HAPPY NEW YEAR!

This is my first Christmas as a transgender person. The only difference is the types I have on my wish list. I would love for someone to give me a lavender night gown or a black negligee. See how my prioritites have changed! Anyway, I like this better; a transgender Christmas! I read Kate Bornstein's excellent book; "Gender Outlaw." It is one of the most personally challenging books I have ever read. Ms. Bornstein talks about her transsexual experiences (male to female), the infighting among transgender folks, and the need to see beyond gender identity. Her gender fluidity makes her hard to define. I can relate to Ms. Bornstein's feelings because I feel the same way as a crossdresser. There are days that I feel masculine, feminine,both, queer, and other gender descriptions. The other point she makes is that theater should be an evolving medium. Staid theater makes for lousy plays and bored audiences. Her play "Hidden: A Gender" is challenging to gender defenders and to those whose idea of what gender is and is not may be found wanting. Another point Ms. Bornstein makes is that transgender folks need to work together. The transvestite suffers the same violence and oppression as the she-male and the trannseexual. Transgenders and transvestites (especially people of color) were at the front lines of the battles for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender rights. I rate this book a "9". "Gender Outlaw" is a great read for all in the transgender community.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

As 2005 winds down, I am thankful for the many wonderful things that has happened in my life. I am thankful for my health and strength and for the wonderful people I have met. I am thankful for the goals that were achieved. One of the highlights of 2005 was discovering my transgenderism. As 2006 beckons, I have set some goals for myself. Here's wishing everybody a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS The journey may be long. I may hit a few bumps along the way, but I am enjoying the ride.

I attended the last gender drop-in group for this session (starts again in February). This support group has encouraged me much. I have a better understanding about transitioning, the emotions of those in transition, and some of the victories attained. I learned much about myself as a crossdresser. I have become more comfortable with myself and being with my transgender sisters and brothers. I have taken small steps in my life as a CD, and I am ready to take several more. I cannot wait until the next session starts. I finished reading Leslie Feinberg's "Trans Liberation: Beyond Pink or Blue". Along with "Transgender Warriors", these two books are a great set for those interest in transgender history and activism. I recommend these two books to professionals and teachers in particular.

I have not posted in several days because I have been busy with work and school.

I have read books and articles about transgenderism and the people who have suffered physical violence and mental abuse. I have not suffered any of these but it affects me nevertheless. As a crossdresser, I face the same challenges as my transsexual brothers and sisters.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS The past cannot be changed, but one can learn from it. One should learn all they can, rejoice in the achievements, and strive to be a better person.

i

I have been selecting items for my wardrobe. There will be many colors and shades. Black, red and blue will be my staples. I like navy blue, but royal blue will be a big part, too. Once I can master the shoes part, the rest will be easy. Today, I feel very good about being a crossdresser/transgender. To me, it gets easier with each passing day. I understand transgenderism better and I try to incorporate it into my personal life.

I am reading Leslie Feinberg's second book ''Trans Liberation: Beyond Pink and Blue". There are more transgendered people in the world than you think. Each person expresses their gender in their own unique way. I am devouring everything I can get my hands on about transgenderism.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS I can be a gentleman and a lady all in the same day.

I am been involved with a support group which has helped and encouraged me. My girlfriends on the chat forum have touched my life in wonderful ways. I think much about them and their well being. My femme side is becoming a larger part of my life. 'Genevieve' is defining her own identity. She is developing into a classy and well rounded woman. I appreciate the days that I don't feel femme because I keep CDing in the right perspective.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS Keep polishing that diamond until every facet illuminates the light.

I hope your Thanksgiving was good. This was my first as a crossdresser. I enjoyed the weekend though I couldn't dress. There will be other times. I took a walk today, reminiscing the journey that I am on. The further I go, the more my psyche is transformed. I have read much about the history of transgenders and transvestites in social struggles all over the globe. I am a recipient of that struggle, a fact I don't ignore or take lightly. Here I am; a TV/CD whose feminine side is being more clearly defined. I'm not much on labels because how I feel about myself is more important. My trans sisters well being is more important than what others choose to label me. Looking ahead, I see some milestones waiting for me. I'm not afraid nor do I seek attention. I'm just taking another step in my side as 'Genevieve'.

I am feeling good today. I am very happy with the way my life is going. I am looking forward to Thanksgiving Day. It is a chance to relax and reflect.
I finished reading Leslie Feinberg's book, "Transgender Warriors". I was surprised to find out how much crossdressers and trans people have impacted many social movements in America. I learned that transgenderism is common and worshipped in many cultures. Native Americans have a long history of crossdressing and transgenderism. I am fascinated by this, since I have Native American blood in me. Transgenderism is a part of my ancestry. I rate this book a nine (on a scale of one to ten). I highly recommend "Transgender Warriors" to understand what it means to be transgendered.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS Never let others define who you are.

