Monday, April 27, 2009

Life's Missed Opportunities

Have you ever wondered how your life would be if everything worked out the way you hoped it would? We all have things that if given another change, we would do it differently. 

I have few regrets in my nearly over  61 years of life. Wish that I was wealthy and change some of my misdeeds but all in all I am happy with my life. A friend of mine lamented over someone she loved 40 years ago. She still regrets this missed opportunity to spend life with this person. 

Looking back on my life, I'm grateful for some of the experiences I went through. Some of them may not have been pleasant but I wouldn't be the person I am now if I haven't had these experiences. I was happy as a child, as a teen and young adult. I was happy when I was single. I am a happy husband and father. I am happy that I served in the military. I am happy that I am a Christian. I am happy as a transgender person and crossdresser.

I write this blog because there may be someone here who is bitter, angry, or disappointed with their lives. There's nothing you can do about the past but you can do something about the future. It's true that we transgender foks are going through a lot but I'm happy to be living at a time when changes are happening for the better. I have learned to forgive those who have wronged me or someone I know. I desire to be someone who uplifts and encourages others.

My friends, be encouraged and see the many opportunities ahead. 


Friday, April 24, 2009


If you have a kind word to say to someone, make it a point to tell them.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009


I have begun to take an interest in the bisexual community. Bisexual and transgender people are not always held in high regard among some of our gay and lesbian peeps.  I have heard bisexuals described as confused, playing both sides, or undecided. Transgender people have been call masqueraders, fake or wanna-be women, or perverts.  

One gripe I have is the idea that you have to fit into a particular box in order to be accepted. People need to be respected and accepted for who they are! I would think that GL folks would be beyond this since they suffered the same discrimination that bisexual and transgender people have. Guess I was wrong.

The opposition loves to see gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgender people fight amongst ourselves (the old divide-and-conquer routine). Anyway, I am looking to cultivate friendships among my bisexual brethren. Though we have different issues, there are many things we share in common. I'm attempting to do the same with intersex, gender loving, and gender variant people. 

We need to support one another because we only have each other for the most part. I may not always agree with everything they do but I do support their efforts. Above all, I respect them for who they are. 



Friday, April 17, 2009

Giving A Talk in June

I will be giving a talk with my bible study group in June about what it is to be transgender and a crossdresser. I was asked several months back to share my story. I have decided to do so. Currently, I am doing research about transgender and crossdressing from a biblical perspective. I'm looking forward to doing this.



Some of the most important work is often done behind the scenes.

Poem from A Friend

I read a poem from a friend I met on another forum. I think it speaks to many of us.

***The Nurse***
You watched me stop your son's bleeding;
You were glad for me to do your daughter's tube feeding;
You begged me to save your significant other;
You pleaded for me to relieve the pain of a dying mother;
You said my work with the aged shows compassion;
You said all humanity should work in this fashion;

---Last night---
You saw me and a person eating dinner out;
You told your friends what my day had been about;
You knew me then with a show of gratitude;
You were thrilled with my caring attitude;
Then you saw me gently hold the hand of my lover;
Now showing hate and disdain your smile could not cover;

You told your friends and their brothers;
The story grew as they told more and others;
The feelings of fear and betrayal and rage;
Continued to grow as the story passed through the day;
Someone said "a call to arms is what we need";
Then fear and contempt turned from words to deeds;

They arrive, in the dark, at my door;
With sticks and clubs and fists they beat me to the floor;
As blood spills and splatters and consciousness lags;
I hear the words queer, homo, lesbian, and fag;
I pray for an end to the torture, suffering, and pain;
To continue to breathe I have nothing left to gain;

You attend the service out of social obligation and morbid fascination;
After all I was a member of every school, church, and social organization;
Your child said "They only killed a queer, it could be worse";
My child said "That queer was my mother and your nurse";
You have taught your sons and daughters well;
You have taught them to hate and kill and condemn to hell;

Kat(Copyright, L. K. Jackson, 2007)

Monday, April 13, 2009

Can't Go Back

Many states are considering whether to pass anti-discrimination laws. Iowa and Vermont have passed marriage equality laws. The latter reversed itself regarding protections for transgender people. South Dakota, North Dakota, Illinois, Rhode Island,Connecticut,and Maryland are considering whether to pass marriage equality/anti-discrimination laws.

