I purchased a yellow blouse and black print skirt from a thrift shop today. I'm looking for a nice, lightweight blazer to pull it together. I'll have to order some shoes because my feet are big (12E). Found some nice articles at the thrift shop. They had a good selection for a change.

I will have more time to read and write about transgender and crossdressing issues. I will pass on any information I feel will help the trans community.

I will post a few sites on the blog in the next few days.

I just wish to encourage any trans person who feels lonely or is ready to give up. DONT! If you need help, get it. Go to a place where other tg"s are. I am concerned about your well being. Above all:

I LOVE YOU!

GenderEvolve: The Crossdressers' Manifesto

I attended a seminar at the community center last night. A speaker delivered a 90 minute demo about Sexual Reassignment Surgery. It was quite informative and chock full of photos of patients before and after surgery. Some of my friends from my support group were there in attendence.

It has been warm the past few days (finally) and I'm enjoying it. I want to go out dressed more often. Since Wednesday, I have been euphoric over having gone out dressed in public for the first time. I was out with the gurls!

There are a lot of us out there. The trans community is quite diverse and large. My love for the trans community knows no bounds. I pray for the day that we are recognized for being contributing citizens and not freaks.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Living and being your true self is better than being what others think you should be.

I DID IT! Last night, I went out dressed in public for the first time. I was so calm and felt so feminine. I walked along the street and no one paid attention to me. It was so wonderful being with other gurls who want to express themselves. We had a barbecue and shared our experiences. I look forward to going out dressed again. We will be going to a restaurant next time.

I just realized that this is my first spring as a crossdresser. A year ago I never even gave crossdressing a thought. Much has happened in the past year. I have met so many wonderful gurls and love to be with them. I can never go back to the places that I have passed through. I must stay the course. I'm not afraid about what may lie ahead. I just need to find out where I can best help my trans sisters. they have helped me so much.

I tried on the high heels that I purchased. I really have to get used to wearing them. Only wore them for about five minutes and I feel it in my legs. I'm going to look for another wig tomorrow for Wednesday night when I go out.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS



THE GURL WITHIN IS READY TO BLOOM!

I purchased my first pair of high heels today. I will have to get used to wearing them. This will be interesting. I may have a chance to look for some blouses tomorrow. My SO has some blouses that she hardly wears. Maybe she'll give them to me (I hope, I hope).

I am getting to the point where I would rather dress en femme. I feel so much more feminine and I want to express it more often. There so much I want to share and express to others.

Next Wednesday will be my big day. I will be going out dressed in public for the very first time. I don't know what to think except that I am looking forward to it.

I am looking for a trans conference to attend. SOUTHERN COMFORT in Atlanta is a good one, I hear. More and more transgenders are making their mark in the arts and in political circles. It's nice to see that we are slowly being recognized for our talents and gifts. Gender has nothing to do with what we have to offer society.

Leslie Feinberg, a transgender activist, spoke at Barnes and Noble here in the city. I wanted to attend but was unable to.

I hope to go out publicly for the the first time either this week or next week. I have my outfit in my mind that I want to wear. Either a denim skirt and top or a dress.

I am at the community center almost daily. Last Thursday or Friday I noticed a man standing across the street. He looked like we wanted to go in. I was hoping that he would take that step, but he continue onto his destination. I wonder how many men and women pass by the center and are dying to enter through those doors. For some reason, either out of fearof being found out, shame, or guilt they let another opportunity pass by. I wish that I could take them by the hand and lead them in. They don't have to feel isolated and alone.

Now that my support group is on hiatus, I have the opprtunity to explore some of the other trans events at the center. Some day I am going to go in as Gennee. That will be a highlight for me in that I am willing to put myself out there.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

In the process of projecting outer beauty, let us work cultivate the inner beauty within.

I traveled to New Jersey yesterday to take care of some business. I observed all the women coming and going through the train station. I noticed what they were wearing, how they walked, how they gestured. Sandals and open toe shoes were the order of the day since it was over 80 degrees. I could have stayed there all day. I probably would have walked and acted like a woman when I got done. Clothing was bright and interesting. I loved the white skirts and colorful tops I saw.

It was a busy day at work. I went outside to take care of some vending machines. I wore pink panties and bra under my work clothes. I had a chance to browse around in the mall afterwards. I saw so many beautiful ladies tops and pants. I felt so feminine, as if I was actually purchasing all the articles I saw. Ladies, you don't know how good you have it.
I looked for some shoes but couldn't find anything I liked. I'll try again tomorrow.

I awakened this morning feeling more feminine than I since my early days of gender questioning. Genevieve was in bloom. I felt as if I should be this dynamic person going through life with joy and purpose. A helping hand to someone in distress; a listening ear to a troubled soul. I see this beautiful woman making a difference with people around her.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

The security of the present must be forsaken to venture into the future.

