are Transgender Day of Remembrance ceremonies going on around the world at this moment. In my spirit I feel as if I'm there. As we remember those we've lost, let us love and appreciate those we have with us. Let's look out for each other, encourage one another, and tell them that they mean so much to us. By us demonstrating our love and concern for each other, the walls of injustice will come tumbling down.


Friday, November 19, 2010

TDOR Ceremonies

Tonight I will be attending TDOR ceremonies at the community center. The purpose is honor transpeople who have been lost to violence and suicide. As my sister Monica Roberts so eloquently states in her blog, it's not the time to party.

I enocourage folks to attend a ceremony near you. It's a sober and and sometimes sad experience but it's also reality. Trans people are murdered every day just for being who they are. I love my trans brothers and sisters and do whatever I can to educate the public about us.


Saturday, November 13, 2010


Be thankful for the good things in your life.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Holiday Giving and Sharing

As the holiday season approaches, there are people who will be alone. This is a lonely time for folks who are estranged from their families. Many have lost family and friends through death. This is more evident in the LGBT community.

I am reminded that my mom always invited someone to her home who would otherwise be by themselves. if you know of some one who will be in this situation, invite them over for dinner or go out together. This is the season of giving and sharing and what better way is there to share it with someone who may feel depressed, lonely or unloved. They will be grateful.


Friday, November 05, 2010


Perserverance has everything to do with staying the course.

Fulltime Living

I'm looking to live fulltime as Genevieve in the future. It's always been my desire to do so and I can vision myself doing so in the next year or two. I wear skirts and camisoles around the house so it's not an issue with my spouse. My journey has been a progression of small steps. In a sense it has been a good thing because I'm still discovering much about being gender variant. I haven't shied away from what comes my way and living fulltime is one thing that I will embrace.


Thursday, November 04, 2010

Elections Recap-The Battle Has Just Begun

There were some gains for LGBT people in the elections but the House is in the hands of the Republicans now. While I believe we held our own in many instances, there's the national elections in two years. The fight has just begun!

There are two things I see that we as LGBT need to do. First, we need to respond to whoever is in office and share our concerns. This needs to be a consistent effort because our opponents aren't backing down. Neither can we. Second, let's not settle for incremements of equality which is no equality in my opinion. However we choose to address our concerns, let's keep working and keep educating.

I do believe that many people were educated about LGBT issues. Many really didn't know what we are about. I also believe that much of the religious dogma people see about GLBT people is bogus. This is an area that I will be heavily involved with.

Now is the time not to give up. One of the strengths of opponents is their persisitence. We need to match it with informed and intelligent presentations and facts. I certainly do not want them to beat me in the knowledge and information area. I'm going on the offensive! We need to do the same.


Friday, October 29, 2010


Discovering who we are is very liberating.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Carry Yourself In A Positive Light

Presenting transgender people in good and positive way is something close to my heart. We have had enough trouble with false carcitures my those who haate us. The sad thing is much of it is demeaning and insulting.

We need to guard against bringing a negative light to ourselves. It may be that because I'm older I'm sensitive to the way I dress, speak, and present myself to the public. I won't give them any reason to look at me as a joke or a clown.


Friday, October 22, 2010


Most of us, swimming against the tides of trouble the world knows nothing about, need only a bit of praise or encouragement - and we will make the goal.

~Robert Collier

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Another Opportunity

I am studying for a master's degree in mediation and conflict resolution. I have shared with my instructor and classmates that I am a trasngender person. My studies have presented an opportunity to share with my instructor and classmates.

In my textbooks, we have been discussing about different ethnic groups, minorities, and other minorities. GLBT people are placed into the last group. I was excited as I shared what transgender is. I have gotten great marks on the papers I have handed in also. I pray that my professor and classmates have been educated about transgender as well as gay, lesbian, and bisexual people.


Friday, October 15, 2010

The Journey Continues

My Continuing Journey

I recently read Jack Kerouac’s novel On the Road. It is based on the author’s travels throughout the country. It is a trip filled with wild adventure, madness, heavy drinking and aimless activity. I don’t know if I could have survived such a journey without going mad.
As I look back on my life, I have traveled a similar though shorter road. I traveled a bit when I was younger and some when in my thirties. I didn’t drink or engage in wild parties but observed what was happening around me. If I had not accepted Jesus into my heart I would have wandered around the country. Prior to that, I was asking questions about the meaning of life.
The past several years have been a journey of another kind. It is my excursion as a transgender woman. Like Kerouac, my journey started as my trying to make sense of my discontent. Unlike Kerouac, mine dealt with my gender. Questions about what is masculine and feminine is filled my brain. When I admitted to myself that I was a cross dresser, I was relieved. However the journey was just beginning.
Here it is over five years later and I’m still on that journey. I recently came out to myself as a transsexual (non-op). Now I’m experiencing more internal changes. My journey has been adventurous if without the drama. I have discovered many feelings that I never knew that I had. What does it mean is that I need to do is to express my femininity. It’s something that I really want to do.