The one constant in all this is the ignorance of the opponents in regards to the lives of transgender people. We are equated to being perverts who prey on children and women in public bathrooms. Since when was this a bathroom issue? Once again lies and inuendo is being spread to confuse the public. What annoys me is when the opposition says being transgender is a choice.

Over the past few weeks I have mulled over where my journey will lead next. I have some tough decisions to make and they will be made. I have met gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and queer folks who are struggling with coming out, shame, harassment, bullying, and acceptance. To say that sexual orientation and gender identity is a choice is insulting and demeaning, in my opinion.

The attacks by our opponents are becoming more vicious. One of the decisions I have made is to educate others about what it is to be transgender. I never made the choice to be transgender. It was something that was in-born and no one can tell me not to be who I am.

I am a Christian and the plight of lgbt people has compelled me to study what the bible really says about us. I am convinced that God loves us as we are.

I am happy that progress is being made but I'll be even more happy if those we educate will see us as people who have dreams, talents, creativity and love.


Friday, April 10, 2009


There comes a time when you have to cast fear aside and march triumphantly and couurageously toward the next horizon.

Thursday, April 09, 2009


Last night, I was reading read a thread posting from a transsister on another forum. She testified of her growing up and knowing that she was different. All throughout her life fear of losing friends, family, and livelihood dogged her. Everyone telling her that there was something wrong with her became an albatross around her neck.

Reflecting on her story, parts of my life are similar to hers. I always felt that I was different. I never voiced this to my family or friends but I felt that way. While S* wants to transition, I have no intentions of doing this. That matters little when I see how much she has suffered throughout her life.

This fear is real because we could lose all that has meaning to us. I am a crossdresser but I am wary of those who hate me and want to hurt me. I had a choice of denying my identity or living openly (as much as possible). I chose the latter. I think of the many transgender men, women, and youth who live in fear because others cannot accept them for who they are. I am thankful for an accepting spouse but I know many have lost everything.

I mentioned in my last blog that I have come upon a crossroad that I know will take me beyond what I have experienced to this point. When I read S's* story I am humbled by her honesty and her desire to be free from other people's negativity. I recognize that fear of the unknown can stop me cold from continuing the journey. I know that I can never return from where I came.

In due time, I will cross this threshhold. There are many folks like S* who need encouragement, acceptance, and love. They need to know that there's nothing wrong with them. They were created this way because there's a greater purpose in this. I know this because God accepted me as I am- a transgender crossdresser.


S*-letter is used to protect her identity

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Crossroad of a Different Nature

I am coming up to another crossroads in my journey. Unlike the roads I have crossed before, this is one I have some trepidation about. Two opportunities to speak about what it is to be transgender have come up. One is to my bible fellowship. That one I will do. The other one is to do a photo session with a photojournalist. I will also discuss what it is to be a transgender veteran. I'm about 50-50 with this opportunity.

My journey has taken me to the point that I want to spend more time living as a woman. I always knew that I would come to this point because crossdressing is not a neutral activity. It's a life altering activity which has opened caverns within my being. There's so much still to be discovered.

I was born and socialized as a male but I wonder now if I ever was a man. What I desire is be myself. I thank God that I have an accepting spouse. She may not understand why I'm this way but she allows me to be who I am. In the past four years I've never been happier.

So as I approach this new territory, I am weighing my options. I will think long and hard about some decisions that need addressing. I know that I can never go back which is something that I will not do.


Friday, April 03, 2009


A community is like a ship-everyone ought to be prepared to take the helm.

~Henrik Ibsen

Back In Commission

I haven't posted in a week (long time for me) because I reaggravated an old injury. I strained my back and my quad. I put a wrap on my leg to keep the muscle tight. Feels better than it did when I first injured it. I had a similar injury fifteen years ago after jogging on a treadmill. Haven't been on one since.

It comes at a bad time too. I'm looking for a job and a another place to live (less expensive). I'll rest this weekend and hit the streets on Monday.