A Radical Church

I am fascinated by the make up of the first Christian church. There were people in attendance who were not normally welcomed in other religious settings. There were women, the poor, the lame, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, tax collectors, robbers..you get the picture. Jesus opened up the way when He died on the cross for our sin and broke down the barriers that separated people.

It didn't matter if you were Jew, gentile, male, female, rich, poor, reputable or had a reputation of ill repute. Many came to the first church because they were inclusive of everyone. This was quite radical in the patriarchial society of that time.

I have no doubt that there LGBT people there too. I believe that this is the type of church that is needed today. All inclusive of every one regardless of gender expression, sexuality, or race. The way I see it, it is the Christian church that can set the tone for including transgender people in their congregations. There are transgender and gender variant people who need love and acceptance. They need someone to share with them that they are loved and that God loves them. God hasn't called me to the ministry but I look forward to a day that the church is truly ALL inclusive.

California marriage bill affects all

With the passage of same-sex marriage bill in California, it serves to remind me that it affects us transgender folks too. Though ENDA failed to pass, it cannot stop us fro the pursuit of our goals and equality. Many in society have the mistaken notion that we seek special rights. I have heard this before because as an African-African the same stuff was said about us. If the Constitution deems all men (and women) are created equal, then it's high time this lofty ideal was put into practice.

If a group of people are denied basics rights, the powers that be will find some other reason to deny another group of its rights. An example is the profiling of men from south east Asia and the middle east. Thousands are being held in prisons all over the world just because of who they are. Transgender folks suffer discrimination and marginalization for the same reasons.

One reason I believe Republicans can come back is that they think long term. They raise funds and awareness on a few causes and get out to the public. When the lose an election or a goal is failed, they assess what went wrong, regroup and then move ahead. I do admire this strategy. We transgender and gender variant people need to do the same thing. The passage of this bill in California took hard work, getting out in public and perserverence. This is something that we have to do.

I am making it a point to be out more in public and become involved in change. It may also mean that I will express my cross gender status to others. I meet more GLBT folks in groups outside the umbrella and I'm heartened. Now if it can translate into equality and respect.

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

BE WHO YOU ARE. NO ONE CAN LIVE LIFE FOR YOU.



Yesterday, I was chatting with a woman about a project she is working on. I saw a copy of 'Center Happenings', a magazine put out by the local LGBT center, in her bag. I remarked that I read it also. As we conversed she revealed to me that she is lesbian. I told her that I am transgender. she talked for a half hour sharing our experiences, stories, and backgrounds. It's wonderful that I met a lovely and creative lesbian woman at the same place that we volunteer. I feel more open now about my transgenderism in this setting. I haven't told anybody yet but I'm looking to produce some short stories and poems about what it is to be transgender. That conversation really made my day.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

With each passing day, I see the day when transgender people will secure their rights.

Breaking Barriers

I have been wearing a skirt the past week. My son's girlfriend saw me wearing it today. I could hear her laughing in the next room. Ah, well. Another barrier broken. I feel so comfortable in them.
I have had time to reflect on transgender issues and LGBT in particular. While progress has been made there's still much to do. Generally, as in all struggles, there are common threads that run through all parties involved. Some are out there and known to all concerned. Others are not so discernable. Then there are those threads which are there and need to be dealt with. These are the ones I will touch on.

The first is that there are many people who still do not know what transgender is. There are some who do understand what transgender is about, there are many more who do not. What gets me is that some refuse to discuss the matter and choose to remain ignorant. Education is still needed on the part of school officials, parents, legislators, prison officials, and the general public.

Second, those who perpetrate bigotry and hate will, in the future, confront it face to face. A number of our social institutions were responsnible for countless suffering of slaves, women, Native-Americans and now transgender people. I am a born again Christian and the vitriole spewed against LGBT folks from so-called Christians is very repulsive. Some of these churches are realizing that there are LGBT people in their midsts. Certain denominations are having to deal with allowing LGBT folks to be ordained, married, lay ministers, teachers, and worshippers. Schools are having to deal with LGBT boys and girls. Yes, we're everywhere.

I have so much hope for our young people because many choose to be who they are. Many schools across the country have LGBT organizations to help the students. As an older transgender person, this brings me much joy. Change can be a positive. I believe many institutions would be enriched by the many contributions , skills, and talents of LGBT people. I pray that someday they will recognize this.

WORDS OF WISDOM

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

For every person that rejects us,
there is someone who will accept as we are.

Wearing Skirt in Wife's Presence

For the past four days I have worn a skirt around the house in my wife's presence. I wouldn't have been able to do this a year ago. We have never prevented each other from doing the things we love in our 28 years of marriage. I love her for that. I have shared some more things about being transgender over the past few months. I feel freer to be who I really am.

I have realized how comfortable I am wearing women's clothing. I have been comfortable with my transgender identity for nearly two years, but now more so. I have a saying 'Never let others define who you are' and I live by that credo. I don't care what society thinks about me. I love all my brothers and sisters in the LGBTQI community. Nothing will separate me from that.

I lie in bed this morning reminiscing over the many labels that us transgenders have put on us. I thought more about what I refer myself as. I'm comfortable with the ones that I call myself though I never let those labels define me. In a strange way I find for myself empowered by them.
I am transgender, transvestite, queer, heterosexual, and androgynous. I'm not ashamed to call myself these because they accurately describe how I see myself inwardly. When I embraced crossdressing and transgender identity, it changed my perception about how gender is constructed by the medical establishment. Just as no two people are alike, there are no two people alike in expressing their gender/sexuality.
I feel that I have been set free from the constraints of what others say about what I should be. I see the many forces trying to tell us who we are and what we should be. I ask who does that benefit? How many transgender people have committed suicide because of this nonsense. I love the title of Kate Bornstein's book 'Gender Outlaw' because I am transgressing the gender binary system.
Yes, I'm very,very content about how I describe myself and about how I feel about who I am. If people call me transgender or transvestite or queer, I'm ok with it. I feel honored by it.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Seeing others succeed means more to me than the honors
bestowed on me.

