On July 26, 2005, I came out to myself as a crossdresser. Almost immediately, all the struggle ad ension inside disappeared. What surprised me is that I felt no shame or guilt about it. I was liberated from what society says that I should be. I was completed because I finally discovered who I really was. When I read about the meaning of 'transgender', it connected with me.
Today, I am a happy transgender woman. I have made some good friends, bee out in public may times, and do the activities that I normally do. There's nothing like being authentic. I've never been happier in my life.
My journey is ongoing as I discover and experience new adventures. I love encouraging others to be who they are and that they havethe right to be happy.
~Genevieve
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Breaking Through The Clouds
I'm coming out of my dry period. I have come out with some new thoughts and ideas that I'm putting into practice. Tonight, I will be attending a open mic session at a bookstore. I may read a poem but I'm still deciding.
Over 400 gay and lesbian couples were married this past Sunday here in New York City. The media covered it pretty well. I pray that we transgender people will secure our rights very soon. I admit that I was annoyed the ENDA and GENDA weren't passed but I will keep working until it is.
~Genevieve
Over 400 gay and lesbian couples were married this past Sunday here in New York City. The media covered it pretty well. I pray that we transgender people will secure our rights very soon. I admit that I was annoyed the ENDA and GENDA weren't passed but I will keep working until it is.
~Genevieve
Friday, July 22, 2011
GENEVIEVE'S GEMS
I believe all Americans who believe in freedom, tolerance and human rights have a responsibility to oppose bigotry and prejudice based on sexual orientation.
Coretta Scott King (1927-2006)
Coretta Scott King (1927-2006)
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Dry Period
I've hit a dry period in my journey. Been out a few times but haven't had much time or finances to do what I would like. I've been able to see where I am now and like where my journey has taken me.
Dry periods can be a time of refreshment, searching, assessing, and changing. I never look at it as dead time but time to make the postive changes that will improve my life and help others. if there's one thing that I fear, it's becoming irrelevant. I always believe that I can encourage someone to see that they are important and that they matter.
~Genevieve
Dry periods can be a time of refreshment, searching, assessing, and changing. I never look at it as dead time but time to make the postive changes that will improve my life and help others. if there's one thing that I fear, it's becoming irrelevant. I always believe that I can encourage someone to see that they are important and that they matter.
~Genevieve
Monday, July 18, 2011
Gender Questioning, Part 4
The tension I felt inside was excrucitating. I just wanted this urge to go away. I felt like running away and hiding in some dark hole. Every day I kept saying that this urges will go away, but it didn't. What I feared most was lashing out at others for something that was inside of me. I started this blog to write down my feelings and release a lot of this tension.
Every day I wrote something down. It could be a few sentences or several paragraphs. I was open and honest about my feelings; something that never was easy for me. Now the screws were tightening. I didn't know how much longer I could take this.
~Genevieve
To be continued.......
Every day I wrote something down. It could be a few sentences or several paragraphs. I was open and honest about my feelings; something that never was easy for me. Now the screws were tightening. I didn't know how much longer I could take this.
~Genevieve
To be continued.......
Friday, July 15, 2011
GENEVIEVE'S GEMS
Everyone has people in their lives that are gay, lesbian or transgender or bisexual. They may not want to admit it, but I guarantee they know somebody.
~Billie Jean King
~Billie Jean King
Monday, July 11, 2011
While I was happy that marriage equality passed here in New York State, I was disappointed that the Gender Employment Non-Discrimination Act (GENDA) was not. It was on the same agenda and had enough votes to pass. In my opinion, the groups that are supposed to represent transgender folks didn't press it hard enough.
It seems to me that trans activists were always the stepchild to the gay and lesbian lobbies. We had to constantly prove our mettle and we did. I may remind some that transgender people were at the forefront of the Stonewall Riots in 1969. Later, we were pushed to the margins by the predominantly middle class, white gay male leadership. If you look at the boards of many of the mainstream LGBT organization that paradigm still exists. The fact is that the vast majority of transpersons killed, in jail, or unemployed or underemployed are people of color.
While I'm disappointed, I'm not deterred from working to see that the best bill possible that benefits transgender people will pass. The state assembly had a golden opportunity to pass both marriage equality and GENDA at the same time but they passed on it. Perhaps, it's time for us transgender people to carry our own banner and march.
~Genevieve
It seems to me that trans activists were always the stepchild to the gay and lesbian lobbies. We had to constantly prove our mettle and we did. I may remind some that transgender people were at the forefront of the Stonewall Riots in 1969. Later, we were pushed to the margins by the predominantly middle class, white gay male leadership. If you look at the boards of many of the mainstream LGBT organization that paradigm still exists. The fact is that the vast majority of transpersons killed, in jail, or unemployed or underemployed are people of color.
While I'm disappointed, I'm not deterred from working to see that the best bill possible that benefits transgender people will pass. The state assembly had a golden opportunity to pass both marriage equality and GENDA at the same time but they passed on it. Perhaps, it's time for us transgender people to carry our own banner and march.
~Genevieve
Thursday, July 07, 2011
Back In The Saddle
I'm finally settled in my new place. Feels good to be in a place you really like. The neighborhood is changing for the better. I have walked through the neighborhood and discovered that there are plenty of restaurants, clothing stores, parks, and cultural events.
I read about a bookstore opening in the neighborhood in the local newspaper. I dropped later and found it to be so. I couldn't find any bookstores around so this is a welcomed addition. The community has responded positively to this new arrival. There will be readings, story telling, music, crafts, and other activities.
I have been feel my way around the neighborhood regarding dressing up. I've done it twice so far. It will take time but I'm up to the challenge. Need to if there are activities for LGTQ folks.
~Genevieve
I read about a bookstore opening in the neighborhood in the local newspaper. I dropped later and found it to be so. I couldn't find any bookstores around so this is a welcomed addition. The community has responded positively to this new arrival. There will be readings, story telling, music, crafts, and other activities.
I have been feel my way around the neighborhood regarding dressing up. I've done it twice so far. It will take time but I'm up to the challenge. Need to if there are activities for LGTQ folks.
~Genevieve
Monday, June 27, 2011
Moved In
I moved into my new place last Friday. I was pretty excited, as was my wife. Later on, my son saw our place and he liked it. We purchased some things for the place. We are deciding what colors to paint the rooms.
We walked around the neighborhood browsing in stores. We ate dinner out then returned home. I remember when this neighborhood was being destroyed by drugs. That was a decade or so ago. They have cleaned it up and now you have many ethnic groups living here. I really love the parks nearby as they are very peaceful.
~Genevieve
We walked around the neighborhood browsing in stores. We ate dinner out then returned home. I remember when this neighborhood was being destroyed by drugs. That was a decade or so ago. They have cleaned it up and now you have many ethnic groups living here. I really love the parks nearby as they are very peaceful.
~Genevieve
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Moving
On Friday I will be moving to a new apartment. I will be living in Manhattan after 53 years in Brooklyn. I'm pretty excited and can't wait.
~Genevieve
~Genevieve
Friday, June 17, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Gender Questioning, Part 3
I knew now that I was a crossdresser. It was quite a shock to me. When I left the place, I was in a daze. Now what! I surmised that it was just a phase. All this would lessen in the passing days. Instead the desire to dress grew stronger. In lay language, I was in denial. I thought that my life was strange now, but I still had more things to discover.
To be continued.......
Genevieve
To be continued.......
Genevieve
Friday, June 10, 2011
Gender Qestioning, Part 2
In the post from May 25th, I wrote about my beginning to question my gender. After trying on my spouse's skirt, my life was going in a dizzying upheaval. Everything I thought about gender and sexuality was being changed.
I sought some counseling because I was becoming concerned about about where this was heading. It was a not a road I never traveled, but a journey where nothing was familiar to me. I put off the counseling for two weeks (I chickened out). The struggle and tensions were becoming unbearable so I visited two counselors.
A man and a woman listened as I shared everything I was feeling. I left no stone unturned. I was asked some questions before the two convened with each other. After some minutes they emerged from the room that they were in. It was revealed to me that I was a crossdresser. This really took me for loop. I remember the man asking if I really enjoyed the experience. I replied yes. I now knew I liked wearing wome's clothing. This was only the beginning my coming to accept my new identity.
To be continued.......
~Genevieve
I sought some counseling because I was becoming concerned about about where this was heading. It was a not a road I never traveled, but a journey where nothing was familiar to me. I put off the counseling for two weeks (I chickened out). The struggle and tensions were becoming unbearable so I visited two counselors.
A man and a woman listened as I shared everything I was feeling. I left no stone unturned. I was asked some questions before the two convened with each other. After some minutes they emerged from the room that they were in. It was revealed to me that I was a crossdresser. This really took me for loop. I remember the man asking if I really enjoyed the experience. I replied yes. I now knew I liked wearing wome's clothing. This was only the beginning my coming to accept my new identity.
To be continued.......
~Genevieve
Tuesday, June 07, 2011
June- Pride and Reflection
June is pride month here in New York. There will be many parades, parties, and galas. There has been much progress over the last year. More needs to be done.
I'm being more reflective this year because there's still those who are still trying to figure it all out. I've had days this past year where new revelations were made in my own life.
