Monday, December 29, 2008
I read quite a bit about things which affect us. I have related my experience as a transgender individual on this blog. There are so many stories out there that I would love to glean and comment about. The one criteria I have is to present gender variant people in a positive light. I see how much education of the public is greatly needed.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
I chose this particular photo over a more genteel scene. This scene may describe what some of us have gone through as gender variant people. Life can toss us around like the rough waves in the photo. The beacon warns seafaring vessels of rock jetties and shallow shoals. That beacon shining out in the dark and rough seas have saved many a vessel from a watery abyss.
God has been a beacon of light for me during those dark times in life. It doesn't have to be gender concerns only. It can be illness, financial difficulties, numerous decisions that have to be made. So many things can swarm around me, threatening to drown me in confusion. When I stop and see that beacon of light in Jesus, I keep my eyes on him until I arrive in safe port.
I can think of the many times when gender confuson threatened to swallow everything dear to me. I'll never forget the day when God confirmed to me so intimately that he accepted me as I am. I have a number of highlights and goals achieved this year, but this by far was tops.
My transgender and gender variant friend, when life is topsy-turvy threatening to drown you, look up! The beacon from the lighthouse is shining, guiding you to safe and calm port.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
During these days of reflection, I realize what things are really important to me. Coming out only three plus years ago, I feel that I have a pulse on many sides of the gender divide. Transgender people have a rich history that's always existed but was either hidden or ignored. I also have spoken out more about the mistreatment transgender people receive from social and religious institutions.
These benefits are something I never sought or thought of. It just was presented to me and I decided to meet the challenges. It been said that crisis can bring out attributes you never knew you possessed. That's certainly been the case with me. I have Native-American ancestry, so it's very possible that a Native-American prophecy is beng fulfilled in my life. I'm not afraid about where my journey will carry me. I just pray that other people will benefit from my example.
I find it odd that society says that we're an abomination and yet we've contributed more to the betterment of humanity than given credit for. It's very possible that we are debunking a lot of myths about gender and sexuality. I've said a lot here in this particular blog but encouragement and love are needed in great supply during this time of year.
Friday, December 12, 2008
The holiday season has been a time of reflection for me for fifteen or twenty years now. I remember as a young person I looked forward to receiving gifts, go to parties, and a festive atmosphere. Now I just reflect on what has happened in the past year.
This year I thought quite a bit about my mom. I thought about how I was raised and the lessons that were taught to me and my younger siblings. There's the saying that no one ever really strays away from their roots and that's very true. I realize how my feminine inclinations were formulated. I enjoyed learning fashion and color schemes because I wanted to be coordinated. Some of the chores associated with women I learned to do. Cleaning house, cooking, sewing (a little bit) were chores that never phased me as a male.
I am a transgender individual today and I suspect that I was always trans. This year I was out in public quite a bit. Wearing women's clothing feels natural to me. My parents were not around when I came out as trans but I have no doubt that they would have loved me regardless. My mom respected other people's opinions even if she didn't agree with them. I remember most when she would invite people over to her home who were alone during the holidays. Many times they expressed their deep appreciation for her hospitality. This is what I'll always remember about her.
Upon reflection this is what I wish to emulate; a hospitable and friendly spirit. I think about many of my transgender brothers and sisters who may be lonely or depressed during this time. I pray that they will be reminded that they are special and appreciated. I appreciate all of you who came before me. Most of all, I thank my parents for instilling in me the values that I follow today.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Transgender History-Susan Stryker
Gender Outlaw-Kate Bornstein
Transgender Warrior-Leslie Feinberg
www.lauras-playground.com a wealth of information about all things transgender.
www.crossdressers.com - some wonderful info here.
Friday, December 05, 2008
Monday, December 01, 2008
In the past year, I have been moved from indifference to great concern. I have read much about people who lives are affected by AIDS. What really grabbed me was that the grieving process can still go on many years after the individual's passing. How anyone can spew out hatred towards those afflicted is cruel and callous.