With each passing day, the joy of being authentic grows stronger.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Suicide Victims

Names of Suicide Victims Should Be Read at TDOR

I downloaded this particular symbol because I like all the colors. I think of all the many expressions of gender and the many diverse racial/ethnic backgrounds represented. That diversity isn’t always reflected in media and in LGBT media in particular.

The term transgender is a broad based term that includes cross dressers, trans-men, transsexuals, transgenderists, and other gender variant expressions. As transgender day of remembrance is approaching (November 20th) I think about the many transgender people who have been lost to violence and suicide. This year when they have the reading of those who died by the hand of others, I believe the names of those men and women who died by their own hand should also be read.

Suicide is very high in the GLBT community. Transgender people have a rate 3 times higher than their GLB brethren. The disproportionate numbers of those killed or who commit suicide are women of color. Not enough coverage is done on suicide and to me it’s time that it is.

Saturday, October 09, 2010

Second Autumn

Second Autumn

French philosopher Albert Camus once commented that ‘autumn is the second spring where every leaf is a flower’. Autumn is my favorite season. The landscape becomes a collage of yellow, red, brown, and orange. It also signals that the weather is getting cooler, which I like.

Thinking about Camus’ comment I can't help but think that the day we became Christians, our second autumn was as a flower blossoming in a warm October day. God gave us another chance to live a life of thanksgiving, praise and service. The apostle Paul experienced a second autumn on the road to Damascus. I experienced a second autumn when I came out as transgender.
As transgender people we are beautiful flowers in a world that doesn’t always receive us or value us as human beings. One may think that life is fading away in autumn but in truth it’s bursting anew like a butterfly out of a cocoon.

Friday, October 08, 2010


We don't receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves
after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us.

~Marcel Proust

A Book or Chapbook In the Future

Writing is one of my passions. I have been writing since I was sixteen. I've never had anything published but that may change in the near future. Essay writing and short stories are my main genre, with a little prose thrown it. So far I have over a dozen short stories and maybe a half dozen essays written. Though a number of the stories have a transgender theme, I'm not limiting myself just to that.

I'm deciding on self-publishing, a chapbook, or have someone else help me publish. I'm really excited about this because now is the time to express some things that have been inside of me for quite a while now. The theme of the stories will be positive and redeeming.


Friday, October 01, 2010


A contented mind is the greatest blessing a man can enjoy in this world.

~Joseph Addison, English Writer (1672-1719)

Thursday, September 30, 2010


I have been feeling much better about where I am in regards to gender. This past Sunday i came out to myself as a transsexual. It was effortless and with quiet contentment. My coming out has been a series of discoveries. I suppose that there will be more in the future. I have been able to share more things gender with my spouse. I haven't share this lates t coming out yet but I will.


Friday, September 24, 2010


Autumn is not the end of one season but the beginning of another.

Second Autumn

Here it is the first official day of autumn and it's suppose to be 90 degrees. Maybe it's summer getting in its last bit of warmth before the chilly winds of October move in. Fall is my favorite time of year, anyway.

I am reminded that the collage of the landscape changes in hues of red, yellow, orange, and brown. It doesn't mean that everything is dying; it's just like a second birth. I think of warm apple cider, pumpkins, kites flying, football, and the feeling of contentedness. Autumn summons up the creativity in me that can last throughout the cold months of winter ( I will write about winter in a later post).

Autumn reminds me of those of us who are middle age and older. Society says that we should just retire and enjoy what years we may have remaining. It's as if we have nothing further to contribute. A great treasure is being ignored by shunting us middle agers and seniors to the side. I believe that many young people miss out on some valuable experiences we have to share. I thank God for the the time he has given me but I know that he has more for me to do.

There have been warm summer days where I have basked in the glow of sunshine and activity. Autumn signifies change and there has been much change in my life. It's the same me, just wiser and more experienced as to what it means to be transgender. These autmns will always be a part of me.


Monday, September 20, 2010

Old Haunts

My wife and I talked about the people we knew and places we lived when we were kids. She talked of hanging out with friends in the park. The guys she knew made beleive that they were rock and roll singers, singing doo wap and other genres. She expressed a desire to visit the old neighborhood to reminisce those days. I encouraged her to do so.

In past posts, I posted my forays into my old haunts. My wife and I agreed that those influences affects us today so many years later. I remarked that while many things have changed what is inside of us hasn't. I'm not a nostalgic person, longing for those past days but they remind me of where I've been. In a unique way it reminds me of where I may be heading.

I see much of the same concerns now that I did in the late 1960s and early 1970s. Hunger, drugs, alcohol, disillusionment (plenty of that), and hopelessness. I also see the hope that could be brought when people see that they can still make a difference. A holisitic approach is needed to help folks find solutions to their concerns. I am a optimistic person who tries to see the potential in others. Sharing that they are of value can lift many a dispirited person.