The one constant out there is that there are LGBT people who need to be encouraged and affirmed. Reading about people who are struggling or coming out reaffirms my committment to participating in this endeavor. I would much rather help someone who's struggling than march in a parade.
As the month moves forward, let's remember the people who are struggling, lonely, and confused. Enjoy the successes but comfort those who may not feel any pride because of all the bigotry and discrimination.
~Genevieve
I'm being more reflective this year because there's still those who are still trying to figure it all out. I've had days this past year where new revelations were made in my own life.
The one constant out there is that there are LGBT people who need to be encouraged and affirmed. Reading about people who are struggling or coming out reaffirms my committment to participating in this endeavor. I would much rather help someone who's struggling than march in a parade.
As the month moves forward, let's remember the people who are struggling, lonely, and confused. Enjoy the successes but comfort those who may not feel any pride because of all the bigotry and discrimination.
~Genevieve
Friday, May 27, 2011
GENEVIEVE'S GEMS
I can take being ridiculed and laughed at. People who put down
others show their own insecurities.
others show their own insecurities.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Marriage Equality Led To Latest Dicussion
Last night my wife and I discussed my gender again. It was the most in depth conversation we've had about this. It started with a letter that I received from Empire State Pride Agenda needing donations for the fight for marriage equality and transgender anti-discrimination laws.
We talked about gay marriage, adoption, and other topics related to LGBT people. My spouse asked me about my own gender feelings. I shared with her about the gender shift closer to femininity I had last month. I shared that am a woman though I have a male body. For two hours I shared my thoughts and changes that have occurred in my life. I pointed out that I'm still the same person.
Afterwards, she said that she had a clearer idea about my being transgender. I welcome it when she does ask questions because I'm always open to these discussions. I believe that we will have a couple more discussions very soon.
~Genevieve
We talked about gay marriage, adoption, and other topics related to LGBT people. My spouse asked me about my own gender feelings. I shared with her about the gender shift closer to femininity I had last month. I shared that am a woman though I have a male body. For two hours I shared my thoughts and changes that have occurred in my life. I pointed out that I'm still the same person.
Afterwards, she said that she had a clearer idea about my being transgender. I welcome it when she does ask questions because I'm always open to these discussions. I believe that we will have a couple more discussions very soon.
~Genevieve
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Gender Questioning Begins
About these time six years I was confronted with what would be a life changing event. I wanted to try on my wife clothing. I had never had any thoughts of doing such a thing. I personally thought it was wrong. At the time I didn't believe that men should be wearing women's clothing.
I wondered if I was weird or something. Many feelings of my own gender identity came up. I never questioned that I was male. It was a constant battle to squelch the thought, to no avail. Finally, I reasoned that if I just tried on a skirt the urge would go away. After a few more torturous days, I relented. I tried on my wife's skirt, then a blouse, a bra, and a dress. This event would set in motion the wheel that would change my life forever.
to be continued.......
~Genevieve
I wondered if I was weird or something. Many feelings of my own gender identity came up. I never questioned that I was male. It was a constant battle to squelch the thought, to no avail. Finally, I reasoned that if I just tried on a skirt the urge would go away. After a few more torturous days, I relented. I tried on my wife's skirt, then a blouse, a bra, and a dress. This event would set in motion the wheel that would change my life forever.
to be continued.......
~Genevieve
Sunday, May 22, 2011
LGBT Legacy
Yesterday I browsed through the book at the library at the community center. There were thousands of books by and about LGBT folks. There was fiction, non-fiction, poetry, biographies, and anthologies just to start.
What caught my attention is the numerous contributions that LGBT people have made throughout history. We are making history now. Society on the other hands confines us to the fringes. Our emenies want to erase our existence.
I'm especially happy that transgender people are active in literature and I pray that more books by us will be written and published. I have written many poems about being transgender and I will be publishing a chapbook sometime this year.
Our legacy must not be erased! As a person of color this is most important because, sadly, even in the trans community, our accomplishments and desires are minimized. The more that I live openly as transgender the more important it is to be visible. Being stealth is not an option for me personally.
I want to be a part of the legacy that made a positive contribution to equality and to our history.
~Genevieve
What caught my attention is the numerous contributions that LGBT people have made throughout history. We are making history now. Society on the other hands confines us to the fringes. Our emenies want to erase our existence.
I'm especially happy that transgender people are active in literature and I pray that more books by us will be written and published. I have written many poems about being transgender and I will be publishing a chapbook sometime this year.
Our legacy must not be erased! As a person of color this is most important because, sadly, even in the trans community, our accomplishments and desires are minimized. The more that I live openly as transgender the more important it is to be visible. Being stealth is not an option for me personally.
I want to be a part of the legacy that made a positive contribution to equality and to our history.
~Genevieve
Friday, May 20, 2011
Beliefs Systems
One area that I am fascinated in is what people believe. I like to know not only what a person believes but why they believe. It's a rea that is sometime overlooked or maybe not challenged. I am working on a study about belief systems. I will post here the thoughts and results of my findings.
~Genevieve
~Genevieve
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Reminiscing
Over the past several days, I have thought about how far I've come in my journey. I gone a lot further than I ever thought I could. Just think, that six years ago it all started.
I'm a firm believer in that we are put in places for a reason. I ask myself why was my real gender hidden form me for so many years? There are many answers that I surmise but I am where I am where I am now.
From time to time between now and the end of July, I will be reminiscing my transition and how it has impact my life and those around me.
~Genevieve
I'm a firm believer in that we are put in places for a reason. I ask myself why was my real gender hidden form me for so many years? There are many answers that I surmise but I am where I am where I am now.
From time to time between now and the end of July, I will be reminiscing my transition and how it has impact my life and those around me.
~Genevieve
Friday, May 13, 2011
GENEVIEVE'S GEMS
THE DAY I CAME OUT AS TRANSGENDER WAS THE DAY I WAS SET FREE FROM SOCIETY'S EXPECTATIONS ABOUT GENDER NORMS.
~Genevieve
~Genevieve
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Active Both Personally and in the Community
I have been very busy getting my security and fire guard licenses. I have found a nice aprtment also. Things are looking up after a year of struggle.
I have been keeping up with transgender issues and there's much happening. A vote about birth certificates in Texas is coming up for vote. In Connecticut, HB 6599 is coming up for a vote also.
Being involved with the transgender community is near and dear to my heart. I will attending support group meetings because I want to meet more transgender people. It may be that my recent shift in my gender identity has given me impetous to reach out to others.
~Genevieve
I have been keeping up with transgender issues and there's much happening. A vote about birth certificates in Texas is coming up for vote. In Connecticut, HB 6599 is coming up for a vote also.
Being involved with the transgender community is near and dear to my heart. I will attending support group meetings because I want to meet more transgender people. It may be that my recent shift in my gender identity has given me impetous to reach out to others.
~Genevieve
Friday, May 06, 2011
Sunday, May 01, 2011
A Shift in Identity
This past week I experienced a shift in my gender journey. I feel closer to my feminine identity than ever before. I've been out dressed three times this week. It's also the first time I felt some discontent being male. That's never happened to me before. I believe that my wife senses it as I mentioned in my last posting.
Yesterday after leaving the library I went to Goodwill and purchased a pink floral maxi skirt. My desire to live full time has increased. I'm not rushing into anything but I sense that my journey is taking another twist.
~Genevieve
Yesterday after leaving the library I went to Goodwill and purchased a pink floral maxi skirt. My desire to live full time has increased. I'm not rushing into anything but I sense that my journey is taking another twist.
~Genevieve
Friday, April 29, 2011
Wife's Poem Spot On About My Gender Transformation
A few days ago my wife read a poem to me that she wrote. It was about my transformation from my being male to now being a transgender woman. She was definitely spot on in her assessment. When I asked her more about her feelings, she said that she can't do anything about it and that's a part of who I am.
I have to reassure her that I'm still the same person, but I just have a different mindset. I explained that it's always been in me and not something that I chose. I sense that she fears losing the male part of me but actually she isn't. I answer all her questions when she asks them. I also share more of my feelings when the need to do so arises. I never ever want to to put her in a position where she has to explain about my transgender identity. I'm open with her about this.
~Genevieve
I have to reassure her that I'm still the same person, but I just have a different mindset. I explained that it's always been in me and not something that I chose. I sense that she fears losing the male part of me but actually she isn't. I answer all her questions when she asks them. I also share more of my feelings when the need to do so arises. I never ever want to to put her in a position where she has to explain about my transgender identity. I'm open with her about this.
~Genevieve
Thursday, April 28, 2011
A Wonderful Time
With the wave of transgender bills being debated , our presence is being made. Some of it has been very positive with transgender candidates being elected, transgender protections being enacted, and others seeing the plight that we face. There is the negative aspect also.
A transgender woman was attacked in Maryland and another transsexual woman was murdered in Baltimore several weeks ago.
I'm so glad to be living in a time when all of this happening before my eyes. In 1971, there were hardly any services for transgender people. During the eighties, we suffered from ignorance by the greater society and by some who felt that we should 'wait our turn' (we've been involved all along).
I am happy with the progress that we are making but am reminded that there's still a long way to go.
A transgender woman was attacked in Maryland and another transsexual woman was murdered in Baltimore several weeks ago.
