More Changes In Store

I have been out in my neighborhood more and more. It's very refreshing to see that people see and treat me like anyone else. I've even received some compliments. It's really wonderful that I can be authentic self.

I see that there will be some changes ahead. I don't know what they will be but I sense it. This is nothing new with me because whatever I did sense in the past came to fruition. I will have a clearer picture in the months ahead.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Never forget the folk who came before you. Never forget thse who helped you.

Compliments

I have been out and about in my neighborhood. I get some compliments about my attire, all positive. I wear sandals during these months and I have received some positive compliments about my feet. A man told me just last night that I have beautiful feet. I always seem to get compliments about me that I don't expect.

Poem

I trek through the same places,
New environs create new spaces.
Have I evolved?
Is the riddle solved?
The storm clouds have lifted,
I see now that I'm gifted.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm


~Henry David Thoreau

Tucson's Birthday

I was reading on of my posts about the upcoming birthday party for the city of Tucson, Arizona. The city will be 237 years old. I didn't know that Tucson was around that long.

www.antigonebooks.com

Seen As A Woman

Ever since I came out at my place of worship, I have been treated and spoken to as a woman. It's even happened in other places that I go. Been hit on a number of times also.It's really been amazing. Interacting with the public has helped along with some pointers from my spouse.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

As I approve of a youth that has something of the old man in him, so I am no less pleased with an old man that has something of the youth. He that follows this rule may be old in body, but can never be so in mind.

                                                                                                              ~Marcus Tullius Cicero

Chooosing To Be Authentic

You decide that you can no longer continue life on the current course. The gender struggles get stronger and are not going away. The day comes when a decision has to be made. Do you make the changes needed or continue on the track you're running on?

I enjoy reading many posts and the progress people are making. It encourages me that my trans sisters and brothers are choosing to be authentic. This is wonderful and greatly needed. Actions can affect others in ways that we may not always see. It's the reason I choose to be open with others. Just recently, I educated a young couple about my transgenderism. I have seen other transgender people in my neighborhood. I know that they are out there, but not always visible.

There are common threads that run through all the posts. The one that makes the most impression on me is people choosing to be authentic. I was afraid in the beginning. When I made the choice to proceed forward, I never looked back. The footprints of the past were gone. I'm still moving forward. Many of my sisters and brothers are doing likewise.



I never travel this road before.
Lined with thick brush and boulders,
it looks strange and forboding.
there's nothing to guide me.
Each step forward is a step closer to my destiny.
I trek on, not knowing what awaits me.
I'm gently nudged forward by an unseen hand
I look behind me and footprints of my past are gone.   
   

Coming To Terms

     What happens when a person discovers that they aren’t what they thought they were?  What do they do when the time comes to make the decision to accept their real identity?

     Many men and women erroneous thought that they could pray the gay away. Some thought that it was ridiculous that they were more interested in the habits and manners of the opposite gender. Some marry and have children thinking that just need a good mate to take away the urges they have. Men join the army to become ‘real men’. Women become engrossed in womanly pursuits to prove that they are women.

     The day comes when they can no longer keep in who they are. Now they have to decide which it is that they desire to be. As I write this, I’m sure there are men, women, boys, and girls who are tired of hiding. They just want to be authentic. If only society and their family and friends would understand.

     Thankfully many have come out of hiding. It was a grand day when I came out as transgender. Every day many people reveal their true identity to the world. I pray that those folks who are struggling will see that they are created exactly as they are. They have nothing to be ashamed of. They needn’t feel guilty or ashamed. They have the right to be who they are.

DENIAL

                                               

     Reading about folks coming to terms with their gender or sexuality thrills me. It’s a liberating experience for them in that they can move forward to living the lives that they desire. Denial turned out to be an albatross around their necks.

     I’m acquainted with denial because I was in denial several weeks before finally accepting myself as a cross dresser. Denial puts off the inevitable for a short time. We can say that we’re not gay or transgender. We can do all we can to prove to others that we are “manly” or a real woman. For a while things can roll along smoothly. Then the day comes when we’re come face to face with the truth.

     I wonder what many people have committed suicide because they denied an aspect of themselves. It’s one thing that society gives us a hard way to go. When we add denial and self-loathing to an already unbearable load, it’s a matter of before a person shows cracks in the armor.  What’s really sad is when some people who deny who they are will do everything to deny others their rights.

     How each person comes out is a personal matter. It is also vital that each person has a healthy and positive view of themselves. A healthy mind, body, and spirit is as important as looking good or impressing others.  

Still Making an Impact

This past Sunday, another person didn't know who I was until I told them. My wife has been asked a number of times 'where's your other half?' You should see the looks I get when she points out that I'm her. I have also been more comfortable walking around in my own neighborhood.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

             WORDS


A kind word can bring joy
A cruel can destroy
A tender word can warm the heart
Bitter words make the spirit tart
Words are like the morning dew
It takes two to say 'thank you'.
Words that tear down
Cause the spirit to drown
In sorrow and defeat
So words must be soft and discreet
Words can cause others to fall
If I don't have a kind word to say
Better to say nothing at all.