Up to this point, I believe my greatest accomplishment is keeping crossdressing into perspective. I know that I can never be a woman but it is nice to fantasize. It is nice to look at ourselves in a postive and healty light. It is important to accept the things we cannot change and improve our lives in the areas that we can. I have mentioned a completeness that I feel. Crossdressing is the spectrum in transgenderism that I am most comfortable. One of my goals for 2006 is to get a better understanding of the other people in the transgender community. I want to know more about the transsexual, the intersexed, the androgynous, and the other members of my family. I also will encourage those who need it.

I had a wonderful meeting with my support group. We discussed what the holidays mean to us as transgendered people. It will be tough for some for one reason or another. I just pray that my trans sisters will reflect on the good things that has happened in their lives. We can be thankful for each day God gives us. This will be my first Thanksgiving as a transgender individual. I will be interesting to see what emotions that I will experience. I have not come out yet but it will be a good barometer as to where I am as a crossdresser. I can honestly say that I have not had a down day since I became a crossdresser. Even during the dry periods, I never felt ashamed or guilty about what I was doing. I learn something every day that I did not know before. I have met some wonderful people in the transgender community. I still have a looong way to go, but each morsel I taste from every resource is invaluable.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS Once you discover who you are, help someone else in their self discovery.

I am reading a great book by Leslie Feinberg called 'Transgender Warriors'. It is the first book I have read which goes back through history when transgender and crossdressing were normal in many cultures. Trans people and crossdressers led many rebellions by peasants against their oppressors in the Middle Ages up to the Industrial Revolution. Crossdressing is a normal part of the Native American cutures. I am part Native American, therefore I am research this aspect of my ancestors. This holiday season will my first as a transgendered man. I am curious to found how and what my feelings will be. I have much to be thankful for. I have changed much this year and there are more changes in store for me.

I was ill for a few days last week but I feel better. I missed my gender drop-in meeting last Wednesday because of my illness. I am organizing a short story about a man who is at a crossroad in his life after being outted as a crossdresser. I look forward to writing it and, possibly, posting it on this blog. I wonder how many men have had to start over because they were outted? I have been working hard developing my feminine side. I have a clear idea of what kind of 'Iady' Genevieve can be. Once I finalize the clothes I want to purchase, things will fall into place.

The past few days have been the quietest of my crossdressing life. I appreciate these times because I can see how far I have come as a crossdresser. I researched the definition of 'transgender'. Each article and book I have read has one interpretation or another. I have found two constants: the various genders within transgender and it digresses from the norm. I respect and embrace the variety. I have read how transgender has been part of Native American tribes for centuries. I also researched the difference between crossdresser and transvestite. The former has to do with wearing women's clothes, while the latter derives erotic arousal. To me, there is no difference. When I crossdress, there are times I get aroused and times when I am not. I am still a crossdresser/transvestite. It does not matter if I am referred by one label or the other. I am reading Leslie Feinberg's book 'Transger Warriors'. It is an interesting book, so much so, that I have more questions. Though crossdressing is enjoyable, I have come to the conclusion that crossdressing goes deeper than putting on women's clothing. There I go; my analytical mind in overdrive again.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS Self acceptance is the first step toward inner healing.

Today has been a busy one. I have been on the internet searching for more articles about transgender issues, especially crossdresser and transvestite material. I just finished a book titled 'Finding the Real Me.' The people who shared their experiences are to be commended. There are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, pre and post op, androgynous and others. Some of the people are still dealing with their identity and gender issues but are moving forward. I thought about my situation as a heterosexual crossdresser and it's no different. There 's so much bigotry and ignorance about us. I love being a male who likes to wear women's clothing. Some day I would love to share my story so others will be encouraged.

GOOD MORNING!