Gender Struggles Cont'd...

In the blog for 4/20, I discussed my gender struggles revealed in my writings. Today I read a poem I had written that probably will make clearer my struggle to discover who I was. Here it is.

URGES

They beckon you at every spare moment,
Drawing you into its web.
You resist, you put it off
but it engulfs you.
You give in to its desires.
All innocence is gone
The mystery is no more.

6/20/2004

As you can see, this was written a year prior to my questioning my gender. I didn't know that I was questioning my masculinity and yet I was being drawn deeper into something that I didn't understand. I was wondering if if this was some abyss that I could never climb out of. I imagine that more LGBT folks go through this more than its mentioned. What I find repulsive is when the medical establishment labeled us as 'mentally disturbed'.
If transgenders were allowed to express and live who they are, would it have spared so many from abusing drugs and alcohol or taking their lives? I'm happy that the younger generation is being themselves and not caring about what others think or say. I'm pleased now that my life was progressed the way it has. I believe that I am the richer for it.

Gender Struggles Revealed in Past Writings

I was reading over some short stories I had written several years ago. What it revealed was that I was struggling with gender and sexual identity and didn't know it. I fancied myself a stripper, a connoisseur of the alternative culture, and curried an interest in leather culture. Despite the great interest, none of these things really fit me. This was about 2002 or 2003.
Though I was enthralled by these things, I maintained that I would not become involved with them. I was being drawn toward letting myself experience gender and sexual diversity. For a while I thought I may be bisexual or pansexual but I was not sexually attracted to men. I ruled that idea out but still I was confused. I never experienced thoughts like this in my life- and I was in my fifties!
Looking back, I kept being drawn into something that I did not understand. I had felt that I was different since my thirties. I also like people and activities that were outside the norm though I was just an observer. Now it seemed that my days of being a wallflower were nearing an end. The next couple of years would reveal more inner turmoil. The 'urges' inside me kept getting stronger and more frequent. I was afraid. How was this going to affect my family and my livelihood?
The day I tried on my spouse's skirt was a turning point in my life. In a few weeks I realized that I was a cross dresser. All the 'urges' and desires I had crystallized after one counselling session.
I was in denial for several weeks. 'It will pass!' I kept saying to myself but my body was telling me differently. I was reading much about cross dressing and transgender at the time. When I finally embraced my cross dressing and transgender identity, all of the struggle and tension dissipated. I was at peace with my decision and I haven't looked back since.
Today, I am a happy and content cross dresser and transgender. I have been completed and liberated. I would encourage every one struggling with gender and sexuality to seek counseling to sort out their feeelings. I wonder if letting people explore their gender would lessen all the remorse and guilty hoisted upon them? I thank God for who I am. I'm free to be the person that He wants me to be.

Genevieve

Transgender and Proud

I have been crossdressing for roughly three years. I am transgender also. I embraced both during my coming out process and have never been happier.

During this time I have learned much from those who came before me. Fifty six is relatively late to realize my transgender identity but I believe there are reasons. I have been a late comer to many activities. Why, I was late to my high school graduation. The motto 'better late than never' suits me.

Many have known that they are transgender in childhood. I never had feelings of being different until my thirties. During these past three years I have grown emotionallly and spiritually. I have found a family that I never knew I had. Transgender is a diverse and broad term which describes many gender expressions. I am a peace and content with being transgender and a cross dresser and I'm proud of that. I enjoy dressing and going out but I have decide to be involved in advancing equal rights for transgenders.

I didn't suffer many things that some of us have but I am part of family. The more that I express myself the more likely that I may encounter something more than a few lewd comments. Looking ahead, I see more improvements in the lives of transgender people. I will stay positive, keep learning and understanding, and contribute my time and efforts for transgender people.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Share your story with others. It's worth telling because it may help someone else to be bold and proud of who they are.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Be who you are. Don't let anyone say to you that you are not worthy of dignity or respect.

With each passing day my allegiance to the transgender community deepens.

It's hard to believe that it was 40 years ago when Martin Luther King was felled by an assassin's bullet. I was a nineteen year old college student at the time. I just finished my last class and was walking to the cafeteria for dinner. My roommate told me that King was killed.
I do remember a flash of anger surged through me. I could have lashed out like many did in the ensuing riots that followed. I chose not to follw the same path because it would lower me to the level of those who wished him dead. I remember a number of white students telling me personally how sorry they were about what happened. Looking at the hurt in their faces, they were sincere and heartbroken. There were memorial services on campus and it was quite evident that may people were hurting and grieving. King's assassination was the fourth within five years. John F. Kennedy, Robert Kennedy, and Malcolm X suffered the same fate.
Fast forward 40 years. While many gains have been made, there's still much to be done. Where are the dynamic leaders? More importantly, where are those people who will roll up their sleeves and get down to the hard work of affecting life changing decisions. It starts with each and every one of us. I am at the point in my life that I want to make a difference. I will be teaching soon. I'm currently involved in a couple of projects in which I pray that will generate interest and activity towards improving the lives of others. It is important to get the people who are affected by injustice involved in the problem solving process.
I will always be grateful to Dr. King for his courage and conviction to do what was right. It is our duty to do what is right despite those who would interfere or stop us altogether. As a transgender and an African-American, I will do what is right in his sight. Working to improve the lives of my LGBTQI sisters and brothers is one of my goals. Like Dr. King, I must do what is right.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Crossroads are places we arrive at but have to choose which one to trod.

I will be at the Gay Expo this Saturday at the Jacob Javits Center here in New York City. American Veterans for Equal Rights, an LGBTQ veterans group which I am a member, will be sponsoring a table at the event.

