End OF Year Salutatons

Another year has come and gone. What has happened cannot be changed. We can only move forward. Let us be thankful for the good things that have happened in our lives. Let us learn from our trials and struggles and seek solutions.

2011 was a good year for me. I found a nice place to live. I started writing poetry in earnest and now read at open mics throughout the city. Above all, I'm able to reflect on my life and concluded that I'm blessed.


HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Seasons Greettings

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.


~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. (1841-1935)

A Light In The Sea of Darkness

I am a big fan of lighthouses. The one pictured above is about a mile from my home. It is the only remaining lighthouse in New York City. It was commissioned in 1921 along the Hudson River. When the George Washington Bridge was completed in 1931, the Little Red Lighthouse was decommissioned the following year. Today it is a landmark.
I'm sure that the light that beamed out on a dark, foggy night saved many a ship from a watery grave. Our lives as transgender people can be turbulent and troublesome at times. Confusion by others about us causes them to lash out at us without ever tring to know what we are about. Our own fears can hold us captive, which can result in self-loathing and ideation about suicide, alcohol and drug abuse, and numoerous other vices.
Then one day some thing or someone crosses out path which can steer us in the right direction. Like the light beam over a dark ocean, each event can help us see that we are not alone. We need not feel ashamed or guilty over who we are or how others perceive us.
The reason I wrote this post is that there may be somone who believes that they are alone and that no one understands. There ARE many of us who know what you are going through. Many of us have been there. During this holiday season just remember that there are people who do understand and care.

Contentment consist not in adding more fuel, but in taking away some fire.

~Thomas Fuller (1608-1661)

Hospitality

This time of year is a lonely time for many people. Suicide, alcohol and drug abuse, and despair are high during this time of year. In the LGBTQI community this is doubly so. Many are estranged from family and community because of who they are.

I have been quite a bit of my mom this year. She passed in 2001 but the lessons she thought me remind me that hospitality and kindness are in great demand. She would invite someone she knew would be alone over to her home. Mom would relate to me that the individual was grateful and appreciative that someone thought of them.

Hospitality is a virtue that is sometimes lacking in today’s society. We can become so wrapped up in ourselves that we neglect folks who need companionship. For the past decade and a half, I have used this season as a time of reflection. It doesn’t matter to me whether or not I receive a gift. Being alive is a gift.

Let’s remember the neighbor who is lonely. Let’s give a gift to a child who may not have anything for Christmas. Visit someone in the hospital or hospice. It can make a difference in having a Merry Christmas or another empty day.

Shifting Again

I have been dressing up quite a bit the past couple of weeks. I desire to dress up more now. My spouse has noticed and she is somewhat bothered by it. She wrote a poem about my desire to be a woman rather than a man. I understand how she feels. She fears that she is losing the male person that she married. I tell her that I’m the same person.

I’m not really surprised by her response because I thought that this day would come. Things were quiet for a while. I sense that another shift is coming. I guess the holiday season may have triggered it because there have been more opportunities to dress. Just the other day I saw a transgender woman as I was crossing the street. I have been out dressed sparingly in my new digs but that will change as of now.

Another area of my life that I have considered is a permanent name change. This still a long way off but it sure seems closer than I imagined. There’s an organization that specializes in the area so I’ll need to look into this.

My brother wants me to spend a weekend at his home upstate. I’ve never told him about my being transgender. I honestly have no desire to. I wonder how I’ll fare while at his place. I’ll probably be little nuts because I can’t dress.


A lot is happening in my life at the moment as you can see. I’m sure that by the end of the year it will be sorted out.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

He who is contented is rich.

~Lao Tzu

Thankful

Hi! I hope that your Thangsgiving was wonderful. The weather was warm and mild. I'm thankful for many things. Waking up in the morning. A roof over my head. Most of all, I'm thankful for the many people who have touched my life.

I'm mindful of those who are less fortunate because last year at this time I lived in a shelter. I appreciate the little things that happen in life yet I'm looking to make a difference in other people's lives.

During this personal time of reflection, I am thankful for so much.

Gratitude is the inward feeling of kindness received. Thankfulness is the natural impulse to express that feeling. Thanksgiving is the following of that impulse.

~Henry Van Dyke

HAPPY THANGSGIVING

Transgender DOR

Last night, I attended Transgender DOR ceremonies at the community center here. There were over 200 people present. A vigil was held where we all marched around the block. A few folks on the street asked what it was about.

There were speakers, words of encouragement , stories from the audience. I spoke for a couple of moments. I shared my story of transition and acceptance by family. I shared that I refuse to live in fear. I encouraged everyone to be themselves. I also read this poem that I wrote:
We are persecuted,
Yet we have perservered.
Our journey has been circuituous,
Yet we have always been.
Some have fallen,
Yet we are still standing.
My people, Arise!

I met a number folks afterwards. I shared my experiences with a lesbian couple who will be getting married. A gentleman hugged and thanked me for my testimony. This was the best TDOR event that I've been to. We paid homage to those who died this past year (221 trans people killed). It encourages me that we are moving forward. I'm happy that I participated.

TDOR

Tonight I will be attending Transgender Day of Rmembrance ceremony at the community center. I will be making a comment or two and perhaps read a poem. I find it more beneficial to encourage others because its greatly needed. I pray that others will be encouraged.

At the beginning of each year, we have conceptual meetings. How are we going to challenge ourselves this year? So we suggested a transsexual or transgender. And to be honest, I am shocked they let us do it.
~Jai Rodriquez

Transgender Day of Remembrance.

This Friday I will be attending a Transgender Day of Remembrance ceremony at the community center. I may speak and possibly read a poem. I attend every year to encourage those who may feel alone and defeated. It's important that I do attend.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

The simplification of life is one of the steps to inner peace. A persistent simplification will create an inner and outer well-being that places harmony in one's life.