One question that inevitably comes up is will I transition? I will not transition because I love being a male. While I have been learning what transitioning invlved, being a crossdresser is not easy either. We are not accepted by society, face bigotry and violence and seek the same rights as gays, lesbians, and bisexuals. Even in the trans community, crossdressers are hard to categorize. In spite of some debate about our role, the thing to remember is we are in the same boat. Another issue is coming out to family, friends, and coworkers. We as a community should try to understand where each other is coming from. We need to respect and value the other person as a unique individual. I love the fact that I am a crossdresser and am not ashamed of it. I admire those who make that choice to transition because they are taking a huge step to becoming their true selves. We as a community should be happy about our uniquesness and work to build positive relationships with all people in the transgender community. Remember, we are in this together, and we need each other for support.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Think pink

Ravishing in red

Luscious lilac

Every now and then I will ask myself why I became a crossdresser? There's nothing in my background to suggest that I would have gone this route. I had a good upbringing with few problemsand was liked by those who knew me. I am a quiet, laid back individual who tries to get along with everyone. I have always been drawn to unusual and strange things. I consider myself somewhat eccentric because I will digress from the normal vein of thought. It was in late May or June when I began to question my maleness. Was I gay? Bisexual? Trans? A woman in a man's body? It was crazy! Here I was; a man in his fifties questioning his gender. That was a scary thought. I got the urge to try on my wife's clothing, which I did. It was an erotic rush to wear panties. I tried on a dress, a skirt, blouse, and slip. It was a rush. Was I a crossdresser? When the urges didn't lessen, I got worried. I spoke to a couple of couselors and laid it all out to them. They explain that I was questioning my gender, and that maybe I was a crossdresser. The urges continued for a couple of more weeks. The pressure and stress were mounting until I admitted to myself that I am a crossdresser. All the stress and worries dissipated. I feel liberated, complete, and content. I have purchased feminine clothing: panties, a dress, tops, bra, a gown, a skirt, and couple of wigs. I paint my toenails, too. I look forward to the day when I will go out totally en femme. Another goal is to march in the gay pride parade as a crossdresser. Now to answer to the question why I crossdresser: I just enjoy wearing feminine things. My eyes have been opened to a world that is maligned by societal bigotry. I have met other crossdressers, transsexuals, intersexed, questioning and others within the umbrella of transgender. I love the people I have met at the community center and on the internet. The support has been great. I see myself as a transgender heterosexual crossdresser. I don't feel ashamed or embarrased at all. This is just another part of me and I am content. Someday I want to come out to my spouse but I cannot at this time. Once again, I am involved with something outside the norms of society, which is fine with me. Each day is a new day in my journey and I am enjoying the ride.

GENEVIEVE'S QUOTES I'M GETTING BETTER WITH AGE. I MAY HAVE STARTED LATE, BUT BETTER LATE THAN NEVER.

Thinking about the meeting I attended last night, it opened a floodgate of emotions I felt prior to being a crossdresser. I have always been quiet and introspective, keeping my feelings inside. I had been wanting to bust out the past few years, but the time was not right. If I rushed ahead, the results could have been disastrous. While I was regaining my health, I had much time to reflect on where I wanted to go. I rediscovered things I enjoyed in my twenties. I meditated on spiritual things, reconnected with my body, and let go of all my frustrations. It was the best thing I could have done. My health problems allowed me to smell the roses. In the months prior to, and after I admitted that I was a crossdresser, my life blossomed in many ways. I felt complete, liberated, and at peace with the decision I made. I have always felt that I was different. I did not know why, but I did. I have always been drawn to things outside the norms of society. In a real sense, I am a global person. I love to communicate with people from all over the world. The umbrella is much wider in the transgender community than I originally thought. I have a love and respect for each transgender person because we are definitely on a journey. There will be bitter times and there will be sweet times, but the journey is what matters. In the end, we will be the richer for it.

GOOD NIGHT, ONE AND ALL!

This past Sunday, I tried on my wigs. I have a shoulder length black wig, and a brown and black curly wig. I am trying to decide which one would look beeter on me. It has been quiet the past three days. I been doing a lot of reading about transgender people. The community has a much wider range of transgenderism. To me, the labels are not important. It is how you feel about yourself. I am peaceful and content. The gender drop-in meeting was good. We had some new people who are in the questioning stage. Next time we meet I want to get to know them and share my experiences.

The gender drop-in group I am with is coming along fine. We are discussing issues of transgender men and women. It is a ten week session, having completed the second week. I have met other transgendered folks and I am starting to feel comfortable. I seem to be a kindred spirit to those outside the norms of society. I may have to come out to my wife sooner than I wanted to. She found a pair of my panties mixed in the wash she was folding up. I am not afraid, just trying to think about how to bring up the subject. I was also asked to speak to the group next week about issue of coming out, so stay tuned. I am still working on my fall wardrobe. Shoes are next on the list and then make-up. I am happy where my life as a crossdresser is headed. I keep learning something new all the time. It has taken a turn now that I am deciding whether or not to come out with my spouse.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

'A gurl can't have too many panties.'

