Monday, December 28, 2009

2009-Year In Review

Every year I set goals rather than make resolutions. I put a time table as to when I will achieve a specific goal. This past year events happened in my life that was unplanned for. I am the better for it.

I identified as a cross dresser at the beginning of the year. In May I sensed a migration away from the cross dresser spectrum. It was always my contention that my gender issues ran deeper than just wearing women’s clothing. I have crossed many roads in my journey but this marked the first time that I hesitated going across.

In June I identified myself as a transgenderist. I wear women’s clothing all the time at home. I viewed myself being between a crossdresser and transsexual. A year before I researched what a transgenderist is. I sensed that I may be headed in this direction and it did happen. I was comfortable as a transgenderist. I also shared transgender issues with my bible study
group in June. It helped others understand what it is to be transgender.

In September I attended a veterans meeting where I am a member. I was dressed as a male. The president of the group asked why I didn’t come dressed as Gennee. I had thought about a few days before. From that moment on I said
that I would go dressed as a female. It was confirmation to me that I am viewed as a transgender woman.
In November I marched in the Veteran’s Day parade. The spectators cheered and clapped and thanked us for our service to our country. It didn’t matter how I identified. I also attended a Transgender Day of Remembrance ceremony nine days later. I shared a few words to the one hundred plus people in the audience. I encouraged them to be themselves.

Another shift occurred in early December. I migrated off the middle ground to where I now view myself as a transsexual. I have maintained that I’m not going to have reassignment surgery or take hormones. Felt that way when I first came out and still feel that way now. I always felt a kinship to transsexuals and now I know that I am one.

I would sum up 2009 as a year that more of my real identity came out. Being transgender is more complex than just how society sees me. I pray that in 2010 more people will understand that.


Friday, December 25, 2009


There will be times when you will have to trek on the road all by yourself.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Seasons Greetings



Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Two Life Changing Events Happened This Year

While I didn't achieve some of my goals that were set, two events took place in my life. In June, I migrated closer to the transsexual spectrum. It was very subtle change but I l view myself more as a transsexual. I dress at least half the time in women's clothing. Some day it will be full time.

The second event was when I met with my veterans group in September. I usually come dressed as a male. The leader of the group asked why I didn't come dressed as Gennee? I had thought about it prior to the meeting. Ever since that day, I have gone dressed as Gennee. I also attended two wakes dressed. No one paid attention. My desire to live full time as a woman is growing.


Sunday, December 20, 2009

Journey To The Unknown

I imagine myself standing on a hill looking down at this creek. I bends and winds to areas not yet discovered. Earlier this year I migrated from CD/TV to TG/TS. A year and a half ago I sensed that I was a transgenderist. That premonition has come to pass. I saw myself as right in the middle at the time.
As the journey continues, I am beginning to move away from the center. The trek is taking me somewhere that I've never been . I wondered why I visited the places that influenced me as a young man. I was taken back to a vibrant and turbulent time in our city's history. Emotions have been wide and ranging. In one sense I was reflective and wistful. I was thankful, emotional, angry, proud, weepy, and challenged at many different junctures. I just believe that many of my emotions came more into focus.
I have always had a kinship to those who are regarded as outsiders by our society. I never knew how much this is part of me until this year. Maybe one of the reasons I came out so late is because I have been able to read between the lines of much of so-called 'conventional wisdom'. I have had the opportunity to share more about myself. I sense that from now on my life will move in a direction that will affect many people. I don't know why I'm saying this but it's what I feel in my heart.

Friday, December 18, 2009


If you wait for tomorrow, tomorrow comes. If you don't wait for tomorrow, tomorrow comes.

~Liberian saying

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Moving, Transgender Protections, Shifting Paradigm

I'm going to have to move soon. I'll need to put some things in storage then find a smaller place for my wife and me. Until I find a full time job I can do with less. I'm not disappointed because I want to move.

It was a good day for New York State as Governor Patterson signed a bill protecting transgender government employees. I'll know more later then I pass on the info. I was supposed to attend this event but I threw out my back last night. It feels better today.

I have the desire to dress female more of the time. I have mentioned shifting from CD/TV to TG/TS. I may not be too long before I consider myself a non-op transsexual. I don't know for sure because all of my changes have been subtle. When I started this journey I wondered where it would lead. Now I wonder where it will end.


Friday, December 11, 2009


Self-acceptance is the first step toward living an authentic life.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Be Who You Are

A motto that I share with people is be who you are. When I was adjusting to life as a gender variant person, it was a long and slow journey. I had to overcome my own fears and the supposed fear of what others thought about me. Then the day came when I was content and at peace with who I was. The feeling swept over me like a rushing wind.

