Comfirmation of Contentment

I posted a blog on June 4th about my being comfortable in a noisy area. Society is like that noisy lobby. Instead of folks like myself, there are all different kinds of folks on the street, on the train or bus, in the stores, at the hospital or church. Still I feel just as comfortable as in any other place.

I played football in my younger days. One of the cliches I heard was letting the game slow down for me. Another way to put it was letting the game come to me I would often react to all the franatic activity on around me. I had to remember the patterns to run, or the blocking schemes, or adjust quickly to a sudden change in strategy. As I gained more experience, the game slowed down in my mind and I was able to perform my assignments efficiently.

I remember early when I went out in public how apprehensive and hurried I was. I wouldn't look anyone in the eye. I would speak in barely audible tones. Nowadays, I browse casually through stores. I have dined in restaurants, shopped and attended church while dressed. The gait is relaxed and confident. I look folks in the eye now. Some have smiled back at me.

I said in the earlier post that it wasn't a surreal moment for me and I still don't beleive that it was. Possibly what happened in that noisy lobby was the comfirmation of the contentment I feel inside. It's a wonderful feeling indeed.

Genevieve

Reading, Writing, and Films

I have been busy reading articles, writing and reading, attending movies, and other things. I am reading articles in which I will comment and post in the near future. I'm putting the finishing touches on my speaking engagement on June 23rd.

I am writing an article for an online magazine I write for. It will be posted in July so I'll let you know when it comes out. I am reading Jennifer Boylan 's book She's Not There. It's the story of her transition from male to female. It's a good read and I found some of her experiences related to me personally.

The NewFest Film Festival here in New York is in full swing. I saw a documentary last Friday called Gramercy Stories. It takes a look at a residence in Gramercy Park that provides a safe home for gay and transgender teenagers. A fine film. Tomorrow, I'm viewing a film about transmen. I'll give a report on it tomorrow or the next day.

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Whichever road I choose to tred, life will be altered if not changed. I must trek the trail that must travel.

Contentment With Ourselves

Last night I attended the annual Trasgeder Health Fair here in New York City. It was very successful with near 40 organizations participating and 375 people visiting.

Later on, I was sitting on a bench in the lobby. The area was filling up as people were waiting for meeting places to become available. While I sat there, I observed the many expressions of gender in my midst. Genderqueer, butch, crossdressers, transwomen and transmen. I was so comfortable in this setting. There was not an ounce of tension or distress in my being. I wouldn't call it surreal but it revealed what I actually felt inside. It's more like this each day.

When I came out as transgender four years ago, I needed to get used to living and being around my new family. There was apprehension, struggles, and missteps. There was also the belief that I was among people who comfortable with who they are. This made the greatest impression upon me. I remember the warm August day in 2006 when the overwhelming feeling of contentment in my own skin flowed through me. It was the same feeling I experienced last night.

One of my joys is to see people be comfortable with who they are. Society does its best to brow beat s into submission. We have the right to be ourselves. This is what I share with others.

Genevieve

Buzzwords and Gobblty Gook, Part 3

Of all the things that galls me, it is when people use the bible to justify their bigotry and prejudice. It was used to justify slavery, oppressing women, Native Americans and other groups. Transgener and GLB people are the lastest group. I'm a transgender person and my enemies call me a pervert. They call gay and lesbian people pedophiles. All I hear is that the bible is against homosexuality and transgenderism. Telling us that God hates us is the height of bigotry, in my opinion.

I am a Christian and transgender person whom God loves. God love gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgender persons unconditionally. Anybody who tells you different is a liar. If you ask our opponents about where it says that God hates us, they'll probably spiel some testosterone-fueled rhetoric about us being an abomination. Wel, they are an abomination in God's sight who defame his word and his name.

God made us the way we are. We don't have to be ashamed of the way he created us. The day I came out as a crossdressser and transgender person was the day I was liberated and completed. I have never been happier in my life!

