Brooklyn Pride

This past Saturday, I attended Brooklyn Pride for the third year in a row. It was the first time I was dressed. I wore a black skirt, aqua blue v-neck pullover, and blue flats. The day was somewhat overcast.

When I arrived there were some protesters across the street. Apparently they didn't like the idea of GLBT pride in the neighborhood. This is the first time that I saw them. I strolled along the street, stopping intermitently. There was a 'marriage equality' booth, a couple of anti-violence groups, and a number of churches represented. I remember two years ago there were only two churches represented. This time there were at least a half dozen churches, a synagogue, and a Muslim group.

I picked up some materials to read. Brooklyn is the only borough (there are 5 in New York City) that does not have an LGBT center. I registered with a group looking to secure a building. I may volunteer if the opportunity comes up. I met a friend from my bible fellowship group. Tom and I were supposed to meet later on but we never did locate each other.

There's ususally a motorcycle parade in the evening but I did not attend. So far as I noticed I was the only crossdresser there. The event is usually six blocks. I do believe that there is room for growth. Brooklyn has over 4 million people and I believe that there are many LGBTQI people in Brooklyn who can use a place to be themselves.

I stayed 2 or 3 hours before heading home. Right now, there are some ideas rumbling through my head. I need to right them down so I can figure out my next move. The desire to support GLBT causes burns within me.

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

It's a beautiful thing when someone decides to be their true self.

Transgenderist

Last year, I was considering the possibility that I may be a transgenderist. I would define me as somewhere between a crossdresser and transsexual. I don't want to transition or take hormones. I have been dressing more and more. I would live full time as a woman but my marriage is more important.

I am equally comfortable in both genders, but I prefer the feminine. I am complete and liberated when I'm dressed. Also I don't feel constricted by what society says that I'm supposed to be. There are days I feel neither male or female. There are days that I feel that I'm both. I realized that I have crossed another threshold in my journey, something that two years ago I believed would happen.

It is said that life doesn't stand still. My journey hasn't either. I have discovered so much beauty and contentment and adventure. There are many, many genders that thankfully are being explored and embraced. I'm still discovering more about myself and exploring the many expressions of gender. What society thinks about me doesn't matter.

Gennee

Comfirmation of Contentment

I posted a blog on June 4th about my being comfortable in a noisy area. Society is like that noisy lobby. Instead of folks like myself, there are all different kinds of folks on the street, on the train or bus, in the stores, at the hospital or church. Still I feel just as comfortable as in any other place.

I played football in my younger days. One of the cliches I heard was letting the game slow down for me. Another way to put it was letting the game come to me I would often react to all the franatic activity on around me. I had to remember the patterns to run, or the blocking schemes, or adjust quickly to a sudden change in strategy. As I gained more experience, the game slowed down in my mind and I was able to perform my assignments efficiently.

I remember early when I went out in public how apprehensive and hurried I was. I wouldn't look anyone in the eye. I would speak in barely audible tones. Nowadays, I browse casually through stores. I have dined in restaurants, shopped and attended church while dressed. The gait is relaxed and confident. I look folks in the eye now. Some have smiled back at me.

I said in the earlier post that it wasn't a surreal moment for me and I still don't beleive that it was. Possibly what happened in that noisy lobby was the comfirmation of the contentment I feel inside. It's a wonderful feeling indeed.

Genevieve

Reading, Writing, and Films

I have been busy reading articles, writing and reading, attending movies, and other things. I am reading articles in which I will comment and post in the near future. I'm putting the finishing touches on my speaking engagement on June 23rd.

I am writing an article for an online magazine I write for. It will be posted in July so I'll let you know when it comes out. I am reading Jennifer Boylan 's book She's Not There. It's the story of her transition from male to female. It's a good read and I found some of her experiences related to me personally.

The NewFest Film Festival here in New York is in full swing. I saw a documentary last Friday called Gramercy Stories. It takes a look at a residence in Gramercy Park that provides a safe home for gay and transgender teenagers. A fine film. Tomorrow, I'm viewing a film about transmen. I'll give a report on it tomorrow or the next day.

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Whichever road I choose to tred, life will be altered if not changed. I must trek the trail that must travel.

Contentment With Ourselves

Last night I attended the annual Trasgeder Health Fair here in New York City. It was very successful with near 40 organizations participating and 375 people visiting.

Later on, I was sitting on a bench in the lobby. The area was filling up as people were waiting for meeting places to become available. While I sat there, I observed the many expressions of gender in my midst. Genderqueer, butch, crossdressers, transwomen and transmen. I was so comfortable in this setting. There was not an ounce of tension or distress in my being. I wouldn't call it surreal but it revealed what I actually felt inside. It's more like this each day.

When I came out as transgender four years ago, I needed to get used to living and being around my new family. There was apprehension, struggles, and missteps. There was also the belief that I was among people who comfortable with who they are. This made the greatest impression upon me. I remember the warm August day in 2006 when the overwhelming feeling of contentment in my own skin flowed through me. It was the same feeling I experienced last night.