Seven Years

On this date in 2005, I came out to myself as a cross dresser. All the tension and struggle and inner turmoil dissipated  upon making that confession. I have progressed from a cross dresser to transgenderist to transgender. I've never been happier.  

Dog Days

The dog days of July and August are upon us. The exciting activity of June with all the pride events has been replaced by the calm placidity of July.  It's easy to assume that nothing is happening but that certainly is not the case.


Here in New York City there's always something going on. The Newfest Film Festival starts tomorrow. I love viewing films made by and for the LGBTQ community. There are many film fests that go on throughout the year.  My spouse and I will celebrate our birth shortly (we were born on the same day). We have written many short stories and poems in the meantime. As you can see life hasn't stopped.


It's a wonderful time to reflect on what has changed in our lives during the year. I'm much different now than I was at this time last year and my wife has noticed it. The dog days are really days we can recharge and relax. I always try to see the value in times like this. Some precious has been the result. I know that up ahead there will be more challenges that will need my attention.   

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Find what it is you like to do, then do it with passion and joy.

Reflecting About Bruce Gerig

Last evening I attended a ceremony in which the ashes of my friend were spread into the river. We shared our thoughts about Bruce prior to doing this. Bruce was a generous, loving, and caring man who love God and people. He especially loved the LGBT community. 


Bruce Gerig passed on May 29th at the age of seventy six. He left us a rich legacy of writings, articles, art (which I didn't know that he possessed this talent), and comments. Bruce was a shining example of what we should strive to be in our daily lives. I miss him but the season that he was in my life will always remain.


Rest in peace, Bruce.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

A compliment is something like a kiss through a veil.



~Victor Hugo

One Of the Ladies

This past Sunday, some of the worshippers sat in the church garden after service for coffee and refreshments. I was wearing a pink floral maxi skirt, rose blouse and sandals. A group of us ladies were talking and sharing many things. It felt so natural to me. Some know my feminine name and call me Genevieve. I absolutely love it! I was one of the ladies.


I have really been blessed with the all the compliments and kind words by many. Last Sunday one sister asked me about the outfit that I wore. It wore a white maxi skirt, a green top, and white pullover. It’s amazing how coming out to them has affected both myself and my spouse. She’s beginning to enjoy and accept it.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

I don't believe one grows older. I think what happens early on in life is that at a certain age one stands still and stagnates.


                                                                                                                                                       ~T.S. Eliot

Self Acceptance

Self- acceptance is the first step toward self discovery. It is declaring that I accept who I am regardless of what others say or think. The fog clears away and opportunities to express  my gender variance without shame or fear.


When I accepted that I was a cross dresser, the tension and stress of several weeks of denial dissipated. in due time contentment followed. I felt comfortable in my own skin. I was free to explore and grow as a transgender woman. 


No one can live our lives for us. Seeking to improve ourselves does not compromise us as individuals, parents, or neighbors. I sometimes cringe when I hear that some one is called  selfish because they desire to transition or be the person they desire to be. Gender variance does go against so called societal convention but it has always existed. 


Declaring my transgender identity has been a blessing to me. I have relief, inner contentment, joy, acceptance, and support. I pray that some one will be encouraged by this post.

Second Half Begins

June was a big month for pride in New York City. It culminated with the big pride Parade on the 24th. Now with the festivities over, the real work goes on.

Victories have been won, losses have also happened. The plight of homeless LGBTQ youth has been brought to the forefront. In my mind, this needs to be a top priority. Since my coming out to my church family I have been inquiring about where I need to get busy.

This coming out has been a transformation of sorts. Visibility puts a face on the needs and desire of transgender people. I never thought that I would come this way but I need to be a force for change. It can be big or small. Just helping out in any way will reap benefits later on.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Just because something has never been achieved does not mean that it cannot.

Remembering Our History

My own personal theme for this pride month is to remember those who came before us. After reading the stories of the many of the pioneers of transgender and gay movements, I am heartened by their steadfastness, courage, and determination. Three people who really inspire me are Miss Major, Marsha P. Johnson, and Sylvia Rivera. 
I am presently making up a portfolio of their lives because I hope to share it with members of my church. 


I recently read about Dewey Lunch Counter Sit In of 1965. African American transgender people spoke out and prevailed a full four years before the Stonewall event in New York and a year before the Compton Cafeteria Riot in San Francisco.  To say that we have no history is tantamount to saying that we never existed. This I will NOT take lying down.


As we celebrate our pride, take time to think of those who stood up in the face of hate, violence, and suffering and said Enough! 

