Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Stepping Back

With the pride parade here in New York history, I imagine that some people are experiencing a bit of a letdown. April, May, and June were months of discovery and decisions for me personally. I having a down period at present. Haven't had one in a while. I do welcome it because it allows me to take a couple of steps back.

I've always been a person of introspection. I never was one to make fast decisions but when I make up my mind to do something I follow through. At times, I wonder where this journey will lead me? I've traveled farther than I could have imagined. Now, I'm taking the time to assess where I want to go next.

I will share my story on July 25th or 26th on the 4th anniversary of my coming out. Quite possibly I will may have crossed another road by then. To me, this is what pride is: being able to see how far we've come and where we need to go.


Friday, June 26, 2009

Sense Of Belonging

Today I was in the East Village strolling through the neighborhood. I purchased a beverage at a corner grocery store. The SA said "thank you, Ma'am" after the purchase. The more I reflect on the years I have been coming here the more I wonder if really belong here.

My desire to dress more is stronger than ever. My spouse said to me this morning that I would rather dress as a woman than as a man. She is right in her assessment. I do have to keep her in mind because I'm committed to our marriage. It may be the time to talk with her again about some changes that have happened to me in recent weeks. I consider myself to be a transgenderist. I am somewhere between a crossdresser and a transsexual. This is more my state of mind rather than the idea of adding another label to myself. Labels don't define me and I don't really believe they are accurate all the time.

I amazed that the more I discover about others, the more it relates to me. I have embraced my being transgender, therefore, it seems that I have embraced LGBTQQI people as a whole. I feel closer to them than I do my own family at times. I often feel a kinship to folks who are seem to be on the perifery of so called normal society. Perhaps it's because I am an outsider, too.

Many people who have enriched my life have been people who are labeled to be 'different'. I think it's that they are being who they really are. Liberation can free folks from the chains of society's emotional and social oppression. Coming out did that for me. Now I desire to encourage others that they don't have to let others bind them with their negativity and disapproval.


Acknowledging each person's uniqueness is one step toward respect for our fellow citizen.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Being a Father and Husband

Being a father is one of the greatest responsibilities in society. Fathers mold their sons and daughters to be responsible and productive citizens. Fathers should treat theirs spouses with love and respect. I'm a transgender person who takes this responsibility seriously.

When I discovered that I was a crossdresser and transgender, I wondered how this would affect my family. I've never wanted a lot of things but a good marriage was certainly one. I was also conscious of how this wold affect my relationship with my son. Whether or not I wore women's clothing I was still his father.

Everything has worked out quite well. My wife was shocked when I came out to her. In time she has come to accept my transgenderism. I told my son a year later and he was cool with it. He wondered why I didn't tell him sooner. I'm still the same husband and father I was before declaring my transness. I feel that I'm a better father since I came out because I am complete and liberated.

To all the fatehrs out there, HAPPY FATHERS DAY!


Friday, June 19, 2009


I love you for being you.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Brooklyn Pride

This past Saturday, I attended Brooklyn Pride for the third year in a row. It was the first time I was dressed. I wore a black skirt, aqua blue v-neck pullover, and blue flats. The day was somewhat overcast.

When I arrived there were some protesters across the street. Apparently they didn't like the idea of GLBT pride in the neighborhood. This is the first time that I saw them. I strolled along the street, stopping intermitently. There was a 'marriage equality' booth, a couple of anti-violence groups, and a number of churches represented. I remember two years ago there were only two churches represented. This time there were at least a half dozen churches, a synagogue, and a Muslim group.

I picked up some materials to read. Brooklyn is the only borough (there are 5 in New York City) that does not have an LGBT center. I registered with a group looking to secure a building. I may volunteer if the opportunity comes up. I met a friend from my bible fellowship group. Tom and I were supposed to meet later on but we never did locate each other.

There's ususally a motorcycle parade in the evening but I did not attend. So far as I noticed I was the only crossdresser there. The event is usually six blocks. I do believe that there is room for growth. Brooklyn has over 4 million people and I believe that there are many LGBTQI people in Brooklyn who can use a place to be themselves.

I stayed 2 or 3 hours before heading home. Right now, there are some ideas rumbling through my head. I need to right them down so I can figure out my next move. The desire to support GLBT causes burns within me.


Friday, June 12, 2009


It's a beautiful thing when someone decides to be their true self.

Thursday, June 11, 2009


Last year, I was considering the possibility that I may be a transgenderist. I would define me as somewhere between a crossdresser and transsexual. I don't want to transition or take hormones. I have been dressing more and more. I would live full time as a woman but my marriage is more important.

I am equally comfortable in both genders, but I prefer the feminine. I am complete and liberated when I'm dressed. Also I don't feel constricted by what society says that I'm supposed to be. There are days I feel neither male or female. There are days that I feel that I'm both. I realized that I have crossed another threshold in my journey, something that two years ago I believed would happen.

It is said that life doesn't stand still. My journey hasn't either. I have discovered so much beauty and contentment and adventure. There are many, many genders that thankfully are being explored and embraced. I'm still discovering more about myself and exploring the many expressions of gender. What society thinks about me doesn't matter.


