Thursday, December 30, 2010
As the year draws to a close, I can say that I have learned much about life as much as myself. More and more I see the need to find common ground with people because we need to connect. I have been able to do this but I need to do more of it. It may mean that my belief system will be challenged but so be it. Putting myself in another person's shoes helps me to see what the person may be facing.
It great that I did accomplish some of my goals. It was a tough year financial but I have remained positive and know this will not last forever. As the new year approaches, I pray that all will succeed and see their dreams fulfilled.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Transgender men and women have always been involved in many activities which made America great. We have been around since the beginning of time. In spite of all the efforts to eradicate us, we thrive and survive. The flag above is one that am proud to carry and bear.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
It seems that this year less is focused on the material and more on the spiritual and emotional. This year I have been challenged in my thinking, perspective, and how I view others. I'm sharing my happiness with you because there may be someone who needs encouraging. You are valued as a person.
I'm so happy to share my joy. Above all, I'm happy that I know you and see you as my brothers and sisters.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
In my mind this time of year can put many things into perspective. With each passing year this is means so much more to me. While I'm thankful for many things I'm mindful of many lonely people at this time. I appreciate family and friends for the meaning they add to my life.
We may see December as the end of another year. However, it can be the beginning of new goals and ideas. I guess it's just the student in me. I want to discover new things, to have my thinking challenged, and to share this knowledge with others. Yesterday, I enjoyed how much freedom we have to choose how we want to live our lives. It's something that needs to be encouraged.
Tuesday, December 07, 2010
~Norman Vincent Peale
Saturday, December 04, 2010
As I prepare to reminisce on 2010 I am thankful for many things (will address that later) but I also will express some issues that, in my opinion, we may need to be more vocal about. I'm very happy that there have been some successes in some locales regarding equality. Still there's more to be done.
One activity tht has picked up is writing. I have written quite a bit the past few months. Fiction, non-fiction and essays have been flowing through my brain. I do get those periods where I have much to say. I believe part of it has to do with all the transgender issues around the world. I've taken a global view of it and conclude that whatever happens elsewhere affects all of us. In the future I will post a couple of my stories, an essay or two, and my thoughts about where equality for transgender people is headed.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Last night I attended Transgender Day of Remembrance ceremonies at the community center. There was a candlelight vigil as about 150-200 people walked around a square block. Later there were speakers from various organizations. Persons from the audience shared their experiences.
I met a minister who attended for the first time. Mary and I talked about all the oppresion transgender people suffer in part from the religious community. Much of the vitriol against transgender people come from many pulpits. I shared with her that many people just don't know about transgender people because of what they hear from their pastors.
Reflecting on the evening, I am grateful to be transgender person. This is how I was created. I am saddened by many who have been lost to suicide. I related to Mary that I want to relate to people's spiritual needs as well as their physical needs. With each passing year, I see the advances we've had. I also see the struggles and setbacks. That won't stop me from doing what is right. We will be victorious!
There are Transgender Day of Remembrance ceremonies going on around the world at this moment. In my spirit I feel as if I'm there. As we remember those we've lost, let us love and appreciate those we have with us. Let's look out for each other, encourage one another, and tell them that they mean so much to us. By us demonstrating our love and concern for each other, the walls of injustice will come tumbling down.
Friday, November 19, 2010
I enocourage folks to attend a ceremony near you. It's a sober and and sometimes sad experience but it's also reality. Trans people are murdered every day just for being who they are. I love my trans brothers and sisters and do whatever I can to educate the public about us.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
I am reminded that my mom always invited someone to her home who would otherwise be by themselves. if you know of some one who will be in this situation, invite them over for dinner or go out together. This is the season of giving and sharing and what better way is there to share it with someone who may feel depressed, lonely or unloved. They will be grateful.
Friday, November 05, 2010
Thursday, November 04, 2010
There are two things I see that we as LGBT need to do. First, we need to respond to whoever is in office and share our concerns. This needs to be a consistent effort because our opponents aren't backing down. Neither can we. Second, let's not settle for incremements of equality which is no equality in my opinion. However we choose to address our concerns, let's keep working and keep educating.
I do believe that many people were educated about LGBT issues. Many really didn't know what we are about. I also believe that much of the religious dogma people see about GLBT people is bogus. This is an area that I will be heavily involved with.