Touched By Angels

      I attended two memorial services this weekend. On Saturday we celebrated the life of

my friend, Bruce Gerig, a man who came into my life shortly after I came out. He made me feel welcome when I first came to the bible studies at the community center. He was generous, bigger than life, knowledgeable about many subjects, and had an infectious laugh that warmed up a room. What I remember most about Bruce was how comfortable he was with himself as a gay man. It helped me to be comfortable with myself as a transgender person.

     On Sunday I attended a second memorial for a woman affectionately known as “Rookie”. I never met or knew her but I felt that I did. She was helpful and used what talents she had to the utmost. Rookie had been a greeter in church. I remarked to someone that I believe that Rookie paved the way for my wife and me when we arrived last fall. We felt welcome and comfortable.

     I am reminded that life is full of seasons. Seasons gradually come, stay awhile, and then gradually leave. Seasons can last moments or years. People come into our lives at particular times. Our lives can be seasons for other folks. We may never realize the affect they have or the impressions we make but it does happen.

     Bruce demonstrated warmth and realness. He demonstrated to me that I should be comfortable with myself. Rookie encourages me to use whatever talent I have to the fullest. These two wonderful people touched lives in ways that we will always cherish.

Bruce, Rookie, thank you for coming into and enriching our lives.  

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Being authentic takes courage.

Coming Out As Gennee In My House Of Faith

This month has been blessed and my spouse has been a part of it. I mentioned a couple of posts back that she attended service with me when I was Gennee. We have gone three times since.

Last Friday, we attended a gathering where other churches in our denomination came to our place. It was wonderful chatting with other LGBTQ folks about our experiences and lives. This past Sunday it was service and honoring the graduates. On Monday we went to film viewing in which the director of child ministry, his wife, and son were in. the DVD is called 'An Ordinary Family'. I'm going to purchase the DVD. I recommend it to churches and schools because more of these institutions are dealing with this issue.

Some folk were asking my wife where I was because we are usually together. She just pointed to me. They were so surprised! They didn't recognize me. I received a number of compliments, also. I was accepted and embraced by them. It has been a wonderful time for us.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Either everybody is equal or nobody is equal.

Wife Attended Church With Me

Yesterday, a milestone was achieved. My spouse and I went to our place of worship with me dressed as Gennee. I was very calm and relaxed. as we entered the church. We attended the adult education class where a few people didn't recognize me until I told them. They were so surpirised. Once again Louise revealed that she has accepted in my transgender identity.
Sunday was also the beginning of our new LGBTQI ministry. After service there was a luncheon to kick the event off. I received a number of compliments from other worshipers. This was something that I hoped and prayed for-to attend church with my wife as Gennee. Another Milestone was reached as I strolled with Louise through my neighborhood. Louise would never go with me when I was dressed but she did on Sunday. I'm so thrilled and look forward to doing more things as Gennee.

Conference on homeless LGBT youth.

Yesterday my wife and I attended a conference centered on improved services for homeless LGBT youth. Here in New York City there are around 4000 homeless LGBT youth but only 250 bed available. Much of the participants were churches, synagogues, and others in the religious comunities. I met one woman who ministers to predominantly LBGT people.

I am pleased that places of worship are taking up the struggle for homeless youth. My wife and I, along with another woman represented our place of worship. 

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Don't find fault, find a remedy.

                             ~Henry Ford

We Are Like Flowers

This past Saturday my wife and I were planting flowers in the church's garden. There were many colors; reds, yellow carnation, white and purple. When they were planted, we admired them. When they were watered, the flowers seem to come alive with vitality.

I see those of us who are gender variant and transgender as flowers. We are a part of the wonderful landscape. Many have tried to burrow us under the soil but we keep springing up. We are are as much of God's creation as anyone else. Letting our beauty shine forth adds much to life's tapestry. Let's not hide it under a bushel basket but let our lives shine from the hilltops and mountains.

Did Mom Forsee?

I trust that everyone's Mother's Day was good. It's great that all mothers are honored.

I lost my mom in 2001 but her influence upon me is still felt. We thought a lot alike, shared our sense of fashion, and could sense when something was not right. Recently, my wife revealed to me a conversation that she had with my mom. Mom shared with her that I like to wear pink. My brother and my son don't.  I didn't think much about it until I remembered that at the same time I began to struggle with my gender issues. Now I wonder if mom had an inkling of what I was to face a few years later? That I like to wear pink seemed immaterial to me until the gender angle entered in.

It's said that it's that moms know how their children are no matter how far away from home they are
I wonder if mom knew that I would become 'Gennee'?

Wife's Acceptance

Last Thursday evening my wife accepted me as a transgender person. It happened at a meeting at church. We are part of a task force that is creating and LGBTQI ministry which will kick off in June. Each person shared the their story and reasons for being there. When it was Louise's turn she shared her acceptance of me as a transgender woman. I was thrilled to say the least. It was also something that I prayed for. The following night I revealed my feminine name to her. I sensed that she was ready and my hunch proved to be correct. Louise read an article that I had written for an online magazine. She liked the article very much. Her acceptance means so much. There are some things that we are still working on but the future looks bright. My group of friends want to meet her. Louise has some trepidations right now but in time she will be ready. I'm so thankful and rejoicing.