One of my joys is to see people be comfortable with who they are. Society does its best to brow beat s into submission. We have the right to be ourselves. This is what I share with others.

Genevieve

Buzzwords and Gobblty Gook, Part 3

Of all the things that galls me, it is when people use the bible to justify their bigotry and prejudice. It was used to justify slavery, oppressing women, Native Americans and other groups. Transgener and GLB people are the lastest group. I'm a transgender person and my enemies call me a pervert. They call gay and lesbian people pedophiles. All I hear is that the bible is against homosexuality and transgenderism. Telling us that God hates us is the height of bigotry, in my opinion.

I am a Christian and transgender person whom God loves. God love gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgender persons unconditionally. Anybody who tells you different is a liar. If you ask our opponents about where it says that God hates us, they'll probably spiel some testosterone-fueled rhetoric about us being an abomination. Wel, they are an abomination in God's sight who defame his word and his name.

God made us the way we are. We don't have to be ashamed of the way he created us. The day I came out as a crossdressser and transgender person was the day I was liberated and completed. I have never been happier in my life!

The past three posts are a departure from what I normally write. I just can't stand around and listen to bigots degrade us. I just hop that I educated a few people. I jst love the TGLB community so much. It took me nearly 57 years to find the family I never knew I had. I will be always grateful that I did.

Buzzwords and Gobblty Gook, Part2

Yesterday, I mentioned a couple of buzzwords used by or adversaries to justify discrimination against TLGB people.

Procreation is another item used against us. Same-sex marriage is denied to gay and lesbian couples because in the eyes of the adversaries, they cannot reproduce. Well, there are millions of heterosexual couples who for various reasons cannot procreate either of which my spouse is one. To me this argument doesn't hold water. Transgender people are denied the right to marry in some instances. Recently in Tennessee the marriage of a trans couple was nullified.

If the opposition was so interested in procreation, let them explain all the runaways and children in foster care and orphanages. There are states where gay and lesbian couples cannot adopt. It's said that a child needs a mother and a father. From the experience of having adopted a child, children want a place where they are loved and accepted. Their parents can be transgender, gay, lesbian, or bisexual.

As I see it, maintaining the status quo is more important to the opponents and the well being of people. How many TGLB people have been killed or committed suicide because of the desire to maintain an 'ideal' which most people cannot possibly fit? Just thinking about it makes me sad and angry.

Genevieve

................to be continued

Buzzwords and Gobblty Gook

I have been following the many events regarding marriage equlity and protections for transgender people. I have looked at both sides of the issues. The excuses given for denying people their rights are pretty lame ones at that.

My question is why is it so important to our foes that we all be straight? I'm perfectly happy as a transgender person. I have long made it a point not to be defined by anyone else.

Our foes have enacted the Defense of Marriage Act because they believe that they are saving it from oblivion. Well, marriage has survived many social upheavals. If they are so interested in 'saving' marriage why not work with the couples struggling with their marriages? Recently, I celebrated my 29th anniversary. My spouse and I love each other, respect one another, and enjoy being with each other. She knows that I am transgender and it has made us even closer.

Other buzz words are 'traditional marriage' and 'traditional values'. What's traditional in one culture may be something totally different in another culture. I am for traditional marriage but I am also for equality. Denying gay and lesbian couples the right to marry is wrong, plain and simple.

It has come to the point where I'm tired of people trying to tell me how I should live. The gender binary system is another control mechanism that has been the bane of transgender people. I will touch upon this in a future post because I have much to say about it.

to be continued...........

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

I didn't choose to be transgender, but I did choose to embrace that I am transgender.

New Discoveries

I just finished reading Vanessa Sheridan's book "Crossing Over" for the second time. It's amazing what I missed from the first time that I read the book. While I know the struggle for transgender equality is difficult, I see now how entrenched many of our institutions  are and so amandantly opposed to us securing our rights. It opens up a can of worms that, quite frankly, needs to be opened up.

The book confirms some of my own personal feelings and transformations when I discovered my transgender identity. We were created exactly as God planned it. What has been done to transgender people over the centuries is heinous and blasphemous. Sadly, the institutional church was behind much of the bigotry transgender suffered and still suffer.

When I accepted my transgenderism, I did not feel shame or guilt. I felt liberation and completeness. In the coming days, I will share some thoughts about what I discovered and my feelings about what I read.

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

I may not have had the same experiences as you,

but I rejoice when you have attained a victory.

Desire To Be More Open

My desire to be out in public is stronger this year. It's not to draw attention to myself or fame but to educate the public about transgender people. I have gone to the laundry dressed the past few times I've done the wash. I went food shopping recently. On Thursday I will be going to a movie with a lesbian friend.

I'm saying all this because my transgender journey is taking me to the point that I desire to share more of myself. It's to educate the public and it's to encourage other transgender and gender variant folks that we are being ourselves. There's nothing wrong with us and we have nothing to be ashamed of. I have reasoned that no one will force me into the closet.

I'm not sure if or when it will happen but I have the desire to live as a woman 24/7. I have a spouse to consider. She accepts my crossdressing though, at times, she doesn't understand why I like wearing women's clothing.She has purchased clothing for me and we share skirts, blouses, tops, dresses and coats. I let her borrow my jewelry when she needs it. Guess I have the best of both worlds.