What I find amazing is that this happened in my mid fifties. I was a caterpillar who was wrapped up in a cocoon. Then one day a butterfly emerged. There are many who are struggling to get out of their cocoons. This can be the hardest part. In life just when it seems the darkest, a light bursts forth. Butterflies add beauty to the universe. I strongly believe that we as gender variant individuals add beauty and diversity to the mosaic of life.


Monday, December 07, 2009


I was in Avenue department store today looking at the beautiful sweaters and blouses. I am looking for something to give my spouse for Christmas. Technically, I'm buying something for the both of us. When she wears a particular sweater, I'll wear the same article a few days later. I tell her that this is a lot easier on the budget. We haven't had any arguments about the same article of clothing (smile).

Last year my spouse gave me a red sweater for my gift. I was praying that she would get me something feminine. Was I surprised? I'm thankful that I have an accepting wife, even though she may not always comprehend my gender variance. I never imagined that we would be sharing sweaters, blouses and skirts. I chuckle to myself because life can really throw a few curves.


Friday, December 04, 2009


Be wary of those who justify their piety by infringing on the rights of others.

Thursday, December 03, 2009

Heard A Disturbing Program Today

I listened to a program on the internet talking about the popularity of Sarah Palin. When the people who like were asked what she stands for, the respondents were vague in their answers. When asked about what Palin would do on policies such as foreign policy, the respondents didn't have a clue. It's really sad that these people judged their love of Palin on peripheral qualities rather anything concrete or tangible.

This parallels what most people understand about ENDA, gay marriage, and transgender identity. Political correctness is the rule of the day rather than critical thinking. What concerns me is that if, for example, the country was taken over by some power that do not have our interests at heart most people would be shocked and appalled that it happened.

This post isn't about any political or religious affiliations. It's about how gullible people can be to unscrupulous politicians and leaders because they rather be told what to do rather than investigate what they are being sold. What's sadder is that I run into this every day and from people of all walks of life.

I make it a point to research what I read. After listening to this program today I'm making a more concerted effort to make sure the information is correct and accurate. Too many people are affected by the many lies, inaccuracies and lack of knowledge that's being pawned as fact. We transgender people have had some many lies told about us. It's about time that we go on the offensive and end all this nonsense.


Tuesday, December 01, 2009

World Aids Day

As I reflect on World Aids Day, there is still much stigma about the disease. Much of it, I fear, is borne out of ignorance and denial. Women, blacks, Latinos, Asians, and other minorities are still underserved when it comes to education and services. The government still would rather see this issue disappear but that is not possible because many people have been lost to AIDS.

What got me thinking about AIDS is seeing folks would lost friends/partners/family members still hurting after many years. Transgender people are much more devastated by AIDS than other groups.

As I reflect on this day, I pray that much will done to find a cure. Young people coming up need to be made aware of risky behavior. Most of all, the fact that AIDS affects ALL of us.


Friday, November 27, 2009


Share your story.

Be who you are.

Don't let others define who you are.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Be Thankful



Saturday, November 21, 2009

Transgender Day Of Remembrance

Last night I attended a vigil for Transgender Day of Remembrance. Over one hundred people attended. We marched around the block carrying candles and glowsticks. Some people on the street asked what the event was about. There was a couple of moments of silence after we completed the procession.There were a few speakers and a number of people from the audience spoke of their experiences. I spoke for a couple of minutes sharing my journey as a transgender person. I encouraged everyone to be who they are. Later on, a few folks thanked me for those encouraging words. I met a couple people that I remember from my days in a support meeting a couple of years back. We shared our experiences. One of the ladies is transitioning. I remember as a male crossdresser. One of the suggestions she had for next year is to read names of those killed. It makes the name of that person more personal. It important to attend events like these for solidarity and support.


Friday, November 20, 2009


Let us think highly of our brothers and sisters. Let us be concerned for their welfare.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

An Upcoming Essay About Liberation

I am currently writing an essay about liberation. It is a subject near and dear to me. Liberation is physical, emotional and spirtual relased from the the forces of oppresion. It may take time for the latter two because of years of suppression, denial, and repression.

While this is a popular word among LGBT folks, I believe liberation begins when we first accept who we are. I will post this essay when it is completed.


Friday, November 13, 2009


Standing up for what you believe takes courage, perserverance, and the willingness to be vulnerable to criticism.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Happy Veteran's Day

A happy Veteran's Day to all veterans. Today I marched in the annual parade here in NYC. It was my third time doing so. I wore my long denim skirt, sneakers, and red sweater. I marched with American Veterans for Equal Rights, a GLBT veterans group. It was the only such group in the parade.

As we marched up the avenue spectators clapped, cheered, and said 'thank you'. Their response to us is very encouraging for me. People were thankful for our service. Who we are didn't matter. It also shows why Don't Ask, Don't Tell is a worthless and destructive law. Many highly skilled men and women are being discharged because of who they are. The military will be the worse for it.