Saturday, September 18, 2010


Autumn is my favorite season.

~Johnny Kelly

Friday, September 10, 2010

Interesting Article

Yesterday, I read this particle that may be pertinent to us in the transgender



As the autumn season approaches, let's not forget the summer and the
warmth it it brought. Let's remember the good things that happened.


Wednesday, September 08, 2010


Denial is just a way of putting off the inevitable. I made this discovery
when I was coming out as a trangender woman. For six weeks I denied
that I was a crossdresser. I kept saying to myself that this was going to
pass, that it was just a phase in my life. Needless, to say, those urges
grew stronger. Relief came when I admitted that I was a crossdresser.
All the stress and tension dissipated.

Why I'm bringing this subject up is that in recent months, a number of
high profile individuals have revealed their true sexuality/gender identity.
What is disturbing is that these same people have done much to deny other
GLBT people their rights. Many gay, lesbian, and transgender people have
committed suicide or have been murdered because of these self-loathing

What galls me is that they have a chance to be an hero to many GLBT people.
Instead money, power, political, and social standing trump being who they truly
are. Even if they didn't have all this, they would still be the same people. I have
weighed the idea that maybe we need to embrace them but I do have some
trepidation about that. Can a tiger change its stripes? As long as they defend the
very binary system and anti-glbt initiatives they have imparted, I doubt if they can
or will.


Friday, September 03, 2010


With each passing day, try to discover something
that you may not have been aware of before.


Last Weekend of Summer

Everybody enjoy the weekend. Drive safely.


Friday, August 27, 2010


If I had no choice about the age in which I was to live,
I nevertheless have a choice about the attitude I take
and about the way and the extent of my participation
in its living ongoing events.

~Thomas Merton

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Transition Of the Mind

Today, I was at the laudromat doing the wash. While my clothes were spinning around in the machines I sat down at the table, notebook and pen in hand. I was about to write a short story about a man in search of his identity. However, when I tried to put words to paper I discovered that I could only present stories from the perspective of my transgender identity. It seems that another part of my transition had taken place. This one was between the ears.

I understand much more about the masculine and feminine mind. I'm no expert but much of what I'm discovering lines up with what I've felt all along. My transition is much deeper than I ever imaged. I feel a connection with the struggles of women, especially women of color. I also see that I must carry myself with dignity and self-respect. I'm thankful for parents who taught me that at a young age.

I can safely say now that I'm out on the sea of transition, not always knowing where I'm going but continue on I must.


Friday, August 20, 2010


Before convincing others to accept themselves, we must accept ourselves.


Thursday, August 19, 2010

Lately, I have been reading much about happenings in the LGBT community.
There are some things that I feel very strong about. I will comment on them
when I am through reading about them and doing some research.

Four subjects near and dear to me are marriage, adoption, procreation, and the church.
I cannot sit here and let hatred and vitriole be spewed on us by those who choose to
demean us. Those who call themselves "Christians" and do this should repent and confess
to God the errors of their thinking and ways. Too many LGBT people are hurting and dying
because of all this. I have become more active in letting opponents know that we are here to

This is pretty strong coming from me because normally I'm quiet and reserved. I could go
strealth or be anonymous but to me that is not an option. Too many people's lives are at


Friday, August 13, 2010


There's a compeling reason why we travel down certain roads. We may
not always see what's ahead but what hapeens will impact our lives in some way.



I'm sure some of you may have noticed my fascination with trails. Even as a young boy I always wondered where a trail would lead. As we go back over our lives we can see that we have walked along many trails.
No matter how far we have traveled there are still many trails we will cross eventually. What I've discovered is how different each trail is. Yes, there are similarities but there certainly are differences. Life is like that in that we may walk along a trail that we never expected to. I beleive that the creator designed it that way because there are lessons still to be learned.
I remember someone describing me as a seeker. My thirst for knowledge and discovery is endless. Trails always lead to somewhere and that is how life is. I have come to particular spots and rested a while. When the time has come for me to journey, I picked up and moved along. I know that this is not my design because I wouldn't know which way to go or what is looming on the horizon. One thing I do know is that God is with me every step of the way.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Still There

My feelings have settled down but they are still here. I'm taking everything one moment at a time. Last night, the thought came to me that if this goes any further I will need to tell my spouse. I'm waiting until there is clarity as to which direction I'm headed in. I'm pleased that this has not been a stressful experience. I have enough on my plate already.


Friday, August 06, 2010


Living in a box is stunting and boring. A bird never learns to
fly by hanging around the nest.


Wednesday, August 04, 2010

Mid Week Inspiration

Many precious gems have been discovered in the midst of rubble and ruin.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Genevieve's Gems

It seems the older I get the more I want to experience in life.