Proceeding Ahead

Last night as lie in bed, I thought about how far my journey has taken me. I have gone much farther than I anticipated, not that I had any control over it. It dawned on me that there is still more in the way of experiences, discoveries, and changes that will be made in my life. Referring to the last comment, I see this as part my being authentic. It's stange that the world tends to shun and ignore authentic people and yet they want some one who is real. The separating point, I believe, is that if folks are willing to make changes necessary to have a meaningful life. It can relate to improved diet, lifestyle, gender identity, education, belief systems, ideologies, or a myriad of many things. Yes, it's a sacrifice and it may cost something. I see it as giving one thing up in exchange for something else. People are much more perceptive about life than they are given credit for. It can be positive or negative. Up to this point the changes made in my life has affected my spouse's percepton of me. She still loves me but is still trying to grasp my gender variance. I'm affecting three genderations; mine, my son, and my grand child. There will be more changes in store for me, some far ranging than in previous times. I have concluded to I want to be authentic. I want to make an impact in the lives of others. I desire to speak out in the face of overwhelming odds. Crazy? Maybe. I have no ther recourse. I can't turn back. I must proceed ahead.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Don't let your ideologies and beliefs stop you from doing what is right.

Book Opens Up Discussion

I am presently reading Peggy Rudd's book My Husband Wears My Clothes. My spouse is reading it also. I have also been thoughful of my spouse's feelings about my dressing. The book reminds me that others are affected by what I do. Conversely, her attitude towards crossdressing and transgender affect the both of us.

She is asking quesions again which I always welcome. I feel this time the questioning will go deeper than in previous times. She's still trying to wrap her mind around a male wearing women's clothing. What I like about Rudd's book is that it takes crossdressing from the spouse's perspective. My spous revealed to me that when she found out that I crossdress she wished tha she would wake up one day and find the whole idea of it gone.

I remind her that I'm still trying to understand what being transgender is. When I came out to her seven years ago, the main thing I was concerned with was how this would affect our family and our marriage. Thus far it has been positive. We do a lot of things together and enjoy being wih each other. One woman at our church took notice of this.  

I said earlier this year that it would be a pivotal in ou lives. I seems to be heading in that direction. I've been out in public dressed almost every day for the past few weeks. I've felt much better about doing this and even a few folks on the sreet hae taken notice. I'm very upbeat about where all this is heading. 

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Change is such hard work.



Billy Crystal

Seven Years

I have been out for nearly seven years now. There have been many improvements and changes. Protections for GLBT persons are law in many counties, towns, states, and countries. There is also more backlashes because we dare to make our voices heard. Transgender Day of Remembrance reminds me that we’re still in a fight.



What is encouraging is that more people are seeing through the labyrinth of lies thrown up by our enemies. I am seeing cracks in the armor of seemingly impenetrable social institutions because people are being educated about gender and sexuality. The church is one such institution. I am part of a task force that forming a ministry for LGBTQI persons. I’m very happy about this because I’m involved with the church. No longer can churches ignore part of their congregations because we are everywhere. One of my desires is share my story and educate the church about what it is to be transgender.


On a personal level, I’m very comfortable with where I am at the present time. The gender has been fluid the past several days. I have been interacting with the public quite a bit. I enjoy speaking with others. Others hve taking notice because I’ve been sent emails and notes. I even have an admirer at the community center.


My spouse is still trying to understand my being transgender but she has made progress. I’m making new discoveries as I continue on this journey. I’m really happy about life.

Gender Is Fluid

My gender has been fluid the past few days. The weather has been warm so I'm out and about the city quite a bit. This past Saturday I wore a dress for the second time. I kept getting looks from folks everywhere. There were two men who took notice and remarked to each other. I was recently called ma'am by someone in my building.  

I spent time at the library, the community center, two bookstores, a park hung out in during the 60s and 70s, and a book fair. It has been much for me interacting with the public.This is a victory for me because at one time I was reticent about speaking. 

Last night, I discovered that I have an admirer. I was waiting for a friend at the community when this man came over and spoke with me I had seen and exchanged hellos with him in the past. He was fascinated with my hands. I have long sleek fingers. He complimented me on my attire. We spoke f or about ten minutes before he had to leave. Earlier in the day I received fou emails from gentlemen desiring a relationship. Basically all I did was change my avatar. I guess that got the ball rolling. 

I've had som moments of total contentment. Once again, I flirted with idea of transitioning.  my spouse has noticed more changes in me, most noticably about clothing. I talk quite a bit about all the pretty dresses and skirts in the stores. I'm still rather fluid so I expect more things to happen today.      

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Let us put our minds together and see what life we can make for our children.