Now is the time not to give up. One of the strengths of opponents is their persisitence. We need to match it with informed and intelligent presentations and facts. I certainly do not want them to beat me in the knowledge and information area. I'm going on the offensive! We need to do the same.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
We need to guard against bringing a negative light to ourselves. It may be that because I'm older I'm sensitive to the way I dress, speak, and present myself to the public. I won't give them any reason to look at me as a joke or a clown.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
In my textbooks, we have been discussing about different ethnic groups, minorities, and other minorities. GLBT people are placed into the last group. I was excited as I shared what transgender is. I have gotten great marks on the papers I have handed in also. I pray that my professor and classmates have been educated about transgender as well as gay, lesbian, and bisexual people.
Friday, October 15, 2010
I recently read Jack Kerouac’s novel On the Road. It is based on the author’s travels throughout the country. It is a trip filled with wild adventure, madness, heavy drinking and aimless activity. I don’t know if I could have survived such a journey without going mad.
As I look back on my life, I have traveled a similar though shorter road. I traveled a bit when I was younger and some when in my thirties. I didn’t drink or engage in wild parties but observed what was happening around me. If I had not accepted Jesus into my heart I would have wandered around the country. Prior to that, I was asking questions about the meaning of life.
The past several years have been a journey of another kind. It is my excursion as a transgender woman. Like Kerouac, my journey started as my trying to make sense of my discontent. Unlike Kerouac, mine dealt with my gender. Questions about what is masculine and feminine is filled my brain. When I admitted to myself that I was a cross dresser, I was relieved. However the journey was just beginning.
Here it is over five years later and I’m still on that journey. I recently came out to myself as a transsexual (non-op). Now I’m experiencing more internal changes. My journey has been adventurous if without the drama. I have discovered many feelings that I never knew that I had. What does it mean is that I need to do is to express my femininity. It’s something that I really want to do.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
I downloaded this particular symbol because I like all the colors. I think of all the many expressions of gender and the many diverse racial/ethnic backgrounds represented. That diversity isn’t always reflected in media and in LGBT media in particular.
The term transgender is a broad based term that includes cross dressers, trans-men, transsexuals, transgenderists, and other gender variant expressions. As transgender day of remembrance is approaching (November 20th) I think about the many transgender people who have been lost to violence and suicide. This year when they have the reading of those who died by the hand of others, I believe the names of those men and women who died by their own hand should also be read.
Suicide is very high in the GLBT community. Transgender people have a rate 3 times higher than their GLB brethren. The disproportionate numbers of those killed or who commit suicide are women of color. Not enough coverage is done on suicide and to me it’s time that it is.
Saturday, October 09, 2010
French philosopher Albert Camus once commented that ‘autumn is the second spring where every leaf is a flower’. Autumn is my favorite season. The landscape becomes a collage of yellow, red, brown, and orange. It also signals that the weather is getting cooler, which I like.
Thinking about Camus’ comment I can't help but think that the day we became Christians, our second autumn was as a flower blossoming in a warm October day. God gave us another chance to live a life of thanksgiving, praise and service. The apostle Paul experienced a second autumn on the road to Damascus. I experienced a second autumn when I came out as transgender.
Friday, October 08, 2010
I'm deciding on self-publishing, a chapbook, or have someone else help me publish. I'm really excited about this because now is the time to express some things that have been inside of me for quite a while now. The theme of the stories will be positive and redeeming.
Friday, October 01, 2010
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
I am reminded that the collage of the landscape changes in hues of red, yellow, orange, and brown. It doesn't mean that everything is dying; it's just like a second birth. I think of warm apple cider, pumpkins, kites flying, football, and the feeling of contentedness. Autumn summons up the creativity in me that can last throughout the cold months of winter ( I will write about winter in a later post).
Autumn reminds me of those of us who are middle age and older. Society says that we should just retire and enjoy what years we may have remaining. It's as if we have nothing further to contribute. A great treasure is being ignored by shunting us middle agers and seniors to the side. I believe that many young people miss out on some valuable experiences we have to share. I thank God for the the time he has given me but I know that he has more for me to do.
There have been warm summer days where I have basked in the glow of sunshine and activity. Autumn signifies change and there has been much change in my life. It's the same me, just wiser and more experienced as to what it means to be transgender. These autmns will always be a part of me.