This coming Wednesday will be the last group support meeting for this session. It has been better than the first session that I attended. A few people bared their souls. The last couple of meetings have been testy but timely. I have gotten to know a few of my tran-sisters better. Can't wait until the session starts in June.D
If you want to go somewhere to let loose, I suggest 'Lips' (www.lipsnyc.com). Dinner is served by crossdressing waitresses who will entertain you. There are also shows and performances.

I have been checking out the fashions for this season. White pants and peasants skirts are in. I prefer a white skirt with a pastel top. White and black are really a great combo. I have seen some crossdressers dress better than a lot of women.
I will be posting some places where crossdressers, transsexuals, transgenderists, and transvestites can go in a few days. There's more out there than you think. I just have to get my list in order.

I worked some more on my play. Still haven't thought of a title for it. One will possibly come to mind when I complete writing it. There's precious little art and movies which portray transgenders in a positive light. I think the movie 'Transameica' was a decent start but more is needed. I have principally crossdressers and transvestites in mind.
I have been reading much about the progress the transgender community is making in regards to civil rights. It's been painfully slow but activists are scoring a few victories.
The senseless deaths of so many transgenders is a topic that really grabs me. When I read about the viciousness of these crimes it makes me want to weep. I'm not sure in what capacity that I will be involved with this but I believe that I will be a part of it. People need to be educated about transgender issues and especially the wide range of gender expression.

I purchased a whie on Friday as I continue to build my wardrobe. The weather was great, too. I dined at a sidewalk cafe on Second Avenue. I have always loed side walk resaurants. There's something romantic about them.
Saturday was rainy and cold so I stayed and worked on the internet. Chatted with my friends on the chat line. I read some and wrote some. I have come up with a few ideas for the play that I am writing.
Though I get no support from SO, I'm still positive and hope one day she will understand. She dooesn't prevent me from dressing. I will have to show her wha crossdressing is all about.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

I'm getting better with age. I may have started late, but better late than never.

I envision the day when I will go out dressed in public without a care in the world. There are so many pretty clothes out there. Wish I had a million dollars so I can purchase the things that I want.

Currently, I am reading Ayn Rand's book "Atlas Shrugged". I am an avid reader as I try to read at least one book per month. It's a habit I have had since grade school.

I will be posting in the coming days places where TG/TS/TV/CD events are happening.

It was a warm, pleasant weekend. Rather nice for the Northeast this time of year. Hung out in New York City on Saturday window shopping. I walked a lot and the exercise was good.

I found transgender music at the Virgin Superstore. The group is 'Antony and the Johnsons'. I'm picking up a cd on Friday. I'm surfing the internet for more transgendered musicians. I would like to find some jazz musicians.

I'm looking for a black skirt and black shoes. I need flats and heels (about 3 inches maximum). I have to get used to wearing them. I will look at the Kmart on Friday for the skirts. My spouse and I window shopped at Lane Bryant's yesterday. She saw a couple of outfits that she liked.
They would look good on me, too.

My wife shook her head when after I painted my toenails. We have a ways to go before she accepts my dressing.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

OPEN DIALOGUE IS BETTER THAN SILENT SUFFERING

I went out shopping yesterday. I purchased a pink top, a denim skirt, and blue flats. It may not sound like much, but to me it was heaven! Though dressed in drab I felt so feminine, knowing how women feel when they shop. They have so many more choices. Can't wait for my next foray. I want to go out dressed, too.

Still working on my play. I have gotten some ideas from some folks. As I become more involved with transgender issues, I am learning what trans people feel and believe. As I grow in my own transgenderism, I look to make the characters in the play human and caring.

In the next few weeks, I will be posting events where transgenders can get together for fun and entertainment.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

ONCE YOU ARE OUT OF THE CLOSET, STAY OUT!

Today, I went out looking for some shoes. I'll have to order them online because my size (12e) is diificult to find. I need a size 14 in womens size. I shopped for some skirts and dresses. I may purchase something tomorrow.

Now that I'm out to my spouse, I'm going to be the best crossdresser that I can be. I hope some day that she will see that this is a part of me. It will take time.

I'm seeking to attend more transgendered and CD events. I want to meet more people like myself. I count some in my support group as friends. The chat lines are a gold mine of info and people who are like me. I am not alone.

