Poem

We are analyzed and marginalized. We are hatred, breated, and frustrated. We cry, sigh, and die. And yet we maintain our pride. Let no one define who you are. Be a shining star. Be who you are. ~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

You are a shining star.
Be proud of who you are.

Genevieve

Am Writing Poems

I have been writing much poetry over the past several weeks. It is dealing with such topics as nature, struggle, hopelessness, gender, and redemption. I have had much fun writing poems. I write at least two poems a day.

It was in January that I decide to try my hand at poetry. I have been writing essays, commentaries, and short stories. Trying another genre is envigorating and challenging (which I need from time to time). I didn't know that I had this capacity in me to write poetry. I am working on a chapbook that I will work on publishing sometime in April.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Wherever a journey takes me, there I am.

~Genevieve

Nature and Transgender

I am a nature lover. I enjoy being out in the forest among the trees ponds, and animals. Part of me is attuned to the land, having Native-American ancestry. Even as a child I had the sense that there was something special about nature.

I look at gender the same way. Transgender is a natural part of me and millions of others. there are those forces who wish to destroy both nature and the lives of transgender people. There are many metaphors here at play. I enjoy both of them.

~Genevieve

Poets' Suicides Remind Me Of Our Plight

I have been reading the poetry of Sylvia Plath and Anne Sexton. These women wrote some graphic and metaphorical poems. Both of these women also battled depression. They ended their lives by their own hand.

As I cogitated over these women, I thought about the many transgender women who take their own lives because of depression, discrimination, and not being able to live their lives. Plath and Sexton were able to live their lives freely. The lives of transgender people are negotiated through votes, gender rigidity, and the idea that we merely exist. I find this very appalling.

Suicide is one issue that concerns me because it leaves many unanswered questions. Family and friends lose sometone that cares about them. Many talents and gifts are lost also. Depression and suicide is high in LGBT community. Transgender people have an even higher suicide rate.

It is time that the whole LGBT community work together for each other. The LGB's have left behind the Ts in some case because they believe that legislation important to them will be passed. Perhaps it will but at who's expense? Each group has different issues but we should support one another.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anybody expects of you. Never excuse yourself.

~Henry Ward Beecher

Trans Issues

I have been trying to keep up with the news affecting trans people. There's a lot happening but to keep up with all is a daunting task. I will try and focus on a few things. Passing trans inclusive bills is one. The bill in Maryland (HB235) seems to be lacking as far as transgender people not being discriminated against in public accomodations. It's not just the bathroom, as some our foes will point out. It's trying on clothing in a store, or eating in a resaurant, or receiving treatment in a hospital. This part needs to be rectified.

I'm seeking to see something happen here in New York. Seems trans issues have been put on the back burner in some cases.

I am writing some poems about my transgender experiences. I hope to put them all in a chapbook. No title as of yet. I have another one in mind but that's for a future time.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Don't find fault, find a remedy.

~Henry Ford

Ancestors

I was reading an obituary of an activist in the Chicago area on Helen Boyd's website (www.myhusbandbetty.com) this morning. The obit reminded me of the many people who paved the way for what we have today. They did in a time when it could cost them everything.

I could not help thinking about Tyra Hunter. Who is Tyra Hunter? In 1995, Ms. Hunter was in an auto accident in Washington DC. The medical staff that was working on her stopped treatment upon seeing that she was a transgender woman. As a result, Tyra died of her injuries. I first read this story a short time after I came out in 2005. To this day this incident still galls me.

I am thankful for my transgender sisters and brethren who blazed a trail so we could enjoy the fruits of their labors. Things are better but we still have a long way to go. Sylvia Rivera is another transgender woman who was at the forefront of the Stonewall Riots in Greenwich Village in 1969. I am so proud of my African-American brothers and sisters who in 1965 staged at sit-in at Dewey's lunch counter in Philadelphia to protest their second class treatment.

I feel saddened a little about the losses incurred though violence and suicide. Inwill always be indebted to them. We must blaze a trail for future transgender men and women. Whatever I do for the transgender community is in honor of Tyra Hunter. It's good sometimes to remember where we came from.

~Genevieve

The first year tht I was living in my new identity was one of growth and discovery. I attended support group meetings to meet other transgender people and gather information on what transgender is all about.

There were questions and struggles. There was self doubt because I was embarking on a course not of my own design. At times I was afraid. I worried about being attacked or ridiculed in public. Yet the further I journeyed the more confident I become.

I'll never forget that warm August day in 2006 when I had an epiphany. I was strolling in the park along the river. A feeling of contentment swept through me. I was now comfortable as a transgender woman.

I am truly amazed when I read stories of many transgender people on the forums. They have displayed courage and resilence in the face of hatred and bigotry. Most of all, I applaud them for choosing to be authentic.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

The journey has been long but I wouldn't trade all my experiences for anything.