One of the most difficult things for us to do is to let go of the negative feelings we have. It is magnified with us transgenders because of the hostility we experience from many sides. When life is pressing down on me, I pray to God telling him how much I need Him in my life. By letting Him handle the situation, I do not have to go around downcast or ashamed. Jesus changed my life many years ago, and He is still doing so now. I meditate too; focusing on God rather than my problems. I relax my whole body, one part at a time. When I am finished, my spirit is refreshed. I am not preaching at you. I am saying do not neglect your spiritual life. It is part of of you along with the physical and emotional aspects. We trans people go through a lot and I find that my out look is different when I pray. I pray for you because I love you and care about you.

My wife and I browsed around in a Lane Bryant's store after services. She was looking at all the beautiful fall fashions. She liked the sweaters, skirts and dresses. I liked the panties, camisoles, and negligee. She commented on the items that would good on her. I thought the same thing for myself. Crossdressers have the best of both worlds.

It was a lovely day. It stopped raining after three straight days of torrential downpours. I took a walk then rode the bus downtown. Once again, I browsed the women's sections of the department stores.There are a lot of great fall fashions this year. I think it has been the best in several years. The colors are brighter and the styles sexy, yet dressy. I am looking for shoes, a dress and a suit. This coming weekend I will get some shoes and possibly a dress. I saw another crossdresser today, dressed like a flamingo dancer. She was dressed in all black. She drew a lot of attention, but I liked the fact she was out there being herself. That is a goal of mine; to go out in public in femme mode. I am getting closer to realizing it, taking one step at a time. Whether we are called a crossdresser or a transvestite, it should not make a difference. I know there is some negative connotations with 'transvestite', but do you care? I may have made commented about it, but if someone has to call you foul names to assert their manhood that is a reflection on them. EVERYBODY HAVE A GOOD NIGHT!

Things are good! It has been a wonderful week, having reached a few milestones. I know thereis more to come. I am reading an interesting book; 'Finding the Real Me'. It is the stories of transgender men and women and the things they went thorough. I will critique it for you when I am finished. I amsearching the internet for crossdresser books. Someone shared with me a couple of websites that are intersting (www.fictionmania.com)and (www.storysite.org). I am working on a short story with a crossdresser as the main character. One thing I would love to see someday is a play with an all-transgender and transvestite cast. I think that would be cool.

Today, I achieved a couple of milestone in my life as a crossdresser. I wore a bra to work under my shirt for the first time. I also purchased my first two wigs. It was great to move a step closer to going enfemme in public (at least partially). I need help with make up because this is my next challenge. Some day I want to appear before the drop-in group in femme. That would be a victory for Genevieve (my alter ego). I have been seeing so many beautiful sweaters this year. I have narrowed down my wardrobe basic colors (though not strictly) to blues, red, and black. I love the idea of wearing a red dress with shoes and purse to match. I have always had a sense of fashion and coordinating colors. In future postings, I will intermingle some poetry and essays and possibly a short story. Ther's so much I want to share with my transgender family. There's someone out there that needs to be affirmed, or encouraged, or just to know They are not alone.

I was thinking about the psychological changes crossdressers experience. Some of it is good, some is sobering, and some I wonder what is next. I expected it but it is quite a journey. I think the toughest adjustment is incorporating the male and feminine side to where you are a balanced individual. I picked up two more pairs of panties today. I am looking for a red dress and red shoes. I want to dress up and go out someday as a female. Each day I am getting bolder; taking the plunge towards my transformation as an out CD. I feel so happy and fulfilled and loving the idea of developing the feminine side of me.

This past week was the best week of my life as a crossdresser. It is not that I dressed up a lot, but it was the idea of being a part of the transgender community. I came out to other transgender men and women at a gender drop-in meeting which was very liberating. We are men and women who love and enjoy life like anybody else. I have heard disparaging remarks about us. If others have to say horrible things about other people, to me, that is a reflection on them. I feel good about myself and you should feel good about yourself, too. I do not let what others say about me affect me. We have such a diverse community; maybe that is why we are belittled so much. Right now, I am bubbling over with emotion because I love you and want to give everything I can to the community. Crossdressing and being a crossdresser has introduced me to a wonderful family I am privileged to be a part of.

I finishing reading J.J.Allen's 'The Man In The Red Velvet Dress.' It is a great book in that Allen covers the whole spectrum of transgender life. He is a crossdresser which makes him a credible source. He is level headed and honest about his life. What I like about the book is that he offers solutions to the petty things that threaten to split the transgender community. This is a great book for the whole transgender community.