I salute those who are on the front lines and working behind the scenes to find a cure. As I am writing this blog at this very moment, strong feelings of sorrow are ruminating within my spirit. I've never lost anyone to AIDS but I do feel for those who have.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Sunday, November 23, 2008
I have ambivalent feelings about TDOR; I mourn for my brothers and sisters lost to violence and yet I am encouraged by the progress we have made. There were many young people present so I am confident that the future will be bright for transgender people. They are open about who they are and will not go into the closet.
On reflection, it is my duty that I attend TDOR. It's time for transgender people to stand up and make our presence felt. TDOR encourages me to keep pressing on in the march to transgender equality. I had the chance to read reports of TDORs in other parts of the country ad the world. Some places such as Africa have it worse tan we do here in the states. I am in full supports of my brothers and sisters all around the world. I pray that in the next year equality will be closer to reality.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Sunday, November 16, 2008
I posted this quote by Anatole France on another site that I maintain. I ruminated on this quote for a few days and concluded that these words speak to everyone. It is true to those of us who are gender variant. As a transgender and cross dresser, my perspective about life has changed. These changes needed to be made if life was to be joyous; not tension-filled.
For a year I was learning who I was. Gender was now part of my own personal well being where before it was never an issue. I was apprehensive and yet I continued on my journey. Changes were more on the emotional level. I discovered the feminine side of my personality. To deny it was to succumb to the wishes and desires of those who say that I'm suppose to do male things. I needed to leave some thought patterns behind and develop new ones that were untapped and undeveloped. I realized that I may incur the wrath of some people but change can do that.
During the presidential election, a recurring theme was 'We need change!'. The question I ask is that are we willing to change? Am I willing to make the changes in me that are necessary? I cannot ask others to do something that wouldn't do myself. My heart goes out to my transsexual brothers and sisters because the changes with much sacrifice. Some have lost many of the things that were dear to them. I'm sure transitioning wasn't easy, but the change was for their well being.
I lost some things from the old life; but I have gained a new perspective about gender and sexuality. I have fallen in love with people who society has scorned and ridiculed. As a gender variant person, I better understand that change helps me to grow and see life from another point of view. I know more changes will be in store. If my changing will benefit someone else's life, in the battle cry I heard during this current administration; 'Bring It On!'
Friday, November 14, 2008
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
It's belated but I salute ALL veterans. I especially salute LGBT veterans for your service under sometimes difficult circumstances.
Friday, November 07, 2008
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
When I read my e-mails today I saw that the propositions in California, Arizona, Arkansas, and Florida had passed. This was a blow to gays and lesbians. It's true that Obama was opposed to gay marriage but he was against Prop 8 in California; something that was not brought out to those trying decide which way to vote. Looking ahead, I see how this could affect transgender people and their families. We catch enough hell as it is and this defeat demonstrates that there's still much work ahead.
Just as I encourage my GLB bretheren to stay the course, it behooves my transgender family to work unceasingly for the legislation that will affect us. ENDA is a start. Education is still needed in the black community and in the white community. What rattles around in my brain is did some of these people really understand what these propositions were about? Sadly, many rely on what others say about something rather than doing their own homework.
I applaud Equality California, Equality Arizona and Equality Florida for their efforts. I applaud the many volunteers who were out canvassing households to educate them. Don't feel discouraged; you no doubt have gained some allies. You have gained one in me.
Saturday, November 01, 2008
I was asked by the leader of our bimonthly fellowship if I would like to teach a lesson. I said that I would. I am the only transgender person in the group so this is a welcome opportunity share what it is to be a gender variant individual. Transgender basics about the different expressions of gender and the role transgender people have played in history are a couple of topics that I have in mind. There are probably other topics that could be discussed. I'll have to think about it.
I welcome the opportunity to share what it is to be transgender and a cross dresser. I love to share my experiences in hope that others will be encouraged.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
I reflected about what she said. My spouse and son accept that I love wearing women's clothing. I was in denial for about seven weeks before I embraced who I was. I felt no guilt or shame whatsoever. Two years ago, while strolling through the park, a feeling of contentment and wholeness swept over me. This night I felt it even more.
God has given me a love for a group of people who are scorned and ridiculed by society. I visit churches midday to pray and rest. They are open to the public and on occasion I sit in on a midday service. On one day in late August, I prayed for LGBT men and women. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I lifted them up to the Lord. I felt his embrace like a long lost child. He accepted me as I was. It didn't matter that I am transgender and I wear women's clothing. He loves me unconditionally. My heart's desire is share with transgender, gay, lesbian, and bisexual people that God doesn't hate us.