Friday, November 06, 2009


How can anyone say that they love all people then deny some of their rights?

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Approaching Another Threshold

Once again, I see that I'm approaching another crossroad. In my last post I mentioned that this is an active time for me. I have been inspired to write a couple of essays. One is about liberation and the other is about citizens voting to determine the civil rights of an oppressed group. Such has happen in Maine where the rights of lgbt were tossed by the curb. I don't know what lies ahead but I'm guessing that it may have something to do with these articles I'm considering.


Monday, November 02, 2009

Active Months Ahead

November and December are traditionally active months for me. While there are activities to attend, it also a time of reflection. This year is different because of the changes that have happened to me personally.

I will be marching in the Veterans Day parade on November 11th. It will be my third time doing so. It's important that transgender veterans are honored and remembered for their service. This year the group may have a float. November 20th will be the Transgender Day of Remembrance. I make it a point to attend because it's important that we encourage and support one another. I am considering speaking at the event.

I mentioned months earlier that I have transitioned from CD/TG to TG/TS. With the passage of the hate crimes bill, I see the need to become even more involved. I'm just trying to figure out where. There have been several attacks against GLBT people here but I'm not going to let that deter me from the things that need to be done. I am also weighing doing another interview. Wha is driving me is the need to educate others and to live openly. A tall order but I'm willing to do it.


Friday, October 30, 2009


Whenever the Creator gives you a burden, the Creator also gives you a blessing, a way to carry the burden.

~ old Lakota saying

Gender as Sacred

I'm reading article in Transgender Tapestry magazine titled Native-American Spirituality: Understanding Gender as Sacred. Doctor Kenneth Dollarhide of Kean University states that the idea of writing this paper came out of reading books, articles, lectures and talks. Transgender and non transgender people were part of the information.

Having Native-American blood in my ancestry, I took an interest in this article. The European-American view and the Native-American view of gender and sex is quite different. The former is rigid and scientific while the latter is diverse and fluid. Being trans, I know this to be true. There are days that I experience so many expressions.

Before the influence of European culture, third and fourth sexes were generally accepted as a norm. Two-spirit people (as it is called today) were looked upon as people with special gifts. I see being transgender as a gift because it is a natural part of my being. I never chose it, it was in-born.

I am still reading and studying the article. Another installment will be in the next issue of Transgender Tapestry. In the next few posts I will discuss what conclusions I come away with. I will be investigating two spirit in my tribe (Choctaw). From what I see, my Native-American ancestors view of gender and sex is more in line with the Creator.


Article: Dollarhide, Kenneth Native American Spirituality: Understanding Gender As Sacred. Transgender Tapestry, Issue #115, pp. 33-36.

Friday, October 23, 2009


By being out in public, I believe that people are being educated.

My Testimony

All my life I felt that I was different. I never knew why I felt that way but I did. I was brought in a secure loving home so I always felt accepted and loved.

Growing up I did typical male things. I played sports, hang out with my buddies, and talked about girls. Though I did have a few close friends, there was always that feeling of disconnect. I didn't feel that I belong. As my life moved forward the feelings of difference never troubled me that much because there was plenty of things that kept me busy. I graduated from junior college and served in the army. I became a Christian while in the service. It was the best decision I ever made.I married in 1980, became involved with church activities, and lived life as your typical married man.

When the 21st century came, my gender issues became more intense and confusing. I wouId get angry but didn't know why I did. I still didn't tie my dissatisfaction with my gender. I always envisioned myself as performing some great achievement.

In 2005, I began to crossdress. When I admitted that I was a crossdresser, I discovered that I was also transgender. I chose to embrace who I was now was. All the inner turmoil dissipated. I felt completed and liberated.Two important things happened to me. The first is God confirmed to me that he loved and accepted me as a transgender person. The second was that my family accepted that I was transgender.

While I enjoyed my new identity, I felt that being transgender ran much deeper than clothing. I met other transgender people I read and studied about transgender issues. I began to see the spiritual needs of the transgender community. I know of three lesbians who were dismissed by their church because of their sexual orientation. Many believe that God hates him. This disturbs me greatly because church is the one place that a world weary soul should be able to find rest.

I see myself as a transgender woman. God loves me as He always has. What He has done is introduced me to a family I never knew I had. Praise Him.


Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Shared Testimony on Two Websites

I posted my testimony on two sites that I'm a member of. I have the chance to educate more people about transgender people. One other opportunity presented to me fell through. Seems like opportunities to share are coming up here and there. This is one of the ways I believe that I can contribute to transgender people getting equal rights.