I have come to see that I do not relish conventional wisdom or the status quo like I used to. I see that people possess much more than the gender roles they are assigned. If I told my non-transgender friends about 'Gennee', they would be shocked. My goal is to become an educator. I always believed that the setting I'll be in will not be a traditional one. I look forward to the day when I can share my life as a transgender person to many people.

Gennee

Ever Changing Landscape

Today I attended a meeting of tglb vets at the community center. After the meeting I was observing the people walking or sitting down. The thought came to my mind that each person is at a different stage in their lives and in varying degrees. Like crossdressing not being a neutral activity, the transgender journey is not a stationary trek. The landscape changes all the time.

 

Flowers of The World

Lately I have read numerous posts about GLBT folks coming to terms with who they are. It encourages me to hear this because many others will be encouraged by their discovery and self-acceptance. 

It's sad how society discriminates against people who do not represent the 'right presentation' of gender. Transgender and gender variant people have long felt the wrath of a very restrictive and soul-killing binary construct. So have effeminate men and masculine women. Diversity is like a flower garden. There's so many colors, varieties, sizes, and shapes Each person adds beauty to life's tapestry. 

I wish that I could hug the people who have accepted themselves. I feel so blessed privileged to be part of a beautiful community of people who desire to live authentic lives.  To my brothers and sisters, I encourage you to live life on your terms and love being who you are.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

We were created as God wants us. We are not a mistake. We are part of his diversity.

Uniquely Created

While I have been research material for an upcoming talk, I have seen how the contributions of transgender and gender variant people have been suppressed throughout history. We belie the long held belief that there are on two genders that exist.  We have existed since the very beginning of life.

I will be presenting a historical overview in the next few posts. I was struck by the thought that we are at a time where we can change the course of history. Transgender topics are beginning to be discussed openly and that's great. It is also a time when our opponents are leveling both barrels at us to get us to submit to their lies and deception. I am proud to be a transgender person because I was created this way. 

This is the crossroad that may be crossing because I can't let lies, misinformation, and fear intimidate and hurt my transgender brothers and sisters. I will be digging deeper into the history and I will pass along my findings. 

Article about Equality & Justice Day In Albany

The Curvature, USA

Equality and Justice for Whom?

Last Tuesday, I attended Equality & Justice Day in Albany.  It is the LGBT
lobby day for New York, run by the Empire State Pride Agenda.  I generally
had a good time, and was glad that I attended to show my support.

But I also noticed something throughout the day that, while I may not be in
the best position to do so as a straight and cis person, seemed to me to
deserve a strong critique.

I wrote earlier that the main bill I am concerned about seeing pass is
GENDA. <http://thecurvature .com/2009/ 04/27/in- support-of- genda/> The Gender
Expression Non-Discrimination Act would protect people from discrimination
on the basis of gender identity and expression in the areas of employment,
housing, credit, and more.  Right now, in New York, no such protections
exist for trans or otherwise identifying gender variant people — despite the
fact that such protections are in place (as they obviously should be) on the
basis of sexual orientation.

Last year after Equality & Justice Day, I was surprised and pleased to see
that GENDA, while it did not ever reach the Senate floor with Republicans in
charge, was given seemingly equal attention to marriage equality and
DASA<http://www.prideage nda.org/IssuesEx plained/Youthand SafeSchools/ QuickFacts/ AnswerstoCommonQ uestions/ tabid/228/ Default.aspx>(Dignity
for All Students Act).  It could be that I’m simply more aware of
trans issues and their marginalization within supposedly LGBT communities
than I was last year — though I was already aware of this issue last year,
and for that reason made a specific point to watch out for its presence.
But whatever the reason, I noticed a significant shift, and I feel obligated
to mention it.

It started, or at least it became noticeable to me, when Governor Paterson
came out to give his speech as the first official speaker.  It was a great
speech, it really was, and I was happy to see him there.  Except.  Well, it
was a great speech if we were only there to talk about marriage equality.
Because that’s all his speech was about.  And that’s not the only reason
we were there.

Of course, it’s entirely possible that the Pride Agenda had no control over
the content of the Governor’s speech.  When it’s the governor speaking, does
an organization have any say in the topic of his remarks?  I really honestly
do not know.  But it seemed to set a tone.

Because marriage equality, though on paper it was not supposed to be, was
the focus of this day.  While GENDA and DASA were often mentioned as
sidelines, for a majority of the morning speakers, they were not the focus,
and they were not even usually given equal treatment.  In fact, I’d say that
GENDA received the least treatment of the three issues in question.  Because
though I don’t remember who it was, I do specifically remember someone
talking at decent length about bullying in schools.  I also admittedly
missed a chunk of the afternoon rally — but from what I saw, it was much of
the same.  It seemed from the program that there was only one speaker at the
rally there to represent trans issues; and I saw her speak, and she only
spoke for a minute or two.