I was wondering if I should come dressed to the event. Well, low and behold, the leader of the group called and said to dress up. HOORAY!!. I can't wait. AVER is a vets group open to all GLBTQ vets. We are looking to get the word out that there is a veterans group for GLBTQ men and women who have served in the armed forces. One of the groups' goals is to have "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" law repealed. It is an ambiguous regulation which unfairly penalizes GLBT people because of their sexual/gender expression.

I will let you how everything went next week.

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

I need to make sure my slip isn't showing.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

The journey may be confusing at times and the stream of gender never ending but we will arrive somewhere we have never been.

Last night, I met with my bible study group. I usually dress at the community center then head out to dinner before the meeting. This time I was going home dressed. I informed my spouse the day before that I was coming home as 'Gennee'. She said okay. She has never seen me fully dressed up. I was wearing blue flats, blue skirt and a blue and yellow print blouse.

When I arrived home her eyes widened. "How do you like?" I inquired.
"You look good." she replied. Her attitude about my dressing is more open since we disccussed it at length a few weeks ago. We share skirts, blouses, and jewelry. She said that I have more jewelry than she's ever owned in her life. Wow, did I feel good!

During the summer I will be leaving the house as 'Gennee' when my son moves out in June. I can't wait. I am much freer and so want to express my feminine side more. Having a wife who lets me be myself is a blessing.

Gennee (Genevieve)

I was looking over some old short stories I had written several years ago. I fancied myself being a stripper, a leather enthusiast,and a connoisseur of the alternative lifestyle. I never actually participated in these things because they didn't really fit me.

As I think about it now, my gender questioning started around this time and I didn't know it. I was writing about something that I did not understand. This was around 2001 or 2002. I have long believed that people are a dichotomy of two people, the feminine and the masculine. Many people won't admit that they have both for fear of being labeled weird, soft, or not manly or feminine. The feeling that I was different was strong at this time.

Finding where one fits in can be a long and arduous task. When I found out that I was transgender, the next task was to feel comfortable in my new identity. I was over a year before I felt comfortable and content with my identity.

Maybe this was God's way of leading me to the place to where I am today. I'm still exploring my identity and seeing where the journey will take me. Perhaps my successes will encourage others who are struggling.

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

The greatest feeling one can have is to be content and at peace with who
they are. What others think or say is irrelevant.

I purchased another item today for my wardrobe. It was a blue and green print blouse. I can't wait until the weather gets warmer. I feel freer to be 'Gennee' ever since I shared more of her to my wife. The fact that she wants to borrow my stuff is exciting. Easier on the pocket book. We have been married 28 years (May) and it has been wonderful.

When I first told her about my crossdressing she was shocked at first. She has come to accept this part of me, though she thinks I'm weird ( a fact I own up to). I wish that partners were more accepting of their mates dressing because they desire to express another side to them. To me that's what life is about.Exploring, challenging, and creating. I came to CDing late in life but I'm very happy that I did.

Over the past few weeks I have shared much with my wife about my cross dressing. She is more accepting of it. Now she wants to wear some of my clothing. I showed her some of my jewelry and she likes them. My wife has never prevented me from dressing but now I feel freer to be Gennee. I never hid anything from her but now I can tell about Gennee because she understands that this is a part of me.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

A life lived toward helping others makes it both rewarding and worthwhile.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

One of the rewards of having struggled is that we can encourage
someone else after we have successfully gone through it.

In Funk and Wagnalls standard dictionary, 'normal' is defined as conforming to or consisting of a pattern regarded as typical of a specific group. The words 'conforming piqued my interest because conformity can be a natural occurence or forced upon people. LGBTQI people know this all too well.
How many gender variant men and women have been vilified, prejudged, and even killed because they do not fit the so-called norm that society demands? What's normal is America may be something else to an indigenous tribe in South America. What the ex-gay ministries has done to countless gays and lesbians is deplorable. Lives are ruined, faith is destroyed, and many have committed suicide because of the erroneous idea that they can be made straight.
I have Native Amarican ancestry in my family genealogy and I am sure that there were gender fluidity men and women. I'm sure that my being transgender may be the fulfillment of some ancestral prophecy.
Reading the words of Jesus in Matthew 19:11-12, he echoed his understanding of eunuchs. Some are born to be eunuchs, some are made that way by man, and others choose to be eunuchs to better serve God. I have embraced my life as a transgender person and view it as a gift. I wonder if transgender people are modern day eunuchs? though there is no mention of gender variant people in scripture, a study of the societies of those times reveal that it was normal in many of the pagan nations.
Unfortunately there are those who do not accept us because we choose to be who we are. It's a shame because society can learn much from us. Jesus understand that. Wouldn't if be nice if people actually do. It will be a benefit to them and society as a whole.

Every Friday I post some words of wisdom in 'Genevieve's Gems'. I have never shared how this came about and will attempt to do so. Shortly before I accepted my transvestism, I read much about cross dressing and transgender. I started this blog because I needed to record my inner struggles and thoughts.
When I came out to myself as TG/TV, my whole life changed. My eyes were opened up to a new world. I read postings from other cross dressers. Many were enjoying their femininty but others were struggling with shame and guilt. They were told that what they were doing was sinful, wrong, perverted, disgusting, etc. I wanted to encourage my fellow cross dressers so I started the weekly posting. It's not only for cross dressers and transgender folks but for every body in the LGBT community. We need all the encouragement we can get because society for the most part won't.
I go by the name of Gennee or Genevieve. I created the former because there were other ladies named Genevieve on the forum that I subscribed to. When I attend meetings at the community center I'm known as Gennee. I dress up for most of them because I enjoy who I am and hopefully will encouraged others. I thought that encouraging words would be a pearl to others and that's how I came up with 'gems'.
I hope that 'Genevieve's Gems' will encourage and strengthened you. We have the right to be who we are. I am not going to let anyone tell me who or who not to be and neither should you. Be happy with who you are, be proud, and stay strong.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

I would rather encourage a hurting soul than be honored for some great deed.

