Genevieve's Gems

It seems the older I get the more I want to experience in life.


~Genevieve

Those Feelings Again

A few weeks ago I posted a blog titled 'Transsexual Feelings'. I mentioned that I was moving away from the perch of a transgenderist and toward that of a transsexual. The past few days, the feelings are much stronger. I want to live as a woman full time because I see myself as a woman.

I noticed that I think much about this but I'm not rushing into anything. I let all the emotions pass until there is something concrete that I can grab a hold of. I still have a ways to go because there is so much to experience and learn. If this starts to cause me any distress then I will see a therapist about it.

~Genevieve

This past Tuesday I was at the community center browsing the racks of materials. As I started to descend the stairs, a man started to hit on me. He commented how nice my hair looked and that I had nice hands. I thanked him for the complements.

I spent the following day in the library where I was working on my final paper in my master's class. A few weeks I noted how relaxed I am. I caught myself walking haltingly on the street sometimes. Now I walk with a purpose. It has improved my confidence. I've also lost 14 pounds due to eating less and an enzyme enhancer in my diet. I noticed how loose my clothing are on me. A couple of articles I thought I had to be loosened don't need it now.

I talked with my spouse the other night about what transgender face and that we are what we are. I really believe she has a better understanding of what I feel and struggle with. I do cherish these times that we discuss thes things.

~Genevieve

Tarry On

This has been the hottest summer New York has had in a number of years. There's the change that this could be the hottest July ever.

There are a number of hot issues affecting LGBT people also. ENDA, DADT, marriage equality, to name a few. Yes, the climate is getting hot but tarry on we must. I have been raising some question about a number of mainstream LGBT organizations as to their committment to the causes of transgender people in particular. At present I'm putting together some materials to highlight our progress and concerns.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Let us keep seeking, searching, inquiring, and knocking.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Transition may not always evident to our eyes or to others but we are transitioning in more ways than just the physical.


~Genevieve

Transsexual Feelings

At approxiamtely this time last year, I migrated from a cross dresser to transgenderist. I was equally comfortable as masculine and feminine. I sensed that my journey was much deeper than clothing and dressing up. A year earlier I read about and studied what being a transgenderist is about. I felt that was the direction I was headed in which proved to be accurate.

Now after being comfortable, I feel that the moorings are being loosened. This is not out of danger or fear but the journey will put up again. I remember last year that I had what I would call 'transsexual feelings'. This was shortly after declaring myself a transgenderist. After awhile those feelings went away. Please forgive me if this is an inaccurate way of explaining it. I have read about and corresponded with a number of transsexuals who shared their experiences with me which has helped me to understand what each has experienced. There's so much to consider and take into account.

Lately, those feelings resurfaced stronger. I have no desire to have the surgery or take more hormones personally. I felt a kinship with transsexuals when I started to dress. I didn't know why plus I personally didn't know any transsexuals. Those thoughts have come to this part of my continuing journey. I feel more identified with the feminine and I desire to live it much more so. I haven't shared this with my spouse yet and at some time I will need to.

I haven't moved from my perch yet but I sense it coming. I remember a transsexual sister saying to that you never know where this journey will take you. How prophetic she was. I don't feel any trepidation about this part of the journey. I really look forward to it.

~Genevieve

Genevieve's Gems

Each person's journey is unique.


~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Real independence is when no one has to be denied anything because of
who they are.

~Genevieve

Using The Time Wisely

One of the benefits of pride month is that it allows me to focus on what needs to be done in the work for equality. Generally, the second half of the year I analyze what can I do to help LGBT people move forward. There are many directions I can go, but I want to be where the most good can be done.

I write for an online magazine, encouraging transgender as they are. As the time moves forward I want to affect as many lives as I can. This is what pride month means to me.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.

~Confucius

Moving Ahead

I haven't posted as much this month because I working through some domestic issues. Things are looking up for my spouse and I. We're positive that this crisis is just before some great blessing.

I will be changing the layout of my blog in the coming weeks. I'm writing about some topics which I believe are relevant to our lives. Some of these postings will be about some things that have been happening in my life. What I hope to accomplish is to educate, edify, and encourage others.


~Genevieve

Happy Pride

Here's wish everyone Happy Pride. I know it will be tough for some for various reasons. Nevertheless, I'm just happy that you are who you are. That means more to me than anything.

I'm happy about the accomplishments attained. I'm mindful of many LGBT people around the world who are on the front lines battling for equality. We have suffered some setbacks and yet we continue on the march. We choose to be who we are. Choosing to be authentic will make others uncomfortable. At the same time there are others who long to see someone open and unashamed of who they are.

I encourage each person to be proud of who they are. We are all brothers and sisters.

HAPPY PRIDE!

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

I don't try to figure out why I'm transgender; I just enjoy living as one.


~Genevieve

Remebering Those Lost

This morning I lay in bed thinking about this month of pride. My thought shifted to LGbt people have lost their lives to violence or by their own hand. When I think about this I start crying. I have decided to dedicate this month to their remembrance.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

One good deed can brighten someone's day.

Remember Those Who Are Struggling

June is here and so are many pride events. People will be participating in various event all around the world showing their pride in who they are. My transformation has been quiet and subtle for the most part. I am happy with what has happened and look forward to what lies ahead.
Even during this month of LGBT pride, I can't help but think about all the folks who are struggling with their gender identity and sexuality. I am a member of a number of forums. The main need I have been helping out is encouraging folks to be themselves. I'm happy about the progress that's been made but there's so many who are still hurting. Homophobiaand transphobia are still strong.
I came out late in life (five years ago at age 56). The past several days my thoughts have been on folks who are my age and still struggling with guilt and shame. My heart goes out to them because I know what the cost could be if they decided to live an authentic life. I was faced with this when I came out to my wife and son. Thankfully, they are both accepting. I know some who have lost everything. I may have to come to some others for various reasons. I am prepared for what could happen. I have decided to live an authentic life.
As we celebrate pride, I'm mindful of many who are hurting. After all the events are over, there's still somuch that needs to be done. I wish that I could meet the folks face to face who are
struggling so I could encourage and hug them. This is what this month means to me-helping those who need it.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

There are times when we all want to quit, but it may not be an option.


~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

There comes a time in our lives when we have to cross the river all by ourselves.


~Genevieve

Still Standing

Well I'm back to the lighthouses again. I"ve always been a fascinated by them. There are a myriad of reasons why but to me it's the fact that lighthouses are often away from any civilization. They are solitary structures which can withstand what the forces of nature throws at them.

Transgender people have much thrown at them and from many directions. It can be family, church, friends, school, or job. It can be our own doubt and fear that threaten to undrmine our sense of well being. Some forces wish to erase us from existence. Yet through all these tribulations, we are still standing.

As the summer months approach us, I am reminded that much has been achieved. I am reminded that much needs to be done. Five years ago, I was just discovering my transgenderism. Today I embrace it wholeheartedly. Nothing can me from being what I was created to be.

~Genevieve