Tonight, I wore a bra out in public for the first time. I attended a meeting with other transgendered people. It was great meeting other crossdressers and transsexuals as we shared our experiences, fears, and desires. It took courage for all of us to share our lives with strangers. My feeling is that we will not be strangers for long. In a couple of weeks I will have a cup of coffee with a transgender woman. It was one of the highlights of my crossdressing life so far.

I have always loved a good footnote or quote from someone. In many instances, it speaks directly to us. I found this saying among my papers which, I believe, speaks to us crossdressers. It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters in the end -Ursula K. Leguin

GOOD MORNING!

As I have scanned the internet, read articles and books, and scoured through magazines, I see that the lives of crossdressers is very diverse. There are crossdressers of every race, religion, and socioeconomic background. The reasons why we crossdress are many and varied. The point is that there are a lot of us out there. I would love to see transgenders be more open to others in the community. Personally, I would love to befriend a transsexual, another CD, and androgynist. Whether or not the person comes out is irrelevant. I really have a love for the transgender community. I want us to do well and succeed in our public and private lives.

I purchase panties almost every time I am in a store. At a dollar a pair you cannot go wrong. I am a panties enthusiast,and I try to purchase colors that match (or will match) my outfits. I am still trying to decide on my fall wardrobe colors. I am choosing between olive and teal. One of the most asked questions is why I crossdress? I just enjot it. I had no desire to crossdress in the past. One day, I just had the urge to put on my wife's clothes, which I did. I have not looked back since. I am comfortable with my decision to remain closeted. Sex was not my motive because I am happily married. I love to wear women's clothes because there are so many beautiful styles and colors. I think coming into crossdressing late in life (started in June) gives me a level headed persepective about it. Crossdressing is another facet of my life.

I read Amy Bloom's book Normal. It is about her interviews with transsexuals, crossdressers, hermaphrodites, the intersexed, doctors, parents, activists, and other folks. It is the first book I have read about transgender people. It has increased my knowledge about what we go through. I though Bloom did a decent job interviewing the crossdressers. She could have presented more positive interviews of CDs who really love their lives. I felt she interviewed the transsexuals at arm's length. Bloom seemed to be uncomfortable in their presence and may have underestimated the psychological changes transsexuals go through. She did a good job with the hermaphrodites. I don't know much about the intersexed, so I will have to find out more about this community. On a scale of one to ten, I rate this book a six and one-half. It is a good book for someone new to the transgender community. Normal can be improved on with more people who enjoy their diversity and more in-depth interviews.

As 1967 is referred to as the Summer of Love, I refer to 2005 as the Summer of Transformation. I went from a gender questioning man to a transgender heterosexual crossdresser. My life has been greatly enhanced. I appreciate my feminine side which is still developing. I feel liberated and complete. June and July were turbulent months. It started when I created this blogsite about having two personalities. I had the urge to try on my wife's clothing, which I did. I wanted to become a woman. I couldn't understand what was happening inside of me. I began to wonder if I was gay, bisexual or nuts. I discussed my feelings with a couple of counselors. I laid everything out to them. It turned out that I was a crossdresser. On July 26th, I admitted to myself that I am a crossdresser. I have been at peace ever since that day. I am still closeted with family and friends, but I am content. August was spent enjoying and learning about crossdressing. The newness of crossdressing was exciting. I became a member of a chat room and met other CDs. September has been calm but I 'm still learning something every day. I am comprehending what the psyche of the crossdresser is. I have undergone numerous changes emotionally. The need to crossdress varies from day to day. I have come to love the crossdressing and transgender communities. I see myself being involved with the transgender community, in some capacity. All in all, it has been a life changing summer. Each day is different and the journey has been interesting.

I purchased my first night gown today, a yellow print. It only cost two dollars! Still haven't gotten my wig yet but I will. I am thinking about writing a short story featuring a crossdresser. I would love to see a film or play with nothing but crossdressers in the cast. A documentary is in order, too. There is a need for crossdresser and transgender movies which shed a positive light. I am not ignoring the things that we go through, but CDs, transsexuals, and transgender men and women are often portrayed as freaks. We are people who want to be loved and treated with respect just like anybody else. With each passing day, I am enjoying life as a transgender man. I am comfortable as a male and as a crossdresser who enjoys his feminine side. I hope and pray that many others feel the same way.

GOOD NIGHT EVERBODY!

I have read over numerous articles defining transgender. It is a very broad umbrella and transgender has a different meaning from person to person. A crossdresser may have a different take on the meaning of transgender than the transsexual. To me, too much is made of what it is to be transgender. More needs to be focused on the individual as a whole. I may have mentioned before that coming out is an individual matter in which no one should be forced to do. I believe strongly that those who say you must come out to be a 'real' CD or transsexual does not have the person's best interests at heart. There are many hurting men and women who are still trying to sort out their feelings. They may have been hurt by others because they are different. Transgender men and women need to be respected for their uniqueness as people. They have talents, gifts, dreams and goals like anybody else. I am secure in myself as a transgender heterosexual crossdresser. The physical, emotional and spiritual well being of each man and woman is more important than any take on what a name connotates. Whether a person does or does not come out is irrelevant.

