Not knowing why I believed that I was different troubled me for a long time. Now twenty plus years later, I am comfortable with the person that I am.
With pride week in full swing I am reminded of the struggles I had. The near blow-ups, confusion, the darkness I experienced. I am reminded of the little steps that I took seeking answers to why I believed that I was different.
I remember the feeling I had when I first tried on women's clothes. What surprised me was that I felt no guilt or shame. My wife found my clothes while I was at work. Five hours later, I had probably the toughest conversation ever. She didn't understand but was willing to go with me. I was more concerned about our marriage ending.
I had to educate her and myself. I encouraged her to ask me any questions she had. Support group meetings at the LGBT Center were very helpful. There were so many different gender expressions. Those experiences helped push me forward.
Initially, I came out as a crossdresser. As weeks passed I realized that my feelings ran deeper than just wearing women's clothes. Upon research, I saw the word 'transgender.' Like a light switch, the connection was made. I had my answer!
Another obstacle was reconciling my Christian faith with my being transgender. in 2008, I entered a church for the first time in women's apparel. I felt no guilt or shame. It felt right! My church family accepted me with open arms. My wife accepted me completely after two years. She stated it publicly.
As I celebrate Pride month, I am grateful for the many wonderful experiences and the friends I have made. I will be going to the pride this Sunday. My marching days are over. I'm just a spectator enjoying the vibes of thousands of other folks celebrating liberation and completeness.