I relish times when I can be alone with God. I want to present a positive image of being transgender. From time to time I receive complements from total strangers. Maybe the barriers are breaking down. What's important is that I am accepted and loved by the Creator.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Police look into possible hate crimes
In a little more than a week, there have been two attacks on transgendered students.
- email the author
The Daily Evergreen
Three cases of alleged hate crimes occurred on, or around, the WSU campus during the past eight days.
On Monday, Jackson Hogan, a transgendered person, was heading to a meeting in the CUE parking lot when another man came out of the third-floor elevator. Hogan, a junior French and Spanish major, said he didn’t recognize the man, but the man recognized him from an event sponsored by the GLBTQ community. The man allegedly made a comment, which Hogan did not want to disclose, and proceeded to knock Hogan to the ground and kick him.
“He had bloody lips and swelling in the cheeks,” WSU Police Lt. Steve Hansen said. Hogan said the suspect, who fled the scene, was wearing a sweatshirt and light-colored jeans. He is blond and between 6- foot and 6-foot-2. Hansen said there are a few leads on the case.
“It’s perfectly clear that his actions were transphobic,” Hogan said.
On Saturday, another WSU student was allegedly beaten up outside Munchy’z in the early morning.
The student said he was attacked by three men wearing masks resembling those from the movie “Scream,” hooded WSU jackets and blue jeans, Pullman Police Cmdr. Chris Tennant said. The alleged victim was transported to Pullman Regional Hospital, where he was diagnosed with a collapsed lung, though the incident was not life-threatening.
“According to the officers, he was in obvious pain,” Tennant said. The case was reported at 2:36 a.m. Tennant said there are no leads in the case.
On Oct. 15, Kristopher Shultz, a transgendered person, was walking past the Scott-Coman Soccer Fields between midnight and 1 a.m., when someone allegedly shouted hate speech. Shultz, a junior women’s studies major, said when he turned around, he was punched in the face and knocked unconscious. “All I saw was a flash of gray,” Shultz said, referring to a piece of possibly a sweatshirt or shirt.
The next thing Shultz remembered, he said, was being at home at 4:30 a.m., though he doesn’t remember walking home. He has a bruise on his right side but doesn’t remember being kicked.
Shultz said he was targeted because of his sexual orientation. The previous day, Shultz was wearing a skirt, though he said he’d heard no comments about his appearance. As a transfer student, Schultz has been at WSU less than two months. He said he’d experienced discrimination at his previous school as well.
“The whole transphobic thing ... I don’t understand,” Shultz said.
GLBTA President Nikki Hahn said there was also a case of hate speech outside a residence hall Oct. 12.
Hahn said the university has been slow to respond to the alleged incidents.
“There’s a general feeling of a lack of support from the university administration and the university system in general,” she said. “On a personal level, I’m scared. There’s been nothing coming out of the university and that’s not acceptable.” She said the university should have quickly come out with a comment and awareness campaign to educate people on issues regarding the GLBTQ community.
“This is a reality on the WSU campus,” she said. “I think there’s a lot of people who don’t think there’s homophobia, heterosexism and even racism happening on the WSU campus, but we’ve had three incidents in the last week.” Campus Climate Response, a committee of about 10 WSU administrators that meets regularly, met Tuesday and Wednesday to discuss the incident, Dean of Students Lucila Loera said.
At the Tuesday meeting, the administrators and the WSU and Pullman Police shared information on the incidents, ASWSU President Brandon Scheller said. He attended the meeting. A few members of the committee also went to the GLBTA meeting that evening. President Elson S. Floyd met with Hahn, Scheller and multiple administrators Wednesday.
Scheller said Floyd and the administration responded promptly to the events.
“The tough part is that the third incident didn’t happen until Monday evening,” he said. Loera said the administration works hard to do preventive action.
“We are disturbed and saddened by the recent events,” she said. “Of course we want all our students to feel safe, secure and respected.” The CUB is planning to work with the GLBTA on creating an awareness campaign, possibly with a guest speaker, Scheller said.