continued from 2/3

Gender fluidity is accepted in many cultures. I have Native American ancestry in my genealogy. Cross dressing, gender fluidity, and transgenderism is a part of many Native American tribes. It is also common in tribes in Africa, Asia, and South America. It was evident in biblical times where eunuchs were eventually included in the assembly of God.
I am comfortable with my transgender identity. It isn't someone that I chose but it is something that was inside of me. When it became evident to me that I was transgender, I embraced it. Many GLBTQI folks knew that they were different as children. There is no crime in being different.
Jesus acknowledged that some people were born to be eunuchs while others were made that way by man or chose to be eunuchs (Matt. 19:11-12). Jesus also mentioned to there are some who could not accept this. Those who try to make someone into what they are not does much harm and damage to the people (see ex-gay ministries).
Contrary to what some religious institutions might think, there were LGBTQI people throughout the bible. They may not be identified but I firmly believe that we were plentiful in the early Christian church. We were loved by God and accepted as we were. Today, God still loves and accepts us. We are everywhere and making our mark in spite of great odds against us.

This blog is in response to Friday's 'Genevieve's Gems'. The word 'normal' in Funk and Wagnalls' standard dictionary is defined as ' comforming to or consisting of a pattern regarded as typical of a specific group. Conforming piqued my interest because conforming can come naturally or be forced upon its subjects. This is done when stronger cultures take over other cultures. The slave trade, the Inqusition, homophobia and transphobia are examples of this.
There are countless LGBTQI men and women who are harrassed, vilified, and even killed because they do not conform to the gender binary construct of what male and female are supposed to be. What things ought to be and what they actually are is two different matters....

to be continued

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

What is normal to one person may not be to another person.

The Florida elections have been interesting to say the least. I'm happy that Rudy Guiliani is out. I will comment about this and my thoughts in a future blog. I still believe it will be a dogfight between John McCain and Milt Romney for the Republicans and Hillary and Obama for the Democrats. In my opinion some more things about the candidates will come out that may influence some voters.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

It's time for transgender people to stand up and make our presence felt.

I'm following the debates as much as possible and I still am not sure who I will vote for. There are a number of issues that are of concern to me. Education, morality and family values, the economy to name of a few.

One of the dangers of selecting a candidate is to focus on only one issue. Yes, the candidate may be strong on one issue but weak on others. I have read where some folks are just focused on trans issues or the war or the economy. We need to remember is that the president has to deal with a number of issues. Our local politicians have more influence that the president does so maybe a little heat has to be put under their feet.

I also conclude that we have to become involved in the issues that concern us. We have to be willing to work, share with others, and voice our concerns. We must become so self absorbed that we don't see the needs of others. There's plenty to do. I'm sure there are those who would welcome our input and support.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Life brings us that many forks in the road;
the difficult part is choosing which fork to take.

Yesterday, I watched the documentary 'Southern Comfort' on LOGO tv. It is about the journey of Robert Eads, a female to male transsexual who eventually dies of ovarian cancer. Twenty refused to treat Roberts Eads because there feared that it would upset their clients. Question: why are these people in the medical profession? As a African-American I'm not surprised by this lack of compassion. It was a short time ago in America that black people were not admitted into a white hospital or clinic. Charles Drew, the inventor of the modern day blood bank, died of injuries suffered in a car accident in the 1950 south because hospitals would not admit him. People of color, immigrants, and the poor still receive inferior medical treatment in some places.
Transgender people face the same daunting fears. The community center here held a Trans health fair this past June, the first of its kind. It is a positive step toward the medical establishment understanding what transgender face. Watching the documentary inspired me to write this blog because it reminds me that there is still so much to do. Fighting for equality takes courage, skill, and perserverance.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

For change to happen, we must first examine ourselves to see
what changes we need to make.

A belated Happy New Year to you. Last year was a very good one and I'm looking forward to what this year will bring. I'm still setting up the goals that I want to achieve. One of them is to be more involved with helping others. I don't know where or in what capacity yet but I want to make a difference. We really need it in the TG community, that's for sure.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

The time has come for transgender and gender variant people
to make ourselves visible and to be active.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Being who you are is more important than what others may think or say.
Be proud of who you are, and help someone else along the way.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Invite some to your home or visit someone who may be lonely or depressed. Bring joy into someone else's life.


Hospitality was one of the virtues my late mother possessed. If she knew someone who did not have any family nearby or lived alone, she would invite them over to her place. From what she told me, the person who comment to her days later that it was the best day they have in some time.
When I thought about this, I wonder how many trans people feel isolated, depressed, or lonely. Perhaps the holidays dredge up many sad memories of the past. I look at the holiday season as a time of reflection. It is a time to be thankful that God has let me see another year. It's a time to be thankful for the good things that has happened. Perhaps, we can share that goodness with someone who may feel that they aren't appreciated for who they are.
As we reflect on the season, let each one of us bring joy to someone who may need it. Invite them to dinner, give a small gift, and share what you have. To me bringing joy to another life is the best Christmas present I can give.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

I'm finished with classes for my last semester. I graduate in May with my Bachelor's degree in education. I will be tutoring adults in an adult education class while I study for the exam for certification. I will be moving onto to graduate school in the fall for my Master's degree in education.
Sometime in the future I will pursue a master's in Gender Studies. As a future educator, the needs of LGBT students will have to be addressed in our educational institutions. Teachers will need to know how to address and relate to students whose gender does not conform to the rigid binary that is enforced, directly and indirectly. I will have to take a more open stance on these matters because it affects many people. Fellow teachers, administrators, parents, and school districts will have to see that we are here to stay. LGBT students deserve the same opportunity and quality education as anyone else with out worrying about being bullied or harassed or ignored.
Sometimes a person may have to go against the grain of conventional thought. I have in an indirect and quiet way. I know that some day I will have to do this in the public sector and I am willing to do it. Doing what is right is more important to me than what is convenient or the'norm'. History reflects this over and over. I am long past the point of what the greater society thinks about me and my gender expression.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Being a faithful friend is more valuable than silver and gold.