Those Feelings Again

A few weeks ago I posted a blog titled 'Transsexual Feelings'. I mentioned that I was moving away from the perch of a transgenderist and toward that of a transsexual. The past few days, the feelings are much stronger. I want to live as a woman full time because I see myself as a woman.

I noticed that I think much about this but I'm not rushing into anything. I let all the emotions pass until there is something concrete that I can grab a hold of. I still have a ways to go because there is so much to experience and learn. If this starts to cause me any distress then I will see a therapist about it.

This past Tuesday I was at the community center browsing the racks of materials. As I started to descend the stairs, a man started to hit on me. He commented how nice my hair looked and that I had nice hands. I thanked him for the complements.

I spent the following day in the library where I was working on my final paper in my master's class. A few weeks I noted how relaxed I am. I caught myself walking haltingly on the street sometimes. Now I walk with a purpose. It has improved my confidence. I've also lost 14 pounds due to eating less and an enzyme enhancer in my diet. I noticed how loose my clothing are on me. A couple of articles I thought I had to be loosened don't need it now.

I talked with my spouse the other night about what transgender face and that we are what we are. I really believe she has a better understanding of what I feel and struggle with. I do cherish these times that we discuss thes things.


Monday, July 26, 2010

Tarry On

This has been the hottest summer New York has had in a number of years. There's the change that this could be the hottest July ever.

There are a number of hot issues affecting LGBT people also. ENDA, DADT, marriage equality, to name a few. Yes, the climate is getting hot but tarry on we must. I have been raising some question about a number of mainstream LGBT organizations as to their committment to the causes of transgender people in particular. At present I'm putting together some materials to highlight our progress and concerns.


Saturday, July 24, 2010


Let us keep seeking, searching, inquiring, and knocking.


Friday, July 16, 2010


Transition may not always evident to our eyes or to others but we are transitioning in more ways than just the physical.


Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Transsexual Feelings

At approxiamtely this time last year, I migrated from a cross dresser to transgenderist. I was equally comfortable as masculine and feminine. I sensed that my journey was much deeper than clothing and dressing up. A year earlier I read about and studied what being a transgenderist is about. I felt that was the direction I was headed in which proved to be accurate.

Now after being comfortable, I feel that the moorings are being loosened. This is not out of danger or fear but the journey will put up again. I remember last year that I had what I would call 'transsexual feelings'. This was shortly after declaring myself a transgenderist. After awhile those feelings went away. Please forgive me if this is an inaccurate way of explaining it. I have read about and corresponded with a number of transsexuals who shared their experiences with me which has helped me to understand what each has experienced. There's so much to consider and take into account.

Lately, those feelings resurfaced stronger. I have no desire to have the surgery or take more hormones personally. I felt a kinship with transsexuals when I started to dress. I didn't know why plus I personally didn't know any transsexuals. Those thoughts have come to this part of my continuing journey. I feel more identified with the feminine and I desire to live it much more so. I haven't shared this with my spouse yet and at some time I will need to.

I haven't moved from my perch yet but I sense it coming. I remember a transsexual sister saying to that you never know where this journey will take you. How prophetic she was. I don't feel any trepidation about this part of the journey. I really look forward to it.


Saturday, July 10, 2010

Genevieve's Gems

Each person's journey is unique.


Friday, July 02, 2010


Real independence is when no one has to be denied anything because of
who they are.


Thursday, July 01, 2010

Using The Time Wisely

One of the benefits of pride month is that it allows me to focus on what needs to be done in the work for equality. Generally, the second half of the year I analyze what can I do to help LGBT people move forward. There are many directions I can go, but I want to be where the most good can be done.

I write for an online magazine, encouraging transgender as they are. As the time moves forward I want to affect as many lives as I can. This is what pride month means to me.


Friday, June 25, 2010


Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.


Moving Ahead

I haven't posted as much this month because I working through some domestic issues. Things are looking up for my spouse and I. We're positive that this crisis is just before some great blessing.

I will be changing the layout of my blog in the coming weeks. I'm writing about some topics which I believe are relevant to our lives. Some of these postings will be about some things that have been happening in my life. What I hope to accomplish is to educate, edify, and encourage others.


Happy Pride

Here's wish everyone Happy Pride. I know it will be tough for some for various reasons. Nevertheless, I'm just happy that you are who you are. That means more to me than anything.

I'm happy about the accomplishments attained. I'm mindful of many LGBT people around the world who are on the front lines battling for equality. We have suffered some setbacks and yet we continue on the march. We choose to be who we are. Choosing to be authentic will make others uncomfortable. At the same time there are others who long to see someone open and unashamed of who they are.

I encourage each person to be proud of who they are. We are all brothers and sisters.



Friday, June 18, 2010


I don't try to figure out why I'm transgender; I just enjoy living as one.


Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Remebering Those Lost

This morning I lay in bed thinking about this month of pride. My thought shifted to LGbt people have lost their lives to violence or by their own hand. When I think about this I start crying. I have decided to dedicate this month to their remembrance.