He said the incidents come as a shock.
“I would never have thought this would happen on our campus and I think it shocks the overwhelming majority of campus,” Scheller said. “But the reality is it happened and we need to be aware that it still exists.”
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Explorers are people who will look into something that is new. They will discover new ideas, lands, or concepts. If it were not their willingness to take risks, this country would be far different than it is at the present time. I think if people were allowed to freely explore gender, many of the misconceptions about it would come into focus. Young people are coming out at early ages about gender/sexuality. It's a great thing because now the greater society has to examine and investigate gender and sexuality closely. It cannot be pushed to the fringes any longer, no matter how hard they try.
When I discovered my own trangenderism, I could have pushed it to the fringes of my mind or investigate more closely. Fortunately I chose the latter, and I'm thankful I did. Too many parents shield their children from any kind of struggle or risk. Struggle is good because it strengthens resolve and stretches the mind. Life is not static and neither is gender expression. I have embraced the feminine side of me with gratitude. As a young boy I was always curious about many things. It was put aside in my mid twenties and resumed again a few years ago in my fifties. Now I feel complete and liberated.
I'm still exploring gender, having discovered many more parts of my being. People should be allowed to explore who they are and where they fit in. Life is too short and I don't wanted to be limited by so-called binary systems or even my own doubts. There's still many roads to cross and tred.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
I reflect on my life and see how blessed I am. I see what others may not see. I long to touch someone's life in a meaningful way. Many of the lessons taught to me in years past have become more genuine to me. I long to be genuine, loving, and an encourager. There's always something to learn. I never want to close my heart and mind. If my suffering pain will benefit someone else, then my life will have counted for something.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
http://awashingtond ccatholic. blogspot. com/2008/ 10/montgomery- county-voters. html
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Just because someone says something doen't exist doesn't mean that it doesn't.
Friday, October 03, 2008
Thursday, October 02, 2008
I have been stopping at churches during the day. I stop to rest and to pray for many needs. The LGBT community is near and dear to me, especially the transgender community. I have felt so secure and at peace because God accepts me as I am. I have been dressed during these visits. Perhaps, I am honoring him by doing so.
I go out in public because there are those who for various reasons cannot. During these communes with God, it is impressed that he is looking at my heart and not what I have on. I am reminded that we don't have to doing anything in order to come to Him. I am appalled when I hear about LGBT people having to 'get right' before they can come to church. This is NOT the way Jesus did it. He met people where they were.
I believe that God made me this way I am for a purpose. Maybe the world doesn't understand but then God's ways are not man's ways (Isa.55:8,9). God uses and blesses people regardless of gender, race, socioeconomic status, sexuality, culture, etc. This is my heart's prayer for every person. I want Him to change me. I want other transgender people to see the Jesus that lives in me. I want everyone to know that thye are loved by God- and by me.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Friday, September 19, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Friday, September 12, 2008
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
I'm thankful for an understanding spouse and son. I'm thankful that I am walking around in my neighborhood and haven't had an incident. Mostly, I am being myself. My declaration has opened up opportunities for me to speak out whether in print, on the internet, or in person. When first began crossdressing, I enjoyed the thrill of wearing skirts, panties, and bras. However, in the back of my mind was the thought that this will take me on roads that I have never traveled. This has certainly been the case. I never saw myself being an activist but I cannot stand idly by and watch transgender and gender variant people be discriminated against.
Summer saw me be bold and out among the public. I have been following transgender issues all over the country. I am involved in some things and long to get more involved. I want to demonstrate to people that transgender are loving, productive people who care about life. Looking ahead, I see that things will be accelerated and I cannot wait.
Friday, September 05, 2008
Thursday, September 04, 2008
I will be attending Soulforce's Seven Straight Nights events. I want to be out bringing the needs of GLBT people to the public. It is taking place in various cities across the country. I promised my spouse that I would take her to a reading/poetry session. I have one scheduled for the fourth week of this month. It is something that I will do every month, if possible.
Being out in public was one goal that I set at the beginning of the year. I have more than met it. I'm not out looking for attention. I'm just being myself. I have received compliments from a few folks mostly women. I have been out in my neighborhood quite a bit without incident. I never felt thought that this would be so enriching but it has. I'm enjoying every moment.
