GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

What keeps me on the road is the prospect of discovering more about life.

~Genevieve

The Narrow Gate

A couple of weeks ago, we have a lesson on the seventh chapter of Matthew. We studied the whole chapter. Verses 13 and 14 have stuck in my mind.

Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.Matt. 7:13-14

These verses remind of the road that I trod on when I was coming to terms about my gender issues. Prior to 2000 I was traveling the same road as everybody else. Then suddenly I was nudged along to travel another path. No one else could do this for me. The trek was lonely, winding, challenging at times, and never ending. I was encountering new experiences. The further I traveled the more that life was becoming clearer. If I continued walking on the broad road, I would have been miserable. I was a mess internally and emotionally.

As the journey continued there were roads crossed, new discoveries, and more joy as I embraced what came my way. The biggest trial came this past May. The road become narrower and I hesitated. I could turn back but that wasn't a viable option. Finally, I did continue trekking on a narrower road. What happened was my migration from a crossdresser to a transsexual. I have never been happier in my life.

I am writing this piece in more detail for an online magazine. I will let you know when it is published.

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end.

~Ursula K. LeGuin

Finished Moving

I finished moving into a new place a few days ago, hence no new blog in ten days. Moving never is one of my favorite activities.

I will be posting again in the coming days. Have kept up with the email. Lots have been happening so I need the time to digest it all.

~Genevieve

An Inspiring Quote

I listened to a message by Sister Paula (www.sisterpaula.org) today. She read from an article by John Shelby Spong, a retired Episcopal bishop. I recommend that you listen to her latest podcast in its entirety.

In the article Sister Paula read, she quoted from him that justice postponed is justice denied. Pondering over the words, it shows the fallacy of incrememental justice. THis logic is used against blacks, women, Hispanics , Native Americans, Asians and GLBT men and women. Sadly this institutional church has fomented much of the bigotry against GLBT people. What Bishop Spong mentioned that he wasn't going to argue any more with bigoted 'preachers' who actions do not demonstrate the love of Jesus.

Bishop Spong's words remind me of a quote in scripture 'don't throw pearls to swine'. It reminds me that it's a waste of time to educate folks that aren't going to change. I'd rather speak with folks who may not know about transgender people or issues. There are many who do not understand what gay and lesbian people have to put up with. As I see it, I need to be careful not waste my time talking to the wall.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Struggles help to strengthen our resolve.

Goals

At present, I am preparing my goals for this year. So far I have two. I need to think out some more. I have felt the need to be more involved in the transgender community so I am seeking a group to volunteer with. My feeling is that this is a pivotal year for important legislation and for trans people to make their presence felt.

I am looking forward to attending a couple of conferences this year. I want to hear some other speakers and meet other transgender people. Even as I sit writing this blog, I can feel some changes going on within me. I'm not sure where the road leads next but I'll just take it a step at a time.

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Believe that you can achieve great things.



Genevieve

2009-Year In Review

Every year I set goals rather than make resolutions. I put a time table as to when I will achieve a specific goal. This past year events happened in my life that was unplanned for. I am the better for it.

I identified as a cross dresser at the beginning of the year. In May I sensed a migration away from the cross dresser spectrum. It was always my contention that my gender issues ran deeper than just wearing women’s clothing. I have crossed many roads in my journey but this marked the first time that I hesitated going across.

In June I identified myself as a transgenderist. I wear women’s clothing all the time at home. I viewed myself being between a crossdresser and transsexual. A year before I researched what a transgenderist is. I sensed that I may be headed in this direction and it did happen. I was comfortable as a transgenderist. I also shared transgender issues with my bible study
group in June. It helped others understand what it is to be transgender.

In September I attended a veterans meeting where I am a member. I was dressed as a male. The president of the group asked why I didn’t come dressed as Gennee. I had thought about a few days before. From that moment on I said
that I would go dressed as a female. It was confirmation to me that I am viewed as a transgender woman.
In November I marched in the Veteran’s Day parade. The spectators cheered and clapped and thanked us for our service to our country. It didn’t matter how I identified. I also attended a Transgender Day of Remembrance ceremony nine days later. I shared a few words to the one hundred plus people in the audience. I encouraged them to be themselves.

Another shift occurred in early December. I migrated off the middle ground to where I now view myself as a transsexual. I have maintained that I’m not going to have reassignment surgery or take hormones. Felt that way when I first came out and still feel that way now. I always felt a kinship to transsexuals and now I know that I am one.

I would sum up 2009 as a year that more of my real identity came out. Being transgender is more complex than just how society sees me. I pray that in 2010 more people will understand that.


Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

There will be times when you will have to trek on the road all by yourself.

Seasons Greetings

MERRY CHRISTMAS!