~Sitting Bull, Lakotan Statesman

Looking at life from the feminine perspecive has opened up my view of life in general. I've always been open to new experiences and ideas because of my natural curiosity. I'm not sure if gender fluidity contributes to this perception but the more I live as awoman the moreI believe that perception.

My wife has noticed this and she points it out. Looking ahead, I see that there will be more changes in my life. Some of them will not be easy but I'm willing to make the necessary changes to improve the lives of transgender people. I hae changed my views about many of our institutions and some of the things we've been taught. I see that there are beter ways of improving the lives of other as well as ourselves. To this end I will continue to work.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Spring is awakening from a dark and cold winter.

One of the beautiful aspects of spring is the flowers that bloom. Where I live tulips have been blossoming early because of the unusually warm weather for this time of year. I love the color they give to the dull landscape of a dry winter. 


In the same analogy, we trans people give the world beauty and color. We may see life from a different perspective (speaking for myself). I see myself as a flower that adds beauty to the landscape of the world. I may not be recognized or held in high esteem but I am a part of a diverse tapestry. 

Task Force Meeting

The meeting we had about the creation of an LGBTQI ministry went well. About twenty people came to the meeting including my wife. Each person shared why they came. I shared my reasons plus revealing my transgenderism. I discovered that there other transgender folks who attend the church. The minister who lead the meeting is bisexual.

I'm trying to come up with some suggestions for the ministry. My wife is still trying to understand what it is to be transgender. In time I believe that she will. One young woman asked what name I would like to be called. I haven't come come to the church dressed as Gennee yet but I have a feeling that will come soon. The next meeting is in April.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

In a gentle way, you can shake the world.



~Mahatma Gandhi

Writing Projects

Some writing projects have come up.The interested parties need trans persons to write about their experiences, articles, stories, etc. At the present time I'm considering two projects. I have always wanted to do something like this. I'm cautious because I do NOT want this to turn into a circus. I will NOT put transgender people in a negative light either. My hope is to educate many about me and others like me.  

Knowing One's History

On yesterday's post I quoted a statement by Marcus Garvey about knowing one's history. Though directed to African Americans it can certainly apply to transgender folks. We have a long and valient history of activism, exuberance, and creativity.

I thank sister Monica Roberts of Transgriot for her research on this subject of role models for people of color. Transgender role models are important because it shows the diversity of humankind regardless of socio-economic status or culture.

I have Indian ancestry (Choctaw) and transgenderism was a normal part of the culture until colonization. Upon further research, at 130 Indian tribes have transgender-two spirit persons. I agree with Garvey that people need to know their history because it gives us a foundation to stand on. It also refutes the constant attack that transgender and gender variant people are deviants and sinners. We have always existed.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

A people with the knowledge of their past history, origin and culture is like a tree without roots.


~Marcus Garvey

I will comment further on this tomorrow.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

We need to give each other the space to grow, to be ourselves, to exercise our diversity. we need to give each other space so that we may both give and receive such beautiful things ideas, openness, dignity, joy, healing, and inclusion.

~Max de Pree

New Ministry Forming

A task force is being created at my church in the lauching of a ministry for LGBTQI persons, allies, family and friends. The initial meeting will be held on 29th. I will be attending the meeting I'm really excited about this. There are a number of gay and lesbian couples who attend the services. So far as I know I'm the only transgender person there. Hey, maybe I'll meet some other TG persons.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

We need to look beyond our immediate future and aim higher and farther.

~Paul Biya, Cameroonian Statesman, (b.1933)

Transgender Bills Being Talked About

I have been doing quite a bit of reading about bills for transgender equality and identity protections in various parts of the country and the world. With that there is also much opposition through intimidation and misinformation. It's a job staying up to date and vigilent but it is well worth it.

What I'm amazed at is that these bills are being talked about in such conservative bastions as Nebraska, Utah, and Michigan. What I see is the need to still educate people about transgender issues because the opposition is not quitting or letting up. Some laws have been passed while others are being bandied about. It may very well be that this will be a topic during this election year.

With the opposition pulling out all the stops I see that we are making progress. It's a battleground but a battle worth fighting for.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

My ancestors foresaw that I could travel this journey.

No Winter Here

We really haven't had a winter here. There's only been one snowstorm (about 5 inches) and that's it. Much of the time it has been in the high 40's and low to mid 50's. I'm not complaining. I love it.

I tied what I'm experiencing as a winterless season with my transgender journey. On the calendar it's still winter but the outside forces which I normally associate with winter aren't there. I may consciously or unconsciously associate my journey to some feeling or a look or a behavior. I'm reminded that each person's journey is different. While I may not see or feel the changes, they are occuring nevertheless. I'm enjoying the ride because I'm cherishing the moment that I'm in.

Just like the weather I have no control over what comes my way. I do have control on how I respond to the changes. Comparing one experience to another is easy to do but does it really speak about how we actually perceive ourselves?