Friday, June 11, 2010


One good deed can brighten someone's day.

Remember Those Who Are Struggling

June is here and so are many pride events. People will be participating in various event all around the world showing their pride in who they are. My transformation has been quiet and subtle for the most part. I am happy with what has happened and look forward to what lies ahead.
Even during this month of LGBT pride, I can't help but think about all the folks who are struggling with their gender identity and sexuality. I am a member of a number of forums. The main need I have been helping out is encouraging folks to be themselves. I'm happy about the progress that's been made but there's so many who are still hurting. Homophobiaand transphobia are still strong.
I came out late in life (five years ago at age 56). The past several days my thoughts have been on folks who are my age and still struggling with guilt and shame. My heart goes out to them because I know what the cost could be if they decided to live an authentic life. I was faced with this when I came out to my wife and son. Thankfully, they are both accepting. I know some who have lost everything. I may have to come to some others for various reasons. I am prepared for what could happen. I have decided to live an authentic life.
As we celebrate pride, I'm mindful of many who are hurting. After all the events are over, there's still somuch that needs to be done. I wish that I could meet the folks face to face who are
struggling so I could encourage and hug them. This is what this month means to me-helping those who need it.


Monday, June 07, 2010


There are times when we all want to quit, but it may not be an option.


Friday, May 28, 2010


There comes a time in our lives when we have to cross the river all by ourselves.


Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Still Standing

Well I'm back to the lighthouses again. I"ve always been a fascinated by them. There are a myriad of reasons why but to me it's the fact that lighthouses are often away from any civilization. They are solitary structures which can withstand what the forces of nature throws at them.

Transgender people have much thrown at them and from many directions. It can be family, church, friends, school, or job. It can be our own doubt and fear that threaten to undrmine our sense of well being. Some forces wish to erase us from existence. Yet through all these tribulations, we are still standing.

As the summer months approach us, I am reminded that much has been achieved. I am reminded that much needs to be done. Five years ago, I was just discovering my transgenderism. Today I embrace it wholeheartedly. Nothing can me from being what I was created to be.


Saturday, May 22, 2010


The greatest goal is making a difference in someone's life.

Friday, May 14, 2010


If we give in to self-loathing and despair, the enemy wins. If we live authentic lives in the midst of persecution then we give others hope.


Job Hunting, Receiving an Award

I have been busy seeking employment and a new place to live. I haven't written as much lately but my head buzzes with things to say. When things settle down I will be on here more often.

I will be receiving an award from my veterans group this Sunday. Dan Choi is also expected and will also receive an award. I'm debating whether or not to say a few words. Politicians were invited to the ceremony so it could be a chance to speak. I'm a little nervous about it. I'll tell how it went.


Saturday, May 08, 2010



Friday, May 07, 2010


An authentic life lived openly is what many people desire to see.


Monday, May 03, 2010

Life More Settled, Accentuating The Positive

I haven't been across any roads of late. I feel more settled where I am now. My life has been peaceful. I have been reading numerous emails about many events about transgender folks. Numerous cities around the world are considering passing laws giving equality to transgender people in regards to housing, employment and identity.

There's so much information that at times it can be overwhelming. I focus on a few topics and respond accordingly. On of my concerns is the powerlessness many GBLT people feel. Beaten down by many forces some believe that they are strange and evil. I'm here to say to we have every right to be who we are just like anyone else. Our lives have enough drama without the self-loathing. What galls me is when you have people like Michael Musto and Dan Savage trashes parts of the LGBT community, which causes division and angst. I'm past the point of stooping to the level of people like this.

Whenever I read of people's successes and triumphs I am overjoyed. Each little victory means a glimmer of hope that life will be better. Investing time with things that encourage andbuild up make life worth living.


Friday, April 30, 2010


Oppression and bigotry is never to be accepted or tolerated, regardless if it costs you popularity and friends.


Sunday, April 25, 2010

Talked about being Transgender With My Son

I talked about GLBT with my son. He asked a number of questions to which I was able to answer. He asked if being gay is a sin? I answered no. I shared with him that I knew that I was different all my life. I love these moments because it presents an opportunity to share that we are people, too.

We touched on topics like gays in the military, trangenderism, my wearing women's clothing, Christianity, GLBT people in the church, and numerous other topics. I'm happy that he's accepting and open about my transgenderism. He's always been perceptive about life. I hope that there will be more opportunities like this.


Saturday, April 24, 2010


The fight for equality was never won sitting in a corporate boardroom.


Friday, April 16, 2010


The greatest victories have occured in the most perilous of situations.


Hate Message

On Thursday, April 14th, a burned rainbow flag was found in front of the LGBT community center here in New York City. this is another of the recent attacks against our community. Yesterday a suspect was arrested in the death of a transgender woman, who was murdered a couple of weeks ago.

Attacks against our community have increased. Those that hate us are trying to intimidate us back into the closet. That will not happen nor will I bow to the hatred of others.