~Peace Pilgrim

The Same Person

When I came out I told my spouse that I am the same person I always was. It took much time and effort but I believe that she understands this now. We've been married 31 years and I'm thankful for that. I may have changed in my gender identity but I have honored my marriage and always will.

Whenever I feel a change within I pray that it will help me to understand myself and encourage others in the process. Seeing others succeed is more important than anything that I face.

In For The Long Haul

I visited Occupy Wall Street yesterday. There were tents everywhere in this constricted area. There was a kitchen, library, tables of information, a media area, and other venues. I spoke with a few of the participants and learned much about their reasons for being there.

I came away with the opinion that these people are there for the long haul. There were mostly young people and I'm happy that their voices are being heard. I pray that they are not usurped by other groups and provocateurs which are just interested in their own agenda. I will be going back again very soon.

www.occupywallstreet.org
www.occupytogether.org

Recital; Fracking

I went to a piano recital on Wednesday and enjoyed it very much. Young people played pieces from Bach, Robert Schumann, and other notable composers of classical music.

I listened to all kinds of music growing up. I enjoyed listening to the soft and pleasant sounding music on occasion. My mother gave me the appreciation for many kinds of music.

I was unable to attend the meeting about fracking. I do follow it closely and have protested in the past about this matter. Nuclear energy is also another matter. People are trying to get Indian Point Nuclear Plant shut down here in New York. This plant is only 28 miles from where I live. We had a hurricane, an earthquake, and last weekend, a freak snowstorm. Coupled with the fact that the plant is sitting on a fault, there is a great potential for something similar to what happened in Japan.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Nature chooses who will be transgender; individuals don't
choose this.

~Mercedes Ruehl

Piano Recital and Meeting About Fracking

I will be attending a piano recital with a friend today. I love classical music and I'm excited to go to this free event.

Tomorrow night, I will be attending a meeting about fracking. This is an issue that I'm very concerned about. I will be hooking up with a group regarding this. If fracking is allowed, all the water sheds here will be damaged. I protested in front of the governor's office a few weeks along with two or three hundered other protesters.

POEM

Words


A kind word can bring joy
Cruel word can destroy
A tender can warm the heart
Bitter words can make the spirit tart

Words are like morning dew
It takes only two words to say ‘thank you’
Words that tear down
Causes one’s spirit to drown
In sorrow and defeat
Our words must be soft and discreet
Words can cause others to fall
If I don’t have a kind word to say
Better not say anything at all.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Nothing should ever stop you from achieving your dreams.

Comfortable

I'm feeling more comfortable where I am in my neighborhood. I really like it here and hope to stay a long time. There's is an LGBT community here in Washington Heights though not all that visible. They are here. There's a gay club across the street from a bookstore I frequent. In November I will be going to SAGE events in Harlem. Time for Gennee to make her presence. I found an affirming church nearby in which my spouse and I will be attending. Things are looking up for us.

Occupy Wall Street

I have been following the events at Occupy Wall Street. I hope to go down there real soon. There's many Occupations all over the world now. There's one up here in my neighborhood of Washington Heights. I will get some more information about the movement up here.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

I can promise you that women working together - linked, informed and educated - can bring peace and prosperity to this forsaken planet.

~Isabel Allende

My Spouse Tied Transgender Equality with Women's Struggless

Being able to share my life as a transgender person with my spouse is a joy. Last night I shared with her about how transgender people have been discriminated against throughout the ages. I sensed that she has a better understanding of what it is to be trans.

I'm very open with her about my feelings, concerns,and struggles. She tied women's struggles with the struggles of transgender people. We are both spiritual people and believe that everyone has the right to be who they are. While I do believe she has some concerns about the possiblility of me transitioning (I'm not), I assure her that I still want to be married to her. I'm sure she is concerned abou my safety.

Being open is something that I take to heart. I believe that by being open there maybe someone out in public who is struggling and desires to be authentic. Perhaps, someone may be encouraged by my example.

Health Benefits For Trans Employees in Seattle

Good news from Seattle, Washington.

<http://www.sgn.org/sgnnews39_40/page2.cfm>

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

A friend should be one in whose understanding and virtue we can equally confide, and whose opinion we can value at once for its justness and its sincerity.

~Robert Hall

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Belief in oneself is one of the most important bricks in building any successful venture.

~Lydia M. Child, Activist (1802-1880)

Autumn

Autumn is my favorite season. The weather is getting cooler. The leaves are changing colors from lush green to red, yellow, and orange. It's like an artist who is painting a beautiful scene with the stroke of a brush.

I see my gender transition as the autumn in my life. There were inner struggles. There was a casting aside of previous thought patterns and beliefs. Like autumn, my life was going through a metamorphosis. Some think that because the leaves are changing colors, that the trees are dying. What they actually are doing is resting from the labors of the summer. Whatever I see the fruits and vegetables produced, it's reminds me of the bountiful harvest bestowed upon us.

I'm appreciative of the changes that have happened in my life and the lives of others. Changes are still happening. I have seen many autumns come and go. I'm still amazed at the beauty and creativity in nature. It's the same way regarding gender.

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

~Irving Kristol

Gender Struggles

I was reading some old stories I wrote a decade or so ago. Meditating on them, I see that my gender issues were manifest at least ten years and maybe more. I never ever tied it to gender. It never really troubled me that much at the time but a few years later it did.

I sympathize with many who struggle with gender issues much longer tha I did. My houghs and feelings ran the gamut of sexual liberation on one side and debauchery on the other. It was really crazy because I never had thoughts like this before. It seems that another person was living inside of me.

Seeing my life now, I love who I have become. Encouraging others that they are alright is something that I take delight in. I sympathize with those who are hurting, being abused physically and emotionally, and excluded from society in general.

Perhaps I was spared much hurt because I was in my fifties when my struggles began. I'm happy that people are coming out earlier. Though society has become more accepting, it still can be difficult at times to live as we are. I am happy as I am and will continue to help those who need encouragement. Equality is something I will work for.