I'm so glad to be living in a time when all of this happening before my eyes. In 1971, there were hardly any services for transgender people. During the eighties, we suffered from ignorance by the greater society and by some who felt that we should 'wait our turn' (we've been involved all along).
I am happy with the progress that we are making but am reminded that there's still a long way to go.
Enjoying Warm Weather
Yesterday I was out in the city just enjoying the warm weather (finally). I am totally comfortable with my surroundings and do the things that I enjoy. While I don't call attention to myself, I do see the importance of being out in public. Someone else may need to encouraged; to know that it's alright to be and express themselves. I don't know if there was such a person out in my travels yesterday but you never know.
~Genevieve
~Genevieve
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Not Much Writing
I have been busy looking for a new place. We're suppose to sign the lease tomorrow. It didn't take long to find a place either which is a first for me. I haven't written much but I should be back at it by next week.
~Genevieve
~Genevieve
Friday, April 15, 2011
GENEVIEVE'S GEMS
In wisdom gathered over time I have found that every experience is a form of exploration. ~Ansel Adams (1902-1984)
Exploring The City
Yesterday, I was walking around the city enjoying the mild weather. I traveled up to some of the haunts that I frequented during my youth. The once baudy red light district was now upscale, modern, and just as crowded as it was when I hung out there those many years ago. As the memories flloded in me, the need to explore gender further filled my heart. I have always been open to whatever experiences come my way. Where this is leading I don't know. I have written a number of poems about my experiences. I think about gender quite a bit and some day want to speak and write about it in an intelligent and postive matter. ~Genevieve
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Transgender Bills Being Argued and Debated
There has been much action in many states regarding issues concerning transgender people. Bills are being debated on in Nevada, Texas, Maine, Hawaii, Connecticut. A transgender bill in Maryland (HB 235) failed (rightly so) over concerns of no provisions for public accomodations. While I see much activity I can't help but think that now allies and those who say they support us have to put their money where their mouth is. Rep. Barney Frank gagged on it over three years by throwing transgender folks under the bus. Same thing happened in Maryland a few days. I see that some progressive transgender organizations are taking up their own banner and I'm encouraged by that. This reminds me of the dot-com craze a decade ago. Every day dozen of new companies were made public on the stock exchange. After following this awhile, I decided to wait until the dust settled. By the next year, hundreds of those companies no longer existed or were taken over by another company. I believe the dust is settling as to how serious some organizations are about transgender folks getting thier rights. Only time will tell. ~Gennee
Mid-Week Inspiration
From the equality of rights springs identity of our highest interests; you cannot subvert your neighbor's rights without striking a dangerous blow at your own. ~Carl Schurz (1829-1906)
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Incrementalism is Unacceptable
Mercifully, a flawed bill in Maryland has died in the Maryland senate. HB 235, which has no provision for public accomodations, is a flawed bill which would have hurt transgender people in that state. Transgender people could have been denied access to bathrooms, restaurants, social services, the movies, dressing rooms, and other public places. This flaw was pointed by many transgender activists and concerned citizens, only to be ignored by those who are suppose to represent us. There is this idea by Gay Inc. and others that incrementalism is better than nothing at all. I beg to differ on such logic. If there was incrementalism regarding freedom for slaves, we would still have slavery. Gay Inc. is one of those organizations who, in my mind, confirm that assimilation was more important than equality back in burgeoning gay movement in the late sixties. Transgender people were at the forefront of the movement. When the mostly white, white middle class gay males assumed the leadrship positions, transgender people were shunted to the margins because we were'presetable to the straight world. Like Prop 8 in California, minority communities were ignored. The vast majority of LGBT people discrimnated against and murdered are people of color. My question is that if you're getting your behind kicked by the cops and social institutions that hate you, do you really care about looking good. Come on, get real. As a transperson and an African-American I proudly wear my identity. If people want to know me, that's fine. If they don't, that's fine too. I have have to justify who I am and why I exist. While the bill failed this time, it can be presented with the public accomodations included. HB 6599 in Connecticut has done it right with access to public accomodations included. What disturbed me is that Equality Maryland didn't have the courage to admit they had a flawed bill and lost the gamble. A final point is that if groups like Gay Inc. received incremental equality they would be screaming bloody murder. Why in the world should transgender people accept this? I will NOT accept incrementalism under any circumstances. The sooner that Gay Inc., Equality Maryland and all the spin doctors who shut us out understand that the better it will be for all. ~Genevieve
Friday, April 08, 2011
Monday, April 04, 2011
Gennee's Thoughts
One area that I think about is men and women who come out later in their lives. Many have done so and are much happier with their lives. Then there are those who really want to but, for various reasons, do not. It's not my place to say that one must come out. This is a personal matter and I respect everyone's space. I just come to offer my support in your struggle. It doesn't mean that you cannot live a meaningful life. I am not going to have SRS surgery or take hormones because I'm happy as I am. It's sad that in some quarters, some feel that you're not a "true" transsexual unless one has the surgery. Surgery is not right for everyone. The fact is that many transsexual folks do not have the surgery. What's important is that you are comfortable in your own skin. When I came out to my spouse it was a life changing event for both of us. Thankfully, she is accepting of my being transgender. I know there's nothing wrong with me but of the society that refuses to acknowledge me and others like me of our humanity. There's always loss in our lives whether or not our gender or sexuality is different. I've had some wonderful friendships in my life. Whne those friendships ended, I established new ones. It's important to enjoy the moments we are in. We have no control over the future or how it will turn out. Each day I discover something new in life. I'm very thankful for those who walked before me. I'm thankful for many people who celebrate the victories in their lives. I empathize with those who are suffering and struggling. Whatever you know that must do, do it. ~Genevieve
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Poem
We are analyzed and marginalized. We are hatred, breated, and frustrated. We cry, sigh, and die. And yet we maintain our pride. Let no one define who you are. Be a shining star. Be who you are. ~Genevieve
Friday, March 25, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Am Writing Poems
I have been writing much poetry over the past several weeks. It is dealing with such topics as nature, struggle, hopelessness, gender, and redemption. I have had much fun writing poems. I write at least two poems a day.
It was in January that I decide to try my hand at poetry. I have been writing essays, commentaries, and short stories. Trying another genre is envigorating and challenging (which I need from time to time). I didn't know that I had this capacity in me to write poetry. I am working on a chapbook that I will work on publishing sometime in April.
~Genevieve
It was in January that I decide to try my hand at poetry. I have been writing essays, commentaries, and short stories. Trying another genre is envigorating and challenging (which I need from time to time). I didn't know that I had this capacity in me to write poetry. I am working on a chapbook that I will work on publishing sometime in April.
~Genevieve
Friday, March 18, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Nature and Transgender
I am a nature lover. I enjoy being out in the forest among the trees ponds, and animals. Part of me is attuned to the land, having Native-American ancestry. Even as a child I had the sense that there was something special about nature.
I look at gender the same way. Transgender is a natural part of me and millions of others. there are those forces who wish to destroy both nature and the lives of transgender people. There are many metaphors here at play. I enjoy both of them.
~Genevieve
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Poets' Suicides Remind Me Of Our Plight
I have been reading the poetry of Sylvia Plath and Anne Sexton. These women wrote some graphic and metaphorical poems. Both of these women also battled depression. They ended their lives by their own hand.
As I cogitated over these women, I thought about the many transgender women who take their own lives because of depression, discrimination, and not being able to live their lives. Plath and Sexton were able to live their lives freely. The lives of transgender people are negotiated through votes, gender rigidity, and the idea that we merely exist. I find this very appalling.
Suicide is one issue that concerns me because it leaves many unanswered questions. Family and friends lose sometone that cares about them. Many talents and gifts are lost also. Depression and suicide is high in LGBT community. Transgender people have an even higher suicide rate.
It is time that the whole LGBT community work together for each other. The LGB's have left behind the Ts in some case because they believe that legislation important to them will be passed. Perhaps it will but at who's expense? Each group has different issues but we should support one another.
~Genevieve
As I cogitated over these women, I thought about the many transgender women who take their own lives because of depression, discrimination, and not being able to live their lives. Plath and Sexton were able to live their lives freely. The lives of transgender people are negotiated through votes, gender rigidity, and the idea that we merely exist. I find this very appalling.
Suicide is one issue that concerns me because it leaves many unanswered questions. Family and friends lose sometone that cares about them. Many talents and gifts are lost also. Depression and suicide is high in LGBT community. Transgender people have an even higher suicide rate.
It is time that the whole LGBT community work together for each other. The LGB's have left behind the Ts in some case because they believe that legislation important to them will be passed. Perhaps it will but at who's expense? Each group has different issues but we should support one another.
~Genevieve
Thursday, March 10, 2011
GENEVIEVE'S GEMS
Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anybody expects of you. Never excuse yourself.
~Henry Ward Beecher
~Henry Ward Beecher
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
Trans Issues
I have been trying to keep up with the news affecting trans people. There's a lot happening but to keep up with all is a daunting task. I will try and focus on a few things. Passing trans inclusive bills is one. The bill in Maryland (HB235) seems to be lacking as far as transgender people not being discriminated against in public accomodations. It's not just the bathroom, as some our foes will point out. It's trying on clothing in a store, or eating in a resaurant, or receiving treatment in a hospital. This part needs to be rectified.