Friday, April 09, 2010


Standing for what is right may not always be popular but in the end many lives will be


Wednesday, April 07, 2010

LGBT Media

There are many reasons why print media is going the way of the dinosaur. Rising costs, the internet, loss of advertising revenues, and cheaper ways of reporting the news. Mainstream media long ago became irrelevant to regular folks, catering to advertisers and shareholders.

Sadly the LGBT media is becoming less relevant also. I get disgusted when half the pages in the publications are about entertainment and frivolity. It seems that some high ranking executives are more interested in attending a White House function rather than reporting about issues concerning LGBT people. There is hardly anything witten about transgender people and their issues unless a transgender person is murdered.

During the late sixties and early seventies, I read every rag sheet printed. Unencumbered by corporate and literary restraints, I received much in the way of education and the concerns of the community. The idea of an independent media is to report on issues that may not always be comfortable but very important to the people it concerns.

I pra that LGBT media will see that they have a critical role in presenting news and topics that concerns ALL members of the LGBT community. If advertising dollars and high profile clients are more important than presenting our concerns, then the media has failed their readers.


Friday, April 02, 2010


The truth is like gold keep it locked up and you will find it exactly as you first put it away.

~Senegalese proverb

Thursday, April 01, 2010

Cat Died On Palm Sunday

My cat passed away Sunday morning, March 28th. We had Trina about eleven years. She passed away quietly without any suffering.


Friday, March 26, 2010

Educating My Granddaughter

My heart fills with joy whenever my son brings my granddaughter over. Starlett is a very happy baby who has brought much delight to mine and my wife's heart.

Today my son and I were talking about a number of things. I have thought about Starlett's future. What happens if she realizes that she is different? I have no way of knowing if she will be lesbian, transgender, gender queer, bi, or another gender variant expression. I told my son that if she is that I would be there for Starlett.

What is in my favor is that he and his girlfriend know and accept my being transgender. I am open with them, wearing skirts and camisoles in their presence. This is what I desire to teach Starlett. I hope that when she is older she will be taught to love and accept others as they are unconditionally, regardless of their sexuality/gender expression.



Transitioning is not only about the body, but the mind and the spirit.

Friday, March 19, 2010


Christians should be ready for a change because Jesus was the greatest changer in history.

~Ralph Abernathy

Tuesday, March 16, 2010


Luke 15:11-32

I was reading a couple of posts about the Prodigal Son. Looking at the father huggng his wayward son is a touching moment. Many words can describe the poignant scene; forgiveness, love, acceptance, and joy are some words that come to mind.
Affirmation comes to mind when I view the picture. Yes the son had spent everything he had on wanton living. The son felt shame and remorse, so much so that he was willing to be a servant. The father would have none of it. The father's affirmation of his son demonstrated his love for him. Contrast this response to that of the older son. He responded in anger upon hearing that his young brother's return.
I'm thankful for the many parents who accept and affirm their gender different children. I wish that all parents of LGBT children would affirm their differently gendered children. Note that the prodigal's father celebrated his son's return (vs. 22-24), a person's coming out should be celebrated. I'll never forget the day God affirmed me as a transgender person. Next to my salvation in Jesus, it was most liberating day I experienced.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Remember and Reclaim your History

I reflected on the quote in Genevieve's Gems. I thank my sister Monica Roberts for mentioning this wonderful quote in her Transgriot blog. For the life of me I cannot see how people can reclaim names that were used to demean and put us down. Too many people have died because of this bigotry.

I'm tired of people who reinforce the stereotype that we are less than human. I cringe when I hear young blacks use the N-word because a half century we were demeaned by the same word. When I hear words such as "fag", I can remember when gays were demeaned by the word. My question is why reclaim something that was used to put me down. What galls me is the cavalier attitude the users of these have in using them.

I have been out only about five years. I am grateful to the many transgender people who came before me. Some were beaten, thrown in jail, and murdered because they dared to challenge the status quo. Every so often I reflect on how far we've come and how far we have to go. I am proud of my history and you should be too.



Rob a people of their sense of history and you take away hope.

~Wyatt T. Walker

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Kicked Out

Yesterday, I was reading one of the forums I keep up with. I read where one person had been kicked out of his home by his mother. Did he do something horrible? Did he hurt anybody? No. He was kicked out becasue he was trans.

Whenever I read stories like this, it breaks my heart. It also reminds me that there still a long way to go in people's understanding of gender and sexuality. Too many people listen to the voices of hate and bigotry without even a thought. Parents sometimes blame themselves if their children's sexuality/gender identity is different from the so-called norm. Many times I ask what is the norm?

I encouraged the young man that this was a new beginning for him. As I prayed for him, I believe that his life will improve in time. I am praying that more will be done for LGBT people are helped and encouraged. I am taking a greater interest in refuting the bigoted rheotoric spewed by the mainstream media, churches, law enforcement, and the educational and social institutions. I can't sit still and listen to all this nonsense. It's time to take a stand.


