Crossroads come up more often than you think, at least it does with me. So many choices, so many changes. When the choices are all good, then there's a dilemma of choosing which is the best road to take.
Crossroads, in my mind, means change. Whatever happened in the past is past. the door has closed or is closing. Looking ahead there's uncertainty, trepidation, fear, and no familiarity. You can't stay where you are because change is inevitable. The only recourse is to proceed ahead.
I'm sure the early pioneers had all the feeling mentioned above and yet they continued moving ahead. They were obstacles and setbacks but they kept going. That's the choice we all will have to make when we're at the crossroads of life.
"Changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." I posted this quote by Anatole France on another site that I maintain. I ruminated on this quote for a few days and concluded that these words speak to everyone. It is true to those of us who are gender variant. As a transgender and cross dresser, my perspective about life has changed. These changes needed to be made if life was to be joyous; not tension-filled. For a year I was learning who I was. Gender was now part of my own personal well being where before it was never an issue. I was apprehensive and yet I continued on my journey. Changes were more on the emotional level. I discovered the feminine side of my personality. To deny it was to succumb to the wishes and desires of those who say that I'm suppose to do male things. I needed to leave some thought patterns behind and develop new ones that were untapped and undeveloped. I realized that I may incur the wrath of some people but change can do that. During the presidential election, a recurring theme was 'We need change!'. The question I ask is that are we willing to change? Am I willing to make the changes in me that are necessary? I cannot ask others to do something that wouldn't do myself. My heart goes out to my transsexual brothers and sisters because the changes with much sacrifice. Some have lost many of the things that were dear to them. I'm sure transitioning wasn't easy, but the change was for their well being.I lost some things from the old life; but I have gained a new perspective about gender and sexuality. I have fallen in love with people who society has scorned and ridiculed. As a gender variant person, I better understand that change helps me to grow and see life from another point of view. I know more changes will be in store. If my changing will benefit someone else's life, in the battle cry I heard during this current administration; 'Bring It On!'