I have visited a few places that reminded me of my childhood and young manhood. I visited some old Catholic churches. I'm surprised that I still remember some of the tenets of the Catholic faith. I just stopped there to rest and pray. I have trolled through the East Village where social and radical activities were quite vibrant 40 years ago. I also feel home here because it is a feisty neighborhood withstanding the tenticles of gentrification.
I find it amazing that I wasn't active politically in '60s and '70s but I am now. It is a mater of choice that I am an activist. A quiet unassuming crossdresser is now involved in the battle for equality for GLBT people. I have always considered myself an outsider and I feel very comfortable doing what's not expected.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Sunday, August 24, 2008
It is at the point in my life that I must be myself. I can't dress every day because of other obligations. It doesn't change who I am inside. With the many issues concerning trangender folks coming up, it is important for us to be visible to the public if they are going to take us seriously. I have been in a church service, restaurant, stores, the park, and public transportation quite visible to others.
Another concern of mine is how institutions, particularly religious institutions, will handle LGBT concerns. I am a born again Christian who is also transgender. A few denominations are wrestling with whether or not GLBT men and women should be ordained and GLBT worshippers welcomed and affirmed in their congregations. For the church and ministers to treat GLBT people with contempt and disdain is a stench in God's nostrils.
I mentioned earlier that I did attend a church service. It happened last Friday and was unexpected. I came earlier to rest and pray for friends. I noticed two candles lit on each side of the altar. Soon the pipe organ played and the priest came out (it was a Catholic church). They were a many worshippers in attendance for this noon day service. No one paid any attention to me. I acknowledged some nods during one point during acknowledgement of peace. I was very happy to have attended. God didn't reject me. He doesn't reject anyone.
I will be out much more and will talk to more folks. I'm not ashamed of who I am and don't feel guilty at all about wearing women's clothing. Transgender people are speaking up and becoming more visible. It's time.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Friday, August 15, 2008
Thursday, August 14, 2008
My darkest hours were during the summer of 2004. I recently reread some of the poetry I had written at that time. The dozen or so pieces written spoke of abandonment, darkness and despair. I felt as if I was descending into an abyss not of my choosing. I spoke of leaving everything I knew for a life of celibacy and abandonment. What was so unsettling was the fact that I did not know what I was wrestling with.
I look at these poems and see the depths of my struggle to discover what I was fighting against. I posted a poem called 'Urges' back in June which highlight a pull into a world that I knew nothing about. The bottom came when I felt that I was looking up at the bottom of my dark abyss.
Out of this dark time I learned some valuble lessons. The first is that when your down, you can quit and give up or continue to fight. Second, write down what you are feeling and experiencing. Don't hold back! I wrote for hours on end until I was emptied of all my frustrations and fears.
Third, I was able to reach deep within the depths of my soul and lay everything bare. This was barrier that I had long sought to overcome. I believe that it was the first time in years that I revealed my fears, my vulnerability, and that I needed help. This was critical in my life because a year later, I came out as a crossdresser and transgender woman.
Friday, August 08, 2008
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Sunday, August 03, 2008
During the first year I was getting comfortable with being transgender. There was much learning, struggle, highs, lows, and amazing discoveries about those who came before me. I wasn't alone and there were many others who walked the path I did. The day was a victory for me in that I could be myself without shame or reservation. This is a period in my life I will always remember.
Friday, August 01, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
I am seeking to integrate what I am learning with the transgender issues that concern me. Merton 's thoughts and ideas are relative today. In my opinion, Thomas Merton would be grieved by the bigotry and prejudice by society against transgender and gender variant people.I go through those periods where I come upon another road and decide whether or not to cross it. It seems that I'm gently nudged in this direction. There's no fear or trepidation because I have an inner peace about where things are headed. At this point I'm wondering if the future involves working with transgender people wihich I would certainly love to do.