We are all unique and travel our own paths. We may not always comprehend the events in our lives but they are happening for our betterment. I mentioned earlier that I do love the unusually warm winter. I'm embracing each moment as something special.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Happiness is not matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony

~Thomas Merton (1915-1968)

Shared With Pastor That I'm Transgender

Last night after bible study I shared with the pastor that I am transgender. He was so happy for me sharing this with him. The church I attend is affirming. There are gay and lesbian couples that attend regualrly. As far as I know I'm the only transgender person there. I felt joy and relief at the same time.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

IF THE HEART AND MIND IS NOT TRANSFORMED THEN NOTHING WILL CHANGE.

BUSY, BUSY

Life has been very busy for me the past two or three weeks. I have been keeping up (trying) with advancements of transgender people. With the failed measures in South Dakota and Minnesota, it demonstrates that there's more work to be done. In the coming weeks I will present article resources and comments on topics about and which affect the transgender community. I will continue to share about my ongoing journey.

My wife and I joined an affirming church this past Sunday. It's an affirming and open church for ALL. As far as I know I'm the only transgender person. Soon I will meet with the pastor and share my concerns and and that I'm transgender.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these.

~George Washington Carver, African American Scientist (1864-1943)

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

He is richest who is content with the least, for content is the wealth of nature.

~Socrates

Avid Reader

I am an avid reader of many subjects and topics. Everything from geography to history to poetry to biography piques my interest. It's good to read because it keeps the brain sharp.

One of my favorite topics is stories about trans people. I read a lot of them because I want to keep up with the progress we are making, albeit slowly. I also have read some horror stories about the treatment of transgender people. It keeps things in proper perspective. It also pushes me to keep working towards trans equality.

Attend Affirming Church

I attend an accepting church. My wife and I have become members as of yesterday. There were at least 3 gay couples and 5 or 6 lesbian couples. As far as I know I'm the only transgender person there. My wife and I feel comfortable and have made some friends.

I may speak with the pastor about my being transgender. I can honestly say that I feel comfortable about doing this. I'm also sensitive to my wife's feelings. She accepting of my dressing up to a point. Recently, for the first time, she walked beside me on the street while I was dressed. As you can small advances have made. I would make my day when I attend service dressed up.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Happier

I am much happier as a transgender woman that I ever was as a man.I feel complete and liberated. I am comfortable with who I am what I have become. It keeps getting better.

I accept the fact that I'm different. Until I came out, I always felt that way but never knew why. I am part of humankind but present in a different way. My perspective about life is different, having experienced both ridicule and self doubt. I overlook both and now have a positive outlook.

Wife Notices Even More Of My Gender Transition

My wife has noticed more changes. Last Sunday while riding home, she commented that I cross my legs like a woman. A few days later she walked with me on the street for the first time when I was dressed. I'm wondering what other changes she's noticed?

I also entertained the possibility of transitioning. At this point I'm very sure that I won't but I have cogitated the idea. I never closed the door on transitioning but I have learned that many things in my journey have come to pass.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination.

~Nelson Mandela

Tansgender Issues

I have been reading quite bit about transgnder issues. There's much happening on the local, county, and international scale. I will be posting some results and a comment at least once a week but hopefully twice.

2012 will be a pivotal year for all Americans, and for the LGBTQ community in particular. Most important we need to make sure that those who supposedly represent us follow our wishes and concerns. If they don't we must take them to task. We need to occupy our own movement.

I am happy with the progress we made and much more needs to be done.

Coming Out More Than One Time Event

Coming out is a very personal matter. It's telling the world that this is who I am. I am mindful that my coming out process came several weeks after discovering that I was a crossdresser. When I did accept myself all of the stress in my life dissipated.

It took over a week that I had gone over a divide that I never imagined that I would cross. I have concluded that coming out is not a one time event. It's happened to me a number of times. I proceeded from a crossdresser to transgenderist to transgender.

At the present time I am experiencing another shift in my identity, moving closer to identifying as fully feminine. This is after a long period of relative calm. What has helped is that I embrace whatever comes. The journey will be ongoing replete with discoveries and adventures.

I enjoy reading posts from folks who have or are just coming out and accepting their sexuality/gender identity. For me it has become easier. I have never tried to pin down what gender is; I just enjoy the ride.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men.


~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, German Poet (1749-1832)

2012

A new year has arrived. I'm very excited about the possibilities of new and challenging adventures. I see a new year as working to improve ourselves and have an impact on the lives of others. This is my main goal for 2012. I'm still working on specific goals at this time. One of them is to have my first chapbook published.

Do you have any goals or activities or adventures planned for the year? I would love to hear from you and share it with us.

End OF Year Salutatons

Another year has come and gone. What has happened cannot be changed. We can only move forward. Let us be thankful for the good things that have happened in our lives. Let us learn from our trials and struggles and seek solutions.