POEM

It can't be!
No, not me!
You scream 'I'm not one of them!'
But doubts tug at your hem

You never had a clue
But deep inside you knew
You did everything to prove them wrong
But you knew all along
that you were different
It's your life testament.

LGBT

I read posts of many GLBT people and enjoy doing so. I derive much joy from those who discover who they are. Encouraging those who are struggling with gender identity and sexuality is somethng that I do. It's very important because nobody needs to feel ashamed of who they are.

Much of the angst against LGBT people comes from those forces which are closed-minded,uninformed, or ignorant. I see the motivation of those forces and it's sickenng to see it. I also see that we are gifted. We expose the world to a different side of gender and sexuality. I always say just because something or someone is different doesn't mean that they are not worthy or valued. Quite the contrary.

Through all the hate and bigotry I see people who are deciding to be authentic. This is something that is greatly needed.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation.


~D. Elton Trueblood

9/11-The Day After

I was going to go to the ceremonies of 9/11 at the site but decided not to. I could handle the emotions but perhaps some other folks needed to be there.

I went out on Saturday night to a friend's apartment. We talked about 9/11 some. What I gathered was where we were when it happened and how it affects us even now. There was a wide range of feelings and thoughts. I think in the end we don't take anything for granted.

I read in the gay newspaper here the story of Mychal Judge, the Franciscan priest who was the chaplain for the fire department. It was known that he was gay but he was loved and respected by many people in and outside the department. Mark Bingham, the hero of Flight 93 in Pennsylvania, was also written about. There were many LGBT people who were heroes that day though you never ever here about them.

There are times when because of 9/11 it hastened my discovery of being transgender. I don't know if it did but I beleive the time that I did come out was right. It's strange how catastrophic events puts many aspects of our lives in perspective.

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Always remember that the future comes one day at a time.

~Dean Acheson, American statesman (1893-1971)

Reflections on 9/11

As the country celebrates the 10th anniversary of 9/11, many thoughts about that day flow through my mind. I'm mulling attending the ceremony at the site this Sunday. I usually reflect on the day in private but I decided to share some of my thoughts here.

I was supposed to be in the tower the first plane crashed into at precisely the same time but was delayed. I remember the hordes of people scurrying to get home. Calling home was next near to impossible because all the phone lines were jammed. When the second plane hit the other tower, it really got crazy. I didn't know what was happening. I was able to get home in mid afternoon. There was an area that I could see the twin towers in clear view. Going to that same spot, all I saw was thick black and gray smoke where the towers once stood.

Now here it is ten years later, and I question if anything was gained. There's nothing to show for the so-called 'war on terror' because it was done under false pretenses. I can still feel the loss of all those people who did not escape the falling debris. Four members from my church died in the attacks. Many questions remained unanswered and people are questioning the official report about what happened. I could go into a long litany of my own findings and observatios but that's for another day.

9/11 is still a sore part in many people's lives. Though I suffered no loss personally, I still feel a sense of loss. The loss of innocence; loss of faith in our institutions and leaders (which was tenuous already), and the conclusion that America is a fascist state with the corporations running things and the politicians following like lap dogs.

This Sunday I choose to remember the many heroes and sheroes who brought comfort to those who were hurting. I choose to remember the many people lost and the loved ones they left behind. I have seen the changes in my own life and how now those changes affect me. In the end, I have no bitterness towards anyone because it would only destroy me. I choose to make a difference in other peoples' lives

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Happiness resides not in possessions, and not in gold, happiness dwells in the soul.

~Democritus (460BC-370Bc)

More Websites

I am adding some additional websites that I believe will benefit others. Check the sites for those additions.

~Genevieve

Hurricane Irene

We here in New York City survived Hurricane Irene. It was a lot of rain and wind where I am. My wife and I went outside yesterday afternoon and we didn't notice any physical damage. The mass transit system was shut down and many establishments were closed. We're okay.


~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Be as smart as you can, but remember that it is always better to be wise than to be smart.


~Alan Alda

Being A Good Neighbor

One of my thoughts this weeks was from a bible verse; Love your neighbor as yourself. My neighbor is anyone would is around me or who I see everyday. I seems that those who opposes us LGBT people are not being very neighborly. It's one to disagree with some one on, say, politics. It's quite another to deny someone of their right to live happy and productive lives. To me, this reeks of hyposcrisy. I have been reading more about this, espcially among some politicians, organizations, and even in the clergy.

At present, I'm working on an article about this subject which I will post at a future date. I just wanted to post this much because it's a burning issue .

~Genevieve

Small World

Last Wednesday I read some poems at an open mic at a bookstore. After the reading I met a bisexual woman who I discovered writes for a online site that I write on. I shared with her that I was trans (I was dressed as male because my wife was with me). I read one of my poems about my transition to her and she liked it. She told me about a place where LGBT people gather for an open mic.

I just moved here to Washington Heights in late June and I'm finding some contacts already. There is an LGBT community here though not quite as open as it is downtown. Hopefully, I wll establish some relationships with other transgender people. I feel very excited.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Change your thoughts and you change your world.

~Norman Vincent Peale (1898-1993)

Standing Up

There has been an increase in attacks against LGBT people, and women of color in particular. Camila Guzman, a transgender woman, was murdered in her apartment in East Harlem, which is just a few miles from my home.

While I'm not surprised by what's happening, with the increased visibility of transgender people, justice to pass equality measures have been slow to come. I have found a place where I possible could be more involved in seeing that transgender people are cared for. You would think that, with all the injustice and violence in some respects, I would be afraid but I'm not.

All over the nation, and the world, transgender people are standing up. In my mind, this is a matter of life and death. I pray that LGBT organizations will see that what happens to transgender poeple will affect them.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.

~Buddha

I have added a few new websites on my sites list. I heartily recommend. www.progressiveradionetwork.com


~Genevieve

ENDA and GENDA Must Be Passed Now!