I have been out more as a transgender woman. It has nothing to do with telling everyone I'm trans but my being out in public expressing who I am. Action does speak louder and this is something that I believe I need to do. I crossed a huge threshhold two weeks ago walking through my neighborhood wearing women's clothing. Two years ago I was apprehensive. Now it's no sweat. I have shared some of what is happening in my life. There's so much going on inside that it would take many blogs to comment. The journey will continue.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Friday, July 25, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Over the past few weeks I have been comtemplative as to where all this will lead. I am convinced that much of things done against transgender people are wrong. It doesn't matter if it's a company, church or landlord. I have been following events all over the country as much as possible and there's certainly much that needs to be done. I already belong to two groups and am looking to be even more involved.
I love dressing and I love where I am personally so far. Deep inside I knew that there would come the day that I would begin to see that this journey is much more than pleasure and social events. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy them and hope to be out more. I also see that lives are at stake because the battle will not be easy. Ther's been too many lives lost to suicide and violence. There's too many of us who suffer discrimination and bigotry. Society will try to make us feel ashamed or guilty about who we are. I refuse to be ashamed of my transgender status.
I have been reading a book by Thomas Merton, a monk who finally saw the way God saw him-as His child. He was a seeker and so am I. Sometimes one has to go through things in order to be a vessel for God. I am willing to do this for transgender people. I'm seeking what the next move will be. One thing is certain- I can't go back.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Friday, July 11, 2008
Thursday, July 03, 2008
It was about a three mile march down 5th Avenue. Thousand of people lined the barricades cheering each contingent that passed by. I was very proud of being out and participating. Someone I know recognized me and told me so in an email I received from him. I knew that there were many LGBT people in New York but not this many. I was reaaly with family! I was also happy to see many transgender people out because we need to be more visible.
With less than a mile left the rains came. It seemed to pick people's spirits up. I could feel the electricity in the rain soaked air. I truly enjoyed the experience.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
From time to time over the years, I would read about Choctaw Indians in the Americas. They are principally in the southeast section of the US. Since I am exploring my transgender identity more, I want to know if any of my relatives were transgender. I thimk that this may be a fulfilling of some Indian prphecy. I have always loved nature and the natural sounds of nature.
I have felt for many years that I was different. Coming out as transgender has completed and liberated me as a person. I seek a deeper meaning as to what this means and what my purpose is in this prophecy. I will contiinue to read this book and glean some things that may help in my discovery.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
I will be marching in the pride parade here in New York City. I will represent the American Veterans for Equal Rights. I'm excited about it. I hope that more transgender people will partake in the march because not showing ourselves at these events is often leveled at us, and rightfully so. I'm dress quite a lot these days. I'm wearing a suit now because I'm job hunting but soon as I get home, off goes the suit and tie. On goes the skirt and cami.
I am considering a lot of options for the future. Starting an online business and a non profit organization are just a couple of them. I'll be busy as ever.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Friday, June 06, 2008
Sunday, June 01, 2008
Friday, May 30, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
It didn't matter if you were Jew, gentile, male, female, rich, poor, reputable or had a reputation of ill repute. Many came to the first church because they were inclusive of everyone. This was quite radical in the patriarchial society of that time.
I have no doubt that there LGBT people there too. I believe that this is the type of church that is needed today. All inclusive of every one regardless of gender expression, sexuality, or race. The way I see it, it is the Christian church that can set the tone for including transgender people in their congregations. There are transgender and gender variant people who need love and acceptance. They need someone to share with them that they are loved and that God loves them. God hasn't called me to the ministry but I look forward to a day that the church is truly ALL inclusive.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Friday, May 16, 2008
Yesterday, I was chatting with a woman about a project she is working on. I saw a copy of 'Center Happenings', a magazine put out by the local LGBT center, in her bag. I remarked that I read it also. As we conversed she revealed to me that she is lesbian. I told her that I am transgender. she talked for a half hour sharing our experiences, stories, and backgrounds. It's wonderful that I met a lovely and creative lesbian woman at the same place that we volunteer. I feel more open now about my transgenderism in this setting. I haven't told anybody yet but I'm looking to produce some short stories and poems about what it is to be transgender. That conversation really made my day.
Friday, May 09, 2008
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
I have had time to reflect on transgender issues and LGBT in particular. While progress has been made there's still much to do. Generally, as in all struggles, there are common threads that run through all parties involved. Some are out there and known to all concerned. Others are not so discernable. Then there are those threads which are there and need to be dealt with. These are the ones I will touch on.