I saw the same dynamic in my lobby visits.  Now, I want to be clear that the
Pride Agenda has no direct control over what goes on in the lobby visits.
The lobby visit facilitators are volunteers who do not officially represent
the organization.  And I will also say that I like the facilitator from my
group very much and spent a good deal of the day in his company.

But when we got to the meeting for our senator — and remember, GENDA has
passed the Assembly, so the Senate is what matters — he had people in our
group talk at length about marriage equality.  Then he had people talk at
length about DASA.  (I personally said something about both bills.)  And
then, before I knew it, the meeting was over.  When I realized what was
happening I tried to catch my facilitator’s eye to say “What about GENDA?”
but he didn’t look my way, and it was too late.  When the one person in our
group who had identified herself as trans questioned him on it after the
meeting, the response was basically a fairly sheepish “yeah, well, I guess I
only got to fit two in.”

When we got back to the banquet hall for the closing, we watched a short
video <http://www.youtube. com/watch? v=MJF5TREeliw> which debunked many of
the myths that marriage equality opponents use to scare people out of their
support.  There was, it probably goes without saying, no similar video for
GENDA, though the myths and
scare-tactics<http://thecurvature .com/2009/ 01/13/because- the-not-in- my-shower- campaign- worked-so- well/>surrounding
such legislation are well-known, rampant and appalling.

There is clearly a problem here.

And that problem could, certainly, have been one that was clearly visible
last year and I simply missed due to ignorance on my part.  I have not
entirely ruled that out — though again, I was actively expecting and looking
for it last year.   So if I had to guess, I would actually, and sadly, place
my money on something that I find even more appalling.

Last year, marriage equality didn’t have a chance in hell.  Sure,
legislators and activists talked the same big game, but everyone knew it.
Republicans controlled the legislative body.  It likely wasn’t going to get
introduced, and if it was, it was going to get shot down.

This year?  Things are significantly different.  53% of New Yorkers recently
polled said that they would support marriage equality in New
York.<http://www.buffalon ews.com/cityregi on/story/ 646140.html>Democrats
are now in charge, and while that’s definitely not a guarantee,
it’s a lot better.  And the governor has been actively promoting a bill.

In other words: marriage equality has a real, legitimate chance this year.
It might actually make it through.  Before 2009 is over, we might have it.

When marriage equality had no real shot, it seemed to me that GENDA was
portrayed as equally important to it.  It was regularly discussed in
conjunction with the other issues.  And last year, I also had the same lobby
visit facilitator, and we managed to discuss GENDA substantially in all of
those visits.

Now that marriage equality is a very real possibility, GENDA has taken a
back seat — despite the fact that it has significantly greater favor with
voters<http://www.gayallia nce.org/index. php?option= com_mojo& Itemid=114& p=2933>,
but much of the same resistance among lawmakers, and establishes rights that
are easily as important, and quite arguably more so.  And so, it seems to me
that the rights of trans people only matter when the real goal, the
currently trendy one, isn’t really on the table.

I am, in all honesty, not particularly surprised by this.  But I am
extraordinarily disappointed and saddened, and also angry.  Because what I
have outlined above, if accurate (and I’m sure the Pride Agenda would
vehemently deny it), is tremendously and unforgivably fucked up.  And even
if I’m wrong about the reasoning — even if things were just as bad last year
— it doesn’t erase the disparity or make it any less of a major issue.

I hope there is no doubt that I would absolutely love to see New York become
the next state to gain marriage equality.  But I don’t want it on the backs
of trans people.  (Of course, there are many trans people who would also
benefit from marriage equality; but I think it would be disingenuous to act
as though it’s the thinking at play here.)

What I don’t want is marriage equality in New York while it’s still fucking
legal to deny a transgender person a place to live.  I don’t want New York
to become the sixth state to instate marriage equality when it is not yet
even the fourteenth state to instate anti- discrimination laws on the
basis of gender identity.

And yet, I’m worried that it’s exactly what’s going to happen.  I worry that
we’re going to end up looking a hell of a lot like New
Hampshire<http://shakespeares sister.blogspot. com/2009/ 04/we-matter. html>.
And that in that event, as so often happens, the rest of the supposed
coalition won’t come back for transgender people.

I’m not saying “the Pride Agenda couldn’t care less about trans people.”
Some certainly would make that argument, but again, as a straight and cis
woman, I don’t think I’m in a position to make that call.

I am, however, in a position to simply report what I saw.  And what I saw
was a day that was supposed to be about rights for all LGBT New Yorkers
largely toss out the T.  I saw a day whose focus was on marriage equality,
not marriage equality, GENDA and DASA.  I saw a disparity, and I saw a
problem.
NOTE: This is not a place for 101 questions.  If you have one, google it.

http://thecurvature .com/2009/ 05/07/equality- and-justice- for-whom/

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Take responsibility for your own actions. 

Getting Facts Straight.

As I gather materials for my discussion about transgender issues, I see the importance of having my facts straight. One example is the use of transgendered for transgender. The former is an adjective while the former is a noun. Intersex is used instead of hermaphrodite (I can see why). Crossdresser is substituted for transvestite. It is mostly in the United States,  as transvestite is still used in Europe. 