Another year is almost over. As I reminisce, there have beeen many changes in my life. The changes have been so subtle that I don't even notice it. Each time I attend a trans events it reveals to me that I am a different than I was a few months earlier.
The fact that I'm not afraid was evident when I started dressing. When I threw caution to the wind, it was I saying to the world, "This is me!" I am content being transgender and transvestite and don't feel any shame or guilt about it. My desire for my trans brothers and trans sisters is to see them overcome all the shame others have fostered on us because of our identity. Nobody should be made to feel ashamed of who they are.
One other fact is that I want to share my story with others. We need to tell our own stories and let people know that we are productive, loving, and caring people. One positive sign is the openness among young about LGBT issues. So day I would love to speak to a group of people and share why I am who I am.

Last night I attended transgender Day of Remembrance vigil and celbration. About 150 people gathered at the community center. The group gathered outside for the march carrying candles, flashlights and posters. One of the posters read 'Transphobia Is Un-Acceptable'. We marched a half block to the park where we joined hands in a circle and prayed. Later we marched one square block and back to the center.

Speeches were spoken and acknowledgements given to numerous trans organizations. Several people to friends and family lost to anti-trans violence and AIDS. a young man cited two murdered transgender people who cases are still unsolved after a decade. A tribute that touched my heart was from a woman whose trans brother went to Chicago-never to be heard from again.

I surveyed the room as we enjoyed a luscious meal. there were transmen, transwomen, genderqueer, gay, straight, lesbianand others. I met a couple of transwomen that I knew. I met a transman form one of my forums who transsitioned earlier this year. He realy looked great!

I wondered earlier how I would react because the Day of Remembrance is one event that really touches me. People are killed senselessly because they are being themselves. Instead I was encouraged by all the people and it gave me comfort that the community is strong and growing.

There was a 'Tree of Remembrance' on the side. In the programs we were given were different colored leaves cut out of construction paper. Each person was encouraged to write the name of a person who has gone on. I didn't know anyone who died from anti-transgender violence but put down the names of two transgender women I had read about. One was Rita Hester, a transgender woman who was stabbed repeatedly. the other woman was Tyra Hunter, a transwoman who was injured in an accident. Upon discovering that she was genetically a male, Tyra was not treated and died from her injuries. This case makes my blood boil.

On the the leaf that I had, I wrote this tribute to Rita and Tyra:
Rita Hester and Tyra Hunter,
I never knew you,
nor had I met you,
but I grieve for you.
I love you
and promise you
that your passing will not be in vain.

This past Sunday, I marched in the Veteran's Day parade. It was the second consecutive year of doing so. I wore a blue skirt, red pullover, and blue flats. I had to bundle up because of the cold.

I was interviewed by graduate students from local colleges about what it means to be transgender and a veteran. I stressed that transpeople should be allowed to serve. I also mentioned that throughout history transpeople answered their country's call. Younger people seem to be more open LGBT people.

One reason that I march is that there are transgender veterans who, for their own reasons, cannot. I believe that by my marching I represent transpeople.

When we marched up the avenue the crowds of people cheered us, thanking us for our service. It didn't matter what sexual/gender orientation we are. I am happy that people still feel strongly about our servicemen and servicewomen.I helped carry the banner for our group, American Veterans for Equal Rights. I kept blowing in my hand to keep from getting frostbite. If it's this cold next year, I'll remember to wear gloves.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

There should be contentment and inner peace in my heart
before I can accept others as they are.

As I attend more trans events the more change that I see in myself. This journey is subtle yet ongoing. Recently I watched a film called 'Transgender Basics' . It discussed the difference between sex and gender. It also talked about various expressions of gender such as genderqueer, transgender woman and trans man. While labels are useful for helping a person find a group they fit in, it should not define who we are. We are more than just the gender we express.

My next project is an in-depth study about transgender, crossdressing and the bible. A bible verse that stirs up much controversy on this issue is Deuteronomy 22:5 in the Old Testament. As a follower of Jesus Christ , my desire is to clear up as best as I can with God's help the myths and misconceptions about transgender people. This is one of the more ambitious projects that I'm doing.

Yesterday, I was in Greenwich Village walking in the gay district. I went looking for some stickers representing transgender people. I found one store but they were all out of them. As I strolled along the street, I recognized how happy I am to be transgendered. I am also a crossdresser who prefers transvestite.

When I was at home later in the evening, I thought about how transgender and gender variant people are unwelcome even in the GLB community. We're laughed at, scorned, an eyesore to so called respectable people. Being in the minority is nothing new with me. I am African-American, part Native American, a born again Christian ( the genuine followers of Christ are severely persecuted in many countries), and transgender.

I maintain that we put into question society's idea of male and female. It makes people question what it is to be masculine and feminine. In the GLB community it is, in my opinion, it throws ice cold water on the super male and super female phenomena so often put forth. I am not against GLB at all. It is a fact in some circles. As a minority, I know what prjudice and discrimination is first hand.

The fact that I am a crossdresser throws another angle into this debate. We're labeled as confused and not being able to decide which way we wished to go. We're ' tweeners so to speak. To some transsexuals, crossdressers are 'fake' women who can't decide whether or not to transition. Each person has their own reasons for doing what they do. I feel a kinship to those who are or have transtioned. My only concern is that the person is very, very sure that this what they want to do.

Another reason I believe that transgender and gender variant people are reviled is that we transgress the gender binary of male and female. One does not have to reveal their sexuality but gender identity is something that is out there in public. As an African-American, I wear my identity. When I go out in public as a woman, I am presenting my feminine side. I am not ashamed of my ethnicity or my gender status.