The first is that there are many people who still do not know what transgender is. There are some who do understand what transgender is about, there are many more who do not. What gets me is that some refuse to discuss the matter and choose to remain ignorant. Education is still needed on the part of school officials, parents, legislators, prison officials, and the general public.
Second, those who perpetrate bigotry and hate will, in the future, confront it face to face. A number of our social institutions were responsnible for countless suffering of slaves, women, Native-Americans and now transgender people. I am a born again Christian and the vitriole spewed against LGBT folks from so-called Christians is very repulsive. Some of these churches are realizing that there are LGBT people in their midsts. Certain denominations are having to deal with allowing LGBT folks to be ordained, married, lay ministers, teachers, and worshippers. Schools are having to deal with LGBT boys and girls. Yes, we're everywhere.
I have so much hope for our young people because many choose to be who they are. Many schools across the country have LGBT organizations to help the students. As an older transgender person, this brings me much joy. Change can be a positive. I believe many institutions would be enriched by the many contributions , skills, and talents of LGBT people. I pray that someday they will recognize this.
Friday, May 02, 2008
Thursday, May 01, 2008
I have realized how comfortable I am wearing women's clothing. I have been comfortable with my transgender identity for nearly two years, but now more so. I have a saying 'Never let others define who you are' and I live by that credo. I don't care what society thinks about me. I love all my brothers and sisters in the LGBTQI community. Nothing will separate me from that.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
I am transgender, transvestite, queer, heterosexual, and androgynous. I'm not ashamed to call myself these because they accurately describe how I see myself inwardly. When I embraced crossdressing and transgender identity, it changed my perception about how gender is constructed by the medical establishment. Just as no two people are alike, there are no two people alike in expressing their gender/sexuality.
I feel that I have been set free from the constraints of what others say about what I should be. I see the many forces trying to tell us who we are and what we should be. I ask who does that benefit? How many transgender people have committed suicide because of this nonsense. I love the title of Kate Bornstein's book 'Gender Outlaw' because I am transgressing the gender binary system.
Yes, I'm very,very content about how I describe myself and about how I feel about who I am. If people call me transgender or transvestite or queer, I'm ok with it. I feel honored by it.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
They beckon you at every spare moment,
Drawing you into its web.
You resist, you put it off
but it engulfs you.
You give in to its desires.
All innocence is gone
The mystery is no more.
As you can see, this was written a year prior to my questioning my gender. I didn't know that I was questioning my masculinity and yet I was being drawn deeper into something that I didn't understand. I was wondering if if this was some abyss that I could never climb out of. I imagine that more LGBT folks go through this more than its mentioned. What I find repulsive is when the medical establishment labeled us as 'mentally disturbed'.
If transgenders were allowed to express and live who they are, would it have spared so many from abusing drugs and alcohol or taking their lives? I'm happy that the younger generation is being themselves and not caring about what others think or say. I'm pleased now that my life was progressed the way it has. I believe that I am the richer for it.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Though I was enthralled by these things, I maintained that I would not become involved with them. I was being drawn toward letting myself experience gender and sexual diversity. For a while I thought I may be bisexual or pansexual but I was not sexually attracted to men. I ruled that idea out but still I was confused. I never experienced thoughts like this in my life- and I was in my fifties!
Looking back, I kept being drawn into something that I did not understand. I had felt that I was different since my thirties. I also like people and activities that were outside the norm though I was just an observer. Now it seemed that my days of being a wallflower were nearing an end. The next couple of years would reveal more inner turmoil. The 'urges' inside me kept getting stronger and more frequent. I was afraid. How was this going to affect my family and my livelihood?
The day I tried on my spouse's skirt was a turning point in my life. In a few weeks I realized that I was a cross dresser. All the 'urges' and desires I had crystallized after one counselling session.
I was in denial for several weeks. 'It will pass!' I kept saying to myself but my body was telling me differently. I was reading much about cross dressing and transgender at the time. When I finally embraced my cross dressing and transgender identity, all of the struggle and tension dissipated. I was at peace with my decision and I haven't looked back since.