The past three posts are a departure from what I normally write. I just can't stand around and listen to bigots degrade us. I just hop that I educated a few people. I jst love the TGLB community so much. It took me nearly 57 years to find the family I never knew I had. I will be always grateful that I did.

Buzzwords and Gobblty Gook, Part2

Yesterday, I mentioned a couple of buzzwords used by or adversaries to justify discrimination against TLGB people.

Procreation is another item used against us. Same-sex marriage is denied to gay and lesbian couples because in the eyes of the adversaries, they cannot reproduce. Well, there are millions of heterosexual couples who for various reasons cannot procreate either of which my spouse is one. To me this argument doesn't hold water. Transgender people are denied the right to marry in some instances. Recently in Tennessee the marriage of a trans couple was nullified.

If the opposition was so interested in procreation, let them explain all the runaways and children in foster care and orphanages. There are states where gay and lesbian couples cannot adopt. It's said that a child needs a mother and a father. From the experience of having adopted a child, children want a place where they are loved and accepted. Their parents can be transgender, gay, lesbian, or bisexual.

As I see it, maintaining the status quo is more important to the opponents and the well being of people. How many TGLB people have been killed or committed suicide because of the desire to maintain an 'ideal' which most people cannot possibly fit? Just thinking about it makes me sad and angry.

Genevieve

................to be continued

Buzzwords and Gobblty Gook

I have been following the many events regarding marriage equlity and protections for transgender people. I have looked at both sides of the issues. The excuses given for denying people their rights are pretty lame ones at that.

My question is why is it so important to our foes that we all be straight? I'm perfectly happy as a transgender person. I have long made it a point not to be defined by anyone else.

Our foes have enacted the Defense of Marriage Act because they believe that they are saving it from oblivion. Well, marriage has survived many social upheavals. If they are so interested in 'saving' marriage why not work with the couples struggling with their marriages? Recently, I celebrated my 29th anniversary. My spouse and I love each other, respect one another, and enjoy being with each other. She knows that I am transgender and it has made us even closer.

Other buzz words are 'traditional marriage' and 'traditional values'. What's traditional in one culture may be something totally different in another culture. I am for traditional marriage but I am also for equality. Denying gay and lesbian couples the right to marry is wrong, plain and simple.

It has come to the point where I'm tired of people trying to tell me how I should live. The gender binary system is another control mechanism that has been the bane of transgender people. I will touch upon this in a future post because I have much to say about it.

to be continued...........

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

I didn't choose to be transgender, but I did choose to embrace that I am transgender.

New Discoveries

I just finished reading Vanessa Sheridan's book "Crossing Over" for the second time. It's amazing what I missed from the first time that I read the book. While I know the struggle for transgender equality is difficult, I see now how entrenched many of our institutions  are and so amandantly opposed to us securing our rights. It opens up a can of worms that, quite frankly, needs to be opened up.

The book confirms some of my own personal feelings and transformations when I discovered my transgender identity. We were created exactly as God planned it. What has been done to transgender people over the centuries is heinous and blasphemous. Sadly, the institutional church was behind much of the bigotry transgender suffered and still suffer.

When I accepted my transgenderism, I did not feel shame or guilt. I felt liberation and completeness. In the coming days, I will share some thoughts about what I discovered and my feelings about what I read.

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

I may not have had the same experiences as you,

but I rejoice when you have attained a victory.

Desire To Be More Open

My desire to be out in public is stronger this year. It's not to draw attention to myself or fame but to educate the public about transgender people. I have gone to the laundry dressed the past few times I've done the wash. I went food shopping recently. On Thursday I will be going to a movie with a lesbian friend.

I'm saying all this because my transgender journey is taking me to the point that I desire to share more of myself. It's to educate the public and it's to encourage other transgender and gender variant folks that we are being ourselves. There's nothing wrong with us and we have nothing to be ashamed of. I have reasoned that no one will force me into the closet.