Saturday, October 17, 2009

Two Bills Affecting Transgender People Vetoed

Deeming them as 'unnecessary', CA. Governor Arnold Schwartzenegger saw fit to veto two that affect transgender people. I was appalled by this because transgender people are much more likely to be victimized in prisons. I find it striking that while California transgender people cannot change their documents to reflect their new identity, Brazil just made it easier for transgender people can change their documents. Go figure.


Friday, October 16, 2009


There's no shame in being who you are and living the way you were meant to.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

More Attacks

Attacks against LGBT people have become more frequent. Last month, two transgender women were attacked in Queens. A gay man lies in a coma, the result of being kicked and beaten by two men. They have been apprehended.

Though I am concerned I am not afraid. As our issues are more into the public arena it's no surprise that there will be those who don't want us to have equality. All over the country and the world LGBT people have been active and working to secure our rights. It is so important that we remain vigilent. In the last post I mentioned two opportunities presented to me. I believe what ever we can do will help in our struggle.


Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Two Great Opportunities

I have been presented with two opportunities to share about my transgender experience. One of the parties is going to call me tomorrow about a possible interview and story. There's a few details to be worked out. The other opportunity is to share my story on their website. I really look forward to these opportunities.


Monday, October 12, 2009

Back In Business

I am waiting for some reports about the march in Washington. I know at least one person who did go. I am considering doing an interview and story about being a transgender veteran. The drawback is that I may have to use my male name. Couple that with the fact that I'm out to only a few people. I will need to give the people my decision by Wednesday.

There is a lot happening i the transgender community. I was reading where in Ohio it is easier to change sex on licenses. There's been so much going on that I have to catch up on many things. My computer was out for ten days and I just got it back up on Saturday.

I am also considering studying for my master's degree. At first I was deciding between adult and childhood education. Now gender studies and creative writing have been thrown into the mix. It's a huge choice I have to make.


Friday, October 09, 2009


Always have a positive attitude.

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

More Than Gender and Sexuality

I have been editing my testimony of coming out. It's amazing how many events took place before, during and after coming out. The depth of the changes in my life is truly amazing. It hasn't been stressful by any stretch. In fact, I enjoy sharing it with in hopes that it will encourage someone.

Many changes are happening in our community all across the world. I want to be a part of the change. As I get older I have become involved with many causes and issues. Looking back I think my getting involved in something goes back to 1975 when I volunteered to usher at my local church. It was nice to be fed from the preaching but I wanted to put my energy and compassion into action.

Coming out is not only about gender and sexuality. To me, it's involving myself in someone else life or a cause for the betterment of others. I'm sure many of you have discovered talents and abilities you may not have known you possessed. I remember when I joined a grassroots organization, one of the tasks was calling volunteers on the phone. Normally I would have freaked out at such a prospect. When I proceded to make the calls I felt a connection with the people I spoke with. Many expressed heart felt appreciation that I called them back.

My point is don't sell yourself short. There's always someone who could use an encouraging word. How many of you came out of your shells when you touched someone else's life? Coming out does take courage, risk, and resolve that you can make a difference.


Friday, October 02, 2009


Everything that we have gone through in our lives has prepared us for the very moment that we are in right now.

Thursday, October 01, 2009

Busy, Busy

I have been busy with personal business and my computer went kaput. I'm posting this from a computer in the library. Hope to have my computer soon.

I wrote my testimony of my coming out. I'm reading it and rereading it. I may post it here. It's amazing that it's been over four years since that wonderful July day. Have also written some prose. It's not my strength but I do enjoy writing it.

I have been reading responses of those who oppose ENDA and same-sex mariage. I long believe that if someone can present compelling and solid information as to why these laws shouldn't be passed, I wish that they would do so without any preconceived notions. Unfortunately, that is not the case. There is NO reason that a group of people should be second class citizens-just because of who they are. It has become more personal to me because of the affects I've seen on people. Am I am tired of people using the bible and religion to justify their prejudices. This is something that I'm refuting right now.


Friday, September 25, 2009


Affirmation by the family will give gender variant young people a solid rock in which they can stand on.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Exciting Journey

I was reading a post today from someone who feels more comfortable with the feminine side. I was so pleased when she said that and commented on it. Self-acceptance is a very liberating experience. I don't know if my CD sister had struggles with accepting herself but the fact that she is now comfortable with the feminine is a big step.

I still get excited when I hear of someone coming to terms with who they are. I remember the day when I came out and how liberating it was. Coming out is a personal matter that each individual has decide for his/herself. It is just the start of the journey. Adventures, trials, and discoveries await us.


Friday, September 18, 2009


Fill your mind with pleasant thoughts.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Dinner out

Last night I dined out with a friend at a local diner. We were discussing transgenderism and transsexualism in the bible. He wanted to get some feedback from about it. He is writing a paper about it. I did share that God loves us and that transness is in-born. My gay friend and I share many things in common; above all that we love God and the GLBT community.