Today, I am a happy and content cross dresser and transgender. I have been completed and liberated. I would encourage every one struggling with gender and sexuality to seek counseling to sort out their feeelings. I wonder if letting people explore their gender would lessen all the remorse and guilty hoisted upon them? I thank God for who I am. I'm free to be the person that He wants me to be.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
I have been crossdressing for roughly three years. I am transgender also. I embraced both during my coming out process and have never been happier.
During this time I have learned much from those who came before me. Fifty six is relatively late to realize my transgender identity but I believe there are reasons. I have been a late comer to many activities. Why, I was late to my high school graduation. The motto 'better late than never' suits me.
Many have known that they are transgender in childhood. I never had feelings of being different until my thirties. During these past three years I have grown emotionallly and spiritually. I have found a family that I never knew I had. Transgender is a diverse and broad term which describes many gender expressions. I am a peace and content with being transgender and a cross dresser and I'm proud of that. I enjoy dressing and going out but I have decide to be involved in advancing equal rights for transgenders.
I didn't suffer many things that some of us have but I am part of family. The more that I express myself the more likely that I may encounter something more than a few lewd comments. Looking ahead, I see more improvements in the lives of transgender people. I will stay positive, keep learning and understanding, and contribute my time and efforts for transgender people.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Friday, April 11, 2008
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Monday, April 07, 2008
I do remember a flash of anger surged through me. I could have lashed out like many did in the ensuing riots that followed. I chose not to follw the same path because it would lower me to the level of those who wished him dead. I remember a number of white students telling me personally how sorry they were about what happened. Looking at the hurt in their faces, they were sincere and heartbroken. There were memorial services on campus and it was quite evident that may people were hurting and grieving. King's assassination was the fourth within five years. John F. Kennedy, Robert Kennedy, and Malcolm X suffered the same fate.
Fast forward 40 years. While many gains have been made, there's still much to be done. Where are the dynamic leaders? More importantly, where are those people who will roll up their sleeves and get down to the hard work of affecting life changing decisions. It starts with each and every one of us. I am at the point in my life that I want to make a difference. I will be teaching soon. I'm currently involved in a couple of projects in which I pray that will generate interest and activity towards improving the lives of others. It is important to get the people who are affected by injustice involved in the problem solving process.
I will always be grateful to Dr. King for his courage and conviction to do what was right. It is our duty to do what is right despite those who would interfere or stop us altogether. As a transgender and an African-American, I will do what is right in his sight. Working to improve the lives of my LGBTQI sisters and brothers is one of my goals. Like Dr. King, I must do what is right.
Friday, April 04, 2008
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
I was wondering if I should come dressed to the event. Well, low and behold, the leader of the group called and said to dress up. HOORAY!!. I can't wait. AVER is a vets group open to all GLBTQ vets. We are looking to get the word out that there is a veterans group for GLBTQ men and women who have served in the armed forces. One of the groups' goals is to have "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" law repealed. It is an ambiguous regulation which unfairly penalizes GLBT people because of their sexual/gender expression.
I will let you how everything went next week.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
When I arrived home her eyes widened. "How do you like?" I inquired.
"You look good." she replied. Her attitude about my dressing is more open since we disccussed it at length a few weeks ago. We share skirts, blouses, and jewelry. She said that I have more jewelry than she's ever owned in her life. Wow, did I feel good!
During the summer I will be leaving the house as 'Gennee' when my son moves out in June. I can't wait. I am much freer and so want to express my feminine side more. Having a wife who lets me be myself is a blessing.
Sunday, March 09, 2008
As I think about it now, my gender questioning started around this time and I didn't know it. I was writing about something that I did not understand. This was around 2001 or 2002. I have long believed that people are a dichotomy of two people, the feminine and the masculine. Many people won't admit that they have both for fear of being labeled weird, soft, or not manly or feminine. The feeling that I was different was strong at this time.
Finding where one fits in can be a long and arduous task. When I found out that I was transgender, the next task was to feel comfortable in my new identity. I was over a year before I felt comfortable and content with my identity.
Maybe this was God's way of leading me to the place to where I am today. I'm still exploring my identity and seeing where the journey will take me. Perhaps my successes will encourage others who are struggling.