GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

There is no road that doesn't lead to somewhere. However, we may discover something we have never seen before.

Genevieve

LIFE'S CURVES

In baseball, it is known that if you can't hit the curve ball, you may have some difficulty hitting for a high average. When I made an aborted tryout in pro baseball, it was a curve ball from the pitcher that convinced me that my dream was over.

Another curve was throw my way when I discovered that I was a transgender person. I was confused, shocked, and afraid. I didn't know where this revelation would lead. Jesus' ministry threw curves at a rigid and staid religious hierarchy. He demonstrated another way where all people were accepted.

If would be easier if life moved in a linear pattern. Then the question comes up as to what do we do when our lives go off track? Does it mean we are going in the wrong direction? could it mean the loss of possessions? Could it be a change in our philosophy about life? Change is going to happen. It's how we handle those changes that come.

Never in my life did I imagine that being transgender would be part of the plan for my life. Curves can be a blessing if we can see the bigger picture. Perhaps there is something we need to experience and learn before we continue on our journey. Perhaps there is someone who needs to see that we are willing to embrace the changes that come and profit from it. I'm positive that many struggling folks have been blessed by others who are willing to live their lives openly.

In baseball, the batter needs patience and discipline in order to hit a curve ball. Overanxiousness will cause him to swing at a bad pitch. Changes need not cause anxiety but an opportunity to see what good thing may be in store for us.

Genevieve

Anniversary

Four years ago on this date I came out as transgender and a crossdresser. It was a liberating moment which ended the many years of inner turmoil I had about my worth. The last four years have seen much growth and change in me especially on the emotional side.

Each year has been different. The first year was invested in getting comfortable in my new identity. The second year saw me throw off the baggage society puts on transgender people's shoulders. The Third year was one getting to know other people in the TGLB communit and understanding the issues that are important to us.

This past year saw a major change in my life. I previously identified as a CD/TG. In June, I realized that I was more identified as TG/TS (somewhere between a crossdresser and transsexual). I feel very comfortable where I am now. Where will this journey lead next I don't know. However, as I did coming out I will embrace whatever life has in store for me.

I have never been happier in my life. Above all, I have met so many great people on this journey. I found a family I never knew I had and I'm so thankful.

Gennee

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

This happiness consisted of nothing else but the harmony of the few things around me with my own existence, a feeling of contentment and well-being that needed no changes and no intensification.

~Herman Hesse

Relaxing

I'm still on down time and assessing where things are. Though the pink fog isn't as thick as usual, it has been a good time to relax. I am a quiet and intense person who needs to step back a while.

I'm reading a couple of books now. One is a book of selected poems by Paul Laurence Dunbar. I'm doing a research project about his life and work. I read some of his poems a year or two ago. The second book is by John G. Stackhouse titled Finally Feminist. I'm taking some notes because this book is very involved.

Genevieve

LIFE'S MANY ROADS

I have traveled along many roads.

Some were smooth and straight;

Others were crooked.

Some roads were winding and wooded;

Others were barren and empty.

Each road brought me somewhere

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

At every stage of our lives, God can use our talents to seve others.

~Raymond Bottom

This thought has blessed me throughout my life and continues to do so.

Your Life Counts

Yesterday, I read these words from a devotional : At every stage of our lives, God can use our talents to serve others (Raymond Bottom). I have long held the belief that each stage of our lives are to be cherished, developed and used to help others.

I have enjoyed every stage of my life. I enjoyed my childhood. I relished the teen years. I matured as a young adult. I enjoyed life as a single person. I love being married and a father. I came out as a transgender person in my fifties. It was only a few weeks ago that, at age sixty, I declared myself a transgenderist. Yes, each stage had its ups and downs but I wouldn't be the person that I am if I hadn't gone through them.

There may be someone reading this post who feels that their lives don't matter. The may feel that their contributions mean little. YES IT DOES! Ten years ago I stated in a tutorial education course that the best years of my life are ahead of me. I was fifty years old at the time. I still believe it now.

Maybe physical impairments due to aging don't allow you to do some things, but there are things you can do in spite of those impairments. I encourage you to keep seeking, keep dreaming, and never believe that you aren't important because you are.

Genevieve

Time OF Reflection

I have been in a reflective mood the past few weeks. Moving away from all the action, a place of rest has been prepared for me. I have been reading much about transgender happenings an achievements and struggles. Now I'm trying to see where I fit at this point in my life.

It seems that many great men and women are people of reflection. They assess, reassess, discuss, make changes, and carry on. They aren't married to one particular way of achieving their goals. I beleive folks who reflect are better able to see the whole picture.

When I started on my journey as a crossdresser and transgender person, I've always felt a special kinship with transsexuals. Now that I've moved much closer to this identity I better understand some of the events that happen in their lives. I remember when I attended a support group meeting a few years ago. I came out as a crossdresser to the group. After the meeting a transsexual woman asked me if I was going to transition. I told her no. Then she said 'you never know'. Reflecting on those words she was right. I have transitioned!

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Reflection is a time to see how much we're blessed and far we have traveled on our journey.

July My Month of Independence

America finished with the 4th of July festivities a few days ago. Four years I celebrated my independence by caming out as transgender and a crossdresser. I am a transgenderist today (TG/TS). It was one of the most liberating events of my life. I will share my testimony of my coming on the 26th.