My desire to share with others about transgenderism is growing stronger, especially in the religious and evangelical institutions. I think that writing is one calling that I have. Have loved it since I was sixteen. I will be writing my testimony about my coming out.


Monday, September 14, 2009

Will Be Going To Future Vets Meetings As Gennee

Yesterday, I attended a meeting of my veterans group. The group is an LGBT veteran group. I was also elected treasurer. I also came dressed in drab. They have seen me dressed as Gennee. Well when I came to the meeting the president asked how come I wasn't dressed? I had thought about it but wasn't sure. After hearing his lament, I have decided that from now on I'm going as Gennee.

I believe that this is the confirmation of what happened to me earlier in the year. I am presenting myself as a transgender woman almost regularly. This is how I feel about myself and what I am expressing. I have had two talks with my spouse in the past month and a third one is upcoming. She may not always understand but she is accepting of it to a point. I'm thankful for that.


Friday, September 11, 2009


Life does throw some curves. It's how we handle them.


Hard to believe that it's the eighth anniversary of that fateful Tuesday morning. How we live life has changed forever. I was supposed to have been in the first tower that was hit at precisely the same time. I was delayed because I needed some equipment. After both towers fell, this event is forever eched into my conscience.

Today we pause to remember those who were lost. Let's remember the unsung heroes who helped however they could. Let's pray that nothing like this ever happens again.


Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Mid Week Inspiration

No matter what others may say about you know this: Always be yourself and let no one put you down.

Friday, September 04, 2009


Be who you are. Let no one define who you are. Be happy about
who you are.

Is It Jealousy? Part 2

When it was revealed to me that I was a crossdresser I had the choice to deny that I was one or embrace it. After several weeks of being in denial, I finally embraced who I was. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made. I have been liberated, completed, and at peace.

I was now part of a group of people that I knew practically nothing about. Now I see that this was a part of God's plan for me. I love transgender people with all my heart. I am reaching out anyway I can and sharing that God loves us as we are.

Another area of my life that has changed is the way I study scripture. I mentioned in the last post that the bible has been used to discriminate against us. Certain scriptures are used to justify that discrimination. This erroneous assumption has made me study and delve into what scripture actually means. Factors such as the messenger, the people spoken to, and the religious and social climate are a few things that MUST be taken into consideration. Also with science, psychology, and archaeology, so much more is known about gender identity, genetics, hormones, etc.

It was once said that Christianity is a thinking person's religion, and it is. Blanket statements do not answer the complex questions people ask today. Scripture says nothing against transgenderism, homosexuality, and lesbianism. I know that you CAN be transgender and Christian. I have seen God's hand in the lives of gay, lesbian, bi, and queer people also.

I don't hate those who are against us. I just pray that those folks in these camps would acknowledge who they are and that God loves them that way. The self loathing will give way to real liberation and peace.


Thursday, September 03, 2009

Is It Jealousy?

I red an article the other day about a 'pastor' who believes that gay and lesbian people should be killed. I'm pretty he feels the same about transgender folks, too. He's concerned about homosexuals recruiting children ( a big lie). As you have probably heard many transphobes are worried that we will attack their children if transgender people are allowed to use the bathroom according to their gender (another big lie).

I was thinking tonight and wonder if anti-lgbt groups are jealous of us? I have learned that the people who are the most vehement about denying us our rights (see Ted Haggard) are often struggling with the same issue. Why? Is it that we have chosen to live authenticly? Is it that we are making our presence felt in the political and social arenas? Is it that many of the myths many people have about transgender people are being broken down? Are they jealous that we will not hide or be ashamed anymore?

Jealousy can make people do irrational things. Sadly, many don't know why they hate us. Whenever one says the bible says it's wrong, I would ask 'show me'. I'm crazy like that I guess. The bible has been used to justified many things that are dead wrong. I'm a Christian who reads and studies scripture. One thing is consistent; God loves everyone no matter who they are. Any one who calls themseves 'Christians' and discriminates against a group of people need to examine their faith and if they are following Jesus' example.

To be continued.....


Friday, August 28, 2009


More than recognition, wealth, or influence, I just want to make a difference in someone's life.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Another Talk With Spouse

Last night I shared more things about being transgender with my wife. It was a conversation that was coming up because she sees me dressed much more often. I was telling her that many transgender folks have known they were this way as children. I mentioned again my feelings of being different throughout my life. She listened intently as she tried to understand what I was saying.

I also shared with her that I can be transgender and Christian. It's my prayer that transgender people will take into account their spiritual condition. I do enjoy having these discussions because it helps her to see what it is to be transgender.