I'm not sure if or when it will happen but I have the desire to live as a woman 24/7. I have a spouse to consider. She accepts my crossdressing though, at times, she doesn't understand why I like wearing women's clothing.She has purchased clothing for me and we share skirts, blouses, tops, dresses and coats. I let her borrow my jewelry when she needs it. Guess I have the best of both worlds.

I have come to see that I do not relish conventional wisdom or the status quo like I used to. I see that people possess much more than the gender roles they are assigned. If I told my non-transgender friends about 'Gennee', they would be shocked. My goal is to become an educator. I always believed that the setting I'll be in will not be a traditional one. I look forward to the day when I can share my life as a transgender person to many people.

Gennee

Ever Changing Landscape

Today I attended a meeting of tglb vets at the community center. After the meeting I was observing the people walking or sitting down. The thought came to my mind that each person is at a different stage in their lives and in varying degrees. Like crossdressing not being a neutral activity, the transgender journey is not a stationary trek. The landscape changes all the time.

 

Flowers of The World

Lately I have read numerous posts about GLBT folks coming to terms with who they are. It encourages me to hear this because many others will be encouraged by their discovery and self-acceptance. 

It's sad how society discriminates against people who do not represent the 'right presentation' of gender. Transgender and gender variant people have long felt the wrath of a very restrictive and soul-killing binary construct. So have effeminate men and masculine women. Diversity is like a flower garden. There's so many colors, varieties, sizes, and shapes Each person adds beauty to life's tapestry. 

I wish that I could hug the people who have accepted themselves. I feel so blessed privileged to be part of a beautiful community of people who desire to live authentic lives.  To my brothers and sisters, I encourage you to live life on your terms and love being who you are.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

We were created as God wants us. We are not a mistake. We are part of his diversity.

Uniquely Created

While I have been research material for an upcoming talk, I have seen how the contributions of transgender and gender variant people have been suppressed throughout history. We belie the long held belief that there are on two genders that exist.  We have existed since the very beginning of life.

I will be presenting a historical overview in the next few posts. I was struck by the thought that we are at a time where we can change the course of history. Transgender topics are beginning to be discussed openly and that's great. It is also a time when our opponents are leveling both barrels at us to get us to submit to their lies and deception. I am proud to be a transgender person because I was created this way. 

This is the crossroad that may be crossing because I can't let lies, misinformation, and fear intimidate and hurt my transgender brothers and sisters. I will be digging deeper into the history and I will pass along my findings. 

Article about Equality & Justice Day In Albany

The Curvature, USA

Equality and Justice for Whom?

Last Tuesday, I attended Equality & Justice Day in Albany.  It is the LGBT
lobby day for New York, run by the Empire State Pride Agenda.  I generally
had a good time, and was glad that I attended to show my support.

But I also noticed something throughout the day that, while I may not be in
the best position to do so as a straight and cis person, seemed to me to
deserve a strong critique.

I wrote earlier that the main bill I am concerned about seeing pass is
GENDA. <http://thecurvature .com/2009/ 04/27/in- support-of- genda/> The Gender
Expression Non-Discrimination Act would protect people from discrimination
on the basis of gender identity and expression in the areas of employment,
housing, credit, and more.  Right now, in New York, no such protections
exist for trans or otherwise identifying gender variant people — despite the
fact that such protections are in place (as they obviously should be) on the
basis of sexual orientation.

Last year after Equality & Justice Day, I was surprised and pleased to see
that GENDA, while it did not ever reach the Senate floor with Republicans in
charge, was given seemingly equal attention to marriage equality and
DASA<http://www.prideage nda.org/IssuesEx plained/Youthand SafeSchools/ QuickFacts/ AnswerstoCommonQ uestions/ tabid/228/ Default.aspx>(Dignity
for All Students Act).  It could be that I’m simply more aware of
trans issues and their marginalization within supposedly LGBT communities
than I was last year — though I was already aware of this issue last year,
and for that reason made a specific point to watch out for its presence.
But whatever the reason, I noticed a significant shift, and I feel obligated
to mention it.