Nirvana! Today I bought my first dress! It is a black dress that zips up in the front. I only paid five bucks for it, too. I hope to purchase a wig tomorrow. It felt great to add a dress to my growing wardrobe. I have much to share with over the next couple of days. I will start tomorrow. GOOD NIGHT!

EVERYBODY HAVE A GOOD NIGHT!

This weekend, I am going to purchase my first dress. I will also purchase a wig if my money holds out. I can't wait. It is hard to believe that tomorrow is the first day of autumn. Where did the summer go? Fall is my favorite time of year, especially when the leaves change colors. It's such a beautiful kaleidoscope of reds, yellows and browns. September has been a mellow month compared to August. Reflecting upon it, I have experienced the moods and mindsets of crossdressers. Life is not a constant high, but neither is it a constant low. Balance is the key. I have spent this month educating myself about crosdressing, transgender news and improving my femme look. I saw some lovely items in the Lane Bryant catalog last night. I am transferring some of the color schemes to my male side.

EVERYBODY HAVE A GOOD NIGHT!

I attended a street festival yesterday. There were plenty of activities, especially for the children. Later, I went to the community center library. I was looking for books about crossdressers and transgender men and women. I took out a book called 'Normal' by Amy Bloom.I will give you a critique of the book when I finish. I have been going to the LGBT center because I can get much information about trasgenders and crossdressers. There's activities for those who are questioning their gender, transsexuals and crossdressers. This is an invaluable resource I take advantage of. I want to learn all I can about transgender concerns. I have been working on my winter wardrobe. Ther are such lovely colors and styles. I have to find a style that suits me. I'm pretty excited about this. I need to learn how to put on makeup and nailcare. I want to be the best lady that I can.

I know it has been awhile. I have been busy with school and personal things, otherwise, things are great! Last Saturday, I purchased a black skirt, white top plus two bottles of nail polish. I need to get a wig and a couple of pairs of shoes. I can't go around barefooted. I went to a number of department stores, sometimes being the only male in the women's section. I have a few favorite establishments that I shop in and I haven't had any problems. I feel very calm and don't draw attention to myself. As summer draws to its conclusion, I have enjoyed a most unusual and rewarding season. The highlight, of course, was coming out to myself as a crossdresser. I have developed emotionally and spiritually as a man. I'm very happy to be referred to as transgender. Right now, I am working on my fall and winter wardrobe. Brown is the hot fall color this season, but olive and teal are more my colors. I need to get a black dress, too. I have set some goals for myself. One is to meet and befriend a couple of crossdressers. Another is to go out in public in femme mode. I have been reading articles and news publications about transgender issues. I have found some books about and written by transgender people. There's so much that I want to say but I will share more with you in future blogs. Bye, for now.

Things have been mellow the past couple of days. It gives me some time to step back and see how far I have come as a crossdresser. I haven't even scratched the surface of what I want to be. I have been reading much about the issues that transgender men and women face. I believe that some time in the future I will be involved with the transgender community in some capacity. I am thinking about getting a Master's degree in Gender Studies after I get my Bachelor's degree. I'm learning new things every day and it's exciting to make new discoveries. I want to befriend other crossdressers and transgender men and women. They are a part of me and I want what's best for them.

I went to the community center tonight for a film screening. The film is titled "Transgeneration", a film about four college students at various stage of pre-op and post-op surgery. The subjects going through the normal ups and downs of college life. They, however, have to deal with their gender reassignment and how they will break the news to other people. It was a good film in that these four students want to be treated like any one else. The film will be shown on the Sundance Channel in mid September. There will be an hour long premiere followed by six one -half hour episodes. From the perspective of a crossdresser, we have our ups and downs but that's part of the growing process. I'm happy to be a trangender male and feel a kinship with the transgender community. I'm seeing more and more beautiful fall fashions. There's so many articles of clothing that I see myself wearing. I love olive as a fall color and I saw an olive dress. Can't wait to purchase it.

The next phase of my journey as a crossdresser has begun. I don't know where it's leading me but I'm compelled to follow that road. The trip has been strange, yet exciting. I'm not nervous or afraid. Actually, I want to embrace whatever lies ahead. It has been said that this is a life long journey and I believe it. Possibly, it is what makes crossdressing so appealing. The new discoveries, the mind and personality changes, the many CDs I have chatted with at various stages of their lives. I know I will encounter some things that are unique to me. I can only keep moving ahead.