Part of educating people about transgender issues is helping them to see why some terms are offensive to transgender people. Another is to hopefully demonstrate that transgender people are just like anyone else. We have dreams, desires, and needs. We desire decent jobs, housing, and the ability to pursue happiness.  Some think that we want special treatment but that is not the case. This wouldn't be an issue if all people were treated equally.

The church is where I would love to educate people about what it is to transgender and Christian. Some may think that it's an oxymoron. We were created by God just like he created straight folks. I just happen to be a transgender person. I'm excited about the upcoming discussion. I pray that more opportunities will come.

Genevieve

Another Kind of Spring

Spring has finally come. The plants awaken from the long winter hibernation. New life bursts forth. Spring reminds me of this time four years ago when  fifty plus years of dormancy was finally breaking through. 

I was confronted with something I didn't understand. Some seeds never make it to the soil surface. This seed in my being wasn't one of them. When it did break soil, a new plant was about to grow. The gender flower was about to blossom. I didn't know what was going on. I received nourishment from some counseling and listening to the stories of those who went through the same experiences.

Today, the bloom is still on my gender flower. Like the hemlock, I have weather some severe storms. Springs have come and gone but the flower is eternal.

Genevieve 

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Kindness can soften even the hardest of hearts.

Life's Missed Opportunities

Have you ever wondered how your life would be if everything worked out the way you hoped it would? We all have things that if given another change, we would do it differently. 

I have few regrets in my nearly over  61 years of life. Wish that I was wealthy and change some of my misdeeds but all in all I am happy with my life. A friend of mine lamented over someone she loved 40 years ago. She still regrets this missed opportunity to spend life with this person. 

Looking back on my life, I'm grateful for some of the experiences I went through. Some of them may not have been pleasant but I wouldn't be the person I am now if I haven't had these experiences. I was happy as a child, as a teen and young adult. I was happy when I was single. I am a happy husband and father. I am happy that I served in the military. I am happy that I am a Christian. I am happy as a transgender person and crossdresser.

I write this blog because there may be someone here who is bitter, angry, or disappointed with their lives. There's nothing you can do about the past but you can do something about the future. It's true that we transgender foks are going through a lot but I'm happy to be living at a time when changes are happening for the better. I have learned to forgive those who have wronged me or someone I know. I desire to be someone who uplifts and encourages others.

My friends, be encouraged and see the many opportunities ahead. 

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

If you have a kind word to say to someone, make it a point to tell them.

Commentary

I have begun to take an interest in the bisexual community. Bisexual and transgender people are not always held in high regard among some of our gay and lesbian peeps.  I have heard bisexuals described as confused, playing both sides, or undecided. Transgender people have been call masqueraders, fake or wanna-be women, or perverts.  

One gripe I have is the idea that you have to fit into a particular box in order to be accepted. People need to be respected and accepted for who they are! I would think that GL folks would be beyond this since they suffered the same discrimination that bisexual and transgender people have. Guess I was wrong.

The opposition loves to see gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgender people fight amongst ourselves (the old divide-and-conquer routine). Anyway, I am looking to cultivate friendships among my bisexual brethren. Though we have different issues, there are many things we share in common. I'm attempting to do the same with intersex, gender loving, and gender variant people. 

We need to support one another because we only have each other for the most part. I may not always agree with everything they do but I do support their efforts. Above all, I respect them for who they are. 

Genevieve

Gen  

Giving A Talk in June

I will be giving a talk with my bible study group in June about what it is to be transgender and a crossdresser. I was asked several months back to share my story. I have decided to do so. Currently, I am doing research about transgender and crossdressing from a biblical perspective. I'm looking forward to doing this.

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Some of the most important work is often done behind the scenes.

Poem from A Friend

I read a poem from a friend I met on another forum. I think it speaks to many of us.


***The Nurse***
---Yesterday---
You watched me stop your son's bleeding;
You were glad for me to do your daughter's tube feeding;
You begged me to save your significant other;
You pleaded for me to relieve the pain of a dying mother;
You said my work with the aged shows compassion;
You said all humanity should work in this fashion;

---Last night---
You saw me and a person eating dinner out;
You told your friends what my day had been about;
You knew me then with a show of gratitude;
You were thrilled with my caring attitude;
Then you saw me gently hold the hand of my lover;
Now showing hate and disdain your smile could not cover;

---Today---
You told your friends and their brothers;
The story grew as they told more and others;
The feelings of fear and betrayal and rage;
Continued to grow as the story passed through the day;
Someone said "a call to arms is what we need";
Then fear and contempt turned from words to deeds;

---Tonight---
They arrive, in the dark, at my door;
With sticks and clubs and fists they beat me to the floor;
As blood spills and splatters and consciousness lags;
I hear the words queer, homo, lesbian, and fag;
I pray for an end to the torture, suffering, and pain;
To continue to breathe I have nothing left to gain;

---Tomorrow---
You attend the service out of social obligation and morbid fascination;
After all I was a member of every school, church, and social organization;
Your child said "They only killed a queer, it could be worse";
My child said "That queer was my mother and your nurse";
You have taught your sons and daughters well;
You have taught them to hate and kill and condemn to hell;

Kat(Copyright, L. K. Jackson, 2007)

Can't Go Back

Many states are considering whether to pass anti-discrimination laws. Iowa and Vermont have passed marriage equality laws. The latter reversed itself regarding protections for transgender people. South Dakota, North Dakota, Illinois, Rhode Island,Connecticut,and Maryland are considering whether to pass marriage equality/anti-discrimination laws.