Mid Week Inspiration

You know, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender - people are people.

~Judith Light

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Peace In The Garden

Since declaring myself a transgenderist, I'm totally at peace with my identity. I have been in a comtemplative mood a few times also. I have returned to places that influenced me in my young adult days. My being transgender has made me more aware of even the simplest things. I'm not taking much for granted anymore.

In 1969, the greatest rock concert in history took place on an upstate New York farm. Woodstock is fondly remember by those who attended the rain soaked event on that August weekend. It was also a time when nearly 500,000 people from all over the world gathered together in peace, love, and fellowship. With the shortage of provisions and inadequate security there were only two deaths. People were in tune with the vibes and music of that glorious weekend.

You may be asking what this has to do with my being a transgenderist? I have found that garden of Eden in places which perhaps I took for granted. An empty church, a river side park and a courtyard have reminded me that I need to get away from all the noise and confusion. It has made a difference. There are many people weary from the cares of daily life. Transgender people are battered around with more venom because we choose to be who we are.

Remember to appreciate what you have. take time and reflect on how far you have. Never minimize anything that happens because there's a purpose in it. Take nothing for granted.


Friday, August 21, 2009


Whatever act, large or small, contributes to the transgender commuity in ways we may not think it does.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Memorial Service

Today I attended a memorial service in support of a friend who lost his partner. It was interesting in that family, friends, colleagues, and former students share their remembrances of Roger, a man who so affected their lives. I didn't know Roger personally but, after the service, I wish I had met him.

Some of Roger's experiences mirrored mine. There were two items that where on target. One, he had changed. Possibily Roger was coming to grips with his sexuality. Similarly, I came to grips with my gender identity which I have embraced.

The second was that while the world was changing, Roger remained the same caring, nuturing individual to his students. This man loved to teach. When health reasons forced Roger to resign I sensed that life for him wasn't the same.
Looking at it, I changed and yet I haven't changed. Yes, I'm living as a gender-variant individual. No, I keep reminiscing back to my young adulthood when the events that happened shaped me as a person. While some may be into the latest gadgets and fads, I still get much joy over absorbing the serenity in an empty church or a quiet walk in the park. Though I may attain many honors and achievements, I never want to lose the child like curiousity.

I desire to be a caring, loving, and nurturing person like Roger. I may not be hip or cool or fashionable but want to make a difference in people's lives. To me this is what life is about.


Friday, August 14, 2009


Encouragement is like a buoy; it can keep someone from being
swallowed up by despair and defeat.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Living an Open and Genuine Life

Reconciling my faith and gender identity was easy for me. I believed that God had created me this way. For many TGLB men and women this can be a torchorous ordeal. This past Tuesday a young man came to our bible study confused about how to be a Christian and live an authentic life as a gay person. Some of you may have been faced with this choice.

When I came out as transgender many of my ideas about gender and sexuality were turned upside down. I do believe that our sexuality and gender identity are inborn. I am a born again Chirstian who is transgender. When the bible is used to bash TGLB people I have to speak out. When anything is used to demean others I have to speak out.

We have every right to live our lives as anyone else. We have chosen to live our lives openly. I've chosen to be who I am regardless of what society thinks or says. I don't have to defend to anyone why I am the way I am. I have written a couple af articles about this very topic. One will be published in an online magazine next month. I'll let you know when it comes out.


Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Ken Zucker Discusses Reparative Therapy On Gender-Variant Children

When I read this article I was great disturbed. Zucker is also well received in the ex-gay movement. It's no telling how many lives have bee ruined by these so-called 'cures'. The link is posted below.

Friday, August 07, 2009


I have been blessed most by folks who are nameless, lowly, or humble.

Thursday, August 06, 2009

Crossdressing Sister Reminds Me of My First Time Out

I saw a crossdresser sister today as I came out of the Goodwill store. She was a tall black woman with long locks, large hands and easy gait. She wore a long green skirt and a shawl draped her shoulders.

Seeing her reminded me of my first time out in public as a crossdresser. Those were some tentative steps to liberation but thankfully I have journeyed on. Later on, I wonder if I should have spoken to her and encourage her to be herself. My heart was joyful in that she has chosen to express her true self.

Whenever I read about someone coming out or going out crossdressed in public for the first time, my heart is thrilled. I encourage them to be themselves and to embrace all that they can. Each one of us is on a journey. We will discover many aspects of our lives that we may have never known previously. In four years I have journeyed from CD/TG to TG/TS. I never dreamed that transsexuality would be a part of my core.

Thinking about it, I am becoming the person I was meant to be. I believe that ever since I let go of the reigns, I've embraced all the wonderful experiences waiting for me. I pray that my crossdressing sister will do the same.