Monday, June 08, 2009

Comfirmation of Contentment

I posted a blog on June 4th about my being comfortable in a noisy area. Society is like that noisy lobby. Instead of folks like myself, there are all different kinds of folks on the street, on the train or bus, in the stores, at the hospital or church. Still I feel just as comfortable as in any other place.

I played football in my younger days. One of the cliches I heard was letting the game slow down for me. Another way to put it was letting the game come to me I would often react to all the franatic activity on around me. I had to remember the patterns to run, or the blocking schemes, or adjust quickly to a sudden change in strategy. As I gained more experience, the game slowed down in my mind and I was able to perform my assignments efficiently.

I remember early when I went out in public how apprehensive and hurried I was. I wouldn't look anyone in the eye. I would speak in barely audible tones. Nowadays, I browse casually through stores. I have dined in restaurants, shopped and attended church while dressed. The gait is relaxed and confident. I look folks in the eye now. Some have smiled back at me.

I said in the earlier post that it wasn't a surreal moment for me and I still don't beleive that it was. Possibly what happened in that noisy lobby was the comfirmation of the contentment I feel inside. It's a wonderful feeling indeed.


Reading, Writing, and Films

I have been busy reading articles, writing and reading, attending movies, and other things. I am reading articles in which I will comment and post in the near future. I'm putting the finishing touches on my speaking engagement on June 23rd.

I am writing an article for an online magazine I write for. It will be posted in July so I'll let you know when it comes out. I am reading Jennifer Boylan 's book She's Not There. It's the story of her transition from male to female. It's a good read and I found some of her experiences related to me personally.

The NewFest Film Festival here in New York is in full swing. I saw a documentary last Friday called Gramercy Stories. It takes a look at a residence in Gramercy Park that provides a safe home for gay and transgender teenagers. A fine film. Tomorrow, I'm viewing a film about transmen. I'll give a report on it tomorrow or the next day.


Friday, June 05, 2009


Whichever road I choose to tred, life will be altered if not changed. I must trek the trail that must travel.

Thursday, June 04, 2009

Contentment With Ourselves

Last night I attended the annual Trasgeder Health Fair here in New York City. It was very successful with near 40 organizations participating and 375 people visiting.

Later on, I was sitting on a bench in the lobby. The area was filling up as people were waiting for meeting places to become available. While I sat there, I observed the many expressions of gender in my midst. Genderqueer, butch, crossdressers, transwomen and transmen. I was so comfortable in this setting. There was not an ounce of tension or distress in my being. I wouldn't call it surreal but it revealed what I actually felt inside. It's more like this each day.

When I came out as transgender four years ago, I needed to get used to living and being around my new family. There was apprehension, struggles, and missteps. There was also the belief that I was among people who comfortable with who they are. This made the greatest impression upon me. I remember the warm August day in 2006 when the overwhelming feeling of contentment in my own skin flowed through me. It was the same feeling I experienced last night.

One of my joys is to see people be comfortable with who they are. Society does its best to brow beat s into submission. We have the right to be ourselves. This is what I share with others.


Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Buzzwords and Gobblty Gook, Part 3

Of all the things that galls me, it is when people use the bible to justify their bigotry and prejudice. It was used to justify slavery, oppressing women, Native Americans and other groups. Transgener and GLB people are the lastest group. I'm a transgender person and my enemies call me a pervert. They call gay and lesbian people pedophiles. All I hear is that the bible is against homosexuality and transgenderism. Telling us that God hates us is the height of bigotry, in my opinion.

I am a Christian and transgender person whom God loves. God love gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgender persons unconditionally. Anybody who tells you different is a liar. If you ask our opponents about where it says that God hates us, they'll probably spiel some testosterone-fueled rhetoric about us being an abomination. Wel, they are an abomination in God's sight who defame his word and his name.

God made us the way we are. We don't have to be ashamed of the way he created us. The day I came out as a crossdressser and transgender person was the day I was liberated and completed. I have never been happier in my life!

The past three posts are a departure from what I normally write. I just can't stand around and listen to bigots degrade us. I just hop that I educated a few people. I jst love the TGLB community so much. It took me nearly 57 years to find the family I never knew I had. I will be always grateful that I did.

Monday, June 01, 2009

Buzzwords and Gobblty Gook, Part2

Yesterday, I mentioned a couple of buzzwords used by or adversaries to justify discrimination against TLGB people.

Procreation is another item used against us. Same-sex marriage is denied to gay and lesbian couples because in the eyes of the adversaries, they cannot reproduce. Well, there are millions of heterosexual couples who for various reasons cannot procreate either of which my spouse is one. To me this argument doesn't hold water. Transgender people are denied the right to marry in some instances. Recently in Tennessee the marriage of a trans couple was nullified.

If the opposition was so interested in procreation, let them explain all the runaways and children in foster care and orphanages. There are states where gay and lesbian couples cannot adopt. It's said that a child needs a mother and a father. From the experience of having adopted a child, children want a place where they are loved and accepted. Their parents can be transgender, gay, lesbian, or bisexual.

As I see it, maintaining the status quo is more important to the opponents and the well being of people. How many TGLB people have been killed or committed suicide because of the desire to maintain an 'ideal' which most people cannot possibly fit? Just thinking about it makes me sad and angry.


................to be continued