Monday, September 20, 2010
In past posts, I posted my forays into my old haunts. My wife and I agreed that those influences affects us today so many years later. I remarked that while many things have changed what is inside of us hasn't. I'm not a nostalgic person, longing for those past days but they remind me of where I've been. In a unique way it reminds me of where I may be heading.
I see much of the same concerns now that I did in the late 1960s and early 1970s. Hunger, drugs, alcohol, disillusionment (plenty of that), and hopelessness. I also see the hope that could be brought when people see that they can still make a difference. A holisitic approach is needed to help folks find solutions to their concerns. I am a optimistic person who tries to see the potential in others. Sharing that they are of value can lift many a dispirited person.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
Wednesday, September 08, 2010
when I was coming out as a trangender woman. For six weeks I denied
that I was a crossdresser. I kept saying to myself that this was going to
pass, that it was just a phase in my life. Needless, to say, those urges
grew stronger. Relief came when I admitted that I was a crossdresser.
All the stress and tension dissipated.
Why I'm bringing this subject up is that in recent months, a number of
high profile individuals have revealed their true sexuality/gender identity.
What is disturbing is that these same people have done much to deny other
GLBT people their rights. Many gay, lesbian, and transgender people have
committed suicide or have been murdered because of these self-loathing
What galls me is that they have a chance to be an hero to many GLBT people.
Instead money, power, political, and social standing trump being who they truly
are. Even if they didn't have all this, they would still be the same people. I have
weighed the idea that maybe we need to embrace them but I do have some
trepidation about that. Can a tiger change its stripes? As long as they defend the
very binary system and anti-glbt initiatives they have imparted, I doubt if they can
Friday, September 03, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
Saturday, August 21, 2010
I understand much more about the masculine and feminine mind. I'm no expert but much of what I'm discovering lines up with what I've felt all along. My transition is much deeper than I ever imaged. I feel a connection with the struggles of women, especially women of color. I also see that I must carry myself with dignity and self-respect. I'm thankful for parents who taught me that at a young age.
I can safely say now that I'm out on the sea of transition, not always knowing where I'm going but continue on I must.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
There are some things that I feel very strong about. I will comment on them
when I am through reading about them and doing some research.
Four subjects near and dear to me are marriage, adoption, procreation, and the church.
I cannot sit here and let hatred and vitriole be spewed on us by those who choose to
demean us. Those who call themselves "Christians" and do this should repent and confess
to God the errors of their thinking and ways. Too many LGBT people are hurting and dying
because of all this. I have become more active in letting opponents know that we are here to
This is pretty strong coming from me because normally I'm quiet and reserved. I could go
strealth or be anonymous but to me that is not an option. Too many people's lives are at
Friday, August 13, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Friday, August 06, 2010
Wednesday, August 04, 2010
Saturday, July 31, 2010
I noticed that I think much about this but I'm not rushing into anything. I let all the emotions pass until there is something concrete that I can grab a hold of. I still have a ways to go because there is so much to experience and learn. If this starts to cause me any distress then I will see a therapist about it.
I spent the following day in the library where I was working on my final paper in my master's class. A few weeks I noted how relaxed I am. I caught myself walking haltingly on the street sometimes. Now I walk with a purpose. It has improved my confidence. I've also lost 14 pounds due to eating less and an enzyme enhancer in my diet. I noticed how loose my clothing are on me. A couple of articles I thought I had to be loosened don't need it now.
I talked with my spouse the other night about what transgender face and that we are what we are. I really believe she has a better understanding of what I feel and struggle with. I do cherish these times that we discuss thes things.
Monday, July 26, 2010
There are a number of hot issues affecting LGBT people also. ENDA, DADT, marriage equality, to name a few. Yes, the climate is getting hot but tarry on we must. I have been raising some question about a number of mainstream LGBT organizations as to their committment to the causes of transgender people in particular. At present I'm putting together some materials to highlight our progress and concerns.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Now after being comfortable, I feel that the moorings are being loosened. This is not out of danger or fear but the journey will put up again. I remember last year that I had what I would call 'transsexual feelings'. This was shortly after declaring myself a transgenderist. After awhile those feelings went away. Please forgive me if this is an inaccurate way of explaining it. I have read about and corresponded with a number of transsexuals who shared their experiences with me which has helped me to understand what each has experienced. There's so much to consider and take into account.