I'm seeking to see something happen here in New York. Seems trans issues have been put on the back burner in some cases.
I am writing some poems about my transgender experiences. I hope to put them all in a chapbook. No title as of yet. I have another one in mind but that's for a future time.
~Genevieve
I'm seeking to see something happen here in New York. Seems trans issues have been put on the back burner in some cases.
I am writing some poems about my transgender experiences. I hope to put them all in a chapbook. No title as of yet. I have another one in mind but that's for a future time.
~Genevieve
Friday, March 04, 2011
Wednesday, March 02, 2011
Ancestors
I was reading an obituary of an activist in the Chicago area on Helen Boyd's website (www.myhusbandbetty.com) this morning. The obit reminded me of the many people who paved the way for what we have today. They did in a time when it could cost them everything.
I could not help thinking about Tyra Hunter. Who is Tyra Hunter? In 1995, Ms. Hunter was in an auto accident in Washington DC. The medical staff that was working on her stopped treatment upon seeing that she was a transgender woman. As a result, Tyra died of her injuries. I first read this story a short time after I came out in 2005. To this day this incident still galls me.
I am thankful for my transgender sisters and brethren who blazed a trail so we could enjoy the fruits of their labors. Things are better but we still have a long way to go. Sylvia Rivera is another transgender woman who was at the forefront of the Stonewall Riots in Greenwich Village in 1969. I am so proud of my African-American brothers and sisters who in 1965 staged at sit-in at Dewey's lunch counter in Philadelphia to protest their second class treatment.
I feel saddened a little about the losses incurred though violence and suicide. Inwill always be indebted to them. We must blaze a trail for future transgender men and women. Whatever I do for the transgender community is in honor of Tyra Hunter. It's good sometimes to remember where we came from.
~Genevieve
I could not help thinking about Tyra Hunter. Who is Tyra Hunter? In 1995, Ms. Hunter was in an auto accident in Washington DC. The medical staff that was working on her stopped treatment upon seeing that she was a transgender woman. As a result, Tyra died of her injuries. I first read this story a short time after I came out in 2005. To this day this incident still galls me.
I am thankful for my transgender sisters and brethren who blazed a trail so we could enjoy the fruits of their labors. Things are better but we still have a long way to go. Sylvia Rivera is another transgender woman who was at the forefront of the Stonewall Riots in Greenwich Village in 1969. I am so proud of my African-American brothers and sisters who in 1965 staged at sit-in at Dewey's lunch counter in Philadelphia to protest their second class treatment.
I feel saddened a little about the losses incurred though violence and suicide. Inwill always be indebted to them. We must blaze a trail for future transgender men and women. Whatever I do for the transgender community is in honor of Tyra Hunter. It's good sometimes to remember where we came from.
~Genevieve
Tuesday, March 01, 2011
The first year tht I was living in my new identity was one of growth and discovery. I attended support group meetings to meet other transgender people and gather information on what transgender is all about.
There were questions and struggles. There was self doubt because I was embarking on a course not of my own design. At times I was afraid. I worried about being attacked or ridiculed in public. Yet the further I journeyed the more confident I become.
I'll never forget that warm August day in 2006 when I had an epiphany. I was strolling in the park along the river. A feeling of contentment swept through me. I was now comfortable as a transgender woman.
I am truly amazed when I read stories of many transgender people on the forums. They have displayed courage and resilence in the face of hatred and bigotry. Most of all, I applaud them for choosing to be authentic.
~Genevieve
There were questions and struggles. There was self doubt because I was embarking on a course not of my own design. At times I was afraid. I worried about being attacked or ridiculed in public. Yet the further I journeyed the more confident I become.
I'll never forget that warm August day in 2006 when I had an epiphany. I was strolling in the park along the river. A feeling of contentment swept through me. I was now comfortable as a transgender woman.
I am truly amazed when I read stories of many transgender people on the forums. They have displayed courage and resilence in the face of hatred and bigotry. Most of all, I applaud them for choosing to be authentic.
~Genevieve
Friday, February 25, 2011
GENEVIEVE'S GEMS
The journey has been long but I wouldn't trade all my experiences for anything.
~Genevieve
~Genevieve
Thursday, February 24, 2011
OnGoing Journey
I had been a crossdresser for only a short time when I sensed that this experience ran much deeper than the clothing I was wearing.I realized that I was headed to unchartered territory; placed in which I had never traveled.
The caveat of this was where was I going? How far could this journey take me? Now six years later, having transitioned to a transsexual, the journey is ongoing. I mentioned to a friend that this journey will always be but that I'm compelled to keep going.
~Genevieve
The caveat of this was where was I going? How far could this journey take me? Now six years later, having transitioned to a transsexual, the journey is ongoing. I mentioned to a friend that this journey will always be but that I'm compelled to keep going.
~Genevieve
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Another Discussion
My spouse and I were conversing about a range of subjects. We talked about the events in Egypt, Wisconsin, and other places. We covered the Defense of Marriage Act, same-sex adoption and Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. I mentioned to Louise that transgender people are still discriminated by this policy.
Our conversation shifted to my being transgender. I shared more about myself that I never told her. She still sees me as a man. That may have something to do with her perception of transgender people. I explained to her that I’m not going to take hormones or have the surgery.
I believe this is one fear she has. I reassured her that I’m not going this route. I never had the desire and I don’t now. I shared with Louise that most transgender and transsexual people, for various reasons, opt not to have the surgery or take hormones.
She believes that my being transgender has affected our relationship from a romantic point. I admit that I’ve never been a romantic but I will do things to improve this area of our lives. We’ve been married nearly thirty-one years and I do love her.
Louise has come to terms with my being transgender. She is thankful that I never forced this onto her. When it first came out to her, she could have rejected my new identity. She accepts that this is a part of me. I told her that this is a journey that I’m on. I keep discovering new parts of me practically everyday. This was probably the most in-depth discussion we’ve had to date.
~Genevieve
Our conversation shifted to my being transgender. I shared more about myself that I never told her. She still sees me as a man. That may have something to do with her perception of transgender people. I explained to her that I’m not going to take hormones or have the surgery.
I believe this is one fear she has. I reassured her that I’m not going this route. I never had the desire and I don’t now. I shared with Louise that most transgender and transsexual people, for various reasons, opt not to have the surgery or take hormones.
She believes that my being transgender has affected our relationship from a romantic point. I admit that I’ve never been a romantic but I will do things to improve this area of our lives. We’ve been married nearly thirty-one years and I do love her.
Louise has come to terms with my being transgender. She is thankful that I never forced this onto her. When it first came out to her, she could have rejected my new identity. She accepts that this is a part of me. I told her that this is a journey that I’m on. I keep discovering new parts of me practically everyday. This was probably the most in-depth discussion we’ve had to date.
~Genevieve
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Winter Seems Long; My Journey is Even Longer.
One of the aspects of winter is that it seems never ending. Short days and long nights make winter feel longer than it really is. Winter will evolve into spring.
My journey as a transgender person is continuing. Seasons will change and I along with it. I have long ago not say that the journey will end. In recent days that fact was brought forth to me. I surmise that there is more for me to discover. What, I don't know. Perhaps because I'm a seeker by nature I may be expecting something that may not be there. In my heart, I don't believe that it's the case. I have embraced whatever came into my life and will continue to do this.
Reading so many stories of other folks is very encouraging and strengthening. I'm not alone which is a comforting thought. Just like each person has to travel along his or her own road, I must do the same. Some people remark to me that I should think about retirement. I reply that I will always be doing something. We can retire from a job but never from life. That's why I'm enjoying my journey.
~Genevieve
My journey as a transgender person is continuing. Seasons will change and I along with it. I have long ago not say that the journey will end. In recent days that fact was brought forth to me. I surmise that there is more for me to discover. What, I don't know. Perhaps because I'm a seeker by nature I may be expecting something that may not be there. In my heart, I don't believe that it's the case. I have embraced whatever came into my life and will continue to do this.
Reading so many stories of other folks is very encouraging and strengthening. I'm not alone which is a comforting thought. Just like each person has to travel along his or her own road, I must do the same. Some people remark to me that I should think about retirement. I reply that I will always be doing something. We can retire from a job but never from life. That's why I'm enjoying my journey.
~Genevieve
Friday, February 18, 2011
GENEVIEVE'S GEMS
There comes the time when an oppressed group has to take a stand for justice and equality. Now is the time.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Old Stories Reveal Gender Struggles
I read through some of my old writings prior to and after I came out. I was a jumble of confusion and longing. I was confused about my gender. At the same time I wanted to break out of my so-called normal existence.
After I came out, I grew into my new identity as a transgender person. I absorbed every experience that came my way. My gender issues stretched as far back as 2000. I didn't know what I was wrestling with at that time. It was much bigger than I imagined. I always believed that we possess both feminine and masculine traits. Why some are equated with one gender and not the other is beyond me. It shows the fallacy of the gender binary system when someone goes against it.
I have changed my belief system many times though my core beliefs are intact. Belief systems aren't as fixed as society would like us to believe. Treating other people as human beings is one of my main beliefs. I don't see how anyone can say that they love all people and mistreat some because of their race, religion, gender, or sexual orientation.