My wife now knows that I am a crossdresser. I told her after she found my panties. She reacted calmly but I'm not sure if she approves. I professed my love to her and that this is a part of me.
It will take time for us to sort it out. I need to show her other things about crossdressing and transgender issues. I'm calm about it and now someone else knows. I was going o tell her in the future, but the future arrived a lot sooner than I expected. The point is that there's nothing to hide anymore. I never felt ashamed about being a crossdresser before and I don't now.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

DOWN DAYS CAN BE AN OPPORTUNITY TO REFOCUS AND REASSESS OUR GOALS.

The writing is coming along. I'm trying to find my transgender voice. There are many positive stories of and by transgenders and that is what I want to accentuate.

I will be shopping for clothes sometime next week. Shoes will be tough because I have wide feet. A red dress is my top priority. I also need a black one, too. The spring fashions are out now. Teal, apple green, and orange seem to be hot colors. I like teal on myself.

I keep learning so much about transgender that I am seeking to become more involved with the community. I love to hang around the center. It's too bad that this is one of the few places that transgender men and women feel safe. I love listening to people talk about their progress. Some day we will have our rights.

Life has been good. I have been dressing more and feeling good about it. So far, it has been a wonderful journey and I have loved every moment. I have been looking for more TG music and films. I have become interested in others experiences. I listened to some music by transgenders and I enjoyed it. It's hard to find but I'm searching. There are a couple of queer film fests here that I plan to attend. The Newfest Film Festival is popular here in New York. It begins in June.

The play that I am writing has progressed some. I did some writing yesterday and Saturday. Still don't have a title but that will come.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

BE BOLD; BE DARING; ENJOY LIFE; AND MOST OF ALL LOVE YOURSELF FOR WHO YOU ARE!

My playwriting is going slow, but it's going. I want to portray transgenders in a positive light to show that we are real people who want to live our lives without fear of violence and harassment.

The more that I understand about being transgendered, the more I want to be involved in the community. There are too many things on my plate right now, but just getting to know my trans brother and sisters is a wonderful experience.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Each day is one step closer to self discovery.

This week has been very good. My support group meetings are getting better.
I have a much better understanding of a number of gender issues. I am seeing
the difference in other people's lives, also.

I'm still writing a play about transgenders. I have no title yet, but I have a couple
of ideas about the subject matter. I want to present a positive picture to show that
we are not freaks. I have been able to express my feelings through the spoken
word and with my pen. I would love to see the whole range of gender expression
in plays, movies, and television. Plays are my favorite.

I will be getting some high heels (my first pair) and red dress very soon. I'll let you know.
I'm still working on my makeup but it's coming along. There's so much I have to say. I will
have some in my next blog.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

The older that I get, the more feminine I have become.
The more feminine I have become, the more complete I am.

My support group meeting was great! Afterwards, I chatted with a transsexual for an hour. I feel so much a part of this community and group. Each day, I glean something new in my journey as a transgender. We still have a ways to go as a minority group, but I see some small victories. I see people sruggling and getting comfortable with their identity. I see people grow emotionally as they break the shackles of shame and fear in their lives. To me, this is the most satisfying time when that happens.

My support group has been tremendous. It was a great exchange of vibes and the tribulations of transgendered folks in particular. I look forward to the next meeting.

I am actively looking for a dress and shoes. I have a much better picture of how I want to look. There's so many beautiful colors and styles. I am going to make my grand entrance wearing something red. It's bold and loud. I'm pretty excited now and can't wait to go out in public.

I'm writing a lot now. Poetry and mostly plays. With school work included, it's hard to keep up, but I am manging it. I want to travel this summer. I haven't decided where yet, but I hope I have the opportunity to crossdress while on vacation.

Yesterday, shopped for myself purchasing two bras, five pairs of panties, and my first pair of pantyhose. I am looking for shoes now. I am looking forward to the day that I go out in public as a woman. It's getting closer and I am excited.

HAPPY

VALENTINE'S

DAY

I saw the movie "Transamerica" last night and I recommend it. Felicity Huffman acted superbly as a transitining woman. The movie was funny, serious, and spoke volumes about how difficult transitioning is on family as well as the individual. I enjoyed the movie.

Next week, I may go to a poetry recitation but I haven't decided where. There are a lot of them to chose from. There are other movies out there but I haven't decided which one I want to see.

Tuesday, I am going to wear as much red as possible. In a perfect scenario, I would wear a red dress and go out to dinner with friends. Someday, maybe.

This Friday, I am going to see the film "Transamerica". I wanted to see it prior to the film winning awards. It's worth a see since it did win awards.

I am currently reading two books. They are "Girlfriend: Men, Women, and Drag" and "Crossdressing, Sex, and Gender". I will comment on these books when I complete them.

My support group starts up again tomorrow. I missed my fellow transgenders and look forward to seeing them again.

