In the early days when I was all jumbled up internally, I harbored thoughts that I had never thought I had inside of me. I wanted to leave everthing behind. I wished that no one had ever known me. Disappearing into the sea of life seemed like a plausible solution to the darkness I felt in my heart.
I' m nowhere near those days now but the thoughts of those things have crept into me in recent days. I guess that this is part of the process of transition. It's tough because I know the answer is down the road. It's the figuring out and waiting that's hard. I do believe that putting myself on the line will be one element of the next chapter in my life. That I do believe. In the meantime I will seek, search, and pray for direction.
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