TGLB folks are working to secure their independence from oppression, discrimination, and fear. Much has been accomplished, much more needs to be done. I have wondered why I came when I did (in my mid fifties)? I never had associated with the community up until I came out. In just the short time I have been out I have read, heard and seen how people's lives have been affected by destructive paradigms and laws. This has to change.

I am out in public constantly because I hope to educate the public that we exist. I refuse to be a victim because I have the same right to be myself as anybody else. It's amazing what happens when you decide to take a stand. Every crossroad I walked on has taken me to new horizons. This journey has revealed strengths inside of me I never knew were in me.

As I continue the trek, I will encounter new experiences. I welcome any thing that comes my way. If it will help someone else in their journey, then it's worth it.

Genevieve

The Jordan Crossing

Like the person in the photo, I am wondering what new lands will beckons. This isn't about new continents or oceans but another place in my journey. Just like the early explorers, I don't know what I will discover. There's excitement, expectation, and anticipation.

What I find is the absense of fear. This journey was laid out for me long before I was born. Friends and family can support you but there come a time when you have to go by yourself.

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

I don't need to go around defending who I am. God made no mistake creating me the way I am.

Stepping Back

With the pride parade here in New York history, I imagine that some people are experiencing a bit of a letdown. April, May, and June were months of discovery and decisions for me personally. I having a down period at present. Haven't had one in a while. I do welcome it because it allows me to take a couple of steps back.

I've always been a person of introspection. I never was one to make fast decisions but when I make up my mind to do something I follow through. At times, I wonder where this journey will lead me? I've traveled farther than I could have imagined. Now, I'm taking the time to assess where I want to go next.

I will share my story on July 25th or 26th on the 4th anniversary of my coming out. Quite possibly I will may have crossed another road by then. To me, this is what pride is: being able to see how far we've come and where we need to go.

Genevieve

Sense Of Belonging

Today I was in the East Village strolling through the neighborhood. I purchased a beverage at a corner grocery store. The SA said "thank you, Ma'am" after the purchase. The more I reflect on the years I have been coming here the more I wonder if really belong here.

My desire to dress more is stronger than ever. My spouse said to me this morning that I would rather dress as a woman than as a man. She is right in her assessment. I do have to keep her in mind because I'm committed to our marriage. It may be the time to talk with her again about some changes that have happened to me in recent weeks. I consider myself to be a transgenderist. I am somewhere between a crossdresser and a transsexual. This is more my state of mind rather than the idea of adding another label to myself. Labels don't define me and I don't really believe they are accurate all the time.

I amazed that the more I discover about others, the more it relates to me. I have embraced my being transgender, therefore, it seems that I have embraced LGBTQQI people as a whole. I feel closer to them than I do my own family at times. I often feel a kinship to folks who are seem to be on the perifery of so called normal society. Perhaps it's because I am an outsider, too.

Many people who have enriched my life have been people who are labeled to be 'different'. I think it's that they are being who they really are. Liberation can free folks from the chains of society's emotional and social oppression. Coming out did that for me. Now I desire to encourage others that they don't have to let others bind them with their negativity and disapproval.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Acknowledging each person's uniqueness is one step toward respect for our fellow citizen.

Being a Father and Husband

Being a father is one of the greatest responsibilities in society. Fathers mold their sons and daughters to be responsible and productive citizens. Fathers should treat theirs spouses with love and respect. I'm a transgender person who takes this responsibility seriously.

When I discovered that I was a crossdresser and transgender, I wondered how this would affect my family. I've never wanted a lot of things but a good marriage was certainly one. I was also conscious of how this wold affect my relationship with my son. Whether or not I wore women's clothing I was still his father.

Everything has worked out quite well. My wife was shocked when I came out to her. In time she has come to accept my transgenderism. I told my son a year later and he was cool with it. He wondered why I didn't tell him sooner. I'm still the same husband and father I was before declaring my transness. I feel that I'm a better father since I came out because I am complete and liberated.

To all the fatehrs out there, HAPPY FATHERS DAY!

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

I love you for being you.

Brooklyn Pride

This past Saturday, I attended Brooklyn Pride for the third year in a row. It was the first time I was dressed. I wore a black skirt, aqua blue v-neck pullover, and blue flats. The day was somewhat overcast.

When I arrived there were some protesters across the street. Apparently they didn't like the idea of GLBT pride in the neighborhood. This is the first time that I saw them. I strolled along the street, stopping intermitently. There was a 'marriage equality' booth, a couple of anti-violence groups, and a number of churches represented. I remember two years ago there were only two churches represented. This time there were at least a half dozen churches, a synagogue, and a Muslim group.

I picked up some materials to read. Brooklyn is the only borough (there are 5 in New York City) that does not have an LGBT center. I registered with a group looking to secure a building. I may volunteer if the opportunity comes up. I met a friend from my bible fellowship group. Tom and I were supposed to meet later on but we never did locate each other.

There's ususally a motorcycle parade in the evening but I did not attend. So far as I noticed I was the only crossdresser there. The event is usually six blocks. I do believe that there is room for growth. Brooklyn has over 4 million people and I believe that there are many LGBTQI people in Brooklyn who can use a place to be themselves.

I stayed 2 or 3 hours before heading home. Right now, there are some ideas rumbling through my head. I need to right them down so I can figure out my next move. The desire to support GLBT causes burns within me.

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

It's a beautiful thing when someone decides to be their true self.