In the blog for 4/20, I discussed my gender struggles revealed in my writings. Today I read a poem I had written that probably will make clearer my struggle to discover who I was. Here it is.
URGES
They beckon you at every spare moment,
Drawing you into its web.
You resist, you put it off
but it engulfs you.
You give in to its desires.
All innocence is gone
The mystery is no more.
6/20/2004
As you can see, this was written a year prior to my questioning my gender. I didn't know that I was questioning my masculinity and yet I was being drawn deeper into something that I didn't understand. I was wondering if if this was some abyss that I could never climb out of. I imagine that more LGBT folks go through this more than its mentioned. What I find repulsive is when the medical establishment labeled us as 'mentally disturbed'.
If transgenders were allowed to express and live who they are, would it have spared so many from abusing drugs and alcohol or taking their lives? I'm happy that the younger generation is being themselves and not caring about what others think or say. I'm pleased now that my life was progressed the way it has. I believe that I am the richer for it.
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