Here it is in 2011 and my life is different in perspective as well as in identity. It is ever evolving and I am happier now more than ever. I am at peace with who I am. Perhaps my transgender identity being revealed to me later in my life makes it all the sweeter.
~Genevieve
After I came out, I grew into my new identity as a transgender person. I absorbed every experience that came my way. My gender issues stretched as far back as 2000. I didn't know what I was wrestling with at that time. It was much bigger than I imagined. I always believed that we possess both feminine and masculine traits. Why some are equated with one gender and not the other is beyond me. It shows the fallacy of the gender binary system when someone goes against it.
I have changed my belief system many times though my core beliefs are intact. Belief systems aren't as fixed as society would like us to believe. Treating other people as human beings is one of my main beliefs. I don't see how anyone can say that they love all people and mistreat some because of their race, religion, gender, or sexual orientation.
Here it is in 2011 and my life is different in perspective as well as in identity. It is ever evolving and I am happier now more than ever. I am at peace with who I am. Perhaps my transgender identity being revealed to me later in my life makes it all the sweeter.
~Genevieve
Friday, February 11, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Dark Days
Some of my darkest days happened in the year that I came out as transgender. I wrote short stories and poems which were dark, melancholy, and hopeless. I was falling into an abyss.
What I remember most is the utter hopelessness that I experienced. It was as if another person was trying to take over my life. I believed that I was better off being abandoned and confined to a lonely and desolate existence.
Looking back now I had to throw off the shackles of the now and embrace the unknown-whatever it was. I was like a blind person groping for something solid to grasp a hold of. When the clouds lifted I had a new life.
From time to time I have those days when I just want to be left alone. They are no where near those dark days prior to my coming out. I change my thought pattern when I feel those moods coming on. Life is wonderful and I’m enjoying it immensely.
~Genevieve
What I remember most is the utter hopelessness that I experienced. It was as if another person was trying to take over my life. I believed that I was better off being abandoned and confined to a lonely and desolate existence.
Looking back now I had to throw off the shackles of the now and embrace the unknown-whatever it was. I was like a blind person groping for something solid to grasp a hold of. When the clouds lifted I had a new life.
From time to time I have those days when I just want to be left alone. They are no where near those dark days prior to my coming out. I change my thought pattern when I feel those moods coming on. Life is wonderful and I’m enjoying it immensely.
~Genevieve
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
Still Curious
I justed finished reading the book Out of the Ordinary. In it are the stories of the children of gay, lesbian, and transgender parents. As far as I know this is the only book that has the the stories of the children.
As I read these stories I reminisced over the past five years plus of my gender transformation. Each day I'm discovering something new. I realize that the journey I'm on will continue throughout my life. I don't mind because I'm a seeker. I always want to know more. Like my adventurous forays into the forest as a child, I still have tht child like curiosity. It's seem that I don't want to miss anything.
As I read other people stories, I'm struck by their honesty and openness. I treasure each story as they are sharing a bit of themselves. It's not always easy to do but it's a step that we are willing to take.
~Genevieve
As I read these stories I reminisced over the past five years plus of my gender transformation. Each day I'm discovering something new. I realize that the journey I'm on will continue throughout my life. I don't mind because I'm a seeker. I always want to know more. Like my adventurous forays into the forest as a child, I still have tht child like curiosity. It's seem that I don't want to miss anything.
As I read other people stories, I'm struck by their honesty and openness. I treasure each story as they are sharing a bit of themselves. It's not always easy to do but it's a step that we are willing to take.
~Genevieve
Friday, February 04, 2011
Difference Is Good
In the book that I'm currently reading, a young teen named Kelley knew she was lesbian. She didn't want to be different but saw that she was. Her story reminded me of the struggles of my feeling different.
When people think of difference they may think oddball, or rebel, or freak, or not not in their class or social group. Believe me, I've felt those barbs from time to time. Society has been blessed by people who are different. Folks who think outside the box have contributed much to the advancedment of social and political issues.
Difference is good because it spices up life. A rich mosiac is formed when people are allowed to thrive and blossom. When those who are not within the strict confines of societal conformity, they are often shunned, ignored, or shunted to the sidelines of life. It's a shame because rich relationships are not formed and developed.
Looking over my life, I always felt a kinship to those who are outside the norm. Now that I have discovered my own difference in gender, I have a better understanding of what it is to be an outsider. Yes I'm different and I embrace it wholeheartedly. As I trek on the roads of life, I surmise that there is a course that is set for me. Wherever it leads me, I am compelled to walk it.
Over the past few weeks, I have reflected on the roads crossed thus far. I wonder what roads I have to travel. I pray that people are encouraged to know that difference is good. You are you and I'm very happy that you are who you are.
~Genevieve
When people think of difference they may think oddball, or rebel, or freak, or not not in their class or social group. Believe me, I've felt those barbs from time to time. Society has been blessed by people who are different. Folks who think outside the box have contributed much to the advancedment of social and political issues.
Difference is good because it spices up life. A rich mosiac is formed when people are allowed to thrive and blossom. When those who are not within the strict confines of societal conformity, they are often shunned, ignored, or shunted to the sidelines of life. It's a shame because rich relationships are not formed and developed.
Looking over my life, I always felt a kinship to those who are outside the norm. Now that I have discovered my own difference in gender, I have a better understanding of what it is to be an outsider. Yes I'm different and I embrace it wholeheartedly. As I trek on the roads of life, I surmise that there is a course that is set for me. Wherever it leads me, I am compelled to walk it.
Over the past few weeks, I have reflected on the roads crossed thus far. I wonder what roads I have to travel. I pray that people are encouraged to know that difference is good. You are you and I'm very happy that you are who you are.
~Genevieve
Thursday, February 03, 2011
Sharing My Story
The last three posts were a departure from my norm. I felt that it was important because everyone has a story to share. I pray that some are encouraged by my story. Some may feel that they are the only ones out there struggling with gender issues. You are not alone.
I make it a point of sharing my story once a year because they are people who may have recently come out. I say to them congratulations and welcome. One of the pleasures of these posts is seeing many men and women come to terms with who they are. It's wonderful that they have chosen to be authentic.
When I came out to my spouse it was a frightful event not knowing how it would turn out. After the initial shock wore off, she has been accepting of my being transsexual. It did the same with my son. I'm also sensitive about the stigma and phobia society has against the TGLB community as a whole. I have spoken out when we are attacked. I am willing to take on anyone who demeans us or anyone else for that matter.
I pray that many have been encouraged. I look forward to posting more blogs that inform, encourage, challenge, and strengthen us.
~Genevieve
I make it a point of sharing my story once a year because they are people who may have recently come out. I say to them congratulations and welcome. One of the pleasures of these posts is seeing many men and women come to terms with who they are. It's wonderful that they have chosen to be authentic.
When I came out to my spouse it was a frightful event not knowing how it would turn out. After the initial shock wore off, she has been accepting of my being transsexual. It did the same with my son. I'm also sensitive about the stigma and phobia society has against the TGLB community as a whole. I have spoken out when we are attacked. I am willing to take on anyone who demeans us or anyone else for that matter.
I pray that many have been encouraged. I look forward to posting more blogs that inform, encourage, challenge, and strengthen us.
~Genevieve
Tuesday, February 01, 2011
My Coming Out -Conclusion
I embraced whatever came my way. It seemed that I was nudged along as I trekked along the gender road. In May, 2009, I sensed that I was to cross another road-a road that would alter the course of my life. Two years earlier I sensed that this change would be made.
I hesitated because I knew that this change would change my perspective about gender and being gender variant. I realized that I could not go back to where I was. Just like life, gender fluidity is not stationary. In June, 2009, I finally crossed that road declaring myself a trangenderist. I was always equally comfortable as masculine and feminine. Gnder fluidity has taught me that both are an intrinsic part of everyone's life whther or not they are willing to admit it.
Life was sailing along for ten months when I sensed that another change was to come. I didn't feel anxious likeI did when coming out as a transgenderist. I didn't see myself as being transsexual. I remember a lovely transsexual woman sharing with me a few years before that I may be. At that point I believed that I had to have gender reassignment surgery in order to be a transsexual. Upon further research, I saw that a person can be transsexual without having the surgery. This is where I was.
When I came out as transsexual in June, 2010, I completed my third life changing experience. I see myself in feminine terms and consider msyelf a transsexual woman. I never wanted to have the surgery or take hormones because I feel that I never had the desire to.
It's amazing that in nearly six I have been transformed so much. From a crossdresser to transgenderist to transsexual. It's been quite a journey which is still ongoing. I first came out when I was fifty-six. I'm sixty-two and have never been happier in my life. I'm looking forward to more of what life has for me as a transsexual woman.
~Genevieve
I hesitated because I knew that this change would change my perspective about gender and being gender variant. I realized that I could not go back to where I was. Just like life, gender fluidity is not stationary. In June, 2009, I finally crossed that road declaring myself a trangenderist. I was always equally comfortable as masculine and feminine. Gnder fluidity has taught me that both are an intrinsic part of everyone's life whther or not they are willing to admit it.