It was another beautiful day today. I went downtown this morning, browsing in the women's sections of numerous clothing stores. Brown is the color this fall but it's not my favorite color. I like burgundy, blue, gray and black. Also looked at some wigs but I'm not sure how to go about buying one. Don't know if it's one size fits all or what. It's funny but soon as I enter the stores, I head right to the women's section. I guess crossdressing is in my blood. I subscribed to the e-mail lists of a couple of stores since I have to special order some things. I can see why women enjoy shopping: there's such a wide array of colors and styles. Men's sections can be drab at times. They could take a page or two from the ladies. Personally, I wear bright,colorful ties and loud sports jackets. I can really be creative dressing en femme mode.

I have spent the past couple of days reading articles, writing, blogging and planning my wardrobe. I'm really excited about buying clothes for the fall and winter. I have to buy a wig next. I looking for some skirts and dresses. Shoes will be a challenge and I probably will have to order a few pairs of dress shoes. I read an article about the healthy benefits of crossdressing. It may be true because of the changes that have to be made. Dieting, skin care, and being more in tune with our bodies. Our self image gets worked on which, in turn, improves our well being. I also read a very humorous but true article on www.gendertree.com titled 'Real Woman vs. CD. Read it when yo can because it's true.

It's hard to believe that summer is almost over. It went tooo fast! There are some great summer sales happening. I purchase a rose top which says 'Pretty Girl' on the front. I've decided to make pink (or any shade of) a permanent part of my summer wardrobe. It's such a feminine color and I'm not self-conscious about wearing it. I scanned over my posts since the time I started this blog. There's been much growth, challenges, change, discovery and achievement. To me, living a balanced life is what makes it so rewarding. Even though I love being a CD and all that goes with it, I have other interests. The impulse to dress en femme is stronger some days than others, but my life does not revolve around that. I believe being older (57) and coming into CDing late helped me understand what's important.

There have been many changes within myself since I admitted that I am a crossdresser. It's been a process of me letting my passions and desires be fulfilled. For the past few years, there's been a lot of things I have kept inside of me. I wanted to let them out, but the timing wasn't right. I believe there's always a right time to do things. Crossdressing is a case in point. I have always been a quiet person. I felt different than my two younger siblings. I was somewhat of a loner and still am in some respects. I think of myself as somewhat eccentric because I enjoy weird and unusual things. Crossdressing has challenged me personally in that it cuts across the norms of society. I enjoy the challenge because, at times, I need it. Crossdressing has exposed me to the transgender community, which I feel a part of. I see myself as a transgender male/crossdresser and want to do what I can to help other CDs. I browse the women's sections of stores and I'm not afraid or embarrassed about it. It's fun to say that a dress or skirt would good on me. If you saw me in person, you wouldn't know I am a CD but that's the best part. I'm part of a unique and unconventional community. Emotionally is where the changes have been the greatest. Crossdressing has helped me to look at life from many perspectives. I'm thankful that I didn't have any negative experiences in the past that would cause me to have any guilt trips. Each day is a learning process and I'm the better for it. There's more I will share from time to time. There are people going through what I am going through, but I'm not alone.

GOOD MORNING!

Today, I went shopping again. Purchased some more panties and a bra. I saw a beautiful violet suit that I want to get one of these days. I also found a place to buy shoes. My wardrobe is coming along well. Shopping in the women's section is exciting and fun. I read some articles about how the emotional part of the crossdresser undergoes a change. I certainly have experienced this in various degrees. I'm going to visit a counseler so some questions I have can be clarified for me. It's nothing that is distressful, but sharing my feelings with someone will help.

I know that I'm a crossdresser when I say my wife's dress looks just as good ,or better, on me.

Today was a beautiful late August day. I was in the city with my wife. I was able to glance at women's attire with her. I saw some beautiful items for her. She likes skirts and tops and so do I. She doesn't know that I crossdress. I have an excuse to buy something for myself now-buy her something. I purchased my first piece of outer clothing-a pink sleeveless pullover. I'm comfortable browsing through the women's sections of department stores after some initial trepidation. No one bothered me or gave me weird looks. I felt great after my first shopping trip and can't wait until the next one. Tonight, I painted my toenails with pink nail polish. Another hurdle has been cleared. Shoes will be a challenge because of my wide feet (12E). There are some great looking styles too. I haven't tried any makeup yet but that's coming. There has been subtle adjustments emotionally. We CDs cut across the grain of so-called 'normal' society. I have been able to keep a proper balance. I consider myself a transgendered man and crossdreser. I will seek some counseling to clear up some of the questions I have about my new lifestyle.