The one constant in all this is the ignorance of the opponents in regards to the lives of transgender people. We are equated to being perverts who prey on children and women in public bathrooms. Since when was this a bathroom issue? Once again lies and inuendo is being spread to confuse the public. What annoys me is when the opposition says being transgender is a choice.

Over the past few weeks I have mulled over where my journey will lead next. I have some tough decisions to make and they will be made. I have met gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and queer folks who are struggling with coming out, shame, harassment, bullying, and acceptance. To say that sexual orientation and gender identity is a choice is insulting and demeaning, in my opinion.

The attacks by our opponents are becoming more vicious. One of the decisions I have made is to educate others about what it is to be transgender. I never made the choice to be transgender. It was something that was in-born and no one can tell me not to be who I am.

I am a Christian and the plight of lgbt people has compelled me to study what the bible really says about us. I am convinced that God loves us as we are.

I am happy that progress is being made but I'll be even more happy if those we educate will see us as people who have dreams, talents, creativity and love.

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

There comes a time when you have to cast fear aside and march triumphantly and couurageously toward the next horizon.

Fear,

Last night, I was reading read a thread posting from a transsister on another forum. She testified of her growing up and knowing that she was different. All throughout her life fear of losing friends, family, and livelihood dogged her. Everyone telling her that there was something wrong with her became an albatross around her neck.

Reflecting on her story, parts of my life are similar to hers. I always felt that I was different. I never voiced this to my family or friends but I felt that way. While S* wants to transition, I have no intentions of doing this. That matters little when I see how much she has suffered throughout her life.

This fear is real because we could lose all that has meaning to us. I am a crossdresser but I am wary of those who hate me and want to hurt me. I had a choice of denying my identity or living openly (as much as possible). I chose the latter. I think of the many transgender men, women, and youth who live in fear because others cannot accept them for who they are. I am thankful for an accepting spouse but I know many have lost everything.

I mentioned in my last blog that I have come upon a crossroad that I know will take me beyond what I have experienced to this point. When I read S's* story I am humbled by her honesty and her desire to be free from other people's negativity. I recognize that fear of the unknown can stop me cold from continuing the journey. I know that I can never return from where I came.

In due time, I will cross this threshhold. There are many folks like S* who need encouragement, acceptance, and love. They need to know that there's nothing wrong with them. They were created this way because there's a greater purpose in this. I know this because God accepted me as I am- a transgender crossdresser.

Genevieve

S*-letter is used to protect her identity

Crossroad of a Different Nature

I am coming up to another crossroads in my journey. Unlike the roads I have crossed before, this is one I have some trepidation about. Two opportunities to speak about what it is to be transgender have come up. One is to my bible fellowship. That one I will do. The other one is to do a photo session with a photojournalist. I will also discuss what it is to be a transgender veteran. I'm about 50-50 with this opportunity.

My journey has taken me to the point that I want to spend more time living as a woman. I always knew that I would come to this point because crossdressing is not a neutral activity. It's a life altering activity which has opened caverns within my being. There's so much still to be discovered.

I was born and socialized as a male but I wonder now if I ever was a man. What I desire is be myself. I thank God that I have an accepting spouse. She may not understand why I'm this way but she allows me to be who I am. In the past four years I've never been happier.

So as I approach this new territory, I am weighing my options. I will think long and hard about some decisions that need addressing. I know that I can never go back which is something that I will not do.

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

A community is like a ship-everyone ought to be prepared to take the helm.

~Henrik Ibsen

Back In Commission

I haven't posted in a week (long time for me) because I reaggravated an old injury. I strained my back and my quad. I put a wrap on my leg to keep the muscle tight. Feels better than it did when I first injured it. I had a similar injury fifteen years ago after jogging on a treadmill. Haven't been on one since.

It comes at a bad time too. I'm looking for a job and a another place to live (less expensive). I'll rest this weekend and hit the streets on Monday.

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Inner peace is more precious than riches.

Crunch Time In Gainesville

Tomorrow, the people of Gainesville Florida will decide whether or not to keep protections for gender identity and sexual orientation in the Human Rights Ordinance. I posted a comment on another site, praying that good and upstanding people will see through the misformation, lies, and fear tactics used by the opposition. I replied to an article that stated that transgender people are predators and perverts. I was NOT going to let that comment go unanswered.

This vote will affect all Floridians regardless of sexual orientation or gender. There's a saying that if one group of people are denied their rights it won't be long before someone else will be denied theirs. This is such a crucial year for transgender people. Fear and intimidation cannot stop us from working for equality. Our lives are at stake.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

I get angry about things, then go on and work.