Life was sailing along for ten months when I sensed that another change was to come. I didn't feel anxious likeI did when coming out as a transgenderist. I didn't see myself as being transsexual. I remember a lovely transsexual woman sharing with me a few years before that I may be. At that point I believed that I had to have gender reassignment surgery in order to be a transsexual. Upon further research, I saw that a person can be transsexual without having the surgery. This is where I was.
When I came out as transsexual in June, 2010, I completed my third life changing experience. I see myself in feminine terms and consider msyelf a transsexual woman. I never wanted to have the surgery or take hormones because I feel that I never had the desire to.
It's amazing that in nearly six I have been transformed so much. From a crossdresser to transgenderist to transsexual. It's been quite a journey which is still ongoing. I first came out when I was fifty-six. I'm sixty-two and have never been happier in my life. I'm looking forward to more of what life has for me as a transsexual woman.
~Genevieve
Monday, January 31, 2011
My Coming Out-Part 2
I kept saying to myself that it will all pass. Instead the urge grew stronger. Now I wondered where this was headed.During a counseling session, I laid bare my heart. I shared with the two counselors all that I was feeling. After they conversed together, they informed me that I was crossdresser. I was shocked to say the least. I never tried on feminine articles as a child nor did I ever have the desire.
For weeks i struggled with this revelation. I kept saying that this was just a phase. Deep inside I knew that it wasn't. I found a support group at he community center. I met many people in various stages of gender identity. I started this blog and began recording my feelings and thoughts. I had to because the pressure was getting to.
Several weeks later, I came to a decision to come out to myself. Almost immediately, all the tension and stress dissipated. I felt liberated and complete. I was liberated in the sense that I was no longer beholden the gender binary system that society says that we are suppose to fit in. I felt complete because the feeings of being different was not there any more. It is no longer an issue.
I did much research about crossdressing. I ran into the word 'transgender' for the first time. It connected with me. I shared with my wife after she found some of my stuff. I was nervous and scared but I told her everything. She was shocked but gradually saw that it was a part of me. I told my son about a year later. He was pretty cool with it.
I wore women's articles around the house. Usually it was skirt and camisole. The support meetings helped me understand what I was going through. There were many changes in my life.
Most of them were emotional. I went out in public and discovered that most people didn't care. I didn't feel nervous, which was somewhat surprising. I was now being the person that I truly am.
I joined to couple of groups where I met many transgender people. After a year I sensed that my experience ran much deeper than clothing and go out. I began to cogitate about where I was headed to now.
To be continued ...
~Genevieve
For weeks i struggled with this revelation. I kept saying that this was just a phase. Deep inside I knew that it wasn't. I found a support group at he community center. I met many people in various stages of gender identity. I started this blog and began recording my feelings and thoughts. I had to because the pressure was getting to.
Several weeks later, I came to a decision to come out to myself. Almost immediately, all the tension and stress dissipated. I felt liberated and complete. I was liberated in the sense that I was no longer beholden the gender binary system that society says that we are suppose to fit in. I felt complete because the feeings of being different was not there any more. It is no longer an issue.
I did much research about crossdressing. I ran into the word 'transgender' for the first time. It connected with me. I shared with my wife after she found some of my stuff. I was nervous and scared but I told her everything. She was shocked but gradually saw that it was a part of me. I told my son about a year later. He was pretty cool with it.
I wore women's articles around the house. Usually it was skirt and camisole. The support meetings helped me understand what I was going through. There were many changes in my life.
Most of them were emotional. I went out in public and discovered that most people didn't care. I didn't feel nervous, which was somewhat surprising. I was now being the person that I truly am.
I joined to couple of groups where I met many transgender people. After a year I sensed that my experience ran much deeper than clothing and go out. I began to cogitate about where I was headed to now.
To be continued ...
~Genevieve
Saturday, January 29, 2011
My Coming Out- Part 1
My Coming out Story
All my life I felt that I was different but I didn’t know why. I was never troubled continuously by this but from time to time those feelings would come up.
I grew up as a typical male active in typical male activities. I played sports, hung out with my friends, and talked about cars and girls. I was a boy scout for a few years. I had a loving family but, somehow, I felt like an outsider. I was always a quiet and shy kid who was sometimes misunderstood. I never really shared many of my true feelings.
My high school and junior college years were filled with sports, books and figuring where I fit it. I served three years in the army. I became a born-again Christian I 1972. It was one of the most important decisions of my life.
After the service I was working, active in the church, got married and raised a family. The feelings of difference didn’t trouble me all that much. There were plenty of activities that kept me occupied.
When the new century arrived, those feelings of being different intensified. In 2002, I wanted to bust out but what was I busting to? It was very frustrating that I didn’t know what was making me feel this way. I would get angry over nothing. I felt that another person was trying to come out of me.
In May, 2005 I was at home recuperating from heart surgery. I got the urge to try on my spouse’s skirt. I couldn’t believe what I was thinking. The more I resisted the stronger the urge got. This went on for days. I finally gave in figuring that the urge would go away. I tried on one of my spouse’s skirts. I tried a blouse, a dress, and a bra.
I thought the urge would dissipate; instead it got stronger. That one act set the wheel in motion the events that would change my life.
To be Continued......
~Genevieve
All my life I felt that I was different but I didn’t know why. I was never troubled continuously by this but from time to time those feelings would come up.
I grew up as a typical male active in typical male activities. I played sports, hung out with my friends, and talked about cars and girls. I was a boy scout for a few years. I had a loving family but, somehow, I felt like an outsider. I was always a quiet and shy kid who was sometimes misunderstood. I never really shared many of my true feelings.
My high school and junior college years were filled with sports, books and figuring where I fit it. I served three years in the army. I became a born-again Christian I 1972. It was one of the most important decisions of my life.
After the service I was working, active in the church, got married and raised a family. The feelings of difference didn’t trouble me all that much. There were plenty of activities that kept me occupied.
When the new century arrived, those feelings of being different intensified. In 2002, I wanted to bust out but what was I busting to? It was very frustrating that I didn’t know what was making me feel this way. I would get angry over nothing. I felt that another person was trying to come out of me.
In May, 2005 I was at home recuperating from heart surgery. I got the urge to try on my spouse’s skirt. I couldn’t believe what I was thinking. The more I resisted the stronger the urge got. This went on for days. I finally gave in figuring that the urge would go away. I tried on one of my spouse’s skirts. I tried a blouse, a dress, and a bra.
I thought the urge would dissipate; instead it got stronger. That one act set the wheel in motion the events that would change my life.
To be Continued......
~Genevieve
Friday, January 28, 2011
Snow and Global Warming
We already had nineteen inches of snow the other day-and more is on the way. This is six storms in a month and it's not over yet. Global warming? I should think so. With all the floods in Brazil and Australia, the rains in California, and the drought in Russia, I can only conclude that there is global warming. And what are our august federal agencies doing about it? Absolutely nothing. There's so much misinformation and spin that it's nauseating.
~Genevieve
~Genevieve
Friday, January 21, 2011
Time TO Get Serious
I am grateful that there is LGBT media. However, there isn't enough news about transgender people. Seems that we are left out. There 's so much happening and yet there is scant news about transgender people. I pour through the news articles, the internet, and google. I'm tired of seeing half of the publications filled with entertainment and frivolous activities. Alternative media was gone the same way of mainstream media.
Attacks against LGBT folks has increased. Transgender people, especially women of color, are the disproportionate number of those murdered. With the changes in Washington, there is no time for frivolity because people's lives and livelihoods are at stake.
~Genevieve
Attacks against LGBT folks has increased. Transgender people, especially women of color, are the disproportionate number of those murdered. With the changes in Washington, there is no time for frivolity because people's lives and livelihoods are at stake.
~Genevieve
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Coming Out Stories
One of my favorites activities is reading posts from many folks on the forums I read. I especially enjoy the coming out stories. It's a big step step for each person who does so. It takes courage to do this.
There are times I wish that I could meet each person and congratulate them. I try to encourage them and trust that their journey will be one of excitement and fulfillment. I remember when I came out to my spouse. I was nervous; wondering how she would receive the news. She was shocked but took the news well.
Being authentic isn't easy in our conformist and conventional society. Everywhere there are those forces that try to make us go back into our closets. I admire those folks who have decided to be who they are. Once I made this declaration there was no turning back. There have been some bumps along the way but I'm going on.
I've never been happier in my life. I encourage each one of you to be who you are. You have every right to be the person that you are. You have enriched my life and I pray I've done likewise.
Genevieve
There are times I wish that I could meet each person and congratulate them. I try to encourage them and trust that their journey will be one of excitement and fulfillment. I remember when I came out to my spouse. I was nervous; wondering how she would receive the news. She was shocked but took the news well.
Being authentic isn't easy in our conformist and conventional society. Everywhere there are those forces that try to make us go back into our closets. I admire those folks who have decided to be who they are. Once I made this declaration there was no turning back. There have been some bumps along the way but I'm going on.
I've never been happier in my life. I encourage each one of you to be who you are. You have every right to be the person that you are. You have enriched my life and I pray I've done likewise.
Genevieve
Friday, January 14, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
More Snow
We got around nine inches of snow here. Not as much as last time but at least the streets were plowed. People are still on the mayor's tail about the the last storm.
