Monday, December 28, 2009

2009-Year In Review

Every year I set goals rather than make resolutions. I put a time table as to when I will achieve a specific goal. This past year events happened in my life that was unplanned for. I am the better for it.

I identified as a cross dresser at the beginning of the year. In May I sensed a migration away from the cross dresser spectrum. It was always my contention that my gender issues ran deeper than just wearing women’s clothing. I have crossed many roads in my journey but this marked the first time that I hesitated going across.

In June I identified myself as a transgenderist. I wear women’s clothing all the time at home. I viewed myself being between a crossdresser and transsexual. A year before I researched what a transgenderist is. I sensed that I may be headed in this direction and it did happen. I was comfortable as a transgenderist. I also shared transgender issues with my bible study
group in June. It helped others understand what it is to be transgender.

In September I attended a veterans meeting where I am a member. I was dressed as a male. The president of the group asked why I didn’t come dressed as Gennee. I had thought about a few days before. From that moment on I said
that I would go dressed as a female. It was confirmation to me that I am viewed as a transgender woman.
In November I marched in the Veteran’s Day parade. The spectators cheered and clapped and thanked us for our service to our country. It didn’t matter how I identified. I also attended a Transgender Day of Remembrance ceremony nine days later. I shared a few words to the one hundred plus people in the audience. I encouraged them to be themselves.

Another shift occurred in early December. I migrated off the middle ground to where I now view myself as a transsexual. I have maintained that I’m not going to have reassignment surgery or take hormones. Felt that way when I first came out and still feel that way now. I always felt a kinship to transsexuals and now I know that I am one.

I would sum up 2009 as a year that more of my real identity came out. Being transgender is more complex than just how society sees me. I pray that in 2010 more people will understand that.


Friday, December 25, 2009


There will be times when you will have to trek on the road all by yourself.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Seasons Greetings



Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Two Life Changing Events Happened This Year

While I didn't achieve some of my goals that were set, two events took place in my life. In June, I migrated closer to the transsexual spectrum. It was very subtle change but I l view myself more as a transsexual. I dress at least half the time in women's clothing. Some day it will be full time.

The second event was when I met with my veterans group in September. I usually come dressed as a male. The leader of the group asked why I didn't come dressed as Gennee? I had thought about it prior to the meeting. Ever since that day, I have gone dressed as Gennee. I also attended two wakes dressed. No one paid attention. My desire to live full time as a woman is growing.


Sunday, December 20, 2009

Journey To The Unknown

I imagine myself standing on a hill looking down at this creek. I bends and winds to areas not yet discovered. Earlier this year I migrated from CD/TV to TG/TS. A year and a half ago I sensed that I was a transgenderist. That premonition has come to pass. I saw myself as right in the middle at the time.
As the journey continues, I am beginning to move away from the center. The trek is taking me somewhere that I've never been . I wondered why I visited the places that influenced me as a young man. I was taken back to a vibrant and turbulent time in our city's history. Emotions have been wide and ranging. In one sense I was reflective and wistful. I was thankful, emotional, angry, proud, weepy, and challenged at many different junctures. I just believe that many of my emotions came more into focus.
I have always had a kinship to those who are regarded as outsiders by our society. I never knew how much this is part of me until this year. Maybe one of the reasons I came out so late is because I have been able to read between the lines of much of so-called 'conventional wisdom'. I have had the opportunity to share more about myself. I sense that from now on my life will move in a direction that will affect many people. I don't know why I'm saying this but it's what I feel in my heart.

Friday, December 18, 2009


If you wait for tomorrow, tomorrow comes. If you don't wait for tomorrow, tomorrow comes.

~Liberian saying

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Moving, Transgender Protections, Shifting Paradigm

I'm going to have to move soon. I'll need to put some things in storage then find a smaller place for my wife and me. Until I find a full time job I can do with less. I'm not disappointed because I want to move.

It was a good day for New York State as Governor Patterson signed a bill protecting transgender government employees. I'll know more later then I pass on the info. I was supposed to attend this event but I threw out my back last night. It feels better today.

I have the desire to dress female more of the time. I have mentioned shifting from CD/TV to TG/TS. I may not be too long before I consider myself a non-op transsexual. I don't know for sure because all of my changes have been subtle. When I started this journey I wondered where it would lead. Now I wonder where it will end.


Friday, December 11, 2009


Self-acceptance is the first step toward living an authentic life.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Be Who You Are

A motto that I share with people is be who you are. When I was adjusting to life as a gender variant person, it was a long and slow journey. I had to overcome my own fears and the supposed fear of what others thought about me. Then the day came when I was content and at peace with who I was. The feeling swept over me like a rushing wind.

What I find amazing is that this happened in my mid fifties. I was a caterpillar who was wrapped up in a cocoon. Then one day a butterfly emerged. There are many who are struggling to get out of their cocoons. This can be the hardest part. In life just when it seems the darkest, a light bursts forth. Butterflies add beauty to the universe. I strongly believe that we as gender variant individuals add beauty and diversity to the mosaic of life.


Monday, December 07, 2009


I was in Avenue department store today looking at the beautiful sweaters and blouses. I am looking for something to give my spouse for Christmas. Technically, I'm buying something for the both of us. When she wears a particular sweater, I'll wear the same article a few days later. I tell her that this is a lot easier on the budget. We haven't had any arguments about the same article of clothing (smile).

Last year my spouse gave me a red sweater for my gift. I was praying that she would get me something feminine. Was I surprised? I'm thankful that I have an accepting wife, even though she may not always comprehend my gender variance. I never imagined that we would be sharing sweaters, blouses and skirts. I chuckle to myself because life can really throw a few curves.


Friday, December 04, 2009


Be wary of those who justify their piety by infringing on the rights of others.

Thursday, December 03, 2009

Heard A Disturbing Program Today

I listened to a program on the internet talking about the popularity of Sarah Palin. When the people who like were asked what she stands for, the respondents were vague in their answers. When asked about what Palin would do on policies such as foreign policy, the respondents didn't have a clue. It's really sad that these people judged their love of Palin on peripheral qualities rather anything concrete or tangible.

This parallels what most people understand about ENDA, gay marriage, and transgender identity. Political correctness is the rule of the day rather than critical thinking. What concerns me is that if, for example, the country was taken over by some power that do not have our interests at heart most people would be shocked and appalled that it happened.

This post isn't about any political or religious affiliations. It's about how gullible people can be to unscrupulous politicians and leaders because they rather be told what to do rather than investigate what they are being sold. What's sadder is that I run into this every day and from people of all walks of life.

I make it a point to research what I read. After listening to this program today I'm making a more concerted effort to make sure the information is correct and accurate. Too many people are affected by the many lies, inaccuracies and lack of knowledge that's being pawned as fact. We transgender people have had some many lies told about us. It's about time that we go on the offensive and end all this nonsense.


Tuesday, December 01, 2009

World Aids Day

As I reflect on World Aids Day, there is still much stigma about the disease. Much of it, I fear, is borne out of ignorance and denial. Women, blacks, Latinos, Asians, and other minorities are still underserved when it comes to education and services. The government still would rather see this issue disappear but that is not possible because many people have been lost to AIDS.

What got me thinking about AIDS is seeing folks would lost friends/partners/family members still hurting after many years. Transgender people are much more devastated by AIDS than other groups.

As I reflect on this day, I pray that much will done to find a cure. Young people coming up need to be made aware of risky behavior. Most of all, the fact that AIDS affects ALL of us.