Friday, February 26, 2010


Hanging on to past hurts will only keep us from seeing new horizons.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Transgenderism Taught Me Patience

One virtue that I've learned as a transgender person is patience. Everything isn't going to drop into my lap nor is my experiences going to move me in a linear path.

I'm thankful that my journey has had few bumps. Having had no previous experience with dressing up or what is transgender perhaps spared me of the pain and shame many have needlessly suffered from society's bigotry. Once I discovered my transgenderism I wanted everything to happen to me right away.

As I quickly learned the journey is long and slow. It revealed numerous feelings to me that I never knew that I felt. If anything, my being transgender helped to reveal my true feelings. Sharing them is something that has never been easy for me.

Patience has helped me to listen and to encourage others in our community. In the process I have been encouraged by many.


Friday, February 19, 2010


I wasn't going to post today but when I read this quote today, I had to comment.

Fear of something is at the root of hate for others, and hate within will eventually destroy the hater.

~George Washington Carver

When I mused over this quote from the African American inventor, I thought about the vitriol spewed at and about us by those who hate us. Over the past few years the level of hatred against transgender people has increased now that we're more visible. Many transgender people have been injured or murdered just because of who we are. The suicide rate among transgender people is very high.

What hurts me the most is that much of this hatred is spewed from the pulpits of many of our churches. We're are called 'depraved', mentally ill, sin, predators, and other nasty things. When I read and study my bible, I know without a doubt that this is Wrong! If I ever preached that God loves and accepts us as we are, no doubt I would be villified and tossed out of the church.

I have seen hate literally destroy people. They die from within because they refuse to acknowledge their own blind raage. It is not a pretty sight at all. With what's happening in places like Uganda, Jamaica, and other countries, I will be researching more about transgender history and the role that the church played in the persecution of transgender people.

Dr. Carver's quote reminds me not to hate those who persecute us but to pray for them. I pray that God would open their minds and hearts to see the errors of their ways.



How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these.

~George Washington Carver, Black Inventor (1864-1943)

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Deserts Have Life

One misconception people may have about the desert is that there is no life. To the untrained eye, the surroundings is nothing more than a barren wasteland. A number of years ago, I drove through central and western Kansas and eastern Colorado. The topography of the land was sandy, dotted with sagebrush, tumbleweed, and oil wells. There is also animal life with coyote, foxes, toads, and other desert denizens.
Transgender people can be made to feel as if they are stranded in the desert. We may feel that our lives are empty, barren, and pointless. What I love about the desert is the many varieties of plant life. Despite the seemingly harsh environment these plant thrive and survive. We are also a diverse people who have thrived and survived some very harsh environments. Persecution from religious and medical institutions, from governments who seek our extinction, and people who deny us equality have not stamped us out.
There was a time when we were confined to the deserts of society. Yet, we thrived and survived. I wandered in the desert for 57 years and survived. When my trans identity broke through the soil, I was set free. During the time, I comprehended , struggled and perservered. When dry periods come, remember that there's much life in you ready to blossom.

Friday, February 12, 2010


Contrary to what you hear there's more life in the desert than you realize.

Deserts In Life

From time to time deserts come into my life. I appreciate these times because life slows down for me. I am reminded in Matthew 11:20 when the apostles returned from their preaching. Jesus encouraged them to come away from everything and rest a while. I imagaine that they were excited about all the good things that happened. Jesus also knew that they needed to rest and refuel. Sometimes I can be so busy that sooner or later I'll run out of gas.
One may feel that they've run out of ideas or words to say. If taken to extremes, people may think that what they do doesn't matter. In our fast paced society, resting is frowned upon . Your value is determined by meeting quotas, deadlines, and productivity. It can happen even in our gender dsicovery. We're excited about the discovery. We jump into every activity that we can. Then one day we crash. We ran out of gas. What happened we may ask.
In the nearly five years of my transgender journey, I have experienced many highs and a few lows. I have walked through lushed forests. I have trod through the deserts wondering where to go next. God reminds me that I need to come away awhile and rest.
At the present time I'm experiencing one of those dry periods. It may not look like there's much life in a desert but there is. We need to rest and quiet our spirits. Then we are able to hear God's voice. Everything that God does in our lives are for a purpose; even the deserts that we may trod upon.

Monday, February 08, 2010


When I came out as a cross dresser, I was liberated from what society says I’m suppose to be. I felt that I was completed as a transgender person.
There’s another liberation that I experienced many years earlier. When I confessed my sin to God, I asked Jesus to come into my heart. I was liberation from the control of sin and eternal damnation. During Jesus’ earthly ministry, He set people free from disease, blindness, despair, shame, fear of the future and religious dogma.
One of my concerns when I came out was how being transgender would affect my standing with Christ. He answered me one November day in an empty when He embraced me as His child who happens to be transgender. It was part of his plan for my life.
Liberation is more than being set free from physical circumstances that are unpleasant. Jesus came to liberate our spirits too. We may be free away from the things that bring distress and pain but are bound by shame, anger or bitterness. The inner turmoil from years of abuse may still paralyze us from living the life God has for us. I am reminded that it took nearly a century after independence for America to be free from the threat of attack from Britain.
Liberation means to we no longer need to be victims. As transgender and gender variant people, this can be a tall order. Long suppressed and demeaned by medical and religious institutions, we are rising up and declaring that we are God’s creation, too. We believe that God loves us as we are.
Transgender author Vanessa Sheridan states that liberation is an essential, perhaps the essential element of the gospel of Jesus Christ for human beings and certainly for differently gendered human beings. It’s the whole purpose of the gospel- to free us from sin’s shackles. Sheridan states further that ‘Seeking personal spiritual liberation through the good news of Jesus Christ will help us to accept our responsibilities and benefits as gender variant individuals, allowing us to more fully celebrate our transgender orientation and identity as the true blessings from God that they are .
We need not be ashamed of who we are. Christ has liberated us from the shackles of sin, shame, and despair. We have been liberated from society demands that we conform to something that we’re not.

Sheridan, Vanessa. Crossing Over: Liberating the Transgender Christian, p99.


Friday, February 05, 2010


Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed.

~Martin Luther King, Jr.

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Suicide A Concern In The Transgender Community

One of the concerns I have is the many transgender people who die by thier own hand. Two weeks ago, someone I had been corresponding with for about two years was involved in a murder-suicide. M* hung herself after stabbing her pastor to death.

I had seen M* transform from life as a male to that of a transsexual woman. She seemed happy that she moved forward. M* shared with me her passion for old movies, the Beatles, floral arrangements, and the 21 books she had written. M* had a dark side as the result of people taking advantage of her, being abused, and neglect by family. She was bitter against the government and those who wronged her.

M* said some things that were hurtful but I didn't abandon her. We were at the opposite end of the spectrum about some things but we connected somehow. Sadly over the last few months, M* spiraled downward. She had nightmares and was angry. She wished for death because not being able to live the life she desired was unbearable.

One of the issues that needs to be discussed is the many suicides that happen in the T-community. I suggested that at the next TDOR the names of deceased should be read. Those who ended their lives should also be honored for their contributions. What hurts about suicide is that it leaves many unanswered questions. Also we are robbed of the talent gifts and talents that they possessed.

M* wished that she and I could have gotten together for lunch but distance prevented this. I don't know if it would have prevented what she had in mind but I certainly do not judge her. In her last post, M* wondered if she would be missed. My answer is an emphatic YES!