Friday, March 05, 2010


Cautious, careful people, always casting about to preserve their reputations can never effect a reform.

~Susan B. Anthony

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Settled In

I mentioned in a previous post that I've hit a dry period in my life. There's a time we must journey on. Then there's a time we need to rest. I look upon dry periods in this fashion.

I was sitting in my room today when a feeling of contentment swept over me. I now identify as a transgenderist. It wasn't that I was uncomfortable in this discovery I made last June. We can believe something in our minds. It's when it penetrates our hearts that we feel contentment.

I'm reminded in the book of Exodus of the journeyings of the Israelites in the wilderness. While they had a destination to reach, they also needed time to access where they were and what lie ahead. I will resume my journey very soon. I'm thankful for the willingness to embrace every experience that's come my way. It may not always be comfortable but it's part of the process.


Friday, February 26, 2010


Hanging on to past hurts will only keep us from seeing new horizons.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Transgenderism Taught Me Patience

One virtue that I've learned as a transgender person is patience. Everything isn't going to drop into my lap nor is my experiences going to move me in a linear path.

I'm thankful that my journey has had few bumps. Having had no previous experience with dressing up or what is transgender perhaps spared me of the pain and shame many have needlessly suffered from society's bigotry. Once I discovered my transgenderism I wanted everything to happen to me right away.

As I quickly learned the journey is long and slow. It revealed numerous feelings to me that I never knew that I felt. If anything, my being transgender helped to reveal my true feelings. Sharing them is something that has never been easy for me.

Patience has helped me to listen and to encourage others in our community. In the process I have been encouraged by many.


Friday, February 19, 2010


I wasn't going to post today but when I read this quote today, I had to comment.

Fear of something is at the root of hate for others, and hate within will eventually destroy the hater.

~George Washington Carver

When I mused over this quote from the African American inventor, I thought about the vitriol spewed at and about us by those who hate us. Over the past few years the level of hatred against transgender people has increased now that we're more visible. Many transgender people have been injured or murdered just because of who we are. The suicide rate among transgender people is very high.

What hurts me the most is that much of this hatred is spewed from the pulpits of many of our churches. We're are called 'depraved', mentally ill, sin, predators, and other nasty things. When I read and study my bible, I know without a doubt that this is Wrong! If I ever preached that God loves and accepts us as we are, no doubt I would be villified and tossed out of the church.

I have seen hate literally destroy people. They die from within because they refuse to acknowledge their own blind raage. It is not a pretty sight at all. With what's happening in places like Uganda, Jamaica, and other countries, I will be researching more about transgender history and the role that the church played in the persecution of transgender people.

Dr. Carver's quote reminds me not to hate those who persecute us but to pray for them. I pray that God would open their minds and hearts to see the errors of their ways.



How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these.

~George Washington Carver, Black Inventor (1864-1943)

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Deserts Have Life

One misconception people may have about the desert is that there is no life. To the untrained eye, the surroundings is nothing more than a barren wasteland. A number of years ago, I drove through central and western Kansas and eastern Colorado. The topography of the land was sandy, dotted with sagebrush, tumbleweed, and oil wells. There is also animal life with coyote, foxes, toads, and other desert denizens.
Transgender people can be made to feel as if they are stranded in the desert. We may feel that our lives are empty, barren, and pointless. What I love about the desert is the many varieties of plant life. Despite the seemingly harsh environment these plant thrive and survive. We are also a diverse people who have thrived and survived some very harsh environments. Persecution from religious and medical institutions, from governments who seek our extinction, and people who deny us equality have not stamped us out.
There was a time when we were confined to the deserts of society. Yet, we thrived and survived. I wandered in the desert for 57 years and survived. When my trans identity broke through the soil, I was set free. During the time, I comprehended , struggled and perservered. When dry periods come, remember that there's much life in you ready to blossom.

Friday, February 12, 2010


Contrary to what you hear there's more life in the desert than you realize.

Deserts In Life

From time to time deserts come into my life. I appreciate these times because life slows down for me. I am reminded in Matthew 11:20 when the apostles returned from their preaching. Jesus encouraged them to come away from everything and rest a while. I imagaine that they were excited about all the good things that happened. Jesus also knew that they needed to rest and refuel. Sometimes I can be so busy that sooner or later I'll run out of gas.
One may feel that they've run out of ideas or words to say. If taken to extremes, people may think that what they do doesn't matter. In our fast paced society, resting is frowned upon . Your value is determined by meeting quotas, deadlines, and productivity. It can happen even in our gender dsicovery. We're excited about the discovery. We jump into every activity that we can. Then one day we crash. We ran out of gas. What happened we may ask.
In the nearly five years of my transgender journey, I have experienced many highs and a few lows. I have walked through lushed forests. I have trod through the deserts wondering where to go next. God reminds me that I need to come away awhile and rest.
At the present time I'm experiencing one of those dry periods. It may not look like there's much life in a desert but there is. We need to rest and quiet our spirits. Then we are able to hear God's voice. Everything that God does in our lives are for a purpose; even the deserts that we may trod upon.