It started, or at least it became noticeable to me, when Governor Paterson
came out to give his speech as the first official speaker.  It was a great
speech, it really was, and I was happy to see him there.  Except.  Well, it
was a great speech if we were only there to talk about marriage equality.
Because that’s all his speech was about.  And that’s not the only reason
we were there.

Of course, it’s entirely possible that the Pride Agenda had no control over
the content of the Governor’s speech.  When it’s the governor speaking, does
an organization have any say in the topic of his remarks?  I really honestly
do not know.  But it seemed to set a tone.

Because marriage equality, though on paper it was not supposed to be, was
the focus of this day.  While GENDA and DASA were often mentioned as
sidelines, for a majority of the morning speakers, they were not the focus,
and they were not even usually given equal treatment.  In fact, I’d say that
GENDA received the least treatment of the three issues in question.  Because
though I don’t remember who it was, I do specifically remember someone
talking at decent length about bullying in schools.  I also admittedly
missed a chunk of the afternoon rally — but from what I saw, it was much of
the same.  It seemed from the program that there was only one speaker at the
rally there to represent trans issues; and I saw her speak, and she only
spoke for a minute or two.

I saw the same dynamic in my lobby visits.  Now, I want to be clear that the
Pride Agenda has no direct control over what goes on in the lobby visits.
The lobby visit facilitators are volunteers who do not officially represent
the organization.  And I will also say that I like the facilitator from my
group very much and spent a good deal of the day in his company.

But when we got to the meeting for our senator — and remember, GENDA has
passed the Assembly, so the Senate is what matters — he had people in our
group talk at length about marriage equality.  Then he had people talk at
length about DASA.  (I personally said something about both bills.)  And
then, before I knew it, the meeting was over.  When I realized what was
happening I tried to catch my facilitator’s eye to say “What about GENDA?”
but he didn’t look my way, and it was too late.  When the one person in our
group who had identified herself as trans questioned him on it after the
meeting, the response was basically a fairly sheepish “yeah, well, I guess I
only got to fit two in.”

When we got back to the banquet hall for the closing, we watched a short
video <http://www.youtube. com/watch? v=MJF5TREeliw> which debunked many of
the myths that marriage equality opponents use to scare people out of their
support.  There was, it probably goes without saying, no similar video for
GENDA, though the myths and
scare-tactics<http://thecurvature .com/2009/ 01/13/because- the-not-in- my-shower- campaign- worked-so- well/>surrounding
such legislation are well-known, rampant and appalling.

There is clearly a problem here.

And that problem could, certainly, have been one that was clearly visible
last year and I simply missed due to ignorance on my part.  I have not
entirely ruled that out — though again, I was actively expecting and looking
for it last year.   So if I had to guess, I would actually, and sadly, place
my money on something that I find even more appalling.

Last year, marriage equality didn’t have a chance in hell.  Sure,
legislators and activists talked the same big game, but everyone knew it.
Republicans controlled the legislative body.  It likely wasn’t going to get
introduced, and if it was, it was going to get shot down.

This year?  Things are significantly different.  53% of New Yorkers recently
polled said that they would support marriage equality in New
York.<http://www.buffalon ews.com/cityregi on/story/ 646140.html>Democrats
are now in charge, and while that’s definitely not a guarantee,
it’s a lot better.  And the governor has been actively promoting a bill.

In other words: marriage equality has a real, legitimate chance this year.
It might actually make it through.  Before 2009 is over, we might have it.

When marriage equality had no real shot, it seemed to me that GENDA was
portrayed as equally important to it.  It was regularly discussed in
conjunction with the other issues.  And last year, I also had the same lobby
visit facilitator, and we managed to discuss GENDA substantially in all of
those visits.