~Genevieve
~Genevieve
Monday, January 10, 2011
More of the White Stuff Coming
We're expecting more snow here tomorrow or tomorrow evening. Six to twelve inches are predicted. I hope the mayor has the snow plows and salters ready and out there working should it strike. He took a major it from every where here in New York City about the last storm two weeks ago.
~Genevieve
~Genevieve
Friday, January 07, 2011
Tuesday, January 04, 2011
Kind Words
I was at the community center on Sunday. I was sitting on a bench reading. A young lesbian and I exchanged happy new year wishes. An older lesbian woman was present. The young shared the positive changes in her life. She felt at peace with herself.
I shared my life as a transgender woman. I was very open to sharing. She commented that I look so happy and that I looked good. She encouraged me to be what I am. Her kind words made my day. This is what I had in mind when I began this journey. Having a positive affect on others and present myself in a postive and affirming. I'm so thankful for that day.
~Genevieve
I shared my life as a transgender woman. I was very open to sharing. She commented that I look so happy and that I looked good. She encouraged me to be what I am. Her kind words made my day. This is what I had in mind when I began this journey. Having a positive affect on others and present myself in a postive and affirming. I'm so thankful for that day.
~Genevieve
Monday, January 03, 2011
2011
Happy New year to one and all. I trust that 2010 was a good one for you. I did have my struggles but I'm happy to be alive.
As I look at 2011 I see a more active life. I have been reading much on some issues of interest to me. I will be out protesting a lot this year, not only about trans issues. There is so much that is affecting the lives of people across the country; foreclosures, unemployment, politicians selling out to corporations, outsourcing of jobs, genetically engineered food (very bad for people), and a mainstream media that does not reperesent our interests. Many cities are bankrupt and more will be so this year. I probably will be protesting more in 2011 than I have in my entire life.
Our brethren in Europe Asia, Africa, South America, and the Caribbean are out in the streets when something threatens their lives and well being. In America, there is much apathy and acceptance of much of this criminal strangulation of of the people. I believe that in 2011, people will take to the streets to register their dissent. There's needs to be more progressive and alternative ways to healing the environment, ending the wars (the Vietnam War ended because people saw what was really happening on the tv), hunger, de-ghettoizing neighborhoods, and organic farming.
Right now, I'm in the midst of planning some events and goals for the year. I cannot sit idly by while corporations such the life out of the American people. I will also focus on some trans issues because transgender people are affected by all the bigotry and invasion of privacy in our lives. The way I see it, 2011 will be an active and exciting year.
~Genevieve
As I look at 2011 I see a more active life. I have been reading much on some issues of interest to me. I will be out protesting a lot this year, not only about trans issues. There is so much that is affecting the lives of people across the country; foreclosures, unemployment, politicians selling out to corporations, outsourcing of jobs, genetically engineered food (very bad for people), and a mainstream media that does not reperesent our interests. Many cities are bankrupt and more will be so this year. I probably will be protesting more in 2011 than I have in my entire life.
Our brethren in Europe Asia, Africa, South America, and the Caribbean are out in the streets when something threatens their lives and well being. In America, there is much apathy and acceptance of much of this criminal strangulation of of the people. I believe that in 2011, people will take to the streets to register their dissent. There's needs to be more progressive and alternative ways to healing the environment, ending the wars (the Vietnam War ended because people saw what was really happening on the tv), hunger, de-ghettoizing neighborhoods, and organic farming.
Right now, I'm in the midst of planning some events and goals for the year. I cannot sit idly by while corporations such the life out of the American people. I will also focus on some trans issues because transgender people are affected by all the bigotry and invasion of privacy in our lives. The way I see it, 2011 will be an active and exciting year.
~Genevieve
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Snow; Year Closing Comment
New York got hit with a major snowstorm on Sunday. It snowed nearly 3 feet where I live. My street wasn't plowed for two days. Many sides streets weren't touched. The city is taking a hit as well it should. The mayor admitted, begrudgingly, that he messed up. It's warming up so some of the snow will melt.
As the year draws to a close, I can say that I have learned much about life as much as myself. More and more I see the need to find common ground with people because we need to connect. I have been able to do this but I need to do more of it. It may mean that my belief system will be challenged but so be it. Putting myself in another person's shoes helps me to see what the person may be facing.
It great that I did accomplish some of my goals. It was a tough year financial but I have remained positive and know this will not last forever. As the new year approaches, I pray that all will succeed and see their dreams fulfilled.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
~Genevieve
As the year draws to a close, I can say that I have learned much about life as much as myself. More and more I see the need to find common ground with people because we need to connect. I have been able to do this but I need to do more of it. It may mean that my belief system will be challenged but so be it. Putting myself in another person's shoes helps me to see what the person may be facing.
It great that I did accomplish some of my goals. It was a tough year financial but I have remained positive and know this will not last forever. As the new year approaches, I pray that all will succeed and see their dreams fulfilled.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
~Genevieve
Thursday, December 23, 2010
GENEVIEVE'S GEMS
Be thankful for who you are. There are people that appreciate you because you
are you.
~Genevieve
are you.
~Genevieve
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
PROUD TO BE A TRANSGENDER WOMAN
I am a transgender woman and proud to be one. I was born this way and no one has the right to deny me what is rightfully mine. We are more visible now than ever. Even in the LGB community, we are still looked upon as second class citizens by some. This is something that needs to change.
Transgender men and women have always been involved in many activities which made America great. We have been around since the beginning of time. In spite of all the efforts to eradicate us, we thrive and survive. The flag above is one that am proud to carry and bear.
~Genevieve
Transgender men and women have always been involved in many activities which made America great. We have been around since the beginning of time. In spite of all the efforts to eradicate us, we thrive and survive. The flag above is one that am proud to carry and bear.
~Genevieve
Friday, December 17, 2010
GENEVIEVE'S GEMS
“To have one’s individuality completely ignored is like being pushed quite out of life – like being blown out as one blows out a light.”
~ Evelyn Scott
~ Evelyn Scott
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Happy
Today is a very cold day but I am happy. It's has nothing to do with my circumstances but just the way that I feel now. I'm happy with who I am and how far I have progressed.
It seems that this year less is focused on the material and more on the spiritual and emotional. This year I have been challenged in my thinking, perspective, and how I view others. I'm sharing my happiness with you because there may be someone who needs encouraging. You are valued as a person.
I'm so happy to share my joy. Above all, I'm happy that I know you and see you as my brothers and sisters.
~Genevieve
It seems that this year less is focused on the material and more on the spiritual and emotional. This year I have been challenged in my thinking, perspective, and how I view others. I'm sharing my happiness with you because there may be someone who needs encouraging. You are valued as a person.
I'm so happy to share my joy. Above all, I'm happy that I know you and see you as my brothers and sisters.
~Genevieve
Saturday, December 11, 2010
December
December is in full swing now. People are scurrying about getting gifts, trees, and having office parties. Watching all this makes me dizzy at times. Yesterday I sat in an empty church sanctuary, thankful that I've made it this far.
In my mind this time of year can put many things into perspective. With each passing year this is means so much more to me. While I'm thankful for many things I'm mindful of many lonely people at this time. I appreciate family and friends for the meaning they add to my life.
We may see December as the end of another year. However, it can be the beginning of new goals and ideas. I guess it's just the student in me. I want to discover new things, to have my thinking challenged, and to share this knowledge with others. Yesterday, I enjoyed how much freedom we have to choose how we want to live our lives. It's something that needs to be encouraged.
~Genevieve
In my mind this time of year can put many things into perspective. With each passing year this is means so much more to me. While I'm thankful for many things I'm mindful of many lonely people at this time. I appreciate family and friends for the meaning they add to my life.
We may see December as the end of another year. However, it can be the beginning of new goals and ideas. I guess it's just the student in me. I want to discover new things, to have my thinking challenged, and to share this knowledge with others. Yesterday, I enjoyed how much freedom we have to choose how we want to live our lives. It's something that needs to be encouraged.
~Genevieve
Tuesday, December 07, 2010
GENEVIEVE'S GEMS
Action is a great restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result, but the cause, of fear. Perhaps the action you take will be successful; perhaps different action or adjustments will have to follow. But any action is better than no action at all.
~Norman Vincent Peale
~Norman Vincent Peale
Saturday, December 04, 2010
Hit By Flu Bug
Hi everyone. I was saddled with the flu for four days but I feel much better today. Seems like it's going around. Weather has been wacky- sixty degrees for a few days, then 40 degrees for a few days.
As I prepare to reminisce on 2010 I am thankful for many things (will address that later) but I also will express some issues that, in my opinion, we may need to be more vocal about. I'm very happy that there have been some successes in some locales regarding equality. Still there's more to be done.
One activity tht has picked up is writing. I have written quite a bit the past few months. Fiction, non-fiction and essays have been flowing through my brain. I do get those periods where I have much to say. I believe part of it has to do with all the transgender issues around the world. I've taken a global view of it and conclude that whatever happens elsewhere affects all of us. In the future I will post a couple of my stories, an essay or two, and my thoughts about where equality for transgender people is headed.
~Genevieve
As I prepare to reminisce on 2010 I am thankful for many things (will address that later) but I also will express some issues that, in my opinion, we may need to be more vocal about. I'm very happy that there have been some successes in some locales regarding equality. Still there's more to be done.