Monday, August 03, 2009

Special RIghts

One of the operatives of anti-transgender groups is that we want 'special rights'. I have thought about this buzz word for a while. I can speak from the perspective of a minority person because I'm sure this idea was in vogue when African Americans were struggling for equality.

Why is wanting life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness a 'special right'. Isn't this guaranteed by the Declaration of Independence? Or is it only for those who represent the 'ideals' of what society is suppose to be. Ideals are subjective and can be different from person to person. Whoever doesn't meet those ideals are shunned, ignored, or made to feel insignificant. Maybe that's why have many young women who are anorexic or bulimic; trying to attain an ideal that very few can.

I make it a habit of reading the constitution at least once a year. I read the bible every day. Every man, woman and child is precious in his sight and I feel the same way. At times, I wish I could stand in front of these bigots and tell them about themselves and their hypocritical logic. We just want to be treated equally. the next time someone squawks about 'special rights' I must respond. This is an argument we wouldn't be having if they did the right thing.


Friday, July 31, 2009


There is no road that doesn't lead to somewhere. However, we may discover something we have never seen before.


Thursday, July 30, 2009


In baseball, it is known that if you can't hit the curve ball, you may have some difficulty hitting for a high average. When I made an aborted tryout in pro baseball, it was a curve ball from the pitcher that convinced me that my dream was over.

Another curve was throw my way when I discovered that I was a transgender person. I was confused, shocked, and afraid. I didn't know where this revelation would lead. Jesus' ministry threw curves at a rigid and staid religious hierarchy. He demonstrated another way where all people were accepted.

If would be easier if life moved in a linear pattern. Then the question comes up as to what do we do when our lives go off track? Does it mean we are going in the wrong direction? could it mean the loss of possessions? Could it be a change in our philosophy about life? Change is going to happen. It's how we handle those changes that come.

Never in my life did I imagine that being transgender would be part of the plan for my life. Curves can be a blessing if we can see the bigger picture. Perhaps there is something we need to experience and learn before we continue on our journey. Perhaps there is someone who needs to see that we are willing to embrace the changes that come and profit from it. I'm positive that many struggling folks have been blessed by others who are willing to live their lives openly.

In baseball, the batter needs patience and discipline in order to hit a curve ball. Overanxiousness will cause him to swing at a bad pitch. Changes need not cause anxiety but an opportunity to see what good thing may be in store for us.


Sunday, July 26, 2009


Four years ago on this date I came out as transgender and a crossdresser. It was a liberating moment which ended the many years of inner turmoil I had about my worth. The last four years have seen much growth and change in me especially on the emotional side.

Each year has been different. The first year was invested in getting comfortable in my new identity. The second year saw me throw off the baggage society puts on transgender people's shoulders. The Third year was one getting to know other people in the TGLB communit and understanding the issues that are important to us.

This past year saw a major change in my life. I previously identified as a CD/TG. In June, I realized that I was more identified as TG/TS (somewhere between a crossdresser and transsexual). I feel very comfortable where I am now. Where will this journey lead next I don't know. However, as I did coming out I will embrace whatever life has in store for me.

I have never been happier in my life. Above all, I have met so many great people on this journey. I found a family I never knew I had and I'm so thankful.


Friday, July 24, 2009


This happiness consisted of nothing else but the harmony of the few things around me with my own existence, a feeling of contentment and well-being that needed no changes and no intensification.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009


I'm still on down time and assessing where things are. Though the pink fog isn't as thick as usual, it has been a good time to relax. I am a quiet and intense person who needs to step back a while.

I'm reading a couple of books now. One is a book of selected poems by Paul Laurence Dunbar. I'm doing a research project about his life and work. I read some of his poems a year or two ago. The second book is by John G. Stackhouse titled Finally Feminist. I'm taking some notes because this book is very involved.


Sunday, July 19, 2009


I have traveled along many roads.
Some were smooth and straight;
Others were crooked.
Some roads were winding and wooded;
Others were barren and empty.
Each road brought me somewhere


Friday, July 17, 2009


At every stage of our lives, God can use our talents to seve others.

~Raymond Bottom

This thought has blessed me throughout my life and continues to do so.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Your Life Counts

Yesterday, I read these words from a devotional : At every stage of our lives, God can use our talents to serve others (Raymond Bottom). I have long held the belief that each stage of our lives are to be cherished, developed and used to help others.

I have enjoyed every stage of my life. I enjoyed my childhood. I relished the teen years. I matured as a young adult. I enjoyed life as a single person. I love being married and a father. I came out as a transgender person in my fifties. It was only a few weeks ago that, at age sixty, I declared myself a transgenderist. Yes, each stage had its ups and downs but I wouldn't be the person that I am if I hadn't gone through them.