It is February already! Valentine's Day is in a couple of weeks. I am going to wear red that day. I have something planned with my spouse. I may purchase a red dress and shoes. This month, I will go out in public dressed en femme. I'm kind of excited and nervous but it is something that I want to do.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Red symbolizes defiance-the boldness to go against society's so-called norms
about gender.

Today is my seventh anniversary (month) of being a crossdresser. It has been a wonderful and interesting journey. It has been challenging for me, emotionally. Crossdressing is an important part of my life and has added another dimesion in my diverse life. Femininity has added color and personality to my life. I look forward to cotinuing the journey.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Every gurl needs to have fun in her life.

Greetings once again! I have been reading and writing much. Writing about crossdressers and transgenders is challenging and enjoyable. The message I convey is that we do not have to be ashamed of who we are. I am writing a play featuring transgendered folks. I am writing it in a positive vein because we should feel good about ourselves. Perceptions are difficult to change, but we are people who have contributed much to the American landscape.
I have seen some beautiful outfits that I would love to purchase. I am fixated on red dresses and red suits. I have had a sense of fashion since my teen years. As a crossdresser, I believe that is important. I am a stickler for the right color combinations. Knowing how to coordinate my colors outweighs how much clothing I have.
It will be my seventh anniversary (month) of being a CD. I have grown and met some lovely people. I look forward to continuing the journey.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS



I GOT MY PANTIES ON!

I cannot wait until I get my wardrobe the way I would like.
I have settled on a red suit and a red dress. I have to purchase
a black, a must to my wardrobe. When I look in the mirror, I see
a lovely woman who wants to enjoy life.
I have begun to communicate with female to male crossdressers.
They are family and I would love to exchange our experiences. It would
be interesting.

Everything is good with me. I am writing a play which features transgendered people. I am writing a positive play portraying transgenders as people who just want to be treated like anybody else. I have an interest in playwrighting and screenwriting, so I am concentrating on it.

I have visited numerous bookstores and libraries, looking for books and magazines about transgendered men and women. There are some books and magazines, but not a lot. There are some fine books like "Transgender Warriors" and "Gender Outlaw" and "Transgender Tapestry" is a good magazine. There are some other good books, but there needs to be more publications by and about transgender people.
I am writing a play about a transvestite. It's not the coming of age story that is common, but I am trying to write about someone who enjoys his life and presents a positive insight about transgender people.
I think about our community much and all the potential that we possess. I would love to see many goals achieved this year. I love you like I love my own family. We ARE a family.

A Happy New Year to all. Reflecting on 2005, I discovered things about myself that were buried deep inside me. I have always known that there is more to me than I, or others, could have imagined. Every individual is. When I crossed over to another side of the gender spectrum, a whole new world opened up. I am on a long journey am I do not know when it will end. It is a trek that I am compelled to take.
I am looking forward to a great 2006.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

This is my first Christmas as a transgender person. The only difference is the types I have on my wish list. I would love for someone to give me a lavender night gown or a black negligee. See how my prioritites have changed! Anyway, I like this better; a transgender Christmas! I read Kate Bornstein's excellent book; "Gender Outlaw." It is one of the most personally challenging books I have ever read. Ms. Bornstein talks about her transsexual experiences (male to female), the infighting among transgender folks, and the need to see beyond gender identity. Her gender fluidity makes her hard to define. I can relate to Ms. Bornstein's feelings because I feel the same way as a crossdresser. There are days that I feel masculine, feminine,both, queer, and other gender descriptions. The other point she makes is that theater should be an evolving medium. Staid theater makes for lousy plays and bored audiences. Her play "Hidden: A Gender" is challenging to gender defenders and to those whose idea of what gender is and is not may be found wanting. Another point Ms. Bornstein makes is that transgender folks need to work together. The transvestite suffers the same violence and oppression as the she-male and the trannseexual. Transgenders and transvestites (especially people of color) were at the front lines of the battles for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender rights. I rate this book a "9". "Gender Outlaw" is a great read for all in the transgender community.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

As 2005 winds down, I am thankful for the many wonderful things that has happened in my life. I am thankful for my health and strength and for the wonderful people I have met. I am thankful for the goals that were achieved. One of the highlights of 2005 was discovering my transgenderism. As 2006 beckons, I have set some goals for myself. Here's wishing everybody a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS The journey may be long. I may hit a few bumps along the way, but I am enjoying the ride.

I attended the last gender drop-in group for this session (starts again in February). This support group has encouraged me much. I have a better understanding about transitioning, the emotions of those in transition, and some of the victories attained. I learned much about myself as a crossdresser. I have become more comfortable with myself and being with my transgender sisters and brothers. I have taken small steps in my life as a CD, and I am ready to take several more. I cannot wait until the next session starts. I finished reading Leslie Feinberg's "Trans Liberation: Beyond Pink or Blue". Along with "Transgender Warriors", these two books are a great set for those interest in transgender history and activism. I recommend these two books to professionals and teachers in particular.