Lately, those feelings resurfaced stronger. I have no desire to have the surgery or take more hormones personally. I felt a kinship with transsexuals when I started to dress. I didn't know why plus I personally didn't know any transsexuals. Those thoughts have come to this part of my continuing journey. I feel more identified with the feminine and I desire to live it much more so. I haven't shared this with my spouse yet and at some time I will need to.
I haven't moved from my perch yet but I sense it coming. I remember a transsexual sister saying to that you never know where this journey will take you. How prophetic she was. I don't feel any trepidation about this part of the journey. I really look forward to it.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Friday, July 02, 2010
Thursday, July 01, 2010
I write for an online magazine, encouraging transgender as they are. As the time moves forward I want to affect as many lives as I can. This is what pride month means to me.
Friday, June 25, 2010
I will be changing the layout of my blog in the coming weeks. I'm writing about some topics which I believe are relevant to our lives. Some of these postings will be about some things that have been happening in my life. What I hope to accomplish is to educate, edify, and encourage others.
I'm happy about the accomplishments attained. I'm mindful of many LGBT people around the world who are on the front lines battling for equality. We have suffered some setbacks and yet we continue on the march. We choose to be who we are. Choosing to be authentic will make others uncomfortable. At the same time there are others who long to see someone open and unashamed of who they are.
I encourage each person to be proud of who they are. We are all brothers and sisters.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
Even during this month of LGBT pride, I can't help but think about all the folks who are struggling with their gender identity and sexuality. I am a member of a number of forums. The main need I have been helping out is encouraging folks to be themselves. I'm happy about the progress that's been made but there's so many who are still hurting. Homophobiaand transphobia are still strong.
I came out late in life (five years ago at age 56). The past several days my thoughts have been on folks who are my age and still struggling with guilt and shame. My heart goes out to them because I know what the cost could be if they decided to live an authentic life. I was faced with this when I came out to my wife and son. Thankfully, they are both accepting. I know some who have lost everything. I may have to come to some others for various reasons. I am prepared for what could happen. I have decided to live an authentic life.
As we celebrate pride, I'm mindful of many who are hurting. After all the events are over, there's still somuch that needs to be done. I wish that I could meet the folks face to face who are
struggling so I could encourage and hug them. This is what this month means to me-helping those who need it.
Monday, June 07, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Well I'm back to the lighthouses again. I"ve always been a fascinated by them. There are a myriad of reasons why but to me it's the fact that lighthouses are often away from any civilization. They are solitary structures which can withstand what the forces of nature throws at them.
Transgender people have much thrown at them and from many directions. It can be family, church, friends, school, or job. It can be our own doubt and fear that threaten to undrmine our sense of well being. Some forces wish to erase us from existence. Yet through all these tribulations, we are still standing.
As the summer months approach us, I am reminded that much has been achieved. I am reminded that much needs to be done. Five years ago, I was just discovering my transgenderism. Today I embrace it wholeheartedly. Nothing can me from being what I was created to be.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Friday, May 14, 2010
I will be receiving an award from my veterans group this Sunday. Dan Choi is also expected and will also receive an award. I'm debating whether or not to say a few words. Politicians were invited to the ceremony so it could be a chance to speak. I'm a little nervous about it. I'll tell how it went.
Friday, May 07, 2010
Monday, May 03, 2010
There's so much information that at times it can be overwhelming. I focus on a few topics and respond accordingly. On of my concerns is the powerlessness many GBLT people feel. Beaten down by many forces some believe that they are strange and evil. I'm here to say to we have every right to be who we are just like anyone else. Our lives have enough drama without the self-loathing. What galls me is when you have people like Michael Musto and Dan Savage trashes parts of the LGBT community, which causes division and angst. I'm past the point of stooping to the level of people like this.
Whenever I read of people's successes and triumphs I am overjoyed. Each little victory means a glimmer of hope that life will be better. Investing time with things that encourage andbuild up make life worth living.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
We touched on topics like gays in the military, trangenderism, my wearing women's clothing, Christianity, GLBT people in the church, and numerous other topics. I'm happy that he's accepting and open about my transgenderism. He's always been perceptive about life. I hope that there will be more opportunities like this.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
Attacks against our community have increased. Those that hate us are trying to intimidate us back into the closet. That will not happen nor will I bow to the hatred of others.
