Today I was in the East Village strolling through the neighborhood. I purchased a beverage at a corner grocery store. The SA said "thank you, Ma'am" after the purchase. The more I reflect on the years I have been coming here the more I wonder if really belong here.
My desire to dress more is stronger than ever. My spouse said to me this morning that I would rather dress as a woman than as a man. She is right in her assessment. I do have to keep her in mind because I'm committed to our marriage. It may be the time to talk with her again about some changes that have happened to me in recent weeks. I consider myself to be a transgenderist. I am somewhere between a crossdresser and a transsexual. This is more my state of mind rather than the idea of adding another label to myself. Labels don't define me and I don't really believe they are accurate all the time.
I amazed that the more I discover about others, the more it relates to me. I have embraced my being transgender, therefore, it seems that I have embraced LGBTQQI people as a whole. I feel closer to them than I do my own family at times. I often feel a kinship to folks who are seem to be on the perifery of so called normal society. Perhaps it's because I am an outsider, too.
Many people who have enriched my life have been people who are labeled to be 'different'. I think it's that they are being who they really are. Liberation can free folks from the chains of society's emotional and social oppression. Coming out did that for me. Now I desire to encourage others that they don't have to let others bind them with their negativity and disapproval.
3 comments:
Genevieve, I think when we fully accept who we are--who we were created to be--we are given a rather unique and precarious responsibility. We become bridges of understanding for those on both sides of our internal contradictions.
I often get told by straight folks that I don't fit their "gay image" because I don't enter the room with my gay banner flying. I don't hesitate to own it and will often make a point of it when the time comes. For example, I once had a client from Indiana ask, "So, Tim, what does your wife do?" I said, "He's a TV newswriter." The man stammered and apologized and I said, "What's to be embarrassed about--it's a natural assumption. I assume you're married to a woman, too." Well, yeah, he said, but... "So no harm, no foul," I said. He later thanked me for helping him reorient his assumptions.
On the other hand, I have gay friends who complain I'm not gay enough, because I'm not all that enthused about hanging around in gay bars and clubs till all hours and I don't waste a lot of time speculating about who "is" and who "isn't," etc. But those are the very same people who come to me when they're struggling about how to fit in at work, home, church, etc. "You're more out than anybody I know," they'll say, "yet you go where you want and do what you like."
Reading your post, it sounds like you're in the same spot--you're a bridge. Be that, rather than worrying about which side you're tilting toward. Both sides need you to help bring open their understanding of the other.
Blessings always,
t
That's what so beautiful about this, Tim. I am just being myself. I feel neither gender nor sexuality. I believe that there are many people who want to be as I am.
Genevieve
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