I have not posted in several days because I have been busy with work and school.

I have read books and articles about transgenderism and the people who have suffered physical violence and mental abuse. I have not suffered any of these but it affects me nevertheless. As a crossdresser, I face the same challenges as my transsexual brothers and sisters.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS The past cannot be changed, but one can learn from it. One should learn all they can, rejoice in the achievements, and strive to be a better person.

i

I have been selecting items for my wardrobe. There will be many colors and shades. Black, red and blue will be my staples. I like navy blue, but royal blue will be a big part, too. Once I can master the shoes part, the rest will be easy. Today, I feel very good about being a crossdresser/transgender. To me, it gets easier with each passing day. I understand transgenderism better and I try to incorporate it into my personal life.

I am reading Leslie Feinberg's second book ''Trans Liberation: Beyond Pink and Blue". There are more transgendered people in the world than you think. Each person expresses their gender in their own unique way. I am devouring everything I can get my hands on about transgenderism.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS I can be a gentleman and a lady all in the same day.

I am been involved with a support group which has helped and encouraged me. My girlfriends on the chat forum have touched my life in wonderful ways. I think much about them and their well being. My femme side is becoming a larger part of my life. 'Genevieve' is defining her own identity. She is developing into a classy and well rounded woman. I appreciate the days that I don't feel femme because I keep CDing in the right perspective.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS Keep polishing that diamond until every facet illuminates the light.

I hope your Thanksgiving was good. This was my first as a crossdresser. I enjoyed the weekend though I couldn't dress. There will be other times. I took a walk today, reminiscing the journey that I am on. The further I go, the more my psyche is transformed. I have read much about the history of transgenders and transvestites in social struggles all over the globe. I am a recipient of that struggle, a fact I don't ignore or take lightly. Here I am; a TV/CD whose feminine side is being more clearly defined. I'm not much on labels because how I feel about myself is more important. My trans sisters well being is more important than what others choose to label me. Looking ahead, I see some milestones waiting for me. I'm not afraid nor do I seek attention. I'm just taking another step in my side as 'Genevieve'.

I am feeling good today. I am very happy with the way my life is going. I am looking forward to Thanksgiving Day. It is a chance to relax and reflect.
I finished reading Leslie Feinberg's book, "Transgender Warriors". I was surprised to find out how much crossdressers and trans people have impacted many social movements in America. I learned that transgenderism is common and worshipped in many cultures. Native Americans have a long history of crossdressing and transgenderism. I am fascinated by this, since I have Native American blood in me. Transgenderism is a part of my ancestry. I rate this book a nine (on a scale of one to ten). I highly recommend "Transgender Warriors" to understand what it means to be transgendered.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS Never let others define who you are.

Up to this point, I believe my greatest accomplishment is keeping crossdressing into perspective. I know that I can never be a woman but it is nice to fantasize. It is nice to look at ourselves in a postive and healty light. It is important to accept the things we cannot change and improve our lives in the areas that we can. I have mentioned a completeness that I feel. Crossdressing is the spectrum in transgenderism that I am most comfortable. One of my goals for 2006 is to get a better understanding of the other people in the transgender community. I want to know more about the transsexual, the intersexed, the androgynous, and the other members of my family. I also will encourage those who need it.

I had a wonderful meeting with my support group. We discussed what the holidays mean to us as transgendered people. It will be tough for some for one reason or another. I just pray that my trans sisters will reflect on the good things that has happened in their lives. We can be thankful for each day God gives us. This will be my first Thanksgiving as a transgender individual. I will be interesting to see what emotions that I will experience. I have not come out yet but it will be a good barometer as to where I am as a crossdresser. I can honestly say that I have not had a down day since I became a crossdresser. Even during the dry periods, I never felt ashamed or guilty about what I was doing. I learn something every day that I did not know before. I have met some wonderful people in the transgender community. I still have a looong way to go, but each morsel I taste from every resource is invaluable.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS Once you discover who you are, help someone else in their self discovery.

I am reading a great book by Leslie Feinberg called 'Transgender Warriors'. It is the first book I have read which goes back through history when transgender and crossdressing were normal in many cultures. Trans people and crossdressers led many rebellions by peasants against their oppressors in the Middle Ages up to the Industrial Revolution. Crossdressing is a normal part of the Native American cutures. I am part Native American, therefore I am research this aspect of my ancestors. This holiday season will my first as a transgendered man. I am curious to found how and what my feelings will be. I have much to be thankful for. I have changed much this year and there are more changes in store for me.