Monday, February 08, 2010


When I came out as a cross dresser, I was liberated from what society says I’m suppose to be. I felt that I was completed as a transgender person.
There’s another liberation that I experienced many years earlier. When I confessed my sin to God, I asked Jesus to come into my heart. I was liberation from the control of sin and eternal damnation. During Jesus’ earthly ministry, He set people free from disease, blindness, despair, shame, fear of the future and religious dogma.
One of my concerns when I came out was how being transgender would affect my standing with Christ. He answered me one November day in an empty when He embraced me as His child who happens to be transgender. It was part of his plan for my life.
Liberation is more than being set free from physical circumstances that are unpleasant. Jesus came to liberate our spirits too. We may be free away from the things that bring distress and pain but are bound by shame, anger or bitterness. The inner turmoil from years of abuse may still paralyze us from living the life God has for us. I am reminded that it took nearly a century after independence for America to be free from the threat of attack from Britain.
Liberation means to we no longer need to be victims. As transgender and gender variant people, this can be a tall order. Long suppressed and demeaned by medical and religious institutions, we are rising up and declaring that we are God’s creation, too. We believe that God loves us as we are.
Transgender author Vanessa Sheridan states that liberation is an essential, perhaps the essential element of the gospel of Jesus Christ for human beings and certainly for differently gendered human beings. It’s the whole purpose of the gospel- to free us from sin’s shackles. Sheridan states further that ‘Seeking personal spiritual liberation through the good news of Jesus Christ will help us to accept our responsibilities and benefits as gender variant individuals, allowing us to more fully celebrate our transgender orientation and identity as the true blessings from God that they are .
We need not be ashamed of who we are. Christ has liberated us from the shackles of sin, shame, and despair. We have been liberated from society demands that we conform to something that we’re not.

Sheridan, Vanessa. Crossing Over: Liberating the Transgender Christian, p99.


Friday, February 05, 2010


Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed.

~Martin Luther King, Jr.

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Suicide A Concern In The Transgender Community

One of the concerns I have is the many transgender people who die by thier own hand. Two weeks ago, someone I had been corresponding with for about two years was involved in a murder-suicide. M* hung herself after stabbing her pastor to death.

I had seen M* transform from life as a male to that of a transsexual woman. She seemed happy that she moved forward. M* shared with me her passion for old movies, the Beatles, floral arrangements, and the 21 books she had written. M* had a dark side as the result of people taking advantage of her, being abused, and neglect by family. She was bitter against the government and those who wronged her.

M* said some things that were hurtful but I didn't abandon her. We were at the opposite end of the spectrum about some things but we connected somehow. Sadly over the last few months, M* spiraled downward. She had nightmares and was angry. She wished for death because not being able to live the life she desired was unbearable.

One of the issues that needs to be discussed is the many suicides that happen in the T-community. I suggested that at the next TDOR the names of deceased should be read. Those who ended their lives should also be honored for their contributions. What hurts about suicide is that it leaves many unanswered questions. Also we are robbed of the talent gifts and talents that they possessed.

M* wished that she and I could have gotten together for lunch but distance prevented this. I don't know if it would have prevented what she had in mind but I certainly do not judge her. In her last post, M* wondered if she would be missed. My answer is an emphatic YES!


Friday, January 29, 2010


What keeps me on the road is the prospect of discovering more about life.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

The Narrow Gate

A couple of weeks ago, we have a lesson on the seventh chapter of Matthew. We studied the whole chapter. Verses 13 and 14 have stuck in my mind.

Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.Matt. 7:13-14

These verses remind of the road that I trod on when I was coming to terms about my gender issues. Prior to 2000 I was traveling the same road as everybody else. Then suddenly I was nudged along to travel another path. No one else could do this for me. The trek was lonely, winding, challenging at times, and never ending. I was encountering new experiences. The further I traveled the more that life was becoming clearer. If I continued walking on the broad road, I would have been miserable. I was a mess internally and emotionally.

As the journey continued there were roads crossed, new discoveries, and more joy as I embraced what came my way. The biggest trial came this past May. The road become narrower and I hesitated. I could turn back but that wasn't a viable option. Finally, I did continue trekking on a narrower road. What happened was my migration from a crossdresser to a transsexual. I have never been happier in my life.

I am writing this piece in more detail for an online magazine. I will let you know when it is published.


Friday, January 22, 2010


It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end.

~Ursula K. LeGuin

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Finished Moving

I finished moving into a new place a few days ago, hence no new blog in ten days. Moving never is one of my favorite activities.

I will be posting again in the coming days. Have kept up with the email. Lots have been happening so I need the time to digest it all.