At approxiamtely this time last year, I migrated from a cross dresser to transgenderist. I was equally comfortable as masculine and feminine. I sensed that my journey was much deeper than clothing and dressing up. A year earlier I read about and studied what being a transgenderist is about. I felt that was the direction I was headed in which proved to be accurate.
Now after being comfortable, I feel that the moorings are being loosened. This is not out of danger or fear but the journey will put up again. I remember last year that I had what I would call 'transsexual feelings'. This was shortly after declaring myself a transgenderist. After awhile those feelings went away. Please forgive me if this is an inaccurate way of explaining it. I have read about and corresponded with a number of transsexuals who shared their experiences with me which has helped me to understand what each has experienced. There's so much to consider and take into account.
Lately, those feelings resurfaced stronger. I have no desire to have the surgery or take more hormones personally. I felt a kinship with transsexuals when I started to dress. I didn't know why plus I personally didn't know any transsexuals. Those thoughts have come to this part of my continuing journey. I feel more identified with the feminine and I desire to live it much more so. I haven't shared this with my spouse yet and at some time I will need to.
I haven't moved from my perch yet but I sense it coming. I remember a transsexual sister saying to that you never know where this journey will take you. How prophetic she was. I don't feel any trepidation about this part of the journey. I really look forward to it.
~Genevieve
3 comments:
Genevieve,
I know each persons journey is unique and personally tailored by ones experience. Looking back on my journey and the different paths I took could be described as navigating the locks of the Panama Canal. There are stages one must pass through. What ever we call them, they are that different levels of how we accept of our own trans-ness. We progress to the next level upon our acceptance of how we think about ourselves in relations to feeling feminine and the doing something to express those feelings.
Some of us start with the small, and progress to just wearing pieces of feminine clothing, to being a heterosexual cross dress, to a dedicated cross dresser, to needing to do more expressing, until we need other intervention as in HRT, culminating with SRS and fading into our new lives. People do stop anywhere between cross dress and the fading after SRS. So be comfortable however you choose yourself to stop or pause of the gender line and just live.
Sarah
Genevieve, I couldn't agree with Sarah more. This is your journey. Your destination is unique to you, and where you settle should depend solely on where your comfort is.
I sometimes get accused of not being "gay enough," because I draw the line at certain language, attitudes, and customs much of the gay male population embraces. Frankly, some things disturb my self-awareness and confidence as a man, not a homosexual.
For instance, I take offense at gay men referring to one another as "she" and "Miss Thing," etc.--not because I'm a misogynist or (the flip-side, I guess) insecure in my own masculinity. I just think it's distasteful, pointless, and demeaning to all genders to misuse one to disparage another. On the other hand, I've nearly come to blows several times with people who insist on calling my transgendered friends by their birth gender rather than their reconciled one. And the "he/she" thing simply won't fly.
When this--or a number of other issues--arises and I take a sterner or unpopular stance, I get hit with "you're not gay enough." But gay, lesbian, bi, transgender, straight, and every subtle shade between are not questions of "enough." Who we are is who we are--it's who God made us to be, and that's enough.
Saying I'm not gay enough or you're not transgender enough is no different than saying either one of us is less of a person because of who we are. It's unacceptable, and nothing we should be concerned about.
Be the beautiful creature God fashioned by His hand. You are a unique treasure in His vast garden. He has a place only you can fill. Be there. Be that.
Blessings, and much love always,
Tim
Two Auntees: Thank you for your kind words. It has been a wonderful journey and I have enjoyed wherever I am at the time. If there is no more then I will enjoy whre it ends.
Tim: I've heard that stuff of not being enough of this, being too much of that. I just enjoy being myself because this is who I am.
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