Fear,

Last night, I was reading read a thread posting from a transsister on another forum. She testified of her growing up and knowing that she was different. All throughout her life fear of losing friends, family, and livelihood dogged her. Everyone telling her that there was something wrong with her became an albatross around her neck.

Reflecting on her story, parts of my life are similar to hers. I always felt that I was different. I never voiced this to my family or friends but I felt that way. While S* wants to transition, I have no intentions of doing this. That matters little when I see how much she has suffered throughout her life.

This fear is real because we could lose all that has meaning to us. I am a crossdresser but I am wary of those who hate me and want to hurt me. I had a choice of denying my identity or living openly (as much as possible). I chose the latter. I think of the many transgender men, women, and youth who live in fear because others cannot accept them for who they are. I am thankful for an accepting spouse but I know many have lost everything.

I mentioned in my last blog that I have come upon a crossroad that I know will take me beyond what I have experienced to this point. When I read S's* story I am humbled by her honesty and her desire to be free from other people's negativity. I recognize that fear of the unknown can stop me cold from continuing the journey. I know that I can never return from where I came.

In due time, I will cross this threshhold. There are many folks like S* who need encouragement, acceptance, and love. They need to know that there's nothing wrong with them. They were created this way because there's a greater purpose in this. I know this because God accepted me as I am- a transgender crossdresser.

Genevieve

S*-letter is used to protect her identity