Friday, April 09, 2010
Wednesday, April 07, 2010
Sadly the LGBT media is becoming less relevant also. I get disgusted when half the pages in the publications are about entertainment and frivolity. It seems that some high ranking executives are more interested in attending a White House function rather than reporting about issues concerning LGBT people. There is hardly anything witten about transgender people and their issues unless a transgender person is murdered.
During the late sixties and early seventies, I read every rag sheet printed. Unencumbered by corporate and literary restraints, I received much in the way of education and the concerns of the community. The idea of an independent media is to report on issues that may not always be comfortable but very important to the people it concerns.
I pra that LGBT media will see that they have a critical role in presenting news and topics that concerns ALL members of the LGBT community. If advertising dollars and high profile clients are more important than presenting our concerns, then the media has failed their readers.
Friday, April 02, 2010
Thursday, April 01, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
Today my son and I were talking about a number of things. I have thought about Starlett's future. What happens if she realizes that she is different? I have no way of knowing if she will be lesbian, transgender, gender queer, bi, or another gender variant expression. I told my son that if she is that I would be there for Starlett.
What is in my favor is that he and his girlfriend know and accept my being transgender. I am open with them, wearing skirts and camisoles in their presence. This is what I desire to teach Starlett. I hope that when she is older she will be taught to love and accept others as they are unconditionally, regardless of their sexuality/gender expression.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
I'm tired of people who reinforce the stereotype that we are less than human. I cringe when I hear young blacks use the N-word because a half century we were demeaned by the same word. When I hear words such as "fag", I can remember when gays were demeaned by the word. My question is why reclaim something that was used to put me down. What galls me is the cavalier attitude the users of these have in using them.
I have been out only about five years. I am grateful to the many transgender people who came before me. Some were beaten, thrown in jail, and murdered because they dared to challenge the status quo. Every so often I reflect on how far we've come and how far we have to go. I am proud of my history and you should be too.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Whenever I read stories like this, it breaks my heart. It also reminds me that there still a long way to go in people's understanding of gender and sexuality. Too many people listen to the voices of hate and bigotry without even a thought. Parents sometimes blame themselves if their children's sexuality/gender identity is different from the so-called norm. Many times I ask what is the norm?
I encouraged the young man that this was a new beginning for him. As I prayed for him, I believe that his life will improve in time. I am praying that more will be done for LGBT people are helped and encouraged. I am taking a greater interest in refuting the bigoted rheotoric spewed by the mainstream media, churches, law enforcement, and the educational and social institutions. I can't sit still and listen to all this nonsense. It's time to take a stand.
Friday, March 05, 2010
Tuesday, March 02, 2010
I was sitting in my room today when a feeling of contentment swept over me. I now identify as a transgenderist. It wasn't that I was uncomfortable in this discovery I made last June. We can believe something in our minds. It's when it penetrates our hearts that we feel contentment.
I'm reminded in the book of Exodus of the journeyings of the Israelites in the wilderness. While they had a destination to reach, they also needed time to access where they were and what lie ahead. I will resume my journey very soon. I'm thankful for the willingness to embrace every experience that's come my way. It may not always be comfortable but it's part of the process.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
I'm thankful that my journey has had few bumps. Having had no previous experience with dressing up or what is transgender perhaps spared me of the pain and shame many have needlessly suffered from society's bigotry. Once I discovered my transgenderism I wanted everything to happen to me right away.
As I quickly learned the journey is long and slow. It revealed numerous feelings to me that I never knew that I felt. If anything, my being transgender helped to reveal my true feelings. Sharing them is something that has never been easy for me.
Patience has helped me to listen and to encourage others in our community. In the process I have been encouraged by many.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Fear of something is at the root of hate for others, and hate within will eventually destroy the hater.
~George Washington Carver
When I mused over this quote from the African American inventor, I thought about the vitriol spewed at and about us by those who hate us. Over the past few years the level of hatred against transgender people has increased now that we're more visible. Many transgender people have been injured or murdered just because of who we are. The suicide rate among transgender people is very high.
What hurts me the most is that much of this hatred is spewed from the pulpits of many of our churches. We're are called 'depraved', mentally ill, sin, predators, and other nasty things. When I read and study my bible, I know without a doubt that this is Wrong! If I ever preached that God loves and accepts us as we are, no doubt I would be villified and tossed out of the church.