2011 was a good year for me. I found a nice place to live. I started writing poetry in earnest and now read at open mics throughout the city. Above all, I'm able to reflect on my life and concluded that I'm blessed.


HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Seasons Greettings

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.


~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. (1841-1935)

A Light In The Sea of Darkness

I am a big fan of lighthouses. The one pictured above is about a mile from my home. It is the only remaining lighthouse in New York City. It was commissioned in 1921 along the Hudson River. When the George Washington Bridge was completed in 1931, the Little Red Lighthouse was decommissioned the following year. Today it is a landmark.
I'm sure that the light that beamed out on a dark, foggy night saved many a ship from a watery grave. Our lives as transgender people can be turbulent and troublesome at times. Confusion by others about us causes them to lash out at us without ever tring to know what we are about. Our own fears can hold us captive, which can result in self-loathing and ideation about suicide, alcohol and drug abuse, and numoerous other vices.
Then one day some thing or someone crosses out path which can steer us in the right direction. Like the light beam over a dark ocean, each event can help us see that we are not alone. We need not feel ashamed or guilty over who we are or how others perceive us.
The reason I wrote this post is that there may be somone who believes that they are alone and that no one understands. There ARE many of us who know what you are going through. Many of us have been there. During this holiday season just remember that there are people who do understand and care.

Contentment consist not in adding more fuel, but in taking away some fire.

~Thomas Fuller (1608-1661)

Hospitality

This time of year is a lonely time for many people. Suicide, alcohol and drug abuse, and despair are high during this time of year. In the LGBTQI community this is doubly so. Many are estranged from family and community because of who they are.

I have been quite a bit of my mom this year. She passed in 2001 but the lessons she thought me remind me that hospitality and kindness are in great demand. She would invite someone she knew would be alone over to her home. Mom would relate to me that the individual was grateful and appreciative that someone thought of them.

Hospitality is a virtue that is sometimes lacking in today’s society. We can become so wrapped up in ourselves that we neglect folks who need companionship. For the past decade and a half, I have used this season as a time of reflection. It doesn’t matter to me whether or not I receive a gift. Being alive is a gift.

Let’s remember the neighbor who is lonely. Let’s give a gift to a child who may not have anything for Christmas. Visit someone in the hospital or hospice. It can make a difference in having a Merry Christmas or another empty day.

Shifting Again

I have been dressing up quite a bit the past couple of weeks. I desire to dress up more now. My spouse has noticed and she is somewhat bothered by it. She wrote a poem about my desire to be a woman rather than a man. I understand how she feels. She fears that she is losing the male person that she married. I tell her that I’m the same person.

I’m not really surprised by her response because I thought that this day would come. Things were quiet for a while. I sense that another shift is coming. I guess the holiday season may have triggered it because there have been more opportunities to dress. Just the other day I saw a transgender woman as I was crossing the street. I have been out dressed sparingly in my new digs but that will change as of now.

Another area of my life that I have considered is a permanent name change. This still a long way off but it sure seems closer than I imagined. There’s an organization that specializes in the area so I’ll need to look into this.

My brother wants me to spend a weekend at his home upstate. I’ve never told him about my being transgender. I honestly have no desire to. I wonder how I’ll fare while at his place. I’ll probably be little nuts because I can’t dress.


A lot is happening in my life at the moment as you can see. I’m sure that by the end of the year it will be sorted out.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

He who is contented is rich.

~Lao Tzu

Thankful

Hi! I hope that your Thangsgiving was wonderful. The weather was warm and mild. I'm thankful for many things. Waking up in the morning. A roof over my head. Most of all, I'm thankful for the many people who have touched my life.

I'm mindful of those who are less fortunate because last year at this time I lived in a shelter. I appreciate the little things that happen in life yet I'm looking to make a difference in other people's lives.

During this personal time of reflection, I am thankful for so much.

Gratitude is the inward feeling of kindness received. Thankfulness is the natural impulse to express that feeling. Thanksgiving is the following of that impulse.

~Henry Van Dyke

HAPPY THANGSGIVING

Transgender DOR

Last night, I attended Transgender DOR ceremonies at the community center here. There were over 200 people present. A vigil was held where we all marched around the block. A few folks on the street asked what it was about.

There were speakers, words of encouragement , stories from the audience. I spoke for a couple of moments. I shared my story of transition and acceptance by family. I shared that I refuse to live in fear. I encouraged everyone to be themselves. I also read this poem that I wrote:
We are persecuted,
Yet we have perservered.
Our journey has been circuituous,
Yet we have always been.
Some have fallen,
Yet we are still standing.
My people, Arise!

I met a number folks afterwards. I shared my experiences with a lesbian couple who will be getting married. A gentleman hugged and thanked me for my testimony. This was the best TDOR event that I've been to. We paid homage to those who died this past year (221 trans people killed). It encourages me that we are moving forward. I'm happy that I participated.