A second point to remember that it was transgender people who got the modern gay rights movement rolling. Trangsender and crossdressers have been at the forefront of many social movements. Leslie Feinberg's book Transgender Warriors states that historical fact. The Compton Cafeteria riots and the Stonewall Rebellion were begun when transgender, crossdressers and drag queens rebelled against police harassment. They had nothing to lose by do this. Sadly one of my heroes, Sylvia Rivera, is given scant mention of her role in the Stonewall Rebellion. To her dying day she chastised GLB for their unfair treatment of transgender people.

Seeing things now, I and others like myself will continue to work for transgender equality. I will continue to be proud of my ethnic and transgender heritage. In the end, I pray that the GLB communities who dislike us will see that we need each other.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Keep working for the things that you believe in.

I will be adding some new things to the blog. Poetry, articles, essays, news, and places to go are some things I am considering. I will still be posting about my journey and 'Genevieve's Gems'. There's so much happening regarding transgender and gender variant people and I want to keep you informed.

I attended a meeting on Tuesday wearing a black skirt, heels, and purple sweater. One person did not recognize me. He said that I looked wonderful. I felt good and buoyed by the fact that my appearance is gettting better. My make up and and nail polishing have improved. I purchased two necklace sets and threee bottles of nail polish (black, gray sparkle and grape). I have the grape on now.

I will be out again Saturday afternoon. I have been participating in an on going survey. I really love to tell about my experience as a male to female crossdresser and transgender. I just pray that others will be encouraged.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship.

-Saint Thomas Aquinas, Italian Theologian (1225-1274)

Listed below are a few websites that you may find interesting.

www.averny.tripod.com
www.epistle.us
www.julienemecek.blogspot.com
www.nctequality.org
www.transgriot.blogspot.com

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Just because something is never discussed or talked about
does not mean that it never happened or does not exist.

I have been writing in my journals about life as a transgender and some thoughts about what is happening with transgenders a a whole. I am considering for the future a book of essays about what life as a transgender is and the many changes that happen. I look at many things from a transgender perspective, though I am interested in many things.

To me, transgender is more than wearing the opposite sex's clothing and adopting the mannerisms. This is just me. Everybody has their own reasons and I do respect that. I sensed that my being transgender and a transvestite would take me deeper and deeper into the forest. I always want to learn something new and different and sometimes one has to be willing to take the plunge. Life doesn't stand still because we think it should. I take each day and each experience as it comes. I learn more about fellow sisters and brothers and about myself.

My desire is to contribute to the LGBT community. Transgender and gender variant people need to feel that they are valued and appreciated. As a senior (if you consider 59 to be senior), I want to add more to those of us who are aging. Haven't figure it out yet but I'm looking in a few things. One goal I have is to write a play or short about transgender and gender variant people who are in their sixties and older.

There is a fine movie playing the Quad Cinema called 'The Bible Tells Me So'.

www.forthebibletellsmeso.org

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Unconditional love means that! Unconditonal, no strings attached.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

WHO, BEING LOVED, IS POOR?

-Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist (1854-1900)

Last night I wore a new wig for the first time. I guess I must have passed pretty well because
a man started talking with me while I browsed through some books at the center. He complimented me on how nice my hands looked and that I was a lovely woman. He was the second person that said that about me. He asked if I was headed anywhere? I replied that I had a dinner date with friends (which I did). I believe that this man wanted to date me. While I'm not interested in sex, I am appreciative of the compliments. I have worked hard to make myself presentable as a crossdresser and I have had no trouble so far.

Now that fall has come, I can now work on my fall wardrobe. Purple and grey are the colors for the season. I recently purchased a new wig and I need another pair of shoes.

Hopefully, I can go out to more social events. I just have to pick my spots. I have a full load of classes and have had to organize my time. I have to have a little fun.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

WE CREATE OUR OWN POETRY BY THE WAY WE WEAVE INTO THE TAPESTRY OF LIFE.

Understanding what another group of people are about takes courage and discernment. Dropping all preconceived notions can be stumbling block for any positive communication. Last Tuesday, I attended the bi monthly LGBT Christian fellowship. My love for gay and lesbian people bloomed.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL MISERABLE UNLESS YOU ALLOW THEM TO.

Last night, I attend our bi monthly bible study. We had ten people in attendance. It was great seeing some new faces. I met for the first time someone who has attended in the past. It's amazing the love for God that my gay friends have. I am the only transgender among the group but I have a much better understanding of gay and lesbian people and issues involved. A young lesbian lady was in attendance, also.

In the past months my love for the gay and lesbian communities has grown along with my heart for transgender people. It's not so much for the issues that we know about, but they are loving and caring people who have come to terms with their sexuality. Just as I have come to terms with my gender expression and identity, they need to be respected and loved and accepted. Gay and transgender issues are closely tied to each other though there are some who think that they are not.

I have seen some changes in some of our social institutions regarding LGBT people. It's happening in the workforce, businesses, schools, prisons, churches, colleges,universtites, and in the political arena. People are asking questions and seeking answers because LGBT people are a visible force to be dealt with. My hope is that non LGBT people can be more educated and less phobic about us. I would love to sit down with someone and share with them why I crossdress. I would love to share with others that I am comfortable with who I am.

A question I often ask is what would non LGBT people do if they discovered that a relative or family member is gay, or lesbian, or transgender, or bisexual. What would they do if a member of their family likes to crossdress? Would they still love that person? It's something to think about.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Stand up and be proud of who you are.

I was able to share my crossdressing life with my son. He knew anyway but I still wanted to share it with him. He's pretty cool about it. He's says tht it's my thing and he's okay with it.

Now that summer is officially over, I can plan my fall wardrobe. Autumn is my favorite season because I like to wear skirts, sweaters. long blouse blouses, suits, and dresses. I enjoy the summer but the fall is my time to shine.

I'm hoping to add more insightful articles to the blogsite. Much is happening with transgenders and the gender variant and it's important to stay informed.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Progressive people are able to acknowledge and learn

from their mistakes, then move forward.