Today, I purchased my first piece of outer clothing: a pink sleeveless pullover. I found a store in my neighborhood having a sale on summer clothes. I purchased two pullovers for five dollars. I gave a coral pullover to my spouse, and kept the pink one. I tried purchasing women's articles on my lunch hour but chickened out. When I bought the blouse, I was natural and comfortable with myself. Also, purchased two pair of panties: pink floral and purple. A black skirt and slides would go great with the pullover. I feel great! I look forward to the next shopping trip.

I'm deciding on what colors to add to my wardrobe. I would love to get a violet suit or dress. I love lavender, too (especially panties). I also saw a leather skirt, which would be a great addition to my sexy side. It was a beautiful and clear day here (rare for New York). Usually, it's rather humid this time of year. Already, the stores are having summer sales. Now's a good chance to get some bargains on some great stuff. Thrift shops are popular here, and I found two right near the job. The prices are reasonable and the clothes are good. I wish to thank all of you who have seen my blog site. I'm open to any suggestions and tell all your friends.

Today, I visited a thrift shop looking for clothes. I saw some cute shorts, blouses (love the pinks), and skirts. Also, saw a few night gown and dresses. I can't wait to shop this weekend and start building my wardrobe. I pulled more info from the internet about crossdressing and the transgender community. Though I have learned a lot, there's still much to learn. CDs and TGs as a whole face issues most people will never face.

Good morning, ladies! Right now, I'm wearing one of my favorite outfits:a white skirt at the knee and a black top. I have seen a number of women on the street wearing this combination and I have added it to my wardrobe. Pink, red, and canary are also beautiful summery colors that I have incorporated into the wardrobe. This Friday, I will be shopping for ladies clothes for the firsr time. Yesterday, I browsed around the ladies section at a thrift store and no one noticed (in my male outfit). I have purchased things for my spouse before so something like this doesn't bother me. I'm looking forward to it. If someone does inquire of me, I'll tell them I'm buying them for Genevieve, my girlfriend. Make up is the thing I'll need the most help with. There's so many shades and colors. I want to get the one(s) that look best on me. Shoes are the next thing, though I have a good idea how to handle this. I have a wide foot (12E), so I have found a couple of resources I can go to. Just thinking about going femme excites me! I'll keep you posted on my shopping trip and how things went.

I spent some time looking for clothes. I scoured the internet and did much window shopping. I looked in some women's magazines for ideas. I saw some great stuff. I looked at some wigs, too. I'm wondering if I should get one with some gray in it or just purchase a black or brown wig? One advantage of being a CD is that I can see life from two perspectives. Women are much more in tune with fashion than men. One lament I've always had about men's dress (business attire, in particular) is the dullness of the colors. I can't stand dull ties! Give me some bright red patterns, orange, or green; something lively, please!! Ladies have got it right! Now being a 'woman', I see how they do things, how they think. Women don't always see things from the logical and practical sense only. I study how they walk, talk, handle themselves. When my femme side takes over, I try to emulate some of their mannerisms, and look nautral doing it.

I have met some beautiful ladies on the chat line. I just want want to say that I love you all! Writing is one of my passions and thus I am part of the Writers forum. Last evening, I shared how I came to be a CD. I don't spend every waking moment thinking about dressing femme, but when I do, I get excited!!. I read a couple of interesting articles on the internet. the websites are listed below, if your interested. www.cydathria.com www.tgcrossroads.com

My foray into Williamsburg was great! I was tempted to purchase another book, but resisted it. I need another book like I need a hole in the head. It was HOT! I saw some lovely furniture for the house. I love antiques and when I get some cash, I will return to the store I saw them in. I surveyed the wide of array of clothing the ladies were wearing. I saw some lovely summer dresses and skirts I would pirchase for myself. The one I liked was a sleeveless, red print dress with red and pink flowers. It was pretty. I took the day off and worked on the laptop much of the day. Still searching for good articles about crossdressers and transgendered people. There's not too many books out there but the few I've browsed through are good.

Today, I declare my independence! I declare that: -I love myself without reservation or shame -I have the freedom to explore my gender identity -I have the freedom to develop the feminine side of me -I have the freedom to celebrate life to the fullest

Greetings! This morning I wore panties and a skirt while working on mt laptop. I felt soo exhilerated as I let my feminine side take over. I chatted with some friends on a chat line I'm a member of. I have met some wonderful ladies and made a few friends in the process.