The passage of ENDA (and GENDA here in New York) is of utmost importance in light of attacks of transgender woman in Washington, DC. On Monday, a transgender woman was brutually murdered in East Harlem, a neighborhood just 2 miles from my home.

It's also important that these laws are ENFORCED! I was appalled when the police in DC wouldn't even write a report after five lesbian woman were harrassed and attacked. With transgender people more visible, I am not surprised by these occurences. Still we must be viligant because our foes are wrong.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

No matter how many people may be against you, there ae just as many people in your corner.


~Genevieve

Gender Questioning-Liberation!

On July 26, 2005, I came out to myself as a crossdresser. Almost immediately, all the struggle ad ension inside disappeared. What surprised me is that I felt no shame or guilt about it. I was liberated from what society says that I should be. I was completed because I finally discovered who I really was. When I read about the meaning of 'transgender', it connected with me.

Today, I am a happy transgender woman. I have made some good friends, bee out in public may times, and do the activities that I normally do. There's nothing like being authentic. I've never been happier in my life.

My journey is ongoing as I discover and experience new adventures. I love encouraging others to be who they are and that they havethe right to be happy.

~Genevieve

Breaking Through The Clouds

I'm coming out of my dry period. I have come out with some new thoughts and ideas that I'm putting into practice. Tonight, I will be attending a open mic session at a bookstore. I may read a poem but I'm still deciding.

Over 400 gay and lesbian couples were married this past Sunday here in New York City. The media covered it pretty well. I pray that we transgender people will secure our rights very soon. I admit that I was annoyed the ENDA and GENDA weren't passed but I will keep working until it is.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

I believe all Americans who believe in freedom, tolerance and human rights have a responsibility to oppose bigotry and prejudice based on sexual orientation.

Coretta Scott King (1927-2006)

Dry Period

I've hit a dry period in my journey. Been out a few times but haven't had much time or finances to do what I would like. I've been able to see where I am now and like where my journey has taken me.

Dry periods can be a time of refreshment, searching, assessing, and changing. I never look at it as dead time but time to make the postive changes that will improve my life and help others. if there's one thing that I fear, it's becoming irrelevant. I always believe that I can encourage someone to see that they are important and that they matter.

~Genevieve

Gender Questioning, Part 4

The tension I felt inside was excrucitating. I just wanted this urge to go away. I felt like running away and hiding in some dark hole. Every day I kept saying that this urges will go away, but it didn't. What I feared most was lashing out at others for something that was inside of me. I started this blog to write down my feelings and release a lot of this tension.

Every day I wrote something down. It could be a few sentences or several paragraphs. I was open and honest about my feelings; something that never was easy for me. Now the screws were tightening. I didn't know how much longer I could take this.

~Genevieve

To be continued.......

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Everyone has people in their lives that are gay, lesbian or transgender or bisexual. They may not want to admit it, but I guarantee they know somebody.

~Billie Jean King

While I was happy that marriage equality passed here in New York State, I was disappointed that the Gender Employment Non-Discrimination Act (GENDA) was not. It was on the same agenda and had enough votes to pass. In my opinion, the groups that are supposed to represent transgender folks didn't press it hard enough.

It seems to me that trans activists were always the stepchild to the gay and lesbian lobbies. We had to constantly prove our mettle and we did. I may remind some that transgender people were at the forefront of the Stonewall Riots in 1969. Later, we were pushed to the margins by the predominantly middle class, white gay male leadership. If you look at the boards of many of the mainstream LGBT organization that paradigm still exists. The fact is that the vast majority of transpersons killed, in jail, or unemployed or underemployed are people of color.

While I'm disappointed, I'm not deterred from working to see that the best bill possible that benefits transgender people will pass. The state assembly had a golden opportunity to pass both marriage equality and GENDA at the same time but they passed on it. Perhaps, it's time for us transgender people to carry our own banner and march.

~Genevieve

Back In The Saddle

I'm finally settled in my new place. Feels good to be in a place you really like. The neighborhood is changing for the better. I have walked through the neighborhood and discovered that there are plenty of restaurants, clothing stores, parks, and cultural events.

I read about a bookstore opening in the neighborhood in the local newspaper. I dropped later and found it to be so. I couldn't find any bookstores around so this is a welcomed addition. The community has responded positively to this new arrival. There will be readings, story telling, music, crafts, and other activities.

I have been feel my way around the neighborhood regarding dressing up. I've done it twice so far. It will take time but I'm up to the challenge. Need to if there are activities for LGTQ folks.

~Genevieve

Moved In

I moved into my new place last Friday. I was pretty excited, as was my wife. Later on, my son saw our place and he liked it. We purchased some things for the place. We are deciding what colors to paint the rooms.

We walked around the neighborhood browsing in stores. We ate dinner out then returned home. I remember when this neighborhood was being destroyed by drugs. That was a decade or so ago. They have cleaned it up and now you have many ethnic groups living here. I really love the parks nearby as they are very peaceful.


~Genevieve

Moving

On Friday I will be moving to a new apartment. I will be living in Manhattan after 53 years in Brooklyn. I'm pretty excited and can't wait.


~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

You know, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender - people are people.

~Judith Light

Gender Questioning, Part 3

I knew now that I was a crossdresser. It was quite a shock to me. When I left the place, I was in a daze. Now what! I surmised that it was just a phase. All this would lessen in the passing days. Instead the desire to dress grew stronger. In lay language, I was in denial. I thought that my life was strange now, but I still had more things to discover.

To be continued.......


Genevieve

Gender Qestioning, Part 2

In the post from May 25th, I wrote about my beginning to question my gender. After trying on my spouse's skirt, my life was going in a dizzying upheaval. Everything I thought about gender and sexuality was being changed.

I sought some counseling because I was becoming concerned about about where this was heading. It was a not a road I never traveled, but a journey where nothing was familiar to me. I put off the counseling for two weeks (I chickened out). The struggle and tensions were becoming unbearable so I visited two counselors.