~Toni Morrison, African American Novelist (b.1931)


This quote can adequately sum up what we as transgender people feel. It also encourages us to go out and do something about it. There are many people who are out on the front lines fighting for transgender equality. Granted, not all of us can picket or become lobbyists but we all can do something. You can write letters to public officials. we can speak to our friends, schools and places of worship. Young people have created grass roots organizations in the wake of the Proposition 8 fiasco in California.

Anger can be channeled in a positive way to change our situation. It's our time now. We have a great opportunity to effect change where we can be treated as first class citizens.

Genevieve

Much is happening

The more transgender people assert their right to equality, the angrier the enemies get.
Some dirty tactics are being used by those who wish to oppress us. Over the next few days I will post a few articles and discuss them in relevance to what is happening in our nation.

One of the tactics being used is blaming glbt people for much of the ills in the country at the present time. It's nothing new. Black people were routinely blamed for the economic downturns during the nineteenth and early twentieth They were lynched, run off their properties, burned, and humiliated. Transgender people are still denied housing, jobs, and access to medical care.

I am looking over some articles, so I will make my comments when I post them. It's getting to the point where I have to speak up more than ever.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

The journey is more fascinating than the destination.

Kindred Spirits Who Are True to Themselves

This morning I read a story about a speech delivered at Fordham University (Lincoln Center campus) by E. Patrick Johnson, the author of Sweet Tea: Black Gay Men in the South. Gay and from the south himself, Johnson interviewed seventy men between the ages of 19 and 93.

One of the subjects he interviewed was a transgender woman named Chaz/Chastity. She dressed as a woman six days a week. Chaz considered gender reassignment surgery but embraced her gender confusion and indifference as God's will for her. What grabbed Johnson was the idea that Chaz was true to herself. It convinced the author that he needed to be true to himself as a gay man.

My heart leaped when I read Chaz' story because it has similarities to mine. I'm not going to have surgery but I wear women's clothing practically everyday. I have chosen to embrace my identity and see this as a blessing. Chaz stated that on Sunday he dresses as a man so he can sing tenor in his church choir. I dress as a man when I attend church (I'm a terrible singer).

I pondered over this, I believe that Chaz and I are kindred spirits. We have chosen to be true to ourselves. We are transgender women. It's refreshing to know that there are millions of transgender women like us. It's a reason to celebrate and be proud.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Age should never be a barrier to seeking and discovering new experiences.

They Are Our Children

I read an article today by Suzan titled Not My Child. The article discusses about how many LGBT/T children are disowned by their families. These children are abused by the medical profession and institutions which wants to make them into something they are not.
Many of these children come to large metropolises and survive anyway they know how.

The author of this article (www.womenborntranssexual.com) lived as a sex worker, was addicted to drugs. She has seen friends die by OD's or violence. I ask myself how can any parent throw their flesh and blood to the wolves of debauchery and death because of their sexuality or gender identity? Sad to say that the trans community hasn't always stepped up on their behalf.

I see many youth at the community center in my city. Many stay there all day because it's a place where they feel safe. It's where they can be themselves. It's so sad that this one of the few places where they don't have to feel they are ostracized. I am applying for an internship to be a peer educator. Transgender communities of color are where there are great needs. My heart was touched when I found this oportunity on the website.

When I was working towards by bachelor's degree, oe reason I wanted to become an educator is to make a difference. Suzan's article brought it home to me that LGBT/T youth need for places where they can be safe. Some will need medical, psychiatric, and spiritual care. Many will need to learn marketable job skills and education. To me the greatest need is for these precious soul is be loved and accepted for who they are.

Uncharted Waters

Last night, I attend a gathering at a neighborhood gathering place. A video was shown about student activism during the early days of the civil right movement. Those young people were attacked and villified by the racist white power structure of Mississippi in the early 1960's. I was so proud of their courage in the face of almost certain death.

During the question and answer period I shared with gathering about my volunteerism. The question was asked about student activism then and the need for activism. I said that activism and volunteerism is needed now more than ever. Later as I reminisced the evening, I see that my decision last year to speak out against injustice is subtlely nudging me into unchartered waters.

I am pursuing an internship as a peer counselor at the community center. The position will be to counsel transgender people of color. I have been wanting to be more involved in the LGBT community and this seems to be a great opportunity. I remember saying to one of my professors in college that my goal is to teach. I stated that I don't believe that it will be in a traditonal setting. Looks like it's heading that way and I am glad.

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

I would rather speak for what is right and be hated than to speak false platitudes and be loved.

Be Encouraged!

In these times, people need encouragement. There's so much happening in the world these that life can sometimes can be overwhelming. I have read a number of posts on the forums that are some folks struggling to figure out who they are. Others are transitioning and are going through changes. Some may be down in the dumps.

I want to encourage you to be positive. You're not alone out there. There are people who love you and are rooting for your success. Remember, during the darkest times the sunshine is just around the corner.

Genevieve

Part Two

On my post from Friday, I read the quote by this great leader and decided to do a follow-up. Like African Americans did during the civil rights movement, transgender people are standing up to inequality and discrimination.