I was laid off from my job last Friday. I will get severance pay plus my last check. I expected it because there is no work. It was time for me to move on. I am applying for unemployment benefits. I start classes on Wednesday and I am able to take some courses in the daytime. The time off allows me to do some of the things that I really want to do.

I know that there's a job out there for me in God's time. I'm not stressed at all. I was unemployed once before twelve years ago and God saw us through. He willdo so once again.

I have been doing much writing and reading about a number of subjects. Presently, I'm reading about the Christian mystics and how they sought to be in tune with God. I am also reading much about transgender issues and how I can best serve the community. I see a parallell between what the Christian mystics were seeking and what transgender and gender variant people go through. I'm certainly not comparing our situation to these wonderful, blessed men and women, but the parallel is there. They were misunderstood, hated by the authorities for the most part (particularly in the Dark Ages), and the victims of society's mission to control what a person is suppose to be. Somewhere there is something bubbling within me that will come out on the written page.

I will have the opportunity to be with the family, and explore my gender expression in greater depth. There's something about to happen there pretty soon.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

It's not how long we live, it's what we accomplish while living.

As you can see writing is one of my passions. Lately I have been writing more from observation and personal experience. I have been sharing more about myself experience as a transgender in depth. Granted I don't have much experience or background as a transgender but there have certainly been numerous emotional changes which I'm sure many transgenders have experienced.

I am a latecomer to transgender and I'm sure there are many others who've had experiences similar to mine. I find that this journey is continual and far reaching. It touches everthing about us; our emotions, families, sense of being, and how we perceive ourselves,how greater society view us, and how we are to live our lives.

I look at life and see all the possibilities we all have. As transgender and gender variant people we offer much to society with our talents, skills, and unique perspectives about life. Life is more than living in some neat compartment because as we know it is not that way at all. To tell you the truth, I'm happy it's not that way at all.

Part of creative living is being willing and able to take risks. To take a chance on something or someone few think is worth the effort. Out of such efforts have sprung the Martin Luther Kings, Henry Fords, Jesus, Joan of Arcs, and others who saw beyond where they were living. That's the kind of life I desire to live.

I have been doing some writing over the past several days. I am a member of different forums on the internet. There is a very wide range of opinions and experiences about being transgender. Some is good, some not so good, and others the struggle to understand what they are going through. The best thing that I can do is try and understand and share in their triumphs and trials.

I never experienced some of the things that many have. Abuse, bigotry, being shamed and disparaged for being who I am and yet I am transgender. I never struggled with gender nor had the desire to crossdress but I am a crossdresser. I haven't been hurt, or disparaged, or in the wrong body, and yet I am a member of the transgender umbrella. Life has many twists and turns. It's what we do then those unexpected changes happen.

I don't regret anything that has happened. I embrace it. There are so many ways to minister to my transgender sisters and brothers. I'm concerned with their spiritual lives. Many have been hurt and need inner healing. They need to know that God loves them and cares what happens to them.

I was reading Saint Paul's epistle to the Corinthians how he became one of them in order to win them to Jesus. He didn't partake in a lot of their activities but he became part of them. In a sense that may be my mission; to win some over to Christ. I pray that many will be drawn to Jesus' healing and saving grace and mercy.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

We are not second-class citizens! We are created by God, beautifully and wonderfully made.

Today's another lovely day. With each passing day the thought of being able to express both sides of me is exhilerating and liberating.

Lately, I have been wondering that in the future I would like to live at least part time as a woman. I have mentioned this in the past, but now this is something that I'm seriously considering. I would love to live full time but I have family obligations. No, I'm not going to transition but being a transvestite is something I believe is inheritant in my nature now.

My wife and I celebrated our birthdays this past Saturday (Aug. 4th). The same day! We went out to dinner and enjoy a luscous meal of onions, chicken, yellow rice, steak, and ribs. We washed it down with pina coladas (non-alcoholic). I gave Louise a couple of pullovers (pink, white). She gave me a journal which I love. She knows I love to write.

I finished reading a book called Coming Out In Christianity. There is much debate on whether the Christian should embrace LGBT people in their congregations and pastorates. I have my thoughts on the subject which I will write about in another blog. It's has been running through my brain the past few days.

I didn't dress at all last week (too hot nad very humid). I did get to do it indoors though. There's plenty of sales going on and I hope to take advantage of them.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

You must love and accept yourself first before you expect others to love and accept you.

It's a beautiful day. A lot less humid. Enjoying writing and reading about crossdressing and transgender issues. I see myself being even more involved in the future. I also see myself making some life style changes though, at this point, I dont know what they will be.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

There comes a time when you have to stand up for what you believe.
Never let anybody put back in the closet you worked so hard to come
out of.

The past few days have been busy. I working on starting a business. Jewelry will be the specialty. I sold much of it when I was a street vender. I gained valuable knowledge about jewelry from other vendors and from Home Shopping Network.

I dressed this past Saturday and Sunday. I will be out again on Saturday perhaps. I will dress again when I attend my bible study group fellowship in August. I have been daring and want to be out more to people.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Three advanages of being a CD:

1. My spouse and I can share clothing.

2. Can be a male in the morning and a female in the evening.

3. I can go about the city without any one knowing who I am.

Who figured that I would be a part of the transgender and and crossdressing communities? If some one had told me that three years ago, I would have told them no way. Now that I am transgender and a transvestite, it has been a journey.

My idea about sexuality and gender has been affected to the point that I am willing to do some suffering for some of the causes involved. I have also come to love people that society would rather do away with. While I have not gone through some of the things that many have suffered, I feel that I am kin to those who have.

If those who know me found out about my transgender/transvestite status, it would draw shock, awe, and maybe some disappointment. That's because it's not becoming of me. I'm as straight arrow as one can be. Inside of me I have always had a quirky side to me. Other may ask 'Why are you hanging around with these people?' It's because I love them and care what happens to them.