Genevieve

Two Life Changing Events Happened This Year

While I didn't achieve some of my goals that were set, two events took place in my life. In June, I migrated closer to the transsexual spectrum. It was very subtle change but I l view myself more as a transsexual. I dress at least half the time in women's clothing. Some day it will be full time.

The second event was when I met with my veterans group in September. I usually come dressed as a male. The leader of the group asked why I didn't come dressed as Gennee? I had thought about it prior to the meeting. Ever since that day, I have gone dressed as Gennee. I also attended two wakes dressed. No one paid attention. My desire to live full time as a woman is growing.


Genevieve

Journey To The Unknown

I imagine myself standing on a hill looking down at this creek. I bends and winds to areas not yet discovered. Earlier this year I migrated from CD/TV to TG/TS. A year and a half ago I sensed that I was a transgenderist. That premonition has come to pass. I saw myself as right in the middle at the time.

As the journey continues, I am beginning to move away from the center. The trek is taking me somewhere that I've never been . I wondered why I visited the places that influenced me as a young man. I was taken back to a vibrant and turbulent time in our city's history. Emotions have been wide and ranging. In one sense I was reflective and wistful. I was thankful, emotional, angry, proud, weepy, and challenged at many different junctures. I just believe that many of my emotions came more into focus.

I have always had a kinship to those who are regarded as outsiders by our society. I never knew how much this is part of me until this year. Maybe one of the reasons I came out so late is because I have been able to read between the lines of much of so-called 'conventional wisdom'. I have had the opportunity to share more about myself. I sense that from now on my life will move in a direction that will affect many people. I don't know why I'm saying this but it's what I feel in my heart.

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

If you wait for tomorrow, tomorrow comes. If you don't wait for tomorrow, tomorrow comes.

~Liberian saying

Moving, Transgender Protections, Shifting Paradigm

I'm going to have to move soon. I'll need to put some things in storage then find a smaller place for my wife and me. Until I find a full time job I can do with less. I'm not disappointed because I want to move.

It was a good day for New York State as Governor Patterson signed a bill protecting transgender government employees. I'll know more later then I pass on the info. I was supposed to attend this event but I threw out my back last night. It feels better today.

I have the desire to dress female more of the time. I have mentioned shifting from CD/TV to TG/TS. I may not be too long before I consider myself a non-op transsexual. I don't know for sure because all of my changes have been subtle. When I started this journey I wondered where it would lead. Now I wonder where it will end.

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Self-acceptance is the first step toward living an authentic life.

Be Who You Are

A motto that I share with people is be who you are. When I was adjusting to life as a gender variant person, it was a long and slow journey. I had to overcome my own fears and the supposed fear of what others thought about me. Then the day came when I was content and at peace with who I was. The feeling swept over me like a rushing wind.

What I find amazing is that this happened in my mid fifties. I was a caterpillar who was wrapped up in a cocoon. Then one day a butterfly emerged. There are many who are struggling to get out of their cocoons. This can be the hardest part. In life just when it seems the darkest, a light bursts forth. Butterflies add beauty to the universe. I strongly believe that we as gender variant individuals add beauty and diversity to the mosaic of life.


Genevieve

Thankful

I was in Avenue department store today looking at the beautiful sweaters and blouses. I am looking for something to give my spouse for Christmas. Technically, I'm buying something for the both of us. When she wears a particular sweater, I'll wear the same article a few days later. I tell her that this is a lot easier on the budget. We haven't had any arguments about the same article of clothing (smile).

Last year my spouse gave me a red sweater for my gift. I was praying that she would get me something feminine. Was I surprised? I'm thankful that I have an accepting wife, even though she may not always comprehend my gender variance. I never imagined that we would be sharing sweaters, blouses and skirts. I chuckle to myself because life can really throw a few curves.

Gennee

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Be wary of those who justify their piety by infringing on the rights of others.

Heard A Disturbing Program Today

I listened to a program on the internet talking about the popularity of Sarah Palin. When the people who like were asked what she stands for, the respondents were vague in their answers. When asked about what Palin would do on policies such as foreign policy, the respondents didn't have a clue. It's really sad that these people judged their love of Palin on peripheral qualities rather anything concrete or tangible.

This parallels what most people understand about ENDA, gay marriage, and transgender identity. Political correctness is the rule of the day rather than critical thinking. What concerns me is that if, for example, the country was taken over by some power that do not have our interests at heart most people would be shocked and appalled that it happened.

This post isn't about any political or religious affiliations. It's about how gullible people can be to unscrupulous politicians and leaders because they rather be told what to do rather than investigate what they are being sold. What's sadder is that I run into this every day and from people of all walks of life.

I make it a point to research what I read. After listening to this program today I'm making a more concerted effort to make sure the information is correct and accurate. Too many people are affected by the many lies, inaccuracies and lack of knowledge that's being pawned as fact. We transgender people have had some many lies told about us. It's about time that we go on the offensive and end all this nonsense.

Genevieve