Now that marriage equality is a very real possibility, GENDA has taken a
back seat — despite the fact that it has significantly greater favor with
voters<http://www.gayallia nce.org/index. php?option= com_mojo& Itemid=114& p=2933>,
but much of the same resistance among lawmakers, and establishes rights that
are easily as important, and quite arguably more so.  And so, it seems to me
that the rights of trans people only matter when the real goal, the
currently trendy one, isn’t really on the table.

I am, in all honesty, not particularly surprised by this.  But I am
extraordinarily disappointed and saddened, and also angry.  Because what I
have outlined above, if accurate (and I’m sure the Pride Agenda would
vehemently deny it), is tremendously and unforgivably fucked up.  And even
if I’m wrong about the reasoning — even if things were just as bad last year
— it doesn’t erase the disparity or make it any less of a major issue.

I hope there is no doubt that I would absolutely love to see New York become
the next state to gain marriage equality.  But I don’t want it on the backs
of trans people.  (Of course, there are many trans people who would also
benefit from marriage equality; but I think it would be disingenuous to act
as though it’s the thinking at play here.)

What I don’t want is marriage equality in New York while it’s still fucking
legal to deny a transgender person a place to live.  I don’t want New York
to become the sixth state to instate marriage equality when it is not yet
even the fourteenth state to instate anti- discrimination laws on the
basis of gender identity.

And yet, I’m worried that it’s exactly what’s going to happen.  I worry that
we’re going to end up looking a hell of a lot like New
Hampshire<http://shakespeares sister.blogspot. com/2009/ 04/we-matter. html>.
And that in that event, as so often happens, the rest of the supposed
coalition won’t come back for transgender people.

I’m not saying “the Pride Agenda couldn’t care less about trans people.”
Some certainly would make that argument, but again, as a straight and cis
woman, I don’t think I’m in a position to make that call.

I am, however, in a position to simply report what I saw.  And what I saw
was a day that was supposed to be about rights for all LGBT New Yorkers
largely toss out the T.  I saw a day whose focus was on marriage equality,
not marriage equality, GENDA and DASA.  I saw a disparity, and I saw a
problem.
NOTE: This is not a place for 101 questions.  If you have one, google it.

http://thecurvature .com/2009/ 05/07/equality- and-justice- for-whom/

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Take responsibility for your own actions. 

Getting Facts Straight.

As I gather materials for my discussion about transgender issues, I see the importance of having my facts straight. One example is the use of transgendered for transgender. The former is an adjective while the former is a noun. Intersex is used instead of hermaphrodite (I can see why). Crossdresser is substituted for transvestite. It is mostly in the United States,  as transvestite is still used in Europe. 

Part of educating people about transgender issues is helping them to see why some terms are offensive to transgender people. Another is to hopefully demonstrate that transgender people are just like anyone else. We have dreams, desires, and needs. We desire decent jobs, housing, and the ability to pursue happiness.  Some think that we want special treatment but that is not the case. This wouldn't be an issue if all people were treated equally.

The church is where I would love to educate people about what it is to transgender and Christian. Some may think that it's an oxymoron. We were created by God just like he created straight folks. I just happen to be a transgender person. I'm excited about the upcoming discussion. I pray that more opportunities will come.

Genevieve

Another Kind of Spring

Spring has finally come. The plants awaken from the long winter hibernation. New life bursts forth. Spring reminds me of this time four years ago when  fifty plus years of dormancy was finally breaking through. 

I was confronted with something I didn't understand. Some seeds never make it to the soil surface. This seed in my being wasn't one of them. When it did break soil, a new plant was about to grow. The gender flower was about to blossom. I didn't know what was going on. I received nourishment from some counseling and listening to the stories of those who went through the same experiences.

Today, the bloom is still on my gender flower. Like the hemlock, I have weather some severe storms. Springs have come and gone but the flower is eternal.

Genevieve 

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Kindness can soften even the hardest of hearts.