Was this in the plan for my life? Why was it so late in my life? I don't know but whatever it is, I want to help make the lives of other better. One cannot put a price tag on seeing another trans brother or sister progress in their lives.

I have been trying to write some stories about transgenders. Have a few ideas but nothing to sink my teeth in yet. I'm writing for an online magazine fromm the perspective of a transgender and transvestite. I don't minimize the problems TGs face but I also believe that being positive goes a long way to living a productive and happy life.

I have bee thinking of adding some new things to the blog. Pictures, articles, etc. Just in the initial stages right now.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

I CAN CHANGE MY HAIR COLOR SEVERAL TIMES
IN THE SAME DAY

The Christian LGBT fellowship met last evening. Had four new people come. One was a new in town from Spain. A young woman named Claudia came for the first time. They found out about the group over the internet. If you wish to know more about the fellowship, the website is www.epistle.us. After singing and intros, we prayed for needs and requests.There is much to pray for, especially for the poor, immigrants, the culture of war, and the next Presidential election.


TONIGHT

GENDER DROP-IN: Feminine Spectrum
@LGBT Center
208 West 13 Street 7:30PM
Those would identify as transsexual, cross dresser gender queer, trans-femme, trans-women, trans-female, drag queen, femme queen, exploring, and other gender variant folks are welcome.

I was out and about on Friday evening. I was wearing a pink pullover, blue skirt, and flats. The longer that I was out the more comfortable I got. This was the most comfortable that I have felt being out. I just through caution to the wind and just enjoyed myself. Just another girl out for a stroll on a July evening.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Maybe blue is for boys and pink is for girls,

but I wear both colors .

Independence Day is tomorrow. Everybody enjoy your day. Also take pause to think about our servicemen and women serving overseas and the sacrifices they are making to keep us free.

There have been numerous gains in the transgender community. A number of states have incorporated gender expression in their hate crime laws. The LGBT center here in New York held its first annual Trans Health Fair last month. Yes, there have been gains but more work lies ahead.

I have achieved some of the goals I set at the beginning of the year. I have attended some TG events, gotten more involved with the community, and improved my make up work. I wasn't able to attend the New York City pride march, so that's one I did not accomplish. Maybe next year.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Show real pride by rejoicing with our brothers and sisters in their victories.

I have been transgender and a transvestite for two years. There have been numerous changes, especially on the emotional level. I am much more comfortable being transgender. I have a much better understanding of gay and lesbians issues. I have a different attitude about the AIDS epidemic. I am involved with trans issues.

I love where I am and wouldn't trade the experience for anything. The journey has been interesting but I look forward to whatever comes my way.

I was unable to attend the pride festivities. I had a matter that I had to take care of. Maybe next year. I'm considering volunteering for something. At least I have attended a pride event. I have another on scheduled for last August. Some day I would love to take in a pride event in another city or country.

I have been following the presedential candidates, though not closely, and I am disappointed. None of them are speaking to issues that are dear to me. A number of them won't reply to a question with a straight answer. To me it's way too early to be campaigning. Media overkill.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Summer's here, gurls! Now let's get out and show the world who we are!

Pride weekend will be in full swing starting tomorrow. I will be in the city on Saturday for the open house at the Center. I would like to know more about the services available to the community. I hope to meet the founder of the Metropolitan Community Church, Dr. Troy Perry also. I want to get his feedback about Church and the LGBT community.

It seems that I spent much time at the center. I wonder if there is something God wants me to do there? Many people go there and for some it is a safe haven there they feel they can be themselves without the threat of violence. It's sad that people can't live in peace.

The thought came to my mind as to what happens after the pride celebrations and events are over. I love the celebrations and the pagentry of the pride events but also reminds me that we haven't achieved total victory as of yet. There's work to be done. More challenges lie ahead. I have a quirky side to me because I tend to look at things after all the pomp and celebration is over. It's what is called reality. Daily living, so to speak.

I think about the confused man, woman, and youth who are struggling to figure it all out. I think about all those who have died through their own hand. It is these people that keep me humble and active. I am proud of being a crossdresser and transgender. I am reminded that I need to be out there working, encoraging, challenging, and educating others.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Pride is feeling good about who you are,
and seeing others feeling godd about themselves.

I attended Brooklyn Pride this past Saturday. It was my second pride event that I attended (the first time was last year) and I felt much more comfortable this time around. There were more vendors, plenty of food, and families.

One thing I noticed was the number of religious institutions present. Last year there were not even a handful. This time there 6 or 8 including three Jewish synagogues. It's amazing what one year can bring. Maybe they're beginning to see the light. Brooklyn has a large LGBT population but it's scattered.

I asked a number of questions to various organizations. I was particularly interested in Lambda Legal, an organization that focuses on workplace discrimination. It also is involved with schools of which I will be part of in the future. I'm querying about how I can serve LGBT students.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

If there's one that I have learned as a transgender person

it is the fact that we are so misunderstood. That's why we

need to share our own stories.

Last evening I attended a trans health fair at the community center. It was the first of its kind that deals specifically with transgnder and gender variant people. Many came out and I was glad to see a good turn out from the community. Health care can be an adventure for transgenders in that they don't always get the proper care they deserve. Couple that with the transphobia and cruel words directed at them many avoid getting the medical care they may need.

I was interviewed for a survey about medical care in the transgender community. Though I have never gone to the doctor cross dressed, a thought came to me. What kind of medical care would I receive if I arrived at a medical facility cross dressed? Would I be treated less than a human being or subjected to slurs and insults? I spoke at length with the interviewer about this concern. The passion about this concern welled up within me. I never knew that it concerned me that much. The horror stories that I have heard and read about makes me think about the matter with a critical and analytical concern.

There's so much that needs to be done regarding medical care. Perhaps this is another area that I can volunteer for.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

I never dreamed that my spouse and I would be sharing clothes.