As 1967 is referred to as the Summer of Love, I refer to 2005 as the Summer of Transformation. I went from a gender questioning man to a transgender heterosexual crossdresser. My life has been greatly enhanced. I appreciate my feminine side which is still developing. I feel liberated and complete. June and July were turbulent months. It started when I created this blogsite about having two personalities. I had the urge to try on my wife's clothing, which I did. I wanted to become a woman. I couldn't understand what was happening inside of me. I began to wonder if I was gay, bisexual or nuts. I discussed my feelings with a couple of counselors. I laid everything out to them. It turned out that I was a crossdresser. On July 26th, I admitted to myself that I am a crossdresser. I have been at peace ever since that day. I am still closeted with family and friends, but I am content. August was spent enjoying and learning about crossdressing. The newness of crossdressing was exciting. I became a member of a chat room and met other CDs. September has been calm but I 'm still learning something every day. I am comprehending what the psyche of the crossdresser is. I have undergone numerous changes emotionally. The need to crossdress varies from day to day. I have come to love the crossdressing and transgender communities. I see myself being involved with the transgender community, in some capacity. All in all, it has been a life changing summer. Each day is different and the journey has been interesting.

I purchased my first night gown today, a yellow print. It only cost two dollars! Still haven't gotten my wig yet but I will. I am thinking about writing a short story featuring a crossdresser. I would love to see a film or play with nothing but crossdressers in the cast. A documentary is in order, too. There is a need for crossdresser and transgender movies which shed a positive light. I am not ignoring the things that we go through, but CDs, transsexuals, and transgender men and women are often portrayed as freaks. We are people who want to be loved and treated with respect just like anybody else. With each passing day, I am enjoying life as a transgender man. I am comfortable as a male and as a crossdresser who enjoys his feminine side. I hope and pray that many others feel the same way.

GOOD NIGHT EVERBODY!

I have read over numerous articles defining transgender. It is a very broad umbrella and transgender has a different meaning from person to person. A crossdresser may have a different take on the meaning of transgender than the transsexual. To me, too much is made of what it is to be transgender. More needs to be focused on the individual as a whole. I may have mentioned before that coming out is an individual matter in which no one should be forced to do. I believe strongly that those who say you must come out to be a 'real' CD or transsexual does not have the person's best interests at heart. There are many hurting men and women who are still trying to sort out their feelings. They may have been hurt by others because they are different. Transgender men and women need to be respected for their uniqueness as people. They have talents, gifts, dreams and goals like anybody else. I am secure in myself as a transgender heterosexual crossdresser. The physical, emotional and spiritual well being of each man and woman is more important than any take on what a name connotates. Whether a person does or does not come out is irrelevant.

Nirvana! Today I bought my first dress! It is a black dress that zips up in the front. I only paid five bucks for it, too. I hope to purchase a wig tomorrow. It felt great to add a dress to my growing wardrobe. I have much to share with over the next couple of days. I will start tomorrow. GOOD NIGHT!

EVERYBODY HAVE A GOOD NIGHT!

This weekend, I am going to purchase my first dress. I will also purchase a wig if my money holds out. I can't wait. It is hard to believe that tomorrow is the first day of autumn. Where did the summer go? Fall is my favorite time of year, especially when the leaves change colors. It's such a beautiful kaleidoscope of reds, yellows and browns. September has been a mellow month compared to August. Reflecting upon it, I have experienced the moods and mindsets of crossdressers. Life is not a constant high, but neither is it a constant low. Balance is the key. I have spent this month educating myself about crosdressing, transgender news and improving my femme look. I saw some lovely items in the Lane Bryant catalog last night. I am transferring some of the color schemes to my male side.

EVERYBODY HAVE A GOOD NIGHT!

I attended a street festival yesterday. There were plenty of activities, especially for the children. Later, I went to the community center library. I was looking for books about crossdressers and transgender men and women. I took out a book called 'Normal' by Amy Bloom.I will give you a critique of the book when I finish. I have been going to the LGBT center because I can get much information about trasgenders and crossdressers. There's activities for those who are questioning their gender, transsexuals and crossdressers. This is an invaluable resource I take advantage of. I want to learn all I can about transgender concerns. I have been working on my winter wardrobe. Ther are such lovely colors and styles. I have to find a style that suits me. I'm pretty excited about this. I need to learn how to put on makeup and nailcare. I want to be the best lady that I can.