~Genevieve

OnGoing Journey

I had been a crossdresser for only a short time when I sensed that this experience ran much deeper than the clothing I was wearing.I realized that I was headed to unchartered territory; placed in which I had never traveled.

The caveat of this was where was I going? How far could this journey take me? Now six years later, having transitioned to a transsexual, the journey is ongoing. I mentioned to a friend that this journey will always be but that I'm compelled to keep going.


~Genevieve

Another Discussion

My spouse and I were conversing about a range of subjects. We talked about the events in Egypt, Wisconsin, and other places. We covered the Defense of Marriage Act, same-sex adoption and Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. I mentioned to Louise that transgender people are still discriminated by this policy.
Our conversation shifted to my being transgender. I shared more about myself that I never told her. She still sees me as a man. That may have something to do with her perception of transgender people. I explained to her that I’m not going to take hormones or have the surgery.
I believe this is one fear she has. I reassured her that I’m not going this route. I never had the desire and I don’t now. I shared with Louise that most transgender and transsexual people, for various reasons, opt not to have the surgery or take hormones.
She believes that my being transgender has affected our relationship from a romantic point. I admit that I’ve never been a romantic but I will do things to improve this area of our lives. We’ve been married nearly thirty-one years and I do love her.
Louise has come to terms with my being transgender. She is thankful that I never forced this onto her. When it first came out to her, she could have rejected my new identity. She accepts that this is a part of me. I told her that this is a journey that I’m on. I keep discovering new parts of me practically everyday. This was probably the most in-depth discussion we’ve had to date.

~Genevieve

Winter Seems Long; My Journey is Even Longer.

One of the aspects of winter is that it seems never ending. Short days and long nights make winter feel longer than it really is. Winter will evolve into spring.

My journey as a transgender person is continuing. Seasons will change and I along with it. I have long ago not say that the journey will end. In recent days that fact was brought forth to me. I surmise that there is more for me to discover. What, I don't know. Perhaps because I'm a seeker by nature I may be expecting something that may not be there. In my heart, I don't believe that it's the case. I have embraced whatever came into my life and will continue to do this.

Reading so many stories of other folks is very encouraging and strengthening. I'm not alone which is a comforting thought. Just like each person has to travel along his or her own road, I must do the same. Some people remark to me that I should think about retirement. I reply that I will always be doing something. We can retire from a job but never from life. That's why I'm enjoying my journey.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

There comes the time when an oppressed group has to take a stand for justice and equality. Now is the time.

Old Stories Reveal Gender Struggles

I read through some of my old writings prior to and after I came out. I was a jumble of confusion and longing. I was confused about my gender. At the same time I wanted to break out of my so-called normal existence.

After I came out, I grew into my new identity as a transgender person. I absorbed every experience that came my way. My gender issues stretched as far back as 2000. I didn't know what I was wrestling with at that time. It was much bigger than I imagined. I always believed that we possess both feminine and masculine traits. Why some are equated with one gender and not the other is beyond me. It shows the fallacy of the gender binary system when someone goes against it.

I have changed my belief system many times though my core beliefs are intact. Belief systems aren't as fixed as society would like us to believe. Treating other people as human beings is one of my main beliefs. I don't see how anyone can say that they love all people and mistreat some because of their race, religion, gender, or sexual orientation.

Here it is in 2011 and my life is different in perspective as well as in identity. It is ever evolving and I am happier now more than ever. I am at peace with who I am. Perhaps my transgender identity being revealed to me later in my life makes it all the sweeter.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.

~Carl Jung (1875-1961)

Dark Days

Some of my darkest days happened in the year that I came out as transgender. I wrote short stories and poems which were dark, melancholy, and hopeless. I was falling into an abyss.

What I remember most is the utter hopelessness that I experienced. It was as if another person was trying to take over my life. I believed that I was better off being abandoned and confined to a lonely and desolate existence.

Looking back now I had to throw off the shackles of the now and embrace the unknown-whatever it was. I was like a blind person groping for something solid to grasp a hold of. When the clouds lifted I had a new life.

From time to time I have those days when I just want to be left alone. They are no where near those dark days prior to my coming out. I change my thought pattern when I feel those moods coming on. Life is wonderful and I’m enjoying it immensely.

~Genevieve

Still Curious

I justed finished reading the book Out of the Ordinary. In it are the stories of the children of gay, lesbian, and transgender parents. As far as I know this is the only book that has the the stories of the children.

As I read these stories I reminisced over the past five years plus of my gender transformation. Each day I'm discovering something new. I realize that the journey I'm on will continue throughout my life. I don't mind because I'm a seeker. I always want to know more. Like my adventurous forays into the forest as a child, I still have tht child like curiosity. It's seem that I don't want to miss anything.

As I read other people stories, I'm struck by their honesty and openness. I treasure each story as they are sharing a bit of themselves. It's not always easy to do but it's a step that we are willing to take.

~Genevieve