I have seen hate literally destroy people. They die from within because they refuse to acknowledge their own blind raage. It is not a pretty sight at all. With what's happening in places like Uganda, Jamaica, and other countries, I will be researching more about transgender history and the role that the church played in the persecution of transgender people.
Dr. Carver's quote reminds me not to hate those who persecute us but to pray for them. I pray that God would open their minds and hearts to see the errors of their ways.
~George Washington Carver, Black Inventor (1864-1943)
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
Monday, February 08, 2010
When I came out as a cross dresser, I was liberated from what society says I’m suppose to be. I felt that I was completed as a transgender person.
There’s another liberation that I experienced many years earlier. When I confessed my sin to God, I asked Jesus to come into my heart. I was liberation from the control of sin and eternal damnation. During Jesus’ earthly ministry, He set people free from disease, blindness, despair, shame, fear of the future and religious dogma.
One of my concerns when I came out was how being transgender would affect my standing with Christ. He answered me one November day in an empty when He embraced me as His child who happens to be transgender. It was part of his plan for my life.
Liberation is more than being set free from physical circumstances that are unpleasant. Jesus came to liberate our spirits too. We may be free away from the things that bring distress and pain but are bound by shame, anger or bitterness. The inner turmoil from years of abuse may still paralyze us from living the life God has for us. I am reminded that it took nearly a century after independence for America to be free from the threat of attack from Britain.
Liberation means to we no longer need to be victims. As transgender and gender variant people, this can be a tall order. Long suppressed and demeaned by medical and religious institutions, we are rising up and declaring that we are God’s creation, too. We believe that God loves us as we are.
Transgender author Vanessa Sheridan states that liberation is an essential, perhaps the essential element of the gospel of Jesus Christ for human beings and certainly for differently gendered human beings. It’s the whole purpose of the gospel- to free us from sin’s shackles. Sheridan states further that ‘Seeking personal spiritual liberation through the good news of Jesus Christ will help us to accept our responsibilities and benefits as gender variant individuals, allowing us to more fully celebrate our transgender orientation and identity as the true blessings from God that they are .
We need not be ashamed of who we are. Christ has liberated us from the shackles of sin, shame, and despair. We have been liberated from society demands that we conform to something that we’re not.
Sheridan, Vanessa. Crossing Over: Liberating the Transgender Christian, p99.
Friday, February 05, 2010
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
I had seen M* transform from life as a male to that of a transsexual woman. She seemed happy that she moved forward. M* shared with me her passion for old movies, the Beatles, floral arrangements, and the 21 books she had written. M* had a dark side as the result of people taking advantage of her, being abused, and neglect by family. She was bitter against the government and those who wronged her.
M* said some things that were hurtful but I didn't abandon her. We were at the opposite end of the spectrum about some things but we connected somehow. Sadly over the last few months, M* spiraled downward. She had nightmares and was angry. She wished for death because not being able to live the life she desired was unbearable.
One of the issues that needs to be discussed is the many suicides that happen in the T-community. I suggested that at the next TDOR the names of deceased should be read. Those who ended their lives should also be honored for their contributions. What hurts about suicide is that it leaves many unanswered questions. Also we are robbed of the talent gifts and talents that they possessed.
M* wished that she and I could have gotten together for lunch but distance prevented this. I don't know if it would have prevented what she had in mind but I certainly do not judge her. In her last post, M* wondered if she would be missed. My answer is an emphatic YES!
Friday, January 29, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.Matt. 7:13-14
These verses remind of the road that I trod on when I was coming to terms about my gender issues. Prior to 2000 I was traveling the same road as everybody else. Then suddenly I was nudged along to travel another path. No one else could do this for me. The trek was lonely, winding, challenging at times, and never ending. I was encountering new experiences. The further I traveled the more that life was becoming clearer. If I continued walking on the broad road, I would have been miserable. I was a mess internally and emotionally.
As the journey continued there were roads crossed, new discoveries, and more joy as I embraced what came my way. The biggest trial came this past May. The road become narrower and I hesitated. I could turn back but that wasn't a viable option. Finally, I did continue trekking on a narrower road. What happened was my migration from a crossdresser to a transsexual. I have never been happier in my life.
I am writing this piece in more detail for an online magazine. I will let you know when it is published.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
I will be posting again in the coming days. Have kept up with the email. Lots have been happening so I need the time to digest it all.