A man and a woman listened as I shared everything I was feeling. I left no stone unturned. I was asked some questions before the two convened with each other. After some minutes they emerged from the room that they were in. It was revealed to me that I was a crossdresser. This really took me for loop. I remember the man asking if I really enjoyed the experience. I replied yes. I now knew I liked wearing wome's clothing. This was only the beginning my coming to accept my new identity.

To be continued.......

~Genevieve

June- Pride and Reflection

June is pride month here in New York. There will be many parades, parties, and galas. There has been much progress over the last year. More needs to be done.

I'm being more reflective this year because there's still those who are still trying to figure it all out. I've had days this past year where new revelations were made in my own life.

The one constant out there is that there are LGBT people who need to be encouraged and affirmed. Reading about people who are struggling or coming out reaffirms my committment to participating in this endeavor. I would much rather help someone who's struggling than march in a parade.

As the month moves forward, let's remember the people who are struggling, lonely, and confused. Enjoy the successes but comfort those who may not feel any pride because of all the bigotry and discrimination.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

I can take being ridiculed and laughed at. People who put down
others show their own insecurities.

Marriage Equality Led To Latest Dicussion

Last night my wife and I discussed my gender again. It was the most in depth conversation we've had about this. It started with a letter that I received from Empire State Pride Agenda needing donations for the fight for marriage equality and transgender anti-discrimination laws.

We talked about gay marriage, adoption, and other topics related to LGBT people. My spouse asked me about my own gender feelings. I shared with her about the gender shift closer to femininity I had last month. I shared that am a woman though I have a male body. For two hours I shared my thoughts and changes that have occurred in my life. I pointed out that I'm still the same person.

Afterwards, she said that she had a clearer idea about my being transgender. I welcome it when she does ask questions because I'm always open to these discussions. I believe that we will have a couple more discussions very soon.

~Genevieve

Gender Questioning Begins

About these time six years I was confronted with what would be a life changing event. I wanted to try on my wife clothing. I had never had any thoughts of doing such a thing. I personally thought it was wrong. At the time I didn't believe that men should be wearing women's clothing.

I wondered if I was weird or something. Many feelings of my own gender identity came up. I never questioned that I was male. It was a constant battle to squelch the thought, to no avail. Finally, I reasoned that if I just tried on a skirt the urge would go away. After a few more torturous days, I relented. I tried on my wife's skirt, then a blouse, a bra, and a dress. This event would set in motion the wheel that would change my life forever.

to be continued.......

~Genevieve

LGBT Legacy

Yesterday I browsed through the book at the library at the community center. There were thousands of books by and about LGBT folks. There was fiction, non-fiction, poetry, biographies, and anthologies just to start.

What caught my attention is the numerous contributions that LGBT people have made throughout history. We are making history now. Society on the other hands confines us to the fringes. Our emenies want to erase our existence.

I'm especially happy that transgender people are active in literature and I pray that more books by us will be written and published. I have written many poems about being transgender and I will be publishing a chapbook sometime this year.

Our legacy must not be erased! As a person of color this is most important because, sadly, even in the trans community, our accomplishments and desires are minimized. The more that I live openly as transgender the more important it is to be visible. Being stealth is not an option for me personally.

I want to be a part of the legacy that made a positive contribution to equality and to our history.

~Genevieve

Beliefs Systems

One area that I am fascinated in is what people believe. I like to know not only what a person believes but why they believe. It's a rea that is sometime overlooked or maybe not challenged. I am working on a study about belief systems. I will post here the thoughts and results of my findings.


~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Belief systems are not finite. Change is a necessary process in our growth.


~Gennee

Reminiscing

Over the past several days, I have thought about how far I've come in my journey. I gone a lot further than I ever thought I could. Just think, that six years ago it all started.

I'm a firm believer in that we are put in places for a reason. I ask myself why was my real gender hidden form me for so many years? There are many answers that I surmise but I am where I am where I am now.

From time to time between now and the end of July, I will be reminiscing my transition and how it has impact my life and those around me.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

THE DAY I CAME OUT AS TRANSGENDER WAS THE DAY I WAS SET FREE FROM SOCIETY'S EXPECTATIONS ABOUT GENDER NORMS.

~Genevieve

Active Both Personally and in the Community

I have been very busy getting my security and fire guard licenses. I have found a nice aprtment also. Things are looking up after a year of struggle.

I have been keeping up with transgender issues and there's much happening. A vote about birth certificates in Texas is coming up for vote. In Connecticut, HB 6599 is coming up for a vote also.

Being involved with the transgender community is near and dear to my heart. I will attending support group meetings because I want to meet more transgender people. It may be that my recent shift in my gender identity has given me impetous to reach out to others.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Being true to one self allows you to grow as a person.

A Shift in Identity

This past week I experienced a shift in my gender journey. I feel closer to my feminine identity than ever before. I've been out dressed three times this week. It's also the first time I felt some discontent being male. That's never happened to me before. I believe that my wife senses it as I mentioned in my last posting.

Yesterday after leaving the library I went to Goodwill and purchased a pink floral maxi skirt. My desire to live full time has increased. I'm not rushing into anything but I sense that my journey is taking another twist.

~Genevieve

Wife's Poem Spot On About My Gender Transformation

A few days ago my wife read a poem to me that she wrote. It was about my transformation from my being male to now being a transgender woman. She was definitely spot on in her assessment. When I asked her more about her feelings, she said that she can't do anything about it and that's a part of who I am.

I have to reassure her that I'm still the same person, but I just have a different mindset. I explained that it's always been in me and not something that I chose. I sense that she fears losing the male part of me but actually she isn't. I answer all her questions when she asks them. I also share more of my feelings when the need to do so arises. I never ever want to to put her in a position where she has to explain about my transgender identity. I'm open with her about this.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

I look forward to the day when we all can be respected for who we are.