There may be someone reading this post who feels that their lives don't matter. The may feel that their contributions mean little. YES IT DOES! Ten years ago I stated in a tutorial education course that the best years of my life are ahead of me. I was fifty years old at the time. I still believe it now.

Maybe physical impairments due to aging don't allow you to do some things, but there are things you can do in spite of those impairments. I encourage you to keep seeking, keep dreaming, and never believe that you aren't important because you are.


Friday, July 10, 2009

Time OF Reflection

I have been in a reflective mood the past few weeks. Moving away from all the action, a place of rest has been prepared for me. I have been reading much about transgender happenings an achievements and struggles. Now I'm trying to see where I fit at this point in my life.

It seems that many great men and women are people of reflection. They assess, reassess, discuss, make changes, and carry on. They aren't married to one particular way of achieving their goals. I beleive folks who reflect are better able to see the whole picture.

When I started on my journey as a crossdresser and transgender person, I've always felt a special kinship with transsexuals. Now that I've moved much closer to this identity I better understand some of the events that happen in their lives. I remember when I attended a support group meeting a few years ago. I came out as a crossdresser to the group. After the meeting a transsexual woman asked me if I was going to transition. I told her no. Then she said 'you never know'. Reflecting on those words she was right. I have transitioned!



Reflection is a time to see how much we're blessed and far we have traveled on our journey.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

July My Month of Independence

America finished with the 4th of July festivities a few days ago. Four years I celebrated my independence by caming out as transgender and a crossdresser. I am a transgenderist today (TG/TS). It was one of the most liberating events of my life. I will share my testimony of my coming on the 26th.

TGLB folks are working to secure their independence from oppression, discrimination, and fear. Much has been accomplished, much more needs to be done. I have wondered why I came when I did (in my mid fifties)? I never had associated with the community up until I came out. In just the short time I have been out I have read, heard and seen how people's lives have been affected by destructive paradigms and laws. This has to change.

I am out in public constantly because I hope to educate the public that we exist. I refuse to be a victim because I have the same right to be myself as anybody else. It's amazing what happens when you decide to take a stand. Every crossroad I walked on has taken me to new horizons. This journey has revealed strengths inside of me I never knew were in me.

As I continue the trek, I will encounter new experiences. I welcome any thing that comes my way. If it will help someone else in their journey, then it's worth it.


Saturday, July 04, 2009

The Jordan Crossing

Like the person in the photo, I am wondering what new lands will beckons. This isn't about new continents or oceans but another place in my journey. Just like the early explorers, I don't know what I will discover. There's excitement, expectation, and anticipation.

What I find is the absense of fear. This journey was laid out for me long before I was born. Friends and family can support you but there come a time when you have to go by yourself.


Friday, July 03, 2009


I don't need to go around defending who I am. God made no mistake creating me the way I am.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Stepping Back

With the pride parade here in New York history, I imagine that some people are experiencing a bit of a letdown. April, May, and June were months of discovery and decisions for me personally. I having a down period at present. Haven't had one in a while. I do welcome it because it allows me to take a couple of steps back.

I've always been a person of introspection. I never was one to make fast decisions but when I make up my mind to do something I follow through. At times, I wonder where this journey will lead me? I've traveled farther than I could have imagined. Now, I'm taking the time to assess where I want to go next.

I will share my story on July 25th or 26th on the 4th anniversary of my coming out. Quite possibly I will may have crossed another road by then. To me, this is what pride is: being able to see how far we've come and where we need to go.


Friday, June 26, 2009

Sense Of Belonging

Today I was in the East Village strolling through the neighborhood. I purchased a beverage at a corner grocery store. The SA said "thank you, Ma'am" after the purchase. The more I reflect on the years I have been coming here the more I wonder if really belong here.

My desire to dress more is stronger than ever. My spouse said to me this morning that I would rather dress as a woman than as a man. She is right in her assessment. I do have to keep her in mind because I'm committed to our marriage. It may be the time to talk with her again about some changes that have happened to me in recent weeks. I consider myself to be a transgenderist. I am somewhere between a crossdresser and a transsexual. This is more my state of mind rather than the idea of adding another label to myself. Labels don't define me and I don't really believe they are accurate all the time.

I amazed that the more I discover about others, the more it relates to me. I have embraced my being transgender, therefore, it seems that I have embraced LGBTQQI people as a whole. I feel closer to them than I do my own family at times. I often feel a kinship to folks who are seem to be on the perifery of so called normal society. Perhaps it's because I am an outsider, too.

Many people who have enriched my life have been people who are labeled to be 'different'. I think it's that they are being who they really are. Liberation can free folks from the chains of society's emotional and social oppression. Coming out did that for me. Now I desire to encourage others that they don't have to let others bind them with their negativity and disapproval.