TDOR

Tonight I will be attending Transgender Day of Rmembrance ceremony at the community center. I will be making a comment or two and perhaps read a poem. I find it more beneficial to encourage others because its greatly needed. I pray that others will be encouraged.

At the beginning of each year, we have conceptual meetings. How are we going to challenge ourselves this year? So we suggested a transsexual or transgender. And to be honest, I am shocked they let us do it.
~Jai Rodriquez

Transgender Day of Remembrance.

This Friday I will be attending a Transgender Day of Remembrance ceremony at the community center. I may speak and possibly read a poem. I attend every year to encourage those who may feel alone and defeated. It's important that I do attend.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

The simplification of life is one of the steps to inner peace. A persistent simplification will create an inner and outer well-being that places harmony in one's life.


~Peace Pilgrim

The Same Person

When I came out I told my spouse that I am the same person I always was. It took much time and effort but I believe that she understands this now. We've been married 31 years and I'm thankful for that. I may have changed in my gender identity but I have honored my marriage and always will.

Whenever I feel a change within I pray that it will help me to understand myself and encourage others in the process. Seeing others succeed is more important than anything that I face.

In For The Long Haul

I visited Occupy Wall Street yesterday. There were tents everywhere in this constricted area. There was a kitchen, library, tables of information, a media area, and other venues. I spoke with a few of the participants and learned much about their reasons for being there.

I came away with the opinion that these people are there for the long haul. There were mostly young people and I'm happy that their voices are being heard. I pray that they are not usurped by other groups and provocateurs which are just interested in their own agenda. I will be going back again very soon.

www.occupywallstreet.org
www.occupytogether.org

Recital; Fracking

I went to a piano recital on Wednesday and enjoyed it very much. Young people played pieces from Bach, Robert Schumann, and other notable composers of classical music.

I listened to all kinds of music growing up. I enjoyed listening to the soft and pleasant sounding music on occasion. My mother gave me the appreciation for many kinds of music.

I was unable to attend the meeting about fracking. I do follow it closely and have protested in the past about this matter. Nuclear energy is also another matter. People are trying to get Indian Point Nuclear Plant shut down here in New York. This plant is only 28 miles from where I live. We had a hurricane, an earthquake, and last weekend, a freak snowstorm. Coupled with the fact that the plant is sitting on a fault, there is a great potential for something similar to what happened in Japan.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Nature chooses who will be transgender; individuals don't
choose this.

~Mercedes Ruehl

Piano Recital and Meeting About Fracking

I will be attending a piano recital with a friend today. I love classical music and I'm excited to go to this free event.

Tomorrow night, I will be attending a meeting about fracking. This is an issue that I'm very concerned about. I will be hooking up with a group regarding this. If fracking is allowed, all the water sheds here will be damaged. I protested in front of the governor's office a few weeks along with two or three hundered other protesters.

POEM

Words


A kind word can bring joy
Cruel word can destroy
A tender can warm the heart
Bitter words can make the spirit tart

Words are like morning dew
It takes only two words to say ‘thank you’
Words that tear down
Causes one’s spirit to drown
In sorrow and defeat
Our words must be soft and discreet
Words can cause others to fall
If I don’t have a kind word to say
Better not say anything at all.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Nothing should ever stop you from achieving your dreams.

Comfortable

I'm feeling more comfortable where I am in my neighborhood. I really like it here and hope to stay a long time. There's is an LGBT community here in Washington Heights though not all that visible. They are here. There's a gay club across the street from a bookstore I frequent. In November I will be going to SAGE events in Harlem. Time for Gennee to make her presence. I found an affirming church nearby in which my spouse and I will be attending. Things are looking up for us.

Occupy Wall Street

I have been following the events at Occupy Wall Street. I hope to go down there real soon. There's many Occupations all over the world now. There's one up here in my neighborhood of Washington Heights. I will get some more information about the movement up here.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

I can promise you that women working together - linked, informed and educated - can bring peace and prosperity to this forsaken planet.

~Isabel Allende

My Spouse Tied Transgender Equality with Women's Struggless

Being able to share my life as a transgender person with my spouse is a joy. Last night I shared with her about how transgender people have been discriminated against throughout the ages. I sensed that she has a better understanding of what it is to be trans.

I'm very open with her about my feelings, concerns,and struggles. She tied women's struggles with the struggles of transgender people. We are both spiritual people and believe that everyone has the right to be who they are. While I do believe she has some concerns about the possiblility of me transitioning (I'm not), I assure her that I still want to be married to her. I'm sure she is concerned abou my safety.

Being open is something that I take to heart. I believe that by being open there maybe someone out in public who is struggling and desires to be authentic. Perhaps, someone may be encouraged by my example.

Health Benefits For Trans Employees in Seattle

Good news from Seattle, Washington.

<http://www.sgn.org/sgnnews39_40/page2.cfm>

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

A friend should be one in whose understanding and virtue we can equally confide, and whose opinion we can value at once for its justness and its sincerity.

~Robert Hall