One activity tht has picked up is writing. I have written quite a bit the past few months. Fiction, non-fiction and essays have been flowing through my brain. I do get those periods where I have much to say. I believe part of it has to do with all the transgender issues around the world. I've taken a global view of it and conclude that whatever happens elsewhere affects all of us. In the future I will post a couple of my stories, an essay or two, and my thoughts about where equality for transgender people is headed.
~Genevieve
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
GENEVIEVE'S GEMS
If you have knowledge, let others light their candles at it.
~Margaret Fuller, journalist & critic, (1810-1850)
~Margaret Fuller, journalist & critic, (1810-1850)
Transgender Day of Remembrance
Last night I attended Transgender Day of Remembrance ceremonies at the community center. There was a candlelight vigil as about 150-200 people walked around a square block. Later there were speakers from various organizations. Persons from the audience shared their experiences.
I met a minister who attended for the first time. Mary and I talked about all the oppresion transgender people suffer in part from the religious community. Much of the vitriol against transgender people come from many pulpits. I shared with her that many people just don't know about transgender people because of what they hear from their pastors.
Reflecting on the evening, I am grateful to be transgender person. This is how I was created. I am saddened by many who have been lost to suicide. I related to Mary that I want to relate to people's spiritual needs as well as their physical needs. With each passing year, I see the advances we've had. I also see the struggles and setbacks. That won't stop me from doing what is right. We will be victorious!
There are Transgender Day of Remembrance ceremonies going on around the world at this moment. In my spirit I feel as if I'm there. As we remember those we've lost, let us love and appreciate those we have with us. Let's look out for each other, encourage one another, and tell them that they mean so much to us. By us demonstrating our love and concern for each other, the walls of injustice will come tumbling down.
~Genevieve
Friday, November 19, 2010
TDOR Ceremonies
Tonight I will be attending TDOR ceremonies at the community center. The purpose is honor transpeople who have been lost to violence and suicide. As my sister Monica Roberts so eloquently states in her blog, it's not the time to party.
I enocourage folks to attend a ceremony near you. It's a sober and and sometimes sad experience but it's also reality. Trans people are murdered every day just for being who they are. I love my trans brothers and sisters and do whatever I can to educate the public about us.
~Genevieve
I enocourage folks to attend a ceremony near you. It's a sober and and sometimes sad experience but it's also reality. Trans people are murdered every day just for being who they are. I love my trans brothers and sisters and do whatever I can to educate the public about us.
~Genevieve
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
Holiday Giving and Sharing
As the holiday season approaches, there are people who will be alone. This is a lonely time for folks who are estranged from their families. Many have lost family and friends through death. This is more evident in the LGBT community.
I am reminded that my mom always invited someone to her home who would otherwise be by themselves. if you know of some one who will be in this situation, invite them over for dinner or go out together. This is the season of giving and sharing and what better way is there to share it with someone who may feel depressed, lonely or unloved. They will be grateful.
~Genevieve
I am reminded that my mom always invited someone to her home who would otherwise be by themselves. if you know of some one who will be in this situation, invite them over for dinner or go out together. This is the season of giving and sharing and what better way is there to share it with someone who may feel depressed, lonely or unloved. They will be grateful.
~Genevieve
Friday, November 05, 2010
Fulltime Living
I'm looking to live fulltime as Genevieve in the future. It's always been my desire to do so and I can vision myself doing so in the next year or two. I wear skirts and camisoles around the house so it's not an issue with my spouse. My journey has been a progression of small steps. In a sense it has been a good thing because I'm still discovering much about being gender variant. I haven't shied away from what comes my way and living fulltime is one thing that I will embrace.
~Genevieve
~Genevieve
Thursday, November 04, 2010
Elections Recap-The Battle Has Just Begun
There were some gains for LGBT people in the elections but the House is in the hands of the Republicans now. While I believe we held our own in many instances, there's the national elections in two years. The fight has just begun!
There are two things I see that we as LGBT need to do. First, we need to respond to whoever is in office and share our concerns. This needs to be a consistent effort because our opponents aren't backing down. Neither can we. Second, let's not settle for incremements of equality which is no equality in my opinion. However we choose to address our concerns, let's keep working and keep educating.
I do believe that many people were educated about LGBT issues. Many really didn't know what we are about. I also believe that much of the religious dogma people see about GLBT people is bogus. This is an area that I will be heavily involved with.
Now is the time not to give up. One of the strengths of opponents is their persisitence. We need to match it with informed and intelligent presentations and facts. I certainly do not want them to beat me in the knowledge and information area. I'm going on the offensive! We need to do the same.
~Genevieve
There are two things I see that we as LGBT need to do. First, we need to respond to whoever is in office and share our concerns. This needs to be a consistent effort because our opponents aren't backing down. Neither can we. Second, let's not settle for incremements of equality which is no equality in my opinion. However we choose to address our concerns, let's keep working and keep educating.
I do believe that many people were educated about LGBT issues. Many really didn't know what we are about. I also believe that much of the religious dogma people see about GLBT people is bogus. This is an area that I will be heavily involved with.
Now is the time not to give up. One of the strengths of opponents is their persisitence. We need to match it with informed and intelligent presentations and facts. I certainly do not want them to beat me in the knowledge and information area. I'm going on the offensive! We need to do the same.
~Genevieve
Friday, October 29, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Carry Yourself In A Positive Light
Presenting transgender people in good and positive way is something close to my heart. We have had enough trouble with false carcitures my those who haate us. The sad thing is much of it is demeaning and insulting.
We need to guard against bringing a negative light to ourselves. It may be that because I'm older I'm sensitive to the way I dress, speak, and present myself to the public. I won't give them any reason to look at me as a joke or a clown.
~Genevieve
We need to guard against bringing a negative light to ourselves. It may be that because I'm older I'm sensitive to the way I dress, speak, and present myself to the public. I won't give them any reason to look at me as a joke or a clown.
~Genevieve
Friday, October 22, 2010
GENEVIEVE'S GEMS
Most of us, swimming against the tides of trouble the world knows nothing about, need only a bit of praise or encouragement - and we will make the goal.
~Robert Collier
~Robert Collier
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Another Opportunity
I am studying for a master's degree in mediation and conflict resolution. I have shared with my instructor and classmates that I am a trasngender person. My studies have presented an opportunity to share with my instructor and classmates.
In my textbooks, we have been discussing about different ethnic groups, minorities, and other minorities. GLBT people are placed into the last group. I was excited as I shared what transgender is. I have gotten great marks on the papers I have handed in also. I pray that my professor and classmates have been educated about transgender as well as gay, lesbian, and bisexual people.
~Genevieve
In my textbooks, we have been discussing about different ethnic groups, minorities, and other minorities. GLBT people are placed into the last group. I was excited as I shared what transgender is. I have gotten great marks on the papers I have handed in also. I pray that my professor and classmates have been educated about transgender as well as gay, lesbian, and bisexual people.
~Genevieve
Friday, October 15, 2010
The Journey Continues
My Continuing Journey
I recently read Jack Kerouac’s novel On the Road. It is based on the author’s travels throughout the country. It is a trip filled with wild adventure, madness, heavy drinking and aimless activity. I don’t know if I could have survived such a journey without going mad.
As I look back on my life, I have traveled a similar though shorter road. I traveled a bit when I was younger and some when in my thirties. I didn’t drink or engage in wild parties but observed what was happening around me. If I had not accepted Jesus into my heart I would have wandered around the country. Prior to that, I was asking questions about the meaning of life.
The past several years have been a journey of another kind. It is my excursion as a transgender woman. Like Kerouac, my journey started as my trying to make sense of my discontent. Unlike Kerouac, mine dealt with my gender. Questions about what is masculine and feminine is filled my brain. When I admitted to myself that I was a cross dresser, I was relieved. However the journey was just beginning.
Here it is over five years later and I’m still on that journey. I recently came out to myself as a transsexual (non-op). Now I’m experiencing more internal changes. My journey has been adventurous if without the drama. I have discovered many feelings that I never knew that I had. What does it mean is that I need to do is to express my femininity. It’s something that I really want to do.
~Genevieve
I recently read Jack Kerouac’s novel On the Road. It is based on the author’s travels throughout the country. It is a trip filled with wild adventure, madness, heavy drinking and aimless activity. I don’t know if I could have survived such a journey without going mad.
As I look back on my life, I have traveled a similar though shorter road. I traveled a bit when I was younger and some when in my thirties. I didn’t drink or engage in wild parties but observed what was happening around me. If I had not accepted Jesus into my heart I would have wandered around the country. Prior to that, I was asking questions about the meaning of life.
The past several years have been a journey of another kind. It is my excursion as a transgender woman. Like Kerouac, my journey started as my trying to make sense of my discontent. Unlike Kerouac, mine dealt with my gender. Questions about what is masculine and feminine is filled my brain. When I admitted to myself that I was a cross dresser, I was relieved. However the journey was just beginning.
Here it is over five years later and I’m still on that journey. I recently came out to myself as a transsexual (non-op). Now I’m experiencing more internal changes. My journey has been adventurous if without the drama. I have discovered many feelings that I never knew that I had. What does it mean is that I need to do is to express my femininity. It’s something that I really want to do.
~Genevieve
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)