I was ill for a few days last week but I feel better. I missed my gender drop-in meeting last Wednesday because of my illness. I am organizing a short story about a man who is at a crossroad in his life after being outted as a crossdresser. I look forward to writing it and, possibly, posting it on this blog. I wonder how many men have had to start over because they were outted? I have been working hard developing my feminine side. I have a clear idea of what kind of 'Iady' Genevieve can be. Once I finalize the clothes I want to purchase, things will fall into place.

The past few days have been the quietest of my crossdressing life. I appreciate these times because I can see how far I have come as a crossdresser. I researched the definition of 'transgender'. Each article and book I have read has one interpretation or another. I have found two constants: the various genders within transgender and it digresses from the norm. I respect and embrace the variety. I have read how transgender has been part of Native American tribes for centuries. I also researched the difference between crossdresser and transvestite. The former has to do with wearing women's clothes, while the latter derives erotic arousal. To me, there is no difference. When I crossdress, there are times I get aroused and times when I am not. I am still a crossdresser/transvestite. It does not matter if I am referred by one label or the other. I am reading Leslie Feinberg's book 'Transger Warriors'. It is an interesting book, so much so, that I have more questions. Though crossdressing is enjoyable, I have come to the conclusion that crossdressing goes deeper than putting on women's clothing. There I go; my analytical mind in overdrive again.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS Self acceptance is the first step toward inner healing.

Today has been a busy one. I have been on the internet searching for more articles about transgender issues, especially crossdresser and transvestite material. I just finished a book titled 'Finding the Real Me.' The people who shared their experiences are to be commended. There are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, pre and post op, androgynous and others. Some of the people are still dealing with their identity and gender issues but are moving forward. I thought about my situation as a heterosexual crossdresser and it's no different. There 's so much bigotry and ignorance about us. I love being a male who likes to wear women's clothing. Some day I would love to share my story so others will be encouraged.

GOOD MORNING!

One question that inevitably comes up is will I transition? I will not transition because I love being a male. While I have been learning what transitioning invlved, being a crossdresser is not easy either. We are not accepted by society, face bigotry and violence and seek the same rights as gays, lesbians, and bisexuals. Even in the trans community, crossdressers are hard to categorize. In spite of some debate about our role, the thing to remember is we are in the same boat. Another issue is coming out to family, friends, and coworkers. We as a community should try to understand where each other is coming from. We need to respect and value the other person as a unique individual. I love the fact that I am a crossdresser and am not ashamed of it. I admire those who make that choice to transition because they are taking a huge step to becoming their true selves. We as a community should be happy about our uniquesness and work to build positive relationships with all people in the transgender community. Remember, we are in this together, and we need each other for support.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Think pink

Ravishing in red

Luscious lilac

Every now and then I will ask myself why I became a crossdresser? There's nothing in my background to suggest that I would have gone this route. I had a good upbringing with few problemsand was liked by those who knew me. I am a quiet, laid back individual who tries to get along with everyone. I have always been drawn to unusual and strange things. I consider myself somewhat eccentric because I will digress from the normal vein of thought. It was in late May or June when I began to question my maleness. Was I gay? Bisexual? Trans? A woman in a man's body? It was crazy! Here I was; a man in his fifties questioning his gender. That was a scary thought. I got the urge to try on my wife's clothing, which I did. It was an erotic rush to wear panties. I tried on a dress, a skirt, blouse, and slip. It was a rush. Was I a crossdresser? When the urges didn't lessen, I got worried. I spoke to a couple of couselors and laid it all out to them. They explain that I was questioning my gender, and that maybe I was a crossdresser. The urges continued for a couple of more weeks. The pressure and stress were mounting until I admitted to myself that I am a crossdresser. All the stress and worries dissipated. I feel liberated, complete, and content. I have purchased feminine clothing: panties, a dress, tops, bra, a gown, a skirt, and couple of wigs. I paint my toenails, too. I look forward to the day when I will go out totally en femme. Another goal is to march in the gay pride parade as a crossdresser. Now to answer to the question why I crossdresser: I just enjoy wearing feminine things. My eyes have been opened to a world that is maligned by societal bigotry. I have met other crossdressers, transsexuals, intersexed, questioning and others within the umbrella of transgender. I love the people I have met at the community center and on the internet. The support has been great. I see myself as a transgender heterosexual crossdresser. I don't feel ashamed or embarrased at all. This is just another part of me and I am content. Someday I want to come out to my spouse but I cannot at this time. Once again, I am involved with something outside the norms of society, which is fine with me. Each day is a new day in my journey and I am enjoying the ride.

GENEVIEVE'S QUOTES I'M GETTING BETTER WITH AGE. I MAY HAVE STARTED LATE, BUT BETTER LATE THAN NEVER.