When I came out I made a choice that I was not going back into the closet. I have chosen to be out in public and express who I am. I have chosen to respond to those who say we are evil and perverted. Granted, it may not get any publicity but I'm sure many others are doing the same. With many of the transgender deaths being women of color, I could not sit idly by while some transphobe spews his vitriole at my sisters, brothers, children, and friends. I never sought to be an activist but I had to take action.

When I meditated further on Mister Rustin's quote, I surmised because transgender people are standing up the attacks are more violent and vicious. The dignity of every person is worth standing up for. I have chosen to stand up for those who are oppressed. Brother Rustin is right about dignity being conferred on people who stand up. Many more are needed.

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

When an individual is protesting society's refusal to acknowledge his dignity as a human being,
his very act of protest confers dignity on him.


~Bayard Rustin, African-American leader (1910-1987)

Perceptions About Crossdressers Changing?

I have been out in public for a few years now and I have noticed changes in the public's perception about crossdressers. My comfort level is to the point of being totall natural. I do normal activities lke anyone else. I have dined in restaurants, shopped, browsed bookstores, and spoken to people in public. People don't seem to notice. I am totally comfortable being out.

I think the public's perception about crossdressers is changing albeit slowly. I have received compliments from both men and women. I have also been asked out on dates and proposed to a couple of times. Perhaps, I am TOO good at passing. I'm enjoying and loving the journey and wouldn't change a thing.

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Jesus is the beacon of light to those who are drowning
in the seas of hopelessness and despair.
He will bring us the safe port of His love and care.

http://nyblade.com

Vets Meeting

Yesterday I attended my monthy veterans meeting. I am a member of the America Veterans for Equal Rights (AVER). I remember when I attended my first meeting two years ago. I never desired to be a part of a vets group but I felt at home. AVER is the only glbt veterans group in New York. There are a number of transgender veterans in the group. A transgender woman came to the meeting yesterday. Business was discussed, plans were made for future activities and ideas thrashed out.

I am proud of being a trasngender veteran. At the time I was in the service I never knew that I was transgender until a few years ago. Just because I was in the macho world of the military, it didn't do anything to quench the feelings of difference that were in me. I knew of gay and lesbian soldiers in my unit. It didn't matter to me because they were my comrades.

One of horrible pieces of legislation is the 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell ' amendment". Many intelligent and skilled lgbt soldiers are discharged from the service if their gender or sexual orientation differed from the norm. Transgender soldiers have served in the military throughout the history of this country. Some have paid the ultimate sacrifice and yet they could not be open about who they are .

American Veterans for Equal Rights is working to get 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell repealed. They are working to make sure that lgbt vets get the services they are entitled to. This is what I'm concerned about.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

How you perceive yourself will go a long way in determining
your own contentment with life.

Expectations

It's funny how expectations are foisted upon us. There are those of our parents, teachers, church, community, friends, relatives, and other people and institutions. We have our own expectations, also. What happens if our expectations are vastly different from that of the greater society? Will there be support? Acceptance? Love? Will others understand the way we feel?

Don't get me wrong! Expectations are fine. A question I sometimes pose to a person is what do they want for themselves? Sometimes people get so busy fulfilling others expectations that they neglect their own. Today, I read a number of threads and blogs by glbt people folks who are struggling with accepting their sexuality or gender. It grieves me that they fear rejection, loss of family and livelihood, and loneliness. I wish that I could sit with and share that it's not wrong to have goals and desires different from what others say they should be.

Being a transgender woman wasn't expected of me. It was a shock to my spouse but thankfully she has accepted my transgenderism as a part of me. I implore my glbt sisters and brothers that there's nothing wrong with questioning aspects of your life that are not in tune with other people program. You have dreams and desires. Your sexuality and gender are part of those dreams. I can't live to others expectations and neither can you. I encourage you seek answers to those questions you may have. Remember, many people have been blessed because they were willing to be who they do what was not expected of them. Others have benefitted. More will be be.

Myths

One of the results of being a gender variant person is that many of the myths perpetrated upon us have been greatly erroneous. The medical, legal, and religious establishments have been proven wrong about who we are. This may not be a profound comment but it demonstrates that gender variant people are making marks about the perceptions people have about us.

It's amazing how little people know about how we live. If I were to share to people why I crossdress, I'm sure some would hold on to the idea that we are perverted. I have attended a few events where I was the only transgender person. Each time I was able to share how transgender people have long been at the forefront of the liberation movement. I also shared that while we have differences, we share much in common with each other. This is what bothers me about HRC and other groups where the 'T' is just window dressing.

Myth busting is something that has to be done if the public's perception of gender variant people is going to be changed. Those groups would seek to discriminate against us must be confronted. I'm pleased to see that people of color are taking the lead in this because they are ignored by many mainstream lgbt organizations. Most of the transgender deaths are women of color.

Transgender people have existed throughout history. I have been researching quite a bit about it and am preparing essays on the subject. I'm tired of the perception that we're just interested in sex. We are vibrant, creative, and productive people who have contributed much to the improvement of life through the centuries. It's time that society acknowledges that.