I know it has been awhile. I have been busy with school and personal things, otherwise, things are great! Last Saturday, I purchased a black skirt, white top plus two bottles of nail polish. I need to get a wig and a couple of pairs of shoes. I can't go around barefooted. I went to a number of department stores, sometimes being the only male in the women's section. I have a few favorite establishments that I shop in and I haven't had any problems. I feel very calm and don't draw attention to myself. As summer draws to its conclusion, I have enjoyed a most unusual and rewarding season. The highlight, of course, was coming out to myself as a crossdresser. I have developed emotionally and spiritually as a man. I'm very happy to be referred to as transgender. Right now, I am working on my fall and winter wardrobe. Brown is the hot fall color this season, but olive and teal are more my colors. I need to get a black dress, too. I have set some goals for myself. One is to meet and befriend a couple of crossdressers. Another is to go out in public in femme mode. I have been reading articles and news publications about transgender issues. I have found some books about and written by transgender people. There's so much that I want to say but I will share more with you in future blogs. Bye, for now.

Things have been mellow the past couple of days. It gives me some time to step back and see how far I have come as a crossdresser. I haven't even scratched the surface of what I want to be. I have been reading much about the issues that transgender men and women face. I believe that some time in the future I will be involved with the transgender community in some capacity. I am thinking about getting a Master's degree in Gender Studies after I get my Bachelor's degree. I'm learning new things every day and it's exciting to make new discoveries. I want to befriend other crossdressers and transgender men and women. They are a part of me and I want what's best for them.

I went to the community center tonight for a film screening. The film is titled "Transgeneration", a film about four college students at various stage of pre-op and post-op surgery. The subjects going through the normal ups and downs of college life. They, however, have to deal with their gender reassignment and how they will break the news to other people. It was a good film in that these four students want to be treated like any one else. The film will be shown on the Sundance Channel in mid September. There will be an hour long premiere followed by six one -half hour episodes. From the perspective of a crossdresser, we have our ups and downs but that's part of the growing process. I'm happy to be a trangender male and feel a kinship with the transgender community. I'm seeing more and more beautiful fall fashions. There's so many articles of clothing that I see myself wearing. I love olive as a fall color and I saw an olive dress. Can't wait to purchase it.

The next phase of my journey as a crossdresser has begun. I don't know where it's leading me but I'm compelled to follow that road. The trip has been strange, yet exciting. I'm not nervous or afraid. Actually, I want to embrace whatever lies ahead. It has been said that this is a life long journey and I believe it. Possibly, it is what makes crossdressing so appealing. The new discoveries, the mind and personality changes, the many CDs I have chatted with at various stages of their lives. I know I will encounter some things that are unique to me. I can only keep moving ahead.

It was another beautiful day today. I went downtown this morning, browsing in the women's sections of numerous clothing stores. Brown is the color this fall but it's not my favorite color. I like burgundy, blue, gray and black. Also looked at some wigs but I'm not sure how to go about buying one. Don't know if it's one size fits all or what. It's funny but soon as I enter the stores, I head right to the women's section. I guess crossdressing is in my blood. I subscribed to the e-mail lists of a couple of stores since I have to special order some things. I can see why women enjoy shopping: there's such a wide array of colors and styles. Men's sections can be drab at times. They could take a page or two from the ladies. Personally, I wear bright,colorful ties and loud sports jackets. I can really be creative dressing en femme mode.

I have spent the past couple of days reading articles, writing, blogging and planning my wardrobe. I'm really excited about buying clothes for the fall and winter. I have to buy a wig next. I looking for some skirts and dresses. Shoes will be a challenge and I probably will have to order a few pairs of dress shoes. I read an article about the healthy benefits of crossdressing. It may be true because of the changes that have to be made. Dieting, skin care, and being more in tune with our bodies. Our self image gets worked on which, in turn, improves our well being. I also read a very humorous but true article on www.gendertree.com titled 'Real Woman vs. CD. Read it when yo can because it's true.

It's hard to believe that summer is almost over. It went tooo fast! There are some great summer sales happening. I purchase a rose top which says 'Pretty Girl' on the front. I've decided to make pink (or any shade of) a permanent part of my summer wardrobe. It's such a feminine color and I'm not self-conscious about wearing it. I scanned over my posts since the time I started this blog. There's been much growth, challenges, change, discovery and achievement. To me, living a balanced life is what makes it so rewarding. Even though I love being a CD and all that goes with it, I have other interests. The impulse to dress en femme is stronger some days than others, but my life does not revolve around that. I believe being older (57) and coming into CDing late helped me understand what's important.