Thinking about the meeting I attended last night, it opened a floodgate of emotions I felt prior to being a crossdresser. I have always been quiet and introspective, keeping my feelings inside. I had been wanting to bust out the past few years, but the time was not right. If I rushed ahead, the results could have been disastrous. While I was regaining my health, I had much time to reflect on where I wanted to go. I rediscovered things I enjoyed in my twenties. I meditated on spiritual things, reconnected with my body, and let go of all my frustrations. It was the best thing I could have done. My health problems allowed me to smell the roses. In the months prior to, and after I admitted that I was a crossdresser, my life blossomed in many ways. I felt complete, liberated, and at peace with the decision I made. I have always felt that I was different. I did not know why, but I did. I have always been drawn to things outside the norms of society. In a real sense, I am a global person. I love to communicate with people from all over the world. The umbrella is much wider in the transgender community than I originally thought. I have a love and respect for each transgender person because we are definitely on a journey. There will be bitter times and there will be sweet times, but the journey is what matters. In the end, we will be the richer for it.

GOOD NIGHT, ONE AND ALL!

This past Sunday, I tried on my wigs. I have a shoulder length black wig, and a brown and black curly wig. I am trying to decide which one would look beeter on me. It has been quiet the past three days. I been doing a lot of reading about transgender people. The community has a much wider range of transgenderism. To me, the labels are not important. It is how you feel about yourself. I am peaceful and content. The gender drop-in meeting was good. We had some new people who are in the questioning stage. Next time we meet I want to get to know them and share my experiences.

The gender drop-in group I am with is coming along fine. We are discussing issues of transgender men and women. It is a ten week session, having completed the second week. I have met other transgendered folks and I am starting to feel comfortable. I seem to be a kindred spirit to those outside the norms of society. I may have to come out to my wife sooner than I wanted to. She found a pair of my panties mixed in the wash she was folding up. I am not afraid, just trying to think about how to bring up the subject. I was also asked to speak to the group next week about issue of coming out, so stay tuned. I am still working on my fall wardrobe. Shoes are next on the list and then make-up. I am happy where my life as a crossdresser is headed. I keep learning something new all the time. It has taken a turn now that I am deciding whether or not to come out with my spouse.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

'A gurl can't have too many panties.'

One of the most difficult things for us to do is to let go of the negative feelings we have. It is magnified with us transgenders because of the hostility we experience from many sides. When life is pressing down on me, I pray to God telling him how much I need Him in my life. By letting Him handle the situation, I do not have to go around downcast or ashamed. Jesus changed my life many years ago, and He is still doing so now. I meditate too; focusing on God rather than my problems. I relax my whole body, one part at a time. When I am finished, my spirit is refreshed. I am not preaching at you. I am saying do not neglect your spiritual life. It is part of of you along with the physical and emotional aspects. We trans people go through a lot and I find that my out look is different when I pray. I pray for you because I love you and care about you.

My wife and I browsed around in a Lane Bryant's store after services. She was looking at all the beautiful fall fashions. She liked the sweaters, skirts and dresses. I liked the panties, camisoles, and negligee. She commented on the items that would good on her. I thought the same thing for myself. Crossdressers have the best of both worlds.

It was a lovely day. It stopped raining after three straight days of torrential downpours. I took a walk then rode the bus downtown. Once again, I browsed the women's sections of the department stores.There are a lot of great fall fashions this year. I think it has been the best in several years. The colors are brighter and the styles sexy, yet dressy. I am looking for shoes, a dress and a suit. This coming weekend I will get some shoes and possibly a dress. I saw another crossdresser today, dressed like a flamingo dancer. She was dressed in all black. She drew a lot of attention, but I liked the fact she was out there being herself. That is a goal of mine; to go out in public in femme mode. I am getting closer to realizing it, taking one step at a time. Whether we are called a crossdresser or a transvestite, it should not make a difference. I know there is some negative connotations with 'transvestite', but do you care? I may have made commented about it, but if someone has to call you foul names to assert their manhood that is a reflection on them. EVERYBODY HAVE A GOOD NIGHT!

Things are good! It has been a wonderful week, having reached a few milestones. I know thereis more to come. I am reading an interesting book; 'Finding the Real Me'. It is the stories of transgender men and women and the things they went thorough. I will critique it for you when I am finished. I amsearching the internet for crossdresser books. Someone shared with me a couple of websites that are intersting (www.fictionmania.com)and (www.storysite.org). I am working on a short story with a crossdresser as the main character. One thing I would love to see someday is a play with an all-transgender and transvestite cast. I think that would be cool.