~Genevieve

A Wonderful Time

With the wave of transgender bills being debated , our presence is being made. Some of it has been very positive with transgender candidates being elected, transgender protections being enacted, and others seeing the plight that we face. There is the negative aspect also.
A transgender woman was attacked in Maryland and another transsexual woman was murdered in Baltimore several weeks ago.

I'm so glad to be living in a time when all of this happening before my eyes. In 1971, there were hardly any services for transgender people. During the eighties, we suffered from ignorance by the greater society and by some who felt that we should 'wait our turn' (we've been involved all along).

I am happy with the progress that we are making but am reminded that there's still a long way to go.

Enjoying Warm Weather

Yesterday I was out in the city just enjoying the warm weather (finally). I am totally comfortable with my surroundings and do the things that I enjoy. While I don't call attention to myself, I do see the importance of being out in public. Someone else may need to encouraged; to know that it's alright to be and express themselves. I don't know if there was such a person out in my travels yesterday but you never know.

~Genevieve

Not Much Writing

I have been busy looking for a new place. We're suppose to sign the lease tomorrow. It didn't take long to find a place either which is a first for me. I haven't written much but I should be back at it by next week.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

In wisdom gathered over time I have found that every experience is a form of exploration. ~Ansel Adams (1902-1984)

Exploring The City

Yesterday, I was walking around the city enjoying the mild weather. I traveled up to some of the haunts that I frequented during my youth. The once baudy red light district was now upscale, modern, and just as crowded as it was when I hung out there those many years ago. As the memories flloded in me, the need to explore gender further filled my heart. I have always been open to whatever experiences come my way. Where this is leading I don't know. I have written a number of poems about my experiences. I think about gender quite a bit and some day want to speak and write about it in an intelligent and postive matter. ~Genevieve

Transgender Bills Being Argued and Debated

There has been much action in many states regarding issues concerning transgender people. Bills are being debated on in Nevada, Texas, Maine, Hawaii, Connecticut. A transgender bill in Maryland (HB 235) failed (rightly so) over concerns of no provisions for public accomodations. While I see much activity I can't help but think that now allies and those who say they support us have to put their money where their mouth is. Rep. Barney Frank gagged on it over three years by throwing transgender folks under the bus. Same thing happened in Maryland a few days. I see that some progressive transgender organizations are taking up their own banner and I'm encouraged by that. This reminds me of the dot-com craze a decade ago. Every day dozen of new companies were made public on the stock exchange. After following this awhile, I decided to wait until the dust settled. By the next year, hundreds of those companies no longer existed or were taken over by another company. I believe the dust is settling as to how serious some organizations are about transgender folks getting thier rights. Only time will tell. ~Gennee

Mid-Week Inspiration

From the equality of rights springs identity of our highest interests; you cannot subvert your neighbor's rights without striking a dangerous blow at your own. ~Carl Schurz (1829-1906)

Incrementalism is Unacceptable

Mercifully, a flawed bill in Maryland has died in the Maryland senate. HB 235, which has no provision for public accomodations, is a flawed bill which would have hurt transgender people in that state. Transgender people could have been denied access to bathrooms, restaurants, social services, the movies, dressing rooms, and other public places. This flaw was pointed by many transgender activists and concerned citizens, only to be ignored by those who are suppose to represent us. There is this idea by Gay Inc. and others that incrementalism is better than nothing at all. I beg to differ on such logic. If there was incrementalism regarding freedom for slaves, we would still have slavery. Gay Inc. is one of those organizations who, in my mind, confirm that assimilation was more important than equality back in burgeoning gay movement in the late sixties. Transgender people were at the forefront of the movement. When the mostly white, white middle class gay males assumed the leadrship positions, transgender people were shunted to the margins because we were'presetable to the straight world. Like Prop 8 in California, minority communities were ignored. The vast majority of LGBT people discrimnated against and murdered are people of color. My question is that if you're getting your behind kicked by the cops and social institutions that hate you, do you really care about looking good. Come on, get real. As a transperson and an African-American I proudly wear my identity. If people want to know me, that's fine. If they don't, that's fine too. I have have to justify who I am and why I exist. While the bill failed this time, it can be presented with the public accomodations included. HB 6599 in Connecticut has done it right with access to public accomodations included. What disturbed me is that Equality Maryland didn't have the courage to admit they had a flawed bill and lost the gamble. A final point is that if groups like Gay Inc. received incremental equality they would be screaming bloody murder. Why in the world should transgender people accept this? I will NOT accept incrementalism under any circumstances. The sooner that Gay Inc., Equality Maryland and all the spin doctors who shut us out understand that the better it will be for all. ~Genevieve

I believe that no man who holds a leader's position should ever accept favors from either side. He is then committed to show favors. A leader must stand alone. ~Mother Jones

Gennee's Thoughts

One area that I think about is men and women who come out later in their lives. Many have done so and are much happier with their lives. Then there are those who really want to but, for various reasons, do not. It's not my place to say that one must come out. This is a personal matter and I respect everyone's space. I just come to offer my support in your struggle. It doesn't mean that you cannot live a meaningful life. I am not going to have SRS surgery or take hormones because I'm happy as I am. It's sad that in some quarters, some feel that you're not a "true" transsexual unless one has the surgery. Surgery is not right for everyone. The fact is that many transsexual folks do not have the surgery. What's important is that you are comfortable in your own skin. When I came out to my spouse it was a life changing event for both of us. Thankfully, she is accepting of my being transgender. I know there's nothing wrong with me but of the society that refuses to acknowledge me and others like me of our humanity. There's always loss in our lives whether or not our gender or sexuality is different. I've had some wonderful friendships in my life. Whne those friendships ended, I established new ones. It's important to enjoy the moments we are in. We have no control over the future or how it will turn out. Each day I discover something new in life. I'm very thankful for those who walked before me. I'm thankful for many people who celebrate the victories in their lives. I empathize with those who are suffering and struggling. Whatever you know that must do, do it. ~Genevieve

Poem

We are analyzed and marginalized. We are hatred, breated, and frustrated. We cry, sigh, and die. And yet we maintain our pride. Let no one define who you are. Be a shining star. Be who you are. ~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

You are a shining star.
Be proud of who you are.

Genevieve

Am Writing Poems

I have been writing much poetry over the past several weeks. It is dealing with such topics as nature, struggle, hopelessness, gender, and redemption. I have had much fun writing poems. I write at least two poems a day.

It was in January that I decide to try my hand at poetry. I have been writing essays, commentaries, and short stories. Trying another genre is envigorating and challenging (which I need from time to time). I didn't know that I had this capacity in me to write poetry. I am working on a chapbook that I will work on publishing sometime in April.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Wherever a journey takes me, there I am.

~Genevieve

Nature and Transgender

I am a nature lover. I enjoy being out in the forest among the trees ponds, and animals. Part of me is attuned to the land, having Native-American ancestry. Even as a child I had the sense that there was something special about nature.

I look at gender the same way. Transgender is a natural part of me and millions of others. there are those forces who wish to destroy both nature and the lives of transgender people. There are many metaphors here at play. I enjoy both of them.

~Genevieve

Poets' Suicides Remind Me Of Our Plight

I have been reading the poetry of Sylvia Plath and Anne Sexton. These women wrote some graphic and metaphorical poems. Both of these women also battled depression. They ended their lives by their own hand.

As I cogitated over these women, I thought about the many transgender women who take their own lives because of depression, discrimination, and not being able to live their lives. Plath and Sexton were able to live their lives freely. The lives of transgender people are negotiated through votes, gender rigidity, and the idea that we merely exist. I find this very appalling.

Suicide is one issue that concerns me because it leaves many unanswered questions. Family and friends lose sometone that cares about them. Many talents and gifts are lost also. Depression and suicide is high in LGBT community. Transgender people have an even higher suicide rate.

It is time that the whole LGBT community work together for each other. The LGB's have left behind the Ts in some case because they believe that legislation important to them will be passed. Perhaps it will but at who's expense? Each group has different issues but we should support one another.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anybody expects of you. Never excuse yourself.

~Henry Ward Beecher

Trans Issues

I have been trying to keep up with the news affecting trans people. There's a lot happening but to keep up with all is a daunting task. I will try and focus on a few things. Passing trans inclusive bills is one. The bill in Maryland (HB235) seems to be lacking as far as transgender people not being discriminated against in public accomodations. It's not just the bathroom, as some our foes will point out. It's trying on clothing in a store, or eating in a resaurant, or receiving treatment in a hospital. This part needs to be rectified.

I'm seeking to see something happen here in New York. Seems trans issues have been put on the back burner in some cases.

I am writing some poems about my transgender experiences. I hope to put them all in a chapbook. No title as of yet. I have another one in mind but that's for a future time.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Don't find fault, find a remedy.

~Henry Ford

Ancestors

I was reading an obituary of an activist in the Chicago area on Helen Boyd's website (www.myhusbandbetty.com) this morning. The obit reminded me of the many people who paved the way for what we have today. They did in a time when it could cost them everything.

I could not help thinking about Tyra Hunter. Who is Tyra Hunter? In 1995, Ms. Hunter was in an auto accident in Washington DC. The medical staff that was working on her stopped treatment upon seeing that she was a transgender woman. As a result, Tyra died of her injuries. I first read this story a short time after I came out in 2005. To this day this incident still galls me.

I am thankful for my transgender sisters and brethren who blazed a trail so we could enjoy the fruits of their labors. Things are better but we still have a long way to go. Sylvia Rivera is another transgender woman who was at the forefront of the Stonewall Riots in Greenwich Village in 1969. I am so proud of my African-American brothers and sisters who in 1965 staged at sit-in at Dewey's lunch counter in Philadelphia to protest their second class treatment.

I feel saddened a little about the losses incurred though violence and suicide. Inwill always be indebted to them. We must blaze a trail for future transgender men and women. Whatever I do for the transgender community is in honor of Tyra Hunter. It's good sometimes to remember where we came from.

~Genevieve

The first year tht I was living in my new identity was one of growth and discovery. I attended support group meetings to meet other transgender people and gather information on what transgender is all about.

There were questions and struggles. There was self doubt because I was embarking on a course not of my own design. At times I was afraid. I worried about being attacked or ridiculed in public. Yet the further I journeyed the more confident I become.

I'll never forget that warm August day in 2006 when I had an epiphany. I was strolling in the park along the river. A feeling of contentment swept through me. I was now comfortable as a transgender woman.

I am truly amazed when I read stories of many transgender people on the forums. They have displayed courage and resilence in the face of hatred and bigotry. Most of all, I applaud them for choosing to be authentic.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

The journey has been long but I wouldn't trade all my experiences for anything.


~Genevieve

OnGoing Journey

I had been a crossdresser for only a short time when I sensed that this experience ran much deeper than the clothing I was wearing.I realized that I was headed to unchartered territory; placed in which I had never traveled.

The caveat of this was where was I going? How far could this journey take me? Now six years later, having transitioned to a transsexual, the journey is ongoing. I mentioned to a friend that this journey will always be but that I'm compelled to keep going.


~Genevieve

Another Discussion

My spouse and I were conversing about a range of subjects. We talked about the events in Egypt, Wisconsin, and other places. We covered the Defense of Marriage Act, same-sex adoption and Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. I mentioned to Louise that transgender people are still discriminated by this policy.
Our conversation shifted to my being transgender. I shared more about myself that I never told her. She still sees me as a man. That may have something to do with her perception of transgender people. I explained to her that I’m not going to take hormones or have the surgery.
I believe this is one fear she has. I reassured her that I’m not going this route. I never had the desire and I don’t now. I shared with Louise that most transgender and transsexual people, for various reasons, opt not to have the surgery or take hormones.
She believes that my being transgender has affected our relationship from a romantic point. I admit that I’ve never been a romantic but I will do things to improve this area of our lives. We’ve been married nearly thirty-one years and I do love her.
Louise has come to terms with my being transgender. She is thankful that I never forced this onto her. When it first came out to her, she could have rejected my new identity. She accepts that this is a part of me. I told her that this is a journey that I’m on. I keep discovering new parts of me practically everyday. This was probably the most in-depth discussion we’ve had to date.

~Genevieve

Winter Seems Long; My Journey is Even Longer.

One of the aspects of winter is that it seems never ending. Short days and long nights make winter feel longer than it really is. Winter will evolve into spring.

My journey as a transgender person is continuing. Seasons will change and I along with it. I have long ago not say that the journey will end. In recent days that fact was brought forth to me. I surmise that there is more for me to discover. What, I don't know. Perhaps because I'm a seeker by nature I may be expecting something that may not be there. In my heart, I don't believe that it's the case. I have embraced whatever came into my life and will continue to do this.

Reading so many stories of other folks is very encouraging and strengthening. I'm not alone which is a comforting thought. Just like each person has to travel along his or her own road, I must do the same. Some people remark to me that I should think about retirement. I reply that I will always be doing something. We can retire from a job but never from life. That's why I'm enjoying my journey.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

There comes the time when an oppressed group has to take a stand for justice and equality. Now is the time.

Old Stories Reveal Gender Struggles

I read through some of my old writings prior to and after I came out. I was a jumble of confusion and longing. I was confused about my gender. At the same time I wanted to break out of my so-called normal existence.

After I came out, I grew into my new identity as a transgender person. I absorbed every experience that came my way. My gender issues stretched as far back as 2000. I didn't know what I was wrestling with at that time. It was much bigger than I imagined. I always believed that we possess both feminine and masculine traits. Why some are equated with one gender and not the other is beyond me. It shows the fallacy of the gender binary system when someone goes against it.

I have changed my belief system many times though my core beliefs are intact. Belief systems aren't as fixed as society would like us to believe. Treating other people as human beings is one of my main beliefs. I don't see how anyone can say that they love all people and mistreat some because of their race, religion, gender, or sexual orientation.

Here it is in 2011 and my life is different in perspective as well as in identity. It is ever evolving and I am happier now more than ever. I am at peace with who I am. Perhaps my transgender identity being revealed to me later in my life makes it all the sweeter.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.

~Carl Jung (1875-1961)

Dark Days

Some of my darkest days happened in the year that I came out as transgender. I wrote short stories and poems which were dark, melancholy, and hopeless. I was falling into an abyss.

What I remember most is the utter hopelessness that I experienced. It was as if another person was trying to take over my life. I believed that I was better off being abandoned and confined to a lonely and desolate existence.

Looking back now I had to throw off the shackles of the now and embrace the unknown-whatever it was. I was like a blind person groping for something solid to grasp a hold of. When the clouds lifted I had a new life.

From time to time I have those days when I just want to be left alone. They are no where near those dark days prior to my coming out. I change my thought pattern when I feel those moods coming on. Life is wonderful and I’m enjoying it immensely.

~Genevieve

Still Curious

I justed finished reading the book Out of the Ordinary. In it are the stories of the children of gay, lesbian, and transgender parents. As far as I know this is the only book that has the the stories of the children.

As I read these stories I reminisced over the past five years plus of my gender transformation. Each day I'm discovering something new. I realize that the journey I'm on will continue throughout my life. I don't mind because I'm a seeker. I always want to know more. Like my adventurous forays into the forest as a child, I still have tht child like curiosity. It's seem that I don't want to miss anything.

As I read other people stories, I'm struck by their honesty and openness. I treasure each story as they are sharing a bit of themselves. It's not always easy to do but it's a step that we are willing to take.

~Genevieve

GENEVIEVE'S GEMS

Difference often brings another perspective to an issue.



~Genevieve

Difference Is Good

In the book that I'm currently reading, a young teen named Kelley knew she was lesbian. She didn't want to be different but saw that she was. Her story reminded me of the struggles of my feeling different.

When people think of difference they may think oddball, or rebel, or freak, or not not in their class or social group. Believe me, I've felt those barbs from time to time. Society has been blessed by people who are different. Folks who think outside the box have contributed much to the advancedment of social and political issues.

Difference is good because it spices up life. A rich mosiac is formed when people are allowed to thrive and blossom. When those who are not within the strict confines of societal conformity, they are often shunned, ignored, or shunted to the sidelines of life. It's a shame because rich relationships are not formed and developed.

Looking over my life, I always felt a kinship to those who are outside the norm. Now that I have discovered my own difference in gender, I have a better understanding of what it is to be an outsider. Yes I'm different and I embrace it wholeheartedly. As I trek on the roads of life, I surmise that there is a course that is set for me. Wherever it leads me, I am compelled to walk it.

Over the past few weeks, I have reflected on the roads crossed thus far. I wonder what roads I have to travel. I pray that people are encouraged to know that difference is good. You are you and I'm very happy that you are who you are.

~Genevieve

Sharing My Story

The last three posts were a departure from my norm. I felt that it was important because everyone has a story to share. I pray that some are encouraged by my story. Some may feel that they are the only ones out there struggling with gender issues. You are not alone.

I make it a point of sharing my story once a year because they are people who may have recently come out. I say to them congratulations and welcome. One of the pleasures of these posts is seeing many men and women come to terms with who they are. It's wonderful that they have chosen to be authentic.

When I came out to my spouse it was a frightful event not knowing how it would turn out. After the initial shock wore off, she has been accepting of my being transsexual. It did the same with my son. I'm also sensitive about the stigma and phobia society has against the TGLB community as a whole. I have spoken out when we are attacked. I am willing to take on anyone who demeans us or anyone else for that matter.

I pray that many have been encouraged. I look forward to posting more blogs that inform, encourage, challenge, and strengthen us.

~Genevieve