Today, I achieved a couple of milestone in my life as a crossdresser. I wore a bra to work under my shirt for the first time. I also purchased my first two wigs. It was great to move a step closer to going enfemme in public (at least partially). I need help with make up because this is my next challenge. Some day I want to appear before the drop-in group in femme. That would be a victory for Genevieve (my alter ego). I have been seeing so many beautiful sweaters this year. I have narrowed down my wardrobe basic colors (though not strictly) to blues, red, and black. I love the idea of wearing a red dress with shoes and purse to match. I have always had a sense of fashion and coordinating colors. In future postings, I will intermingle some poetry and essays and possibly a short story. Ther's so much I want to share with my transgender family. There's someone out there that needs to be affirmed, or encouraged, or just to know They are not alone.

I was thinking about the psychological changes crossdressers experience. Some of it is good, some is sobering, and some I wonder what is next. I expected it but it is quite a journey. I think the toughest adjustment is incorporating the male and feminine side to where you are a balanced individual. I picked up two more pairs of panties today. I am looking for a red dress and red shoes. I want to dress up and go out someday as a female. Each day I am getting bolder; taking the plunge towards my transformation as an out CD. I feel so happy and fulfilled and loving the idea of developing the feminine side of me.

This past week was the best week of my life as a crossdresser. It is not that I dressed up a lot, but it was the idea of being a part of the transgender community. I came out to other transgender men and women at a gender drop-in meeting which was very liberating. We are men and women who love and enjoy life like anybody else. I have heard disparaging remarks about us. If others have to say horrible things about other people, to me, that is a reflection on them. I feel good about myself and you should feel good about yourself, too. I do not let what others say about me affect me. We have such a diverse community; maybe that is why we are belittled so much. Right now, I am bubbling over with emotion because I love you and want to give everything I can to the community. Crossdressing and being a crossdresser has introduced me to a wonderful family I am privileged to be a part of.

I finishing reading J.J.Allen's 'The Man In The Red Velvet Dress.' It is a great book in that Allen covers the whole spectrum of transgender life. He is a crossdresser which makes him a credible source. He is level headed and honest about his life. What I like about the book is that he offers solutions to the petty things that threaten to split the transgender community. This is a great book for the whole transgender community.

Tonight, I wore a bra out in public for the first time. I attended a meeting with other transgendered people. It was great meeting other crossdressers and transsexuals as we shared our experiences, fears, and desires. It took courage for all of us to share our lives with strangers. My feeling is that we will not be strangers for long. In a couple of weeks I will have a cup of coffee with a transgender woman. It was one of the highlights of my crossdressing life so far.

I have always loved a good footnote or quote from someone. In many instances, it speaks directly to us. I found this saying among my papers which, I believe, speaks to us crossdressers. It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters in the end -Ursula K. Leguin

GOOD MORNING!

As I have scanned the internet, read articles and books, and scoured through magazines, I see that the lives of crossdressers is very diverse. There are crossdressers of every race, religion, and socioeconomic background. The reasons why we crossdress are many and varied. The point is that there are a lot of us out there. I would love to see transgenders be more open to others in the community. Personally, I would love to befriend a transsexual, another CD, and androgynist. Whether or not the person comes out is irrelevant. I really have a love for the transgender community. I want us to do well and succeed in our public and private lives.

I purchase panties almost every time I am in a store. At a dollar a pair you cannot go wrong. I am a panties enthusiast,and I try to purchase colors that match (or will match) my outfits. I am still trying to decide on my fall wardrobe colors. I am choosing between olive and teal. One of the most asked questions is why I crossdress? I just enjot it. I had no desire to crossdress in the past. One day, I just had the urge to put on my wife's clothes, which I did. I have not looked back since. I am comfortable with my decision to remain closeted. Sex was not my motive because I am happily married. I love to wear women's clothes because there are so many beautiful styles and colors. I think coming into crossdressing late in life (started in June) gives me a level headed persepective about it. Crossdressing is another facet of my life.

I read Amy Bloom's book Normal. It is about her interviews with transsexuals, crossdressers, hermaphrodites, the intersexed, doctors, parents, activists, and other folks. It is the first book I have read about transgender people. It has increased my knowledge about what we go through. I though Bloom did a decent job interviewing the crossdressers. She could have presented more positive interviews of CDs who really love their lives. I felt she interviewed the transsexuals at arm's length. Bloom seemed to be uncomfortable in their presence and may have underestimated the psychological changes transsexuals go through. She did a good job with the hermaphrodites. I don't know much about the intersexed, so I will have to find out more about this community. On a scale of one to ten, I rate this book a six and one-half. It is a good book for someone new to the transgender community. Normal can be improved on with more people who